


Waking up in ME

by TheAllAround



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-08-24
Updated: 2017-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-14 13:35:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 109,373
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2193720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAllAround/pseuds/TheAllAround
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if you wake up in the Mass Effect universe with no memory on how you got there, your life changed, your family gone and everyone is treating you as an experiment? How would you survive, and what about your knowledge of the games? Would you use it? And how?<br/>This story follows a woman through her journey with the characters of Mass Effect. Will her sudden appearance change anything, or is she just another human in the galaxy?<br/>Tag along, and see where the road might lead...<br/>Kudos and comments are welcome :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My name is...

      Ever had one of those days where you wake up and think: _Where the hell am I?_

Well, I doubt you have ever had a day like mine…

 

I woke up slowly, getting annoyed over the beeping of my alarm clock. I had been sleeping real heavy that night and it was going to take me some time to fully wake up, but on auto-pilot I rolled over and reached out for the silencer button. But the more I tried to reach it, the more awake did I become.

Something wasn’t right here…

The beeping was in a steady pattern, constant, never changed, and my clock always gets more and more aggressive the longer you let it beep. And then there was my bed. I’m used to a large bed where I can sprawl out and just reach each side with my fingertips… Here? I had barely rolled over before I felt an edge.

Something definitely wasn’t right here…

      I gave up on stopping the beeping and rolled back, slowly letting my eyes adjust to the light. The room was tall, white and on my left was a huge panorama window, but it had been darkened, so I wouldn’t get a shock when waking up.

I took in my environments.

Medical equipment, screens, something that looked like a laptop and little else was in the room. I looked at myself only to find various machines hooked to me, and I began to understand where the beeping had come from and why.

      A door on my right opened and a doctor came in. She looked familiar somehow.

“Ah, you’re awake. Good, I was actually hoping you would be. There are so many things we need to talk about.” She said and came over, some sort of frame in her hand. My eyes must have played with me for I seemed to be able to see letter in the middle of the frame…

“How are you feeling?” she asked and I turned my head to the side. I really hated when people asked me that…

“What happened?” I asked instead, trying to get a sense at where I was. I remembered a sound, hissing breaks, a couple of headlights blinded me and then… My head hurt just by trying to think about.

“We don’t really know. You were found on the street, unconscious, but judging from your injuries it seems like you’ve been hit by a car.” She informed.

      Found on the streets?

Could I really have been hit by a car and then walked away from it all, ending up unconscious on the street? I couldn’t wrap my head around that. It seemed impossible…

“How bad?” I asked.

“A small concussion, three pressed ribs, and a few bruises and burns. Nothing that won’t heal in a matter of a few weeks. You were lucky.” She assured me, so I closed my eyes and tried to sleep a little. I was too tired to think about what had really happened, to think about family, and even if I did they were probably not allowed to see me yet, or they would have been here.

“Tired?” she asked and I hummed, wishing she would just shut up and let me sleep.

“Could be the concussion… I’ll have to run a few scans.”

      _Scans?_

That had me thinking and as I turned my head towards her my eyes widened slightly. The orange glow around her left arm was unmistakably an Omni-tool.

_But… that isn’t possible! Is this a trick?!_

My thoughts were running in circles and I began to breathe really heavy and fast. The doctor noticed.

“Are you alright?” she asked, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Could you… please clear the window? I’d like to look outside…” I said, lightly trembling, feeling like my ribs were pressing even more down on my lungs, making it difficult for me to speak and breathe.

She nodded none the less, went to the window, pressed a button and slowly did the dark blanket disappear from the large glass, allowing me to see the most beautiful and terrifying view I had ever seen.

The Citadel…

      I began to rise from my bed, ignoring pain, cables and wires attached to me, and simply felt like I was being pulled away from everything I knew. My memory was gone like that, I wasn’t thinking, wasn’t listening, not until she called a nurse to help her contain me.

I looked at the creature as the door swung open, and that did the last for me.

My eyes blackened, my knees weakened and I collapsed on the floor, still fully conscious though. The doctor kneeled at my side, while the creature took place on my other.

_Turian… he’s… a Turian…_

They gave me something to calm down on, and though my body relaxed, my mind was still fully engaged in thoughts and as the Turian helped me on my feet again, I stared at his hold on my arm, following up to his face.

“What?” he asked, and for the first time his voice made it to my ears very clearly. I suddenly reached up and slowly planted a fingertip on his nose. He looked at me questionably, but he made no attempt to move as I explored his face, running a finger along his nose, over his cheek and down his mandible, which flexed lightly in my touch.

      I couldn’t even begin to understand that this was really happening to me. I was actually standing, nearly chest-to-chest, with a Turian and the only thing that ran through my mind was… _fuck…_

I felt lightheaded, my legs suddenly giving in, and I was dragged closer to him in order to keep me stabile and upright.

“Easy now, miss.”

I barely heard him. The steady beat beneath my ear and the deep inhale of his lungs pushed me in the direction of fainting, and as I looked up at him, the last thing I remember thinking was:

_This can’t be real…_

Then everything went black for me.

 

* * *

 

      I woke up tugged into a bed again with the feeling of having lost time, and not knowing how much. The beeping of various machines hooked to me told me I was indeed on a hospital, but what about the episode I had? Was that Turian a dream? Or had my life really taken a very drastic change?

Over the beeping I heard a light humming, so I turned my head, my heart beating away both in fear and excitement, and I felt it burst in both ways as the slender Salarian was spotted by my eyes. A small high pitched sound escaped my lips as I realized he was really there.

“Ah. You’re awake. Good. We were beginning to fear we might have drugged you too much. How are you feeling?” he asked and came closer to me. Those large eyes of theirs are much large in person and they’re much more built like a stick than they appear in the game.

Tears began to flow from my eyes, making him concerned about me.

“Are you in pain? Miss?”

A hand squeezed mine. This was all too real for me to comprehend and right now I couldn’t do anything but cry.

      The Salarian suddenly sat on the edge of the bed, grabbed a tissue and gently wiped my tears away. I looked at him, but he simply kept going, smiling heartily when my tears seemed to stop.

“I understand you’re confused right now. So are we, but we’ll get you back on your feet. You’ll see. You’re not alone here.” He said and gently stroked my cheek.

I would have risen up and hugged him tight if it wasn’t for the pain beginning to form in my chest and the headache I was beginning to get. I whimpered quietly. Apparently the drugs were wearing off.

I turned my head and closed my eyes, suddenly feeling tired. I knew this had to be the concussion, but since it was only a small one it shouldn’t affect my sleep or much else.

“Oh, before you go back to sleep again.” he said and I opened an eye, slightly looking at him. “I’d like to have your name, miss. Your full name, so we can contact your family and check your records.”

I had nearly reacted on automatic when I began to think. If I told them my full name, my _real_ full name, wouldn’t they get suspicious? A human doesn’t live much over a hundred years and if my thoughts were right, then I would appear to be nearly two hundred years old.

So I did the only thing I could think off. I kept my mouth shut.

      The Salarian looked at me, waiting.

“Miss? Miss, please. I need your name.”

There was a tone of pleading in his voice and it tore in my heart. But if I told him the truth, what would they think? Humans couldn’t live for so long, so they would probably send me to some kind of lab to test me and try to find out what had made me able to live for such a long amount of time.

I didn’t want to end up as a lab rat, but keeping quiet wasn’t going to work on him either.

“I don’t have any…” I finally said and at first he began to type, but then stopped and looked at me. I could feel his stare.

“Don’t have a name? You… you’re an orphan?” he asked, but not even that I would answer. Thoughts and possible scenarios were running in my head. How was I gonna survive here? Why was I even here? How could fate be so cruel on me? What had I done to deserve this?

“Hmm… You might have hit your head harder than we first thought.” The Salarian said and then began to walk towards the door. “I’ll come back later. Try and get some rest.” He said and disappeared before I could even open my mouth. I rather wanted something to eat than sleep, but soon I closed my eyes and tried anyhow.

Maybe when I woke up again I would be home…

 

* * *

 

      I wasn’t…

And after having woken up in the same place a few times over I finally came to terms with being in the one universe I loved and feared more than anything. I could beg and plead, but it wasn’t gonna change, and I started to think about my family. Was I the only one here, or had fate decided to take my entire family, parents and siblings? If so, why weren’t they here? Had they been sent to different locations? Were they even on the Citadel? Or had they been placed somewhere terrible? I started to think about what could happen if my mother ended up on Tuchanka or Palaven or Kahje. She would freak more than ever before, possibly faint and/or scream at anyone who came close to her. My father would probably try to communicate with who he thought might have information. He would be calm, I was sure of it, but the rest of my family? Technically, I was the only one who knew this universe like I had been born into it, but to everyone else it would be a shock of their life.

      I was given peace for a few days, at least until they thought the worst of my concussion was over. Then I had been given to C-Sec. Physically, I was doing good. There were still things I couldn’t do, like running and that sort of things, but there was no need for it either, so why did I worry?

Because I was about to make the worst mistake of my life…

As expected, C-Sec began to question me about who I was, where I came from, where my family was and how I had been found on the street, etc. Most of their questions I couldn’t even answer and those that got too close on my life, I wouldn’t. Not the best thing to do, I know, but I was already seen as an enemy in their eyes because of my eye color.

The first time I had used the bathroom at the hospital I had screamed when I saw myself in the mirror. It certainly didn’t look like me. My hair was still long and slightly brown, but there was more golden to it. My forehead felt thicker, my nose was different, like a mix between human and a Drell, and my eyes had changed from blue to amber. I had grown fangs, my nails were tougher and some of the Turian nurses had actually told me I growled and purred like a Turian. And with most of C-Sec being Turian officers it was hard to find one who would not notice this. I tried, really tried, to hide, but that only made them more suspicious about me. And somehow I ended up as an interesting subject to even executor Pallin.

      I was being interrogated for the fifth time in a week by a Turian and Asari officer.

“Look, we’ve been through this over and over. There has to be more you can tell us.” The Turian said, trying to work his way in with sweet words, and despite I have a weakness for them I couldn’t get myself to answer. He kneeled down beside me.

“I can see you’re scared, but you can’t be harmed here. We want to protect you, and if there’s someone after you…”

The door opened and we all three looked at the Turian coming in. Both officers saluted their superior, who nodded and then looked at me.

“And how are things going in here?” executor Pallin asked, looking at me with a look that made me shrink in my seat, tense up and behave like a frightened cat.

“No change, sir. She simply won’t talk.” The Turian said, making the Asari huff.

“Would be easier if we just beat the information out of her.” She said, and the Turian said something, but I wasn’t interested in their conversation. Pallin was coming closer at me, making me sink more and more, and finally I let out a strange whimpering sound that brought both Turians’ attention straight at me.

“Did she just…?” the officer asked, but no one answered. My eyes were fixed on Pallin, my ears felt like they hurt and there was a tingling sensation in my belly that had me whimpering and my lower jaw trembled. I felt intimidated, but I honestly didn’t understand why or how come.

      Pallin never released his hold on me.

“Sergeant! Bring this woman to the med clinic and tell them to test her in every possible way. I want a detailed report on all of her reflexes, abilities and a DNA file.” He suddenly said, turned and the feeling disappeared.

I blinked.

Whatever had just happened, had been beyond my comprehension, and apparently no one was told the full story. The sergeant did as he was told to, brought me to a med clinic and told them to do a full examination of me, with everything possible tested. I was still confused, but after a few tests I realized something had to be horribly wrong if this was done to me. The tests they asked for wasn’t simple tests like you would get at a normal doctor, no. These were very detailed, I had various scans done of me and after my questions had been ignored for hours, I finally snapped.

      A human doctor came in to get yet another blood test from me, but instead of giving my arm to them, I withdrew and growled. He stared at me.

“Come on, girl. Don’t make a problem out of this.” He said and reached for my arm, but jumped back as I roared a warning, and growled again, barring my teeth.

The Turian C-Sec officer was on his feet in an instant, observing as the doctor regained his nerve and came closer on me again.

“You won’t get anything from me, until I know what’s going on.” I growled and shot a quick look at the officer. The doctor reached for me again, and again I withdrew, growling harder.

“We just need a few more tests, and then we have our results. So, give me your arm…”

I withdrew.

“You’ve been telling me that for the past five times you’ve come here to get a blood sample. Now I demand to get some answers!” I yelled.

      The doctor looked me over, and then smirked.

“You can’t demand shit. You’re nothing more than an experiment. Now, be a good test subject, and give me your arm.” He said, making me growl in anger.

“Go to hell!” I said, grabbed his arm and dragged him forward, slamming my head against his. At least I knew my forehead was thicker than a regular human.

The officer had drawn his weapon and for some reason I just reacted, grabbed the nearest thing and threw it at him. I barely recognized the doctor as he went flying against the Turian. I just ran!

I hadn’t been running for long before I heard shouting behind me and as I stopped to look, I saw three or four C-Sec officers coming after me. I panicked.

Running for my life in a thin shirt, lose pants and no shoes, weren’t the best idea, but what could I do? I had to find some answers and obviously they weren’t gonna give them to me.

      I heard them shout for people to try and stop, but I managed to run right past them until a Turian managed to grab my arm and force me back. I squirmed and fought the best I could to get free, but he had a strong grip on my arm. I spotted soft skin and instantly my teeth sank into his flesh. He roared in pain, released me and while he was busy with his new wound, I ran again. I could hear him yelling behind me. “That bitch bit me!”

I was beginning to tire, the pain from my bended ribs flared up again and on my way down some stairs I tripped over my own feet, falling straight down at the Turian who was on his way up the stairs. I knocked him back and we both landed at the feet of the stairs, groaning in pain and surprise. When I rose up my left cheek burned and when I touched it I knew I had scraped it pretty badly.

 _Well, here’s your blood sample…_ I thought as I saw blood on my fingers. I was probably also going to have a few bruises and others, but at the moment I couldn’t think about my injuries.

I came to look at the unfortunate victim to my fall.

      The dark plates, the white markings, the green eyes and his choice of armor gave me a hint of who I could have stumbled in to, but I couldn’t believe it.

“Knocked over by a human… that’s a first.” The Turian below me said. He suddenly looked up at me and as our gaze had met, everything else had just melted away. Looking him in the eyes had been the same as looking at Pallin, expect this didn’t feel like he was trying to intimidate me.

We stayed on the floor, until two sets of hands yanked me away from him and it made me roar in anger for being disrupted. I fought, but a sharp pain in my left arm made me stop struggling, and instead I simply admitted defeat. Two C-Sec officers held me while a third handcuffed me and a fourth helped my Turian landing pad on his feet.

“Are you alright, sir?” the Asari asked, but he wasn’t even looking at her. I noticed him looking at me, so I mentally sent a prayer, asking him to help me, but when I realized how silly that was I lowered my head and whimpered low. The officers took me away, possibly to be locked up for resisting arrest and assault on civilians…


	2. Changes of Life

For four hours straight I had been locked up in a cell, handcuffed, and unable to get any information anymore. I had officially screwed up, and I still hadn’t learned why there were so many tests done on me. During the hours doctors had come in with officers as muscle to hold me brutally down while they got what they wanted, and then they had left me. I was nothing more than a filthy criminal now, and every time they came to get a sample, it hurt me in ways I hadn’t thought it would.

Two more hours would pass before the door to my cell went open and something new happen.

I could barely believe what I was seeing, but there he stood; the Turian I had knocked down when attempting to escape C-Sec.

“Leave us.” He ordered and the officer behind him saluted and then left, closing the door. I was worried about what might happen now, and watched closely as he began to move around, walking steadily in front of me. I followed his every move

“I had heard about an unusual woman, but I never thought I would actually met her…” he said and came closer with each time he turned around to walk in the opposite direction.

“You have some interesting eyes, miss…?”

I simply just responded.

“Shayla.”

      He looked at me with a lifted brow, stopped walking for a short second and then moved again.

“Shayla… what?” he asked and I realized I had been talking too much. I lowered my eyes and shook my head.

“Just Shayla…”

He stopped walking again, inhaling deeply and then walked straight for me, kneeling down in front of me. With a covered talon he lifted my head, watching my eyes as they slowly began to fill with water and I pulled away to try and cover the tears.

“As far as I understand there have been done some tests on you. That correct?” I nodded.

“Have you given your approval for that, or is this as bad as I think it is?” he asked, and feeling as I had regained a little voice I replied.

“They won’t even tell me why they are doing the tests or what they’ve found so far…”

He went silent for a little while, and then suddenly took my shoulder and pushed me to the side, showing my back to him. I didn’t know what he was looking for, but he stood instantly and hammered on the door.

      The officer who opened barely got a chance to ask what was wrong before he was pulled in close and a snarl was heard.

“Get those cuffs off her. Now!” he yelled and pushed the officer hard towards me. A growl hung in the air while the scared C-Sec member fumbled with his Omni-tool and unlocked the handcuffs. I felt relief as my shoulders could now move back to their original position, but it was quickly replaced by pain and as I finally got my left arm to me I understood why.

Both my wrists were bloodied from the tight hold and my left arm was more or less black and blue. I couldn’t tell if it was just bruises or if there might be something else wrong, but clearly it upset my Turian.

“I’m taking her to a private medical facility on the Presidium.” He said and began to help me standing.

“Sir! I can’t let you take her! She resisted arrest and assaulted a peaceful civilian. By Citadel law, she is to be comprehended as a criminal and she…”

The officer didn’t get to finish before he was slammed hard up against the wall.

“She’s also an injured civilian! Her arm needs immediate medical attention. If it hadn’t been for the pain she was feeling when struggling in your hold, you would never have caught her!” the Turian yelled, released the officer and then took a gentle hold on my shoulders and lead me out of there.

      Every officer we passed shot a look at us, and when we reached the main office and front desk, everyone in the room went dead silent. My Turian walked straight for the desk.

“I’m releasing this woman from C-Sec. Spectre authority. Nihlus Kryik.” He said and the Asari at the desk, quickly punched in the data, stuttering a “Yessir!”

“I want every report and detail you have on her at my terminal by an hour. Every study and test done on her here is now classified information, only to be reached by my authority.” He growled and again the Asari stuttered her answer.

My suspicion had been right…

 

* * *

 

      Half an hour later I was lying in a hospital bed, waiting for the sedative to kick in so invasive procedures could be done to my arm without causing pain. Apparently my fall had broken my arm in two places and since I hadn’t been given the proper treatment a blood vein had been punctured, which had caused my arm to turn black and blue. Thankfully, it was something that could be fixed and wouldn’t cause any trouble for me later.

Nihlus sat by my right side and lightly stroke my fingers with his thumb. I was surprised he did it, but I was also glad that he didn’t pull away when I turned my hand and captured his fingers in my hand. In fact he didn’t even seem to care, but his stroking didn’t stop.

      The doctor, a Salarian, came to us and tested how much I could feel. When he was satisfied he looked at me and then at Nihlus.

“Now, this is just my personal opinion, but you might want to shield her eyes from this. It’s not a pretty sight, and… she looks a little pale already…” he said, making Nihlus rise and reach for my head. He gently turned my eyes away from the left, kept his hand on my cheek and brought our joined hands up closer, so it would be more comfortable for both of us.

The Salarian set to work, constantly asking if I could feel anything and very observant with telling what he did, but without causing any kind of distress. I felt a slight pain in my arm when he pushed the bones back together again, causing a tear to slip, and suddenly I felt something hard against my forehead.

Nihlus whispered soothing words to me, making the pain more bearable and before I knew it, the doctor had sewed me back together, patched me up and was rising from the chair.

      I took a shivering breath.

“Thank you…” I whispered and Nihlus rose from me, letting me see my arm again. There wasn’t much to see and I couldn’t move it at all, which I figured was for the best. The Salarian came back with a syringe.

“This will avoid infection and pain once the sedative wears off.” He explained and injected it in my arm.

After that he gave Nihlus some medication for me to take, instructions on how to deal with my injury and that he wanted to see me every second week for the next six weeks. I suddenly grew scared. What would happen to me now? My arm had been fixed and there was no reason for Nihlus to keep me around, so this probably meant I had to get back to C-Sec and all those tests and officers. I groaned at the thought, but I was in no condition to run or fight, so I just followed Nihlus as he went back to the skycar and helped me in.

“You’re awfully quiet.” He suddenly said while driving. I looked at him, but kept my mouth shut, knowing I couldn’t argue with a Spectre anyway. If he decided I was to go back to C-Sec, than that was that.

      He suddenly took a small dive, slowed down and parked the car, turning to me once the engine had been killed.

“Does your arm hurt?” he asked and I shook my head lightly. He tilted his head slightly to look at me.

“What’s bothering you?”

I couldn’t keep quiet. I had to know…

“Are you taking me back to C-Sec?” I asked, my voice extremely low and very frightened. He sighed.

“Frankly, I don’t know what to do with you. I only have half your name, no address, no ID and so far there have been done more experiments on your tissue and blood than the first human my kind encountered thirty years ago.”

My head snapped in his direction.

“You know what they’ve found?” I asked and he gave a small nod. I grew anxious now. If he knew anything he had to tell, but before I could ask, he held up a hand to silence me.

“But if I’m gonna share my knowledge, you’re gonna have to share yours as well.”

I could have burst into tears, but for some reason I didn’t. I admitted my defeat and nodded, accepting his terms. Nihlus turned in the seat again, started the car and drove further.

      We arrived at some apartment buildings on the presidium where he parked outside a very large one. I wondered what we were doing here, but followed him none the less. I was shocked when I realized it was his apartment, even more when he offered me a seat, left and returned with a small stack of data-pads. He placed an empty one in front of me and the others a little away, and then took a seat next to me.

“For every information you write on that pad, I’ll reveal some of the results they have made from your tests. Deal?”

I was annoyed of his ability to lure things out of me, but never the less I reached for the pad, made myself comfortable on the couch and began typing. I wrote down everything I remembered about my original life, my original name and date of birth, parents’ names and ages, even what I had worked as and graduated in. I wrote in a comment behind my original name, that until anything about me was found, Shayla would have to work for my name.

      When done I handed him the pad, and he handed me another pad, from his part of the deal. He quickly scanned over it, and then placed the entire stack in front of me, clearly satisfied with the deal, and my cooperation. We sat and read in silence, and the more I read, the more did my life turn upside down. I had few regenerating abilities, strong biotics, cable of handling the ingestion of Dexto-amino acids, caused no allergic reaction to Turians or Quarians and what had my attention for a while was the possibility of going through a Turian heat session.

I had no idea of what that meant…

I looked at Nihlus who was in deep thought over my pad. Clearly my story caused him some trouble to fathom as well. He suddenly stood up and began to pace in front of the table, talking to himself.

“That can’t be… it’s not possible… but if it is… spirits…” he mumbled. I grew worried for my future.

“Sir?” I called, but got no response.

“Nihlus?” I called instead and his head snapped in my direction, making me sink in the couch. He came back and sat down beside me, taking the pad in hand.

“Answer me honestly. Is all of this true?” he asked, looking at me sternly. I nodded.

“Yes.”

      I jumped when he slammed the pad into the table.

“Don’t play with me!” he growled.

“I’m not playing with you. That’s what I remember.” I said, getting a little frustrated that he didn’t believe in me. He lifted the pad and waved it around in the air.

“In this you describe yourself as a normal human being. With blue eyes! But I can look at you right now, and see they’re not blue!” he growled again. If I had had cat ears, they would have been flat down my head.

“And I don’t know why. I had a shock of my own when I saw myself in the mirror for the first time. Ask the Salarian nurse who helped me to the bathroom. He heard me scream in surprise.” I growled back, clearly not intimidated by his voice or his rank.

“Then what about your age? So far no human has ever been more than a few years over a hundred, but if this is true, you’re the eldest human to exist.“ He said, eyes wandering a little “And the best looking one.” He added. I smiled a little, but was still emotionally worried.

“Please. I know it’s hard to accept, but if you could just look these names up…” I said and pointed at my parents’ names, hoping he would heed my request.

      Nihlus looked at me, possibly trying to look through me, but there was nothing to look through. I had laid everything bare to him. He just had to see it…

After a minute or so, he sighed and rose, walking to a console at a table in the corner. He pressed a few buttons and spoke.

“Executor Pallin? Nihlus Kryik. I need you to look up some names for me.”

My heart jolted with joy as he mentioned my parents, and while he spoke with the executor I tried to get a little deeper into what they had found about me already. I read that they had found out about my non-allergy to Dexto-amino acids from the Turian I bit. He went to a doctor to get his allergy levels checked and turned out to be 94% allergic to levo-amino acids, but my bite had caused no allergic reactions in his system what so ever. They kept him for observation for three hours, which, according to his high allergy levels, should have been enough time for my bite to cause a reaction, but nothing happened. They still kept him in observation, just to be sure.

      When Nihlus came back to me I was still reading, trying to figure what they meant with Turian heat session. He sat down.

“Now we can only wait. When Pallin finds something, I’ll be notified. Then we shall see if what you say is true.” He said, but I was barely listening, still very caught in the puzzle.

He glanced over, but quickly withdrew, clearing his throat.

“You gotta know what it means.” I said and looked at him as he adjusted his collar a little.

“Yes…”

“Well? Stop hogging the info. Do tell.” I said, placing the data-pad on the table and turned towards him, again forgetting completely that he was a high ranking Turian, and that I wasn’t speaking to him with the respect he rightfully obliged to.

He stared at me, mandibles flexing a little, but I had no idea of what it meant. He adjusted himself in the couch.

“A Turian heat session is a period only females of my kind experience. Once every month, unmated females enter a heat session to attract males. Mated females do it as well, but it never reaches the same levels as the unmated.” He explained, but I just stared at him, working his words in my head.

“So… what you’re saying is…what?” I really had no clue.

      He rubbed his chin a little, thinking of another way to make me understand.

“Hmmm… I guess the best example I can give is your own menstruation period. Human women enter this period once every month, giving off hormones that they are ready to mate. Your males just doesn’t have a nose evolved for detecting when it happens, so to your kind a heat session, or menstruation period, is something that undergoes in silence. To Turians, a female can’t undergo a heat session without some sort of sexual release…” he said and I finally began to understand a little.

“Wait… does that mean I’ll be sending off hormones that are attractive to Turians?” I asked, moving slightly away from him.

“That’s what they suspect.”

Those words continued to run in circles in my head. This couldn’t be happening… Something he said, though, got caught in the whirlwind of thoughts.

“You said, a female can’t undergo a heat session without some sort of sexual release. Why not?”

He sighed this time, possibly coming to terms with having to explain his people’s sexuality to me.

“A heat session can build up over time, making it extremely painful if it isn’t dealt with in the early stages. And a sexually frustrated Turian female is lethal.”

      That made sense to me, but did that mean I was gonna be lethal too? Was it gonna be painful if I wasn’t sexually satisfied? I had no clue and honestly, I had no intention of getting to know. There had to be some way around it.

“Can’t it be cured?” I asked a little carefully.

“It’s not a decease. It’s part of the Turian nature, and now, apparently, yours as well.”

Well, if it wasn’t ironic?

As far as I knew I had never had a sexual encounter with any species, not even humans, and now I had to screw Turians in order to stay sane and controllable. Where would I even find a Turian willing to help a human?

I looked to my side.

 _Duh! You got one sitting right next to you._ I thought, but then again, would Nihlus be interested in helping me? I couldn’t just ask him…

“Okay, so what happens now? If I’m about to enter a heat session, doesn’t that mean I have to mate with someone?” I asked. He nodded.

“Yes, and had you been Turian, I would have offered to help you myself…” he said while I leaned back in the couch, my mouth moving without my conscious thought.

“Had I been Turian, I would have jumped you already.”

      As silence took over I realized what I had said and looked at him.

Surprise was easy to see on him, but it soon faded into something I couldn’t read, and then a smirk as he saw my huge blush.

“I mean… oh, shit…”

I had fucked up, big time. Giving Nihlus more than a hint that I was sexually attracted to him, was probably my biggest fuck-up to date. I could have said a thousand different things, but no, I had to reveal my obvious interest, and even go blushing about it like some teenager with her first crush.

_Damnit…_

“That so?” he asked, rubbing his chin again. I sighed and gave in.

“Alright, call me crazy, but I got a weakness for Turians. Can’t help it…” I admitted and tried to hide my blushing face behind my hair.

“And what exactly about us is so appealing to you?” he asked, making me look up, completely forgetting about blush.

“You kidding me? What’s not to like? Claws, teeth, that cute face to yours. You look like armored kitty cats. Which is a good thing, in my perspective.” I added, and then kept babbling. “Though, you look good, there’s still this raw Relay 314 incident between our people. Yeah, that put’s a block in the wheel…” I mumbled to myself and jumped lightly as he grabbed my arm.

      His eyes were wide, mandibles spread out from his jaw and mouth parted.

“What did you say?” he asked, barely breathing. I grew scared and worried.

“Um… put’s a block in the wheel?”

“Before that.” He kept staring at me, making my mind black out completely, but I forced myself to remember.

“Um… the Relay 314 incident?” I asked and shrugged my shoulders, hoping that was what he fished for. He sat up more straight, released my arm and let his mouth part even further. I could see a good part of those deadly teeth.

“Why’d you call it that?”

“Isn’t that what it’s called?” I asked, not really sure as to why it was such a big thing for him.

“Yes, but from a Turians point of view…”

 _Dumbass!_ I knew that! And again, I gave up.

“Yeah, alright, now it’s official. I’m crazy, but come on, in the Turians stead we would have done the same.”

      Nihlus moved closer to me, clearly listening. So I went on.

“I mean, considering what you had experienced before the humans came rumbling through a dormant mass relay, and claimed property of a planet that belonged to Turian space, I would have acted a little aggressive as well. You fought down the rachni, then a Krogan rebellion, then a Geth rebellion and then something more trigger happy than the Krogan, comes through a thought-to-be dormant mass relay with an aggressive hostility and a will to kill everything and everyone that doesn’t look like them. And no matter how you look at it, the humans are to blame for the war and the countless of deaths. If we had laid down the weapons and ceased hostility, maybe it could have been avoided, and we would either have been kicked back to our own system until we understood what exactly we were dealing with, or we would have been helped to understand that there are other species in this galaxy with rights and much more experience than us.” I said, and damn if it didn’t feel good to get air to those feelings.

I relaxed a little and then shot a look at Nihlus, who was staring at me openly, and I could easily see that he was stunned, surprised, maybe even confused, about my statement.

      He adjusted himself on the couch and I waited.

When he didn’t say anything, I blushed again and ran a hand through my hair.

“I sound like an idiot, don’t I?” I asked, but heard nothing from him, so I sighed and rose up.

“Right…”

I began to walk towards the door. I was already causing too much trouble for the people who had been around me, and I didn’t want to leave Nihlus in the same position. He had enough to think about, even without me, so I might as well just see if I couldn’t handle this on my own. I would probably end up on Omega as a dancer or hooker…

A hand gripped my arm tight as I reached for the key pad.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Nihlus asked, holding me back. I didn’t look at him.

“I don’t know. Just away from here. I’m only causing trouble. Might as well deal with it on my own.” I said and tried to get free from him, but he held me tighter, pulled me back and typed a code on the panel, locking the door.

“Not anymore…”

      I stepped back, slowly uncomfortable with being in the same room. I was injured, had no idea on how to use my biotics and he was no doubt both stronger and more agile than me.

“What do you mean?” I continued to step back until there was a good distance between us, at least enough for me to make a run for it if needed. He stood in front of the door, and crossed his arms.

“Before we met at C-Sec I had spent a lot of time and effort in getting to know who you were and why C-Sec was after you. Through the Council I learned about the tests done on you and when we learned of the Turian you had bitten, I demanded an investigation to be put in motion, and offered myself to lead it.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ve never been knocked over by a human. I might be on the Citadel, one of the safest places in the galaxy, but that doesn’t mean I lower my defenses. And I have never met a human who could move so silently, that she could surprise me… even when falling down the stairs.” He said and took a step closer to me. I still wasn’t sure what to think about it, but when my stomach suddenly growled loudly in protest the dark and serious atmosphere was lifted from our shoulders. I held my hands over it.

“And if you left, how would you feed that?” he said and pointed at my stomach.

      That gave me something to think about.

A hand landed on my shoulder.

“You have nothing to be afraid of here, Shayla. I have no intention to harm you. But you are my responsibility now, whether you like it or not.” He said. I couldn’t help but to tease a little.

“So, you’re gonna feed me, bathe me and tuck me in?” I smiled, making him step back with a small huff.

“The first, at least. I believe you’ll be able to do the rest.”

I looked from him to my arm, trying to move my fingers but it was still sedated.

“Well, that might be a little tricky. I’m gonna need some help with some things.” I said and waved it slightly in the air, but took it to me as pain and a new rumble emerged from my stomach. He chuckled a little.

“One thing at a time. Let’s get some food in you first, then we can start talking about what to do with the rest.”

      He ushered me to the console, from where we ordered take-out, and while eating we agreed it would be better for me to stay in his apartment for now, since I had no home and no income, and I would need help taking care of myself in the daily life thanks to my broken arm. We agreed to go shopping for stuff I might need in the morning, but for now I would have to settle in a shirt far too large for me as I borrowed one of his to sleep in. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I usually slept only in my underwear…


	3. A Day on the Presidium

That night I tossed and turned. I couldn’t get rest. My mind kept running in circles, my body etched and my arm began to hurt. I managed to get a few hours of sleep and was abruptly wakened when my stomach began to growl for food again. I knew trying to ignore it wouldn’t do me any good, especially not since I hadn’t had a decent meal for days, except the one last night…

Groaning, I slipped out of bed, found the bathroom and freshened just a little up. Then I began to walk towards the living room and kitchen, finding Nihlus already up and working. I would have greeted him, but the console beeped and he went to it.

“Nihlus here.”

 _“Executor Pallin. I’ve found what you were looking for and sent it to your personal terminal.”_ A voice sounded from the device, and for some reason I went a little in hiding.

“Thank you. I’ll look at it later tonight…” Nihlus said, his voice waving a little. It was noticed by the executor as well.

_“You alright, Nihlus? You sound tired.”_

“Haven’t slept very well, actually.”

_“Nightmares?”_

“No. Nothing like that. It’s…” he trailed off and sighed “It’s Shay…”

 _“Who? The human you released from C-Sec?”_ a teasing voice sounded from the executor.

“Yes. She’s not what I expected her to be, and it haunts me…” Nihlus admitted, making me scared that he would now throw me out and back to C-Sec.

      The same idea came from the console.

 _“Then kick her out. Bring her back to C-Sec. We can take care of her and whatever trouble she might cause.”_ He said, sounding sure in his case. Nihlus chuckled lightly.

“Really? So you let her run away on purpose back then?”

 _“A onetime slip-up. We know what we’re dealing with now. We can handle her.”_ The executor sounded a little angry at Nihlus’ teasing, but I was actually glad he did it.

“I’ve seen how you handle her, Pallin, and right now hand cuffs and prison cells isn’t what will make her cooperate with us. She needs medical attention for a few months and none of your men is willing to treat her with the care she needs.” Nihlus stood strong and I exhaled in relief. “Besides, she isn’t causing trouble. Not yet. It’s her behavior towards me…”

_“What about it? She oughta react like every other human. Undisciplined, rude, hell even downright disgusted by the sight of you.”_

“But that’s just it. She doesn’t! She even admitted that she was sexually attracted to Turians.”

      Some kind of coughing was heard from the executor, before a yell was heard.

_“WHAT!?!”_

“Keep it down! She’s still asleep.” Nihlus hissed, turning his head to listen for sounds from me. Thankfully I was hiding where I could see him, but he couldn’t see me, even if he turned around.

_“Nihlus, that human isn’t healthy. You should get rid of her, before she lures you into a trap and slid your throat!”_

“I don’t think that is gonna be the case. She’s different…”

_“If you say so, but how does her sexual attraction to Turians affect your sleep? Oh, spirits… You haven’t…”_

“Don’t jump to conclusions, Pallin. I haven’t slept with her.” A relieved sigh sounded. “But I have been thinking about it…”

Again that coughing sound sounded, and I was pretty sure Nihlus had choked Pallin to death by his words.

 _“What?!”_ he said, lower this time.

“I won’t go into details, but let’s just say I’ve spent most to the night trying to keep myself occupied.”

_“I certainly hope you won’t ever go that far, Nihlus. Who knows what she can do to you?”_

“She’s not a Vorcha, Pallin. She’s human, and I doubt it will ever get that far. She still seems… scared of me.”

      I was beginning to get enough of this conversation, so I went back to the bathroom, made the door open and close, and then yawned a little loud, stretching, only to yelp when my arm hurt. I cursed and managed to hear Nihlus telling Pallin that I was awake so he had to close the conversation.

When I came in I had a small tear in my eye and my arm hurt like hell, feeling like it was working apart again.

“Morning.” Nihlus greeted me and I forced a smiling greeting back to him.

“Arm?” he asked, coming closer.

“Yeah… I forgot I can’t do what I’m used to.”

We moved into the kitchen where he stored my medication. I sat down.

“Right me if I’m wrong, but did I hear another voice about a minute ago?” I asked, and Nihlus stopped momentarily, but it was gone quickly.

“Yes. A friend called and was a little too loud. I hoped it wouldn’t wake you up.”

I waved it off as he sat down beside me and disinfected a small area on my arm.

“Nah, my stomach handled that. I just wanted to be sure I wasn’t hearing things.”

      He chuckled and assured me that I wasn’t going more crazy.

He finished the medication, patched me up and then placed a data pad in front of me.

“You might want to make a list of what you’ll need. We’ll get you some breakfast on the way.” He then found some clothes and laid them on the table as well. “A friend of mine wanted to help, and came this morning with them. They’re yours now.”

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I thanked him and went to dress up. It was a long dress, black and white with some gray patterns swirled in the white. It was beautiful and definitely designed for Asari. I could actually see one of them in it. I wasn’t really much for dresses, but it would have to do for now. At least there was some sort of inbuilt bra in the dress, so I wouldn’t look like an idiot with constant hard nipples. However, the zipper was placed in the back and I could only reach so far, so I had to ask for help.

I went back into the living room where he was stationed on the couch, reading something.

“Nihlus?”

      He looked up at me and to me it looked like he dropped both pad, mandibles and jaw. The pad left his hands, at least. I tried to ignore it.

“Could you help with the zipper? I can only reach so far…” I asked, turning my back to him. He got on his feet and cleared his throat.

“Yes. Of-of course.”

He zipped me up, and then turned me around, brushing the back of a talon over the scrap I had on my cheek.

“Despite the few wounds and injuries, you look beautiful…” he said. I chuckled lightly and blushed a little.

“Thanks. Should we go?”

He nodded, and before long we were seated in the car.

      During the ride to the Presidium stores I made a list of extremely necessary objects, necessary objects and objects I might need. And the first thing on my list was a set or two of underwear.

Nihlus landed the car and when I got out I was sure more than one was staring at us. I saw Asari, human men and Turians turn their heads and watch me as I walked arm in arm with Nihlus. A couple of Salarians stopped and stared as well. I blushed and tried to hide in my long hair, but there was no difference in Nihlus, except that it felt like he was walking a little more proudly.

We entered the lingerie store and an Asari came to us.

“Welcome to Paradise Lingerie. I’m Nila. How can we be of service today?” she asked, smiling as if it was the only thing her mouth was designed to do. _Creepy…_

“We’d like to look at your Asari/human collection. She needs new attire.” He said and pointed at me. Nila looked at me and then gasped.

“Dear Goddess! What happened to you?” she asked and ran a hand over my scrap.

“Minor accident. I fell down the stairs.” I said and yanked away as she actually put some much pressure it hurt.

      She stepped back, gaining her big smile again.

“Don’t you worry about that. In a set from Paradise Lingerie we guarantee you’ll look beautiful no matter who you are.” She said and led us through the store to a large collection of lingerie sets. She looked me over a few times and then began to find sets. Some of them I downright hated and wanted to burn, but after a few minutes I had picked ten sets I wanted to try. Nila ushered me to the dressing room which was large enough to hold two or three Krogans, and then she unzipped me, helping me into the first set. It was a black hales-and-neck bra with a small thong, clearly only for use when in company of a loved one.

“It suits you. Makes your eyes stand out.” She said to me, and then leaned closer to me. “By the way, I love what you’ve done with them. Must really spike his lust for you…” she whispered and I looked at her.

“What?”

“You know…” she said and nodded her head towards the store. “How about we let him judge?” she asked, and before I could stop her she pulled the cover to the side and brought Nihlus’ attention on us.

“That was quick. I thought for sure I was gonna…” he trailed off as he saw me.

      I must have blushed a hundred and twelve different shades of red as I stood there and let him rank his eyes over me.

“Well, sir? What do you think?” Nila said, leaving me to stand alone in room and giving Nihlus all the chance he had to stare at my nearly naked body. I wasn’t good looking, I knew that, so it felt extremely uncomfortably to have him looking at me like that, as if he just wanted to claw the remaining clothes off me and eat me.

He suddenly cleared his throat and adjusted his collar.

“You don’t have something… less revealing?” he asked and looked at Nila, definitely having a hard time getting his eyes off me.

“Why, of course. One moment, sir.” She said with a smile and pulled the cover again. She helped me out of the lingerie and if it wasn’t because Nihlus was standing right out there I would have yelled at her for showing me off like some sort of exhibit, but I decided to stay quiet. Great way to start the day…

      Nila didn’t show me again, but leaned close to me, whispering.

“See? I knew he was hungry for you. He was practically ready to jump you…”

I could have choked her, but I managed to stay professional and simply told her that what she did was uncalled for, and that I would appreciate if she wouldn’t interfere in the relationship between me and Nihlus. I never mentioned him by name, since I didn’t know how much people knew, but apparently it seemed to be enough. Nila asked if we were fresh in the relationship, to which I answered I wasn’t sure. She left it with that. _Thank the Spirits!_

An hour went on, and when we finally came out, I had picked two sets. Nihlus looked at them.

“That all that fit?” he asked, clearly wondering how it could take so much time to find two sets of lingerie. Before I got to answer Nila interrupted.

“All ten sets fit, sir, but she insisted on only taking these two.” She said, making Nihlus look at me, but I had made my mind. I wasn’t going to abuse his hospitality and will to make a few purchases so I could have a little more of a normal life.

“We’ll take all ten.” He suddenly said and I stared at him. He looked at me just as coldly as I had looked on the sets a few seconds ago, making me lower my head again. Nila punched them all in and announced the prize. I winced at the sound. That was a lot of credit, and we hadn’t even found a decent pair of shoes for me yet.

      Leaving the store with one large bag and ten sets of lingerie, I grew silent again.

“You’re awfully quiet.” He said, repeating himself from yesterday. I looked at him with a glare.

“Why did you make the purchase for all sets? Why not just those two I had chosen? It would have sufficed.” I asked while we walked.

“You need a completely new wardrobe, Shay. I thought human women enjoyed being in possession of many outfits and shoes.”

That comment made me grab his arm and yank him around.

“You will never associate me with that kind of woman again. Are we clear?” I said angrily and pressed a finger into his chest. “I don’t care about fashion or what other women might think is the best at this time of year. I walk in what I find comfortable and have accepted that I can’t always have what I want.” I stepped back, and sighed.

“Look, I appreciate what you’re doing, but I don’t need what other women want. I don’t need a closet full of fancy outfits and designer clothes. Give me a pair of clothes to change in, a good set of shoes and of course some underwear and I’m happy. I can always widen my outfits later.”

      He looked at me and I wasn’t entirely sure if it was my aggressive move, or the words that made his mandibles hang loose again in surprise. He gained back his posture, took my arm and began to walk again. I noticed a faint rumble and I began to think there was a storm coming, but then I remembered the sky was artificial and that storms didn’t occur on the Citadel. I felt vibrations in my arm, so I looked at Nihlus who wore a new form of expression I hadn’t seen before. He looked almost… pleased.

We kept walking in silence until we reached a shoe store, where a Salarian had the same kind of idea of human women. I told him I just needed max two pair of comfortable shoes and one pair for something more formal. It ended with a pair of jogging shoes, a pair of boots, two sets of high heels and a set of slippers. Nihlus spared no expense on me, and pretty much everything I found that I liked and fit, he bought, making me very grateful and starting to think of how to repay him for this.

We brought the bags to the car before we left for lunch and even more shopping, as I now had the clothes I needed, but not the daily equipment. Toothbrush, hairbrush, deodorant etc.

      We found everything I needed in a larger store, and just as I thought we were going to be on our way home, Nihlus took a hold on my good arm and dragged me towards a store full of dresses. Another Asari helped me here, but she was less flirting than Nila had been, and simply smiled and dressed me, only showing me to Nihlus if I wanted to. We left there with four long dresses, two others stopping right above my knee and one that screamed sexual invitation to me. I couldn’t begin to fathom what Nihlus had thought about when he purchased that one…

We returned to his apartment, walking back and forth between it and the car a few times, and finally got everything into the spare room where I was sleeping. He offered to help me unpack, but I told him he had already done more than enough. As I began to hang the dresses on hangers, Nihlus stopped in the doorway.

“Oh, and pick one of those to wear tonight. We’re going out to dinner.”

      Then he left and I stood back, stoned and extremely puzzled. I finished placing everything where I wanted it, noticing how much space there was in the closet. It wouldn’t be a problem to bring in new outfits, but it would have to wait until I had some money of my own. I chose one of the long dresses, but didn’t change.

Instead I walked back to him and found him reading again. He had changed into a black and white set, and it was clear to see his disappointment when I came in the same attire.

“Why haven’t you changed yet?” he asked and rose.

“What’s going on, Nihlus?” I asked instead and he stopped in his tracks.

“What do you mean?”

“I understand the need to buy me some fresh clothes and everyday equipment, but the dresses? And now we’re going out? What about the investigation? Your responsibility to find out more about me? To see if I’m telling the truth?”

      He huffed a little.

“I’m a Spectre, and as so, I’m entitled to do whatever I want to get the job done. I’m surprised to see you so interested in the investigation, almost as if you’re hoping for me to find something…” he said, making me step back.

“I’m hoping you’ll find something that can bring back my old life!” I said and felt a tingle in my hands. Nihlus looked at me and slowly moved back, aware and prepared. I looked down at my hands.

They were both glowing blue and the minute my anger went to surprise it stopped and massive pain flew through my broken arm. I grimaced and suddenly felt something being pressed against me, arms holding my body close to his.

“Easy…”

I don’t know if it was his voice, his warm body or that small rumble I could hear in his chest, that soothed me, but I relaxed and a tear fell from my eye.

“I know what you’re going through isn’t easy, and that you have many answers you’d like to find, but right now, you have to trust me.” he said.

      He moved to see my face, gently cupping it in his hands.

“Whatever normal life you might have had isn’t coming back. And your biotics is a proof of that.”

I lowered my head. I knew he was telling the truth, knew that whatever life I had had was gone, and the only thing I could hope for now was that my parents hadn’t suffered the same kind of change. My mother with biotics? Dangerous…

“Would you prefer to stay home tonight? Read a little more about you?” he asked, still holding my head.

“No… I guess, your behavior just confused me. Everybody has been treating me as if I was caring some rare decease. Then you come around, and…” my voice got stuck. I had wanted to say _“…started acting like we were old friends or lovers…”_ but I had a feeling it would possibly reveal what I had heard in the morning.

“…started treating you like you didn’t.” he finished and I nodded, with that being part of the truth. He released my face and I instantly missed his warm touch.

“I can see how it would throw your world around,… again.”

“I’d just like to know what the hell is going on with me. I’m just as confused as everyone else.” I said and looked up at him.

      Nihlus lay an arm around my shoulder and started to guide me back to my room.

“Then how about this? Tonight we both relax, clear our heads, and tomorrow we’ll continue our investigation. How’s that sound?” he asked, making me sigh, smile and nod.

“Alright. But you gotta promise me something first.”

He removed his arm and looked at me.

“You have to promise me to stop luring information out of me that I can’t give. Makes me more confused and frustrated, even angry…”

“What makes you say that?” he asked puzzled.

“Nihlus, please. I might not know how I got my abilities, but you’re not that discreet. You might see the potential in the human race, but you have accepted me way too fast. No one gets comfortable that easily.”

He smirked and helped me with the zipper.

“Says the human I just stripped.”

“Hey. I got a broken arm, remember? I can’t reach the zipper. And who says I’m comfortable around you?” I asked, undressed and reached for the dress I was about to wear during the evening.

      I suddenly felt his breath close on my neck.

“You certainly aren’t afraid to let me see you more or less naked.” He said low, running a talon up my side. I suppressed the need to laugh and simply just wiggled out of his reach.

“Maybe I don’t care whether you see my naked body or not. I can’t be holding something you haven’t seen before.” I said and slipped into the dress, thankful that it was a very elastic one, no zipper.

“Really? So how should I take the blush you had this morning?” he teased, making me swirl around.

“Hey! That wasn’t my idea. She just yanked the covers to the side. Any girl would have blushed in that situation. Besides, it didn’t seem like you were opposed to the sight.”I said, got into the high heels and poked him lightly in the chest. He took my arm and led me out of the room.

“Guilty as charged. Humans may not be my first choice, but I think I can make an exception with you.” He flirted, making me a little warm inside, but I wasn’t about to let him think he could get off that easy.

“Careful, Nihlus. If the council got wind of this, they might think you’re only into the investigation to get me into your bed.” I teased and he huffed.

      We drove in silence, but I couldn’t help but to look at him and wonder what made me lower my defenses for him like that. I usually wasn’t into dresses and lingerie shopping, or this kind of flirting I had going with him, but for some reason it just felt right to have someone that wasn’t looking at me as if I was a freaking experiment. I kicked myself mentally.

_Of course not! Nihlus is one of the best Spectres in the Galaxy. He knows how to lure people into the thought of being safe. And this was just part of his plan to make me reveal more about myself._

And I had already fallen into his trap by flirting with him…

We drove to a small restaurant where a Salarian greeted us and showed us to a table. He held the chair for me and said that if there was anything I needed help with all I had to do was ask, pointing at my broken arm. We thanked for the gesture, got the menus and before long we had our dinner. I was surprised at how good it was, and it appeared to please Nihlus.

_Of course it does! Luring you into false safety, remember?_

      I looked at him, trying to keep the expressions down, but every bite tasted like a little piece of heaven, and when he ordered dessert I had no idea what to except, but the large chocolate mousse in front of me was one of the best I had ever tasted.

I couldn’t keep my delight down, smiling as I savored the taste and suddenly a low, pleasurable rumble erupted from my throat.

Various forks, spoons and knives were dropped in the area around our table. A Turian customer even started coughing hard as he got some water stuck, and a Turian waiter accidently dropped his tray with wine and glasses. Even Nihlus seemed to have lost the calm focus.

I looked around and tried to figure what had happened.

“Okay… What’d I do wrong?” I asked once Nihlus had picked up his spoon and had gained his posture again, adjusting his collar and shirt.

“Nothing! Nothing. What makes you think that?” he said, rather fast, which wasn’t typical for him. He seemed… embarrassed?

“Nothing? Every Turian in the area around us, including you, drops everything they have in their hands, and one is nearly choked to death. What happened?” I asked and looked around again, but most of the Turians avoided my eyes.

      Nihlus leaned a little over the table and laid a hand over mine.

“You did nothing wrong, just… inappropriate, at the time being. I’ll explain later.” He withdrew his hand and sat back. “For now, just be careful expressing your joy with that.” He said and pointed at my dessert.

So it had something to do with my expression, something I had done… could it be…?

I had a theory, and I wanted to test it, but not while we were surrounded by some many Turians. This was to be used on Nihlus alone, but maybe I could…

I took a piece of the mousse and embraced the spoon with my lips. As quietly as I could muster I made that low, pleasant rumble again and watched as Nihlus tensed and shot a look on me.

“Don’t do that…” he whispered, and I couldn’t help but to tease him further.

“Why not?” I asked, letting the rumble roll over the table to him, while I slipped out of my shoe and gently slid my foot up and down his calf. His leg jerked back against the chair.

I could play this game too, and if my speculations were correct, my rumble was hitting him where he least expected; his lust.

      He swallowed and I could see he tried, really tried, to ignore my rumble. His fingers twitched, jaw trembled slightly and more than once he shut his eyes tight, trying to suppress the sounds in his throat. When I felt enough was enough, I stopped, making him look at me, panting. I wasn’t there to make him uncomfortable, but this was more like a warning to him. If he didn’t keep his promise, I would make him regret it, when he least expected it.

We finished, Nihlus paid and we walked back to the car. He drove rather fast back to the apartment, and if I hadn’t been injured I was pretty sure he would have shoved me through the door. Instead he simply just dragged me along, and I realized I was in for it.

He grabbed me hard by the shoulders and pushed me up against the wall, a low growl on his lips and his pupils clearly dilated.

“That was uncalled for.” He said, still panting slightly. I was a little scared of what he would do to me, but I hoped he had enough control to keep himself from harming me.

“I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I asked and he eased off, releasing me and stepped back.

“No, but you played with fire. You have no idea how hard it was to keep myself from charging over the table and jump you.” He said low, walking to the couch.

      I felt like I had done something terrible, so I sat down beside him.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I just couldn’t help myself…” I said, guilty for making him feel like that. He inhaled deeply and let out a sigh.

“It’s not the worst you could have done, Shay, but… next time… Let me explain **before** you test your theories.” He said and from the looks of it he had calmed down again, so I smiled lightly.

“Deal.”

We agreed it might be better if we went to bed, so I wished him good night and apologized again for my actions, but he brushed it off and I went to bed. Despite a few things here and there, it had actually been a good day…


	4. Heat session

Nihlus made good on his promise and the next day and following week we were deeply covered in the investigation. Turned out that my parents had not shared the same fate I had, which I was thankful for, but my name wasn’t even there. My sister was mentioned, and her sons, and their children, but it suddenly ended as the last of my family line had been killed in the First Contact war, leaving nothing behind. In other words, I couldn’t prove I was who I said to be, and now we went hunting for any reports about missing women. Turned out to be a maze as there was at least dozens who had gone missing, and some had never been found. We dug through each and every report, trying to find anything that could make sense, but it felt more and more like a dead end.

A good thing though, was that Nihlus had taught me more about Turian signals, gestures and sounds. I already knew my low, pleasant rumble was supposed to indicate I was willing to mate and very ready for it, but I was taught more than that.

And it was a good thing he did it, for our peaceful time was about to change…

 

* * *

 

      I hadn’t been able to sleep one night.

My legs tingled, my body etched, my arm hurt and I generally just felt uneasy. I wasn’t sure what it was as it wasn’t anything I had tried before.

In the morning I found myself wet from the night, so I tried to think back what had caused it, but nothing came back up. Must have been a wet dream I couldn’t remember. I brushed it off and went to have something to eat. Nihlus was up, as usual, making coffee for himself.

“Morning… You don’t look so good…” his usual cheerful greeting turned concerned. I slumped down on a chair.

“Haven’t slept very well…” I said and rolled up my sleeve so I could get my daily medication. He worked like he used to, but once he was done he placed a hand on my forehead.

“You’re a little warm… Maybe we should check you for a fever.” He opened his Omni-tool, did a quick scan, but found nothing of interest. We struck it off us and returned to our routines, but Nihlus kept an extra eye on me that day.

      Next night was even worse, and this time I woke up, knowing I had had a wet dream. I was wet and horny, and since I saw no harm in it, I pleasured myself, then turned over and fell asleep almost instantly. But when I woke up again, my panties were soaked and it puzzled me. What the hell was wrong with me? I didn’t tell Nihlus, as he noticed on his own, suddenly leaning in close and inhaled during my daily medication. I was surprised and confused.

“Nihlus?”

“This isn’t good…” he said and I shivered lightly. His breath on my skin felt better than it should and I had to stop myself from reaching out and touch his cheek. Something wasn’t right…

He moved from me, returned the medication where it should be and then turned towards me, still staying with some distance.

“You’re in heat.” He said and it all now made sense to me.

 _The heat session… Of course!_ I swallowed.

“So what do we do?” I asked, hoping he would know a solution.

“Right now, your signals aren’t very strong, and hopefully they won’t get any stronger than this. We’ll just have to wait and see…” he said, but it wasn’t very comforting. What if they did get stronger? Would I be able to feel it myself, or would I be tormenting him with something I wasn’t aware of?

      But we decided to wait and see. Something I think we both came to regret and enjoy…

I had been running two days now with my heat and I was using at least an hour of the nights to pleasure myself and climax, so I could get a few hours of rest from the torture in my womb, before it started all over. It felt like someone was constantly tickling me and only once I had gained release was I able to sleep a little.

Nihlus was affected as well. We didn’t spend more time than necessary in the same room, and if I couldn’t leave a room, he did. I tried, really tried, to keep this in check, but no matter my efforts I wasn’t able to… not on my own.

It all escalated the third day.

      I came into the kitchen, grabbed myself something to eat, which I did as fast as possible, and then rinsed my plate. I had just placed it where it should be, when a couple of hands grabbed my hips.

“This has to end…” a deep voice growled and it took me a few moments to realize it was Nihlus.

He pushed my body over the desk, holstered up my nightgown and shred my panties. I barely had time to react to his actions, before I felt him slid in between my legs with ease.

I gasped.

Damn! This wasn’t what I had imagined, but it felt better than I had thought it would. My body responded to his thrusts, his rhythm, and soon I arched my back and moaned my release, nails scraping over the surface, leaving tiny marks.

He grunted in my ear, waited until I had come down, then pulled out, swirled me around, lifted me onto the desk and claimed me again. I couldn’t do anything but hold on to him as he plundered through my next orgasm, working me up for a third. His breathing was heavy, fast and ragged.

      I clamped down tight on him for the third time and he instantly pumped harder, raging through it and then released. A suppressed roar left his throat as he emptied himself in me, holding me close and desperately tried to recover from it as fast as possible.

“Spirits…” he breathed and slowly worked his way out of my tight hold. He seemed reluctant to let go, but his eyes spoke of another story. He was ashamed, embarrassed about his behavior.

“I’m… sorry. This wasn’t what I had intended…” he said and let me slip from the desk, still staying close as my legs quivered beneath me.

“So, what had you intended?” I asked, looking up at him with a huge blush and a satisfied smile. Something tickled down my leg and before I could say anything, he had grabbed a tissue and knelt before me, wiping my delta clean. I was still sensitive, so his actions made me shiver in delight and moan for more. He stood without heeding my plea.

“To be able to control myself…” he said and turned away from me, slamming a hand into the dining table. I gathered as much strength as I could and went over to him.

      His shoulders were shivering slightly when I placed my hands on them.

“I had thought you would be like a normal Turian, or more like a human, not…” he was close on turning his head in my direction, but avoided my eyes. “Not like this… I never thought you would be so irresistible. I couldn’t think straight when I got close on you, couldn’t control my body when I claimed you. I’ve never felt anything like this…” he said between gritted teeth. I leaned my forehead against his shoulder, not knowing what to say.

“Neither have I… and it made me feel helpless.” I finally said, and realized it was the truth. I was helpless because I didn’t know what to do with myself, or how to handle it, and because it was pushing him further and further away from me.

“I didn’t know what to do, Nihlus. I was beginning to grow scared. We might only have known each other for about two weeks, but I hated that I couldn’t be near you; that I couldn’t ask for your help, because you left every time I came close. Like it or not; you’re the only one I got. And as I am now, I can’t survive on my own.”

He stopped shivering and his breathing got more even.

“I need you, Nihlus…” I whispered and slightly held him to me.

      A hand touched mine and he stood up more straight, then turned around and looked at me. A talon caressed my cheek, going over the remains of my scrap. He could easily have harmed me with those sharp talons during our rump, but he hadn’t and he still wasn’t.

He sighed and cupped my cheek.

“You sure about this, Shay? We can try and find another way…” he said, slowly petting my hair. I shook my head.

“This isn’t just about sexual release for me. I don’t want just anybody. I want someone I can trust, and I know I can trust you.” I looked up at him and again he caressed my cheek. “Will you help me?”

He sighed lightly, making me fear he would turn away again.

“Even if I wouldn’t, I can’t stay away from you. Your scent is stronger than anything I have ever tried, Shay. And as I’ve said before: humans is not my first choice…” a hand cupped my face again“… but I can make an exception with you.”

      Sighing in relief, I leaned against him and held him close. We stood like that for a little while, before my teasing side showed its face again.

“So… can I assume there’ll be a round two of what we just shared?”

I wasn’t entirely sure how to analyze his facial expression, but I did know what his actions meant, as he scoped me up and held me close.

“Indeed…” he breathed and planted his forehead on mine. I smiled, already beginning to feel the effects of his touch.

“Better walk quickly. I’m itching to feel you again…” I whispered and began to lay kisses on his neck, drawing moans from him.

      We didn’t make it to either of our bedrooms, as he was hard and throbbing before he even made it pass the couch. He placed me there and pulled the nightgown over my head, fingers already touching my breasts. I wanted him so badly that I made that low, pleasant growl that I knew spoke to him in the way I wanted him, and true to it, he growled, spread my legs and penetrated me, ramming his way inside. He felt so extremely good I couldn’t keep down the moans and sighs as he brought my body into pleasure and still kept going. I tried to make him feel just as good, licking, kissing and feeling his plates and skin. He moaned as I found a spot below the crest and pressed at it, lightly scratching it. His hips jerked and as I kissed a tender spot on his neck, his pace doubled.

We spend the first couple of hours making love like I had never tried it before, and eventually came from the couch to the bed, but we had small midway-landing on the hallway floor…

 

* * *

 

      I hadn’t realized I had fallen asleep.

The last I remembered was watching Nihlus roll to the side after, God knows how many times, and then everything went dark. Now, I was lying up close to my Turian lover. I could hear his even breathing and the steady heartbeat underneath his plates. I felt content, sated and happy. It felt good to be held and to know that I had someone I could trust, someone that would help me through difficult fazes of my new life. I wasn’t about to make requests about everything, but I wanted to make damn sure this trust wasn’t squandered and make Nihlus feel he could trust me as well.

So I got up, stretched silently and went to the kitchen. First then I realized he had chosen his bedroom and not mine, but what the hell. A bed was a bed, no matter who it belonged to.

I looked at the time. It was past noon, so some lunch would be good. I found the few things I needed, made something for both of us, even made him a mug of coffee. Glad I had been paying attention to how he made it…

      When I came back with the tray in my hands he was seated in the bed, head between his hands. He looked up when the door closed behind me.

“Hey. You okay?” I asked and saw how his shoulders fell as I set the tray on the bed and crawled back up close to him. He ran a talon over my cheek, forehead on mine.

“I am now…” he said and reached for the mug I handed him.

“Alright, spill it. What bothered you?” I asked and took my own with steaming tea.

“Honestly? I thought I had been so rough on you, you had gone into hiding in your room…” he admitted and took a sip of the coffee, humming as he licked his lips. He then looked at me, and I chuckled.

“I actually pay attention to my surroundings, including the habits of the people I’m with.” I said and handed him his lunch. His brow plates went up in surprise.

“So it would seem…”

      We didn’t eat in silence, but talked a little about what to do now, and eventually we ended up in the shower, making love again. However, it was put to hold when something in my left arm snapped and I screamed. Nihlus was terrified, and in a matter of seconds he had called for a doctor to come and have a look on my arm.

Turned out it had been healing nicely until I leaned some weight on it and had reopened one of the breaks, so that meant I had just added two more weeks of medication and low exercise. Nihlus was terribly sorry, and promised to be more careful, but at least we now knew it was healing and it should be completely healed in six weeks, if we could keep activity of it.

I think the Turian doctor who came to cheek my injury would have blushed a thick, deep red color, if he had been able to. The scent of our love-making must have been like a brick wall in the apartment by now and any Turian would be able to tell what was going on, or had been going on.

 

* * *

 

      Luckily my heat was more or less contained and the crazy love-making we had been having eased down to a few times before we went to bed, and a few times in bed. A day or two later I was completely out of it, and returned to my own room.

The experience did, however, leave the two of us closer and it was written into the investigation, but Nihlus refused to write that he had been keeping it in check. I didn’t blame him. For one of the best Spectre to lose his head because of a human’s heat was something that could damage his reputation in the wrong hands. Instead he wrote an anonymous male Turian had been invited to help with the effects of my heat. A lie, yes, but one I could agree to. I knew the truth after all…

But as time went by, my arm healed and we got more and more into a dead end with finding information about me, hope seemed to be lost. If we didn’t find something soon, the council would close the investigation and tear me away from Nihlus, possibly to be located within the Alliance or C-Sec…

      The thought haunted me, but it also gave me an idea.

“Cerberus.” I said one day over lunch. Nihlus looked at me.

“Bless you.” He said, thinking I had sneezed.

“No. Cerberus. It’s an Alliance black-ops that went rouge, right? What if they have something to do with who I am and what I can do?”

He leaned back in his chair.

“I don’t think they’ll willingly hand over that kind of information.” He said. It was very possible he had been thinking about the same.

“Then ask the Shadow Broker.” I said, and Nihlus looked at me with wide eyes.

He leaned back over the table.

“The Shadow Broker is a dangerous man to get involved with. And very expensive.”

“But he’s also our last option. We can’t find anything on our own, and if we don’t come up with something soon, the council will close the investigation. Maybe force me to move…” I said and I knew I had said a little too much.

“You don’t want to move?” he asked and lifted a brow.

      I looked down at the table. _Damn me and my big mouth!_

“No… I like it here. And it’s not because it’s in the higher end of society.” I said, looking at him, but as he smirked, I blushed and turned away again. “It’s just… these past two months have been special to me. Since I woke up on the hospital, I’ve never felt as normal as I have here. Your behavior caused suspicion at first, but I get it now, and… I’m grateful to you.” I admitted.

Nihlus leaned further onto the table, supporting his chin on his hands.

“Can I ask you something, Shay?”

“You just did.” I teased, and he shook his head.

“Do you believe in love at first sight?” he asked, making me look confused at him. “I know it’s a common human saying, but if there is one thing I’ve learned, then it is that you’re anything but common.”

I scratched my neck, slightly.

“Well, I believe in true love, but love at first sight? I don’t know… At least, I don’t think I’ve tried it.”

      He laid his hands on the table, and then grabbed for my left hand. Thankfully, it had healed by now, and there hadn’t been any more accidents, not even during my second heat session. It had only been six weeks since we made the new break, but apparently it had been healing so well, that it quickly recovered.

“You remember how you stumbled down the stairs and caught me in your fall?”

I nodded. How was I going to forget that? It had also been the day I had broken my arm, and it had pretty much been the turning point in my new life.

“I know it might seem crazy to you, but in the very moment I saw your eyes, I lost my head. I thought a Turian had landed on me, so imagine my surprise when I realized you were human. Never the less, it didn’t stop me from searching high and low about you. I eventually came across the tests done on you, and saw it as my chance to get closer.” He said and gently rubbed a talon over the back of my hand.

“I used every trick I knew to make the council investigate you, but it wasn’t easy, and I’m pretty sure Sparatus will want an explanation along with the report. But my efforts turned out the way I wanted and the more I got to know about you, the more did I want to drag you into my bed and claim you as my bond-mate.”

      I stared at him. This wasn’t what I had thought about him, but in a way it made perfect sense. His gently behavior at C-Sec, at the private med clinic, his surprise when I spoke about the Relay 314 incident, my attraction to Turians, and his reaction to my test of the low, sensual rumble; it had all been because he felt something for me, but was afraid to act on it. And then it hit me.

Back with my first heat, he had been sitting in the bed, head in hands, claiming he had been afraid he had been too rough. It hadn’t been the only reason. He feared he had scared me so much that I would be afraid to approach him, and that would have blown his heart.

I looked at our joined hands.

I had seen this before, and held other guys’ hand, but this? This seemed just perfect. I closed my eyes. He stopped stroking my hand at the same minute, waiting. Yes… This felt right to do.

I turned my hand and locked it with his.

“I don’t think we know each other well enough for being bond-mates, but there is definitely something here I can’t deny.”

      His eyes lit up in a way I had never seen before, and then he leaned in and held me close to his forehead, purring.

“So, I take it you’re willing to try?” he asked, and as my answer I released the rumble what I knew would affect him. He groaned slightly, hand clenching around mine.

“A yes, I assume…”

I chuckled and planted a careful kiss on his mouth. It wasn’t long, but his hand intertwined in my hair and held me close as I tried to slip away.

“We gotta do that more often. I’d forgotten how good it feels…” his voice trailed off, as he pushed his mouth against mine, kissing me the best he knew how.

As his tongue gently ran along my lips I parted them and granted him access by catching his long muscle between my lips and invited him in. Nihlus wasn’t slow to understand and for a guy without flexible lips, like a human, he was a damn good kisser.

When we parted my cheeks were flushed and I felt like a little girl with her first crush.

“No matter if we find anything in the investigation or not, the Council can’t keep me away from you. I intend to keep you here…” he whispered and kissed me again, and a hand running up my thigh.

      I would have encouraged him further if it hadn’t been for the distraction of a beeping console. Nihlus grunted in annoyance, rose and answered the call. The poor C-Sec officer on the other end did not even get a chance to understand what had pissed Nihlus off, before he had been cut off and Nihlus stood by the terminal, hovering over it as if he wanted to kill it.

“Bad news?” I asked and gently placed my hands on his back.

“The Council is pushing for my report. If I can’t bring in anything by the end of the week, they’ll shut down my investigation and move you back to the Alliance.” He said.

This was serious…

I was about to lose everything and there weren’t a thing I could do about it. Unless…

“Nihlus…” I said and he sighed, rose and turned around to drag me in.

“I don’t like it, but you may be right…”


	5. The Bond

A week later, Nihlus and I were standing in front of the council and honestly I was scared to death. We had gone to the Shadow Broker, gotten the information and it wasn’t what either of us had thought it would be. Apparently, I had been a slave once. When Batarians realized I was sterile, they did horrible things to me to try and correct that, but I ended up more damaged than good. I was rescued by Cerberus who found me on a planet where I had been left to die, and they tried to help me. But as they progressed, they realized I was special in some way (it wasn’t mention how), and instead started to do experiments on me. It had been harmless at first, but it had gone more and more brutal, and I had finally attempted to flee.

The reports were a bit blurry after that.

The underground facility where I had been held had been destroyed and only one babbling scientist had survived. He had told the exploring team that I had been in contact with something they called Object Delta. There were no explanation as to what Object Delta was, and the story from the scientist made no sense. He had told the team that there had been an explosion and then roars, blue lightings and something, he described as the most horrific creature he had ever seen, had torn the place apart and disappeared. How I had come from that facility to the Citadel was still a mystery, but at least now we knew where I came from and what had happened to me.

We had given this to the council who had demanded to see us both, so now we were here, and I was scared as hell.

      I had a feeling the Turian councilor, Sparatus, knew more than he let off, and by the first glare he sent me, I knew something had slipped to his ears and now he was taking it out on me. A possibility was that he knew about my heat, but had figured Nihlus had been the one to keep it at check both times, and maybe even knew that we had decided to give the blooming love a chance. The relationship between Nihlus and I was still fresh and he hadn’t marked me, but it still felt like Sparatus could see what had been going on and how far we had decided to go.

I felt trapped under his constant gaze…

“… as we have told you before, Nihlus. The human ambassador wishes to see her and is already well aware of her abilities. The council sees no reason to deny the Alliance the opportunity to do their own tests on her.” Tevors said and I think it was the words _Alliance_ and _tests_ that had me snapping back to the conversation and burst out from my polite behavior to desperation.

“No!” I said and made them all look at me. A few seconds with silence went across the room.

“Please… don’t send me to the Alliance…” I shivered when I spoke and lowered my head. Nihlus looked at me.

“And why shouldn’t we? You have already caused more than enough trouble for this council. Let the humans deal with their own problems.” Sparatus said with anger in his voice, and it made me shiver even more.

“No… Anything, but the Alliance… please…” I plead

“Nihlus?” Valern suddenly asked. “I cannot seem to recall… Has there been any psychological examination done on her?” the Salarian councilor asked.

“Only a few in the very beginning of the investigation.” He said and for the moment I wished he would just piss on the council and hold me tight.

“It may be necessary to do a more thorough examination before we can deliver our final judgement. From what I can see, Shayla may suffer some trauma. We will need a more detailed description of her mental state before we can decide her fate.”

      I looked up at the Salarian, mentally begging the other council members to see the things he had seen and give me a chance to find something that would keep me with Nihlus.

Tevors looked at Sparatus, who looked at Valern and growled slightly, but lowered his head and nodded.

“Very well. It is the council’s decision to leave the investigation of Shayla open until further psychological profiles has been made. Nihlus, we expect you to follow her through it all and report back to us as soon as possible.” Tevors said and Nihlus bowed slightly.

“Yes, Madame councilor.”

We were then sent away and the minute we were more or less private I fell to the floor, shivering and crying…

 

* * *

 

      Nihlus stood at my side in every test that had to be done and an Asari psychiatrist did all her examinations she needed to make a full psychological profile. The Turian councilor did not approve it…

Her file said that I had suffered server trauma during my hold in C-Sec and that she had been able to bring me into hypnosis and bring me back to where I had been in the Cerberus facility. We had quickly stopped that as the memories had powered up my biotics and I had nearly torn the place apart.

She wrote that I was not to be alone with human company as it would trigger self-defense instincts in me, instincts just as lethal as a Turian’s. I was to receive counsel for this, but until I was more or less cured, she would not recommend sending me into the Alliance. Not unless they planned on going to war with the human race… again.

Furthermore she recommended that I was trained in the use of my biotics. Knowing I could defend myself might help with the fear of humans. We all knew I had them, but if I encountered a situation with humans now, chances were that I would either kill or get myself killed. Getting trained for combat situations and defensive actions should make me more comfortable in the everyday life, and hopefully be of help to cure my trauma. She recommended that it would be best to keep someone I trusted at my side until I was comfortable with a weekly schedule and the people training me.

The council (Sparatus mostly) was not all that happy about the report, as it would force Nihlus to spend more time with me until my training was over, and that would only give our relationship more time to bloom further. Not that I minded at all…

 

* * *

 

      We easily found someone who could teach me weapons training, how to use, repair and clean them, and I was tested in all of the weapons, though it soon became clear that I was best with sniper rifle, assault rifle and some forms of submachine guns and pistols. My favorite sniper rifle was the M-92 Mantis. Despite being slow firing, it was steady and reliable; perfect for someone like me. The instructors, a Turian and a Salarian, were pleased with my first time of handling a weapon, but there was much to learn yet. In self-defense class I was brutally tackled by an Asari who claimed that was the best way to learn it. She scared me more than she taught me and eventually a passing instructor stopped her. I shivered when we had a break, Nihlus trying to soothe me and told me it was something everyone had to overcome when in close combat; though he thought her method was a bit extreme.

“Excuse me.”

      We both looked up at the new specie standing before us, extending a hand. The grey/beige colored man with scales and almost purple colored, rippled skin on his throat, looked at me gently with those large dark eyes of his and the icy-blue irises. A Drell…

“My name is Ethenan. I witnessed your session with Ms. T’voilk.” He said and we shook his hand before he kneeled down in front of me.

“You’ve never fought before, have you?” he asked and I shook my head.

“Shayla’s been victim for a lot of unpleasant events lately, and a brutal Asari is not making it any better.” Nihlus growled and watched how she took down a Turian in the same way she had done me.

“Indeed.” Ethenan moved a little closer and placed a hand on mine. “Which is why I offer my service. I usually travel around the galaxy to train people for a short while, but it is very clear to me that you will gain nothing good if you are left in the hands of Ms. T’voilk.”

“You can train her?” Nihlus wanted to know and Ethenan nodded once.

“Yes, though, it would be completely different to what you will find here. Your strength and abilities means nothing if you do not have the mental state to follow. And that is where any good instructor should focus first. Overcoming the fear to harm someone, even in practice, is difficult and must be dealt with in the right way. I can teach you this and once you’re ready, you’re real training will begin. If you’re willing to take my offer, that is.”

Both looked at me, waiting my answer and I nodded slowly. Anything was better than having to fight Ms. T’voilk again…

      And so, I began a mental training with Ethenan. Nihlus witnessed the first many sessions, but it was soon clear that I was comfortable in the presence of the Drell. Over the next three months I trained, meditated, had weapon practice and was praised for my concentration and stability. Ethenan slowly began to teach me hand-to-hand combat, allowing me to practice on a dummy first with attacks, though counter moves were repeated and repeated, slowly at first, with him as my opponent. But as I got more and more control over my strength, my moves and my mental state finally settled with the fact that I could kill and harm people, we began to move faster and he sometimes even surprised me by throwing in a new move, something I hadn’t seen coming. He wanted to test my reaction to new situations, was with me when I was brought into a simulation chamber to test my skills in a fire fight and we began in general to work very well with each other.

The only problem about this was that the council pulled Nihlus away from me by claiming I was, after two months, now comfortable with my schedule and the people and so there were more pressing matters that needed him. This lead to another problem: Nihlus’s concern for my safety and for control of my heat when he was away on mission. A problem we had to discuss…

      Nihlus had been given his first real assignment in nearly five months after he found me, and there was only a small week to his departure, but we both knew my heat would show up shortly after he had left.

“We need an alternative for you. And someone we can trust.” He suddenly said when we were lying in bed, trying to fall asleep. I looked up at him, lifting my head from his chest. Not the softest pillow to use, but the sound of his heart usually lulled me to sleep.

“Alternative for what?” I asked, my mind sleeping and not following his line of thoughts.

“Your heat. I need to know you’re being dealt with before I leave, and I want it to be someone you trust.” He said, not looking at me as he did, but his hand in my hair and the rumble in his chest told me more than words ever could. Nihlus was more than serious about me; he was dead-serious and he would kill anyone who dared to harm me.

“Well, that’s gonna be a problem for the only one I trust is you.” He nuzzled his chin in my hair and rumbled pleased with my words. “And Ethenan.” His rumble stopped and I smirked.

“Ethenan? The Drell?” he looked at me this time.

“He’s a good man, but just because I trust him doesn’t mean I love him.” I said and moved further upward, hovering above him. “There’s only one who holds my heart, and he’s Turian.” I smiled down at him and again he rumbled, hands beginning to run up and down my form.

      I kissed him passionately, feeling his fingers entangle in my hair.

“I love you, Nihlus.” I said once he gave me space enough to be able to speak. His rumble spoke to me, and though I wasn’t able to hear the sub harmonics of his voice, I could still feel them as they vibrated through my body.

He pushed our foreheads together, exhaling low.

“Shay…”

I rumbled as he spoke my name, enjoying the soft touch there was in his voice, and began to slowly nuzzle my head against his. I knew rubbing, or nuzzling, head plates in Turian relationships was an act of courtship, intimate and personal, but it was also used as a method by parents to calm their children. Nihlus had told me much about Turian behavior in pretty much every life situation…

I pressed a little harder against him and purred, making him open his eyes and look at me.

“Something on your mind?” he purred, fingers sliding through my hair.

“I’ve been thinking…” I said and rose a little from him.

“Uh-oh… Alright, let’s hear it.” he teased and I lightly jabbed his shoulder, trying to appear offended but my smile betrayed me.

“We’ve known each other for almost half a year, and despite I claim I don’t believe in love at first sight, I can’t deny there is something between us. I’ve told you that before, and… I think I’m ready.” I said and his eyes widened slightly. Something told me he knew what I was referring to, but I wanted to make absolute sure.

      I sat up, pulled my hair away from my left shoulder and exposed the skin, smiling.

“I wonna be your bond-mate, Nihlus. If you’ll have me…”

This time his eyes widened, mandibles hanging loose and he slowly rose to sit with me. His lower jaw trembled slightly, while he wrapped his arms gently around me, just holding me where I was.

“You sure about this? You know what it means to be bonded to a Turian…”

There was concern and joy in his eyes, but I just continued to smile and ran a hand over his cheek.

“I know, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. You’re the one I love…” I said caressing his face. Nihlus sighed and leaned into the touch, clearly enjoying both my words and actions, but he was still conflicted.

“Shay… Claiming you as my bond-mate would not only mean that you have to live with me for the rest of your life, but it would make you a target for assassination.” he sighed.

“I already am. With the amount of time we’ve already spent together, someone is bound to have figured we have something going.” I said and cupped his face. “I’m not afraid of assassination, but I fear to lose you to the Council. You once said they couldn’t keep us apart, but I fear they can, and I don’t want to lose you…”

He closed his eyes and rumbled low, sub harmonics vibrating through my fingers.

“I don’t want to lose you, either…” he finally whispered, opened his eyes and then slowly moved in. “It will be painful…” he warned, but I simply just rumbled, gently nudging him closer.

      Nihlus took the hint, growled and placed his teeth. Custom was that both partners marked each other at the same time, and we knew I had teeth sharp enough to penetrate Turian skin, but if it would scar was something else. Never the less, I found the spot and gently nipped, holding on to him. Without warning Nihlus jammed his teeth into my flesh, causing me to clamped my jaws tight around him as well.

It was a few painful moments, but he finally released me and licked the wound, purring.

“You’re mine, Shay.” He whispered once I had released him as well, licked the wound carefully and then looked at him. My hand caressed his mandibles.

“Wouldn’t want it any other way…” I said and kissed him, which lead to making out and eventually sex like I had never done it before. It weren’t about getting off this time. It was about making the other feel good and during the few hours we learned much about each other.

Things I would have to remember…

 

* * *

 

      But time came and Nihlus had to leave. As a result I was left alone on the Citadel, knowing I had little time to find a trustworthy partner to help me contain my heat. I was now bonded to Nihlus so he didn’t have to worry about my loyalty, but I think he still did. He feared the moment I got my hands on Ethenan, I would turn away from him and bond with the Drell instead. Part of Nihlus possibly still didn’t trust the human in me due to what humanity had already done, and honestly I couldn’t blame him for it.

But he left and I was there to wish him good luck on the mission, being escorted back and forth by a couple of C-Sec officers. They were there as my protection, nothing else, and Nihlus had been very clear that if any of them touched his mate while he was away, heads would roll once he returned. I had never chuckled as much as I did when I saw their faces on the news of me being Nihlus’ mate.

The officers had been given my schedule, so they could bring me back and forth between my lessons and trainings sessions, and the last thing was sparring with Ethenan.

      In the two months I had spared with him, I had learned a lot and we had built up a routine for each session. To start off, we would sit on the floor meditating for half an hour, calming me down so I would be ready for the upcoming sparring. Then we would warm up with some light sparring, he would teach me a few new moves and we would practice those a little before getting into more heavy sparring and finally a free style match where every trick was allowed. Afterwards he would meditate with me again so I would be calm when leaving. To Ethenan, a calm mind was the way to make a good fighter. If I rushed through anything I would be scolded and he would tell me to relax and calm myself, not going any further until I had. Patience was a large part of his training of me, and he had explained to me that if you rushed through the sessions you would only learn half of it, and he wanted me to learn all of it, so I would be able to defend myself in every possible situation. It was hard work, but I’m actually grateful to him that he kept pushing me for being patient or maybe I wouldn’t have come as far as I did…

      We had started the first meditation session to calm me, when he suddenly looked up at me.

“What’s wrong?” he asked and I snapped out of my attempt to meditate, looking at him curious.

“What do you mean?”

“Your focus is straying. There’s something on your mind?” he said and sat in a more relaxed position, waiting for me to explain. I might as well…

“I assume you’ve realized Nihlus and I are close?” I asked and as suspected he nodded.

“Yes. His dedication to protect you would not go unnoticed even by a blind hanar.” He said with a smile, possibly knowing more than he let off.

“Well, this isn’t exactly public knowledge and I hope you will keep it to yourself, but…” I wasn’t entirely sure as to how to explain, but he came before me.

“You’ve bonded?” he asked and I looked at him with wide eyes. _He knew?_ I managed to get my act together again and blushed lightly.

“Yes. It’s… still fresh, though. But… there’s a small problem…”

“Problem?” he asked and leaned over his legs slightly, folding his hands as he waited for my explanation.

“You know I have been used as an experiment, and that I have been altered in many ways.” He nodded at this, so I continued. “One of the things is my period. Instead of a menstruation cycle like other human women, I undergo a heat session once a month. Usually Nihlus has been there to keep it in check, but now he’s away on mission and I need someone else to help me. Someone I trust.”

      I looked at him shyly.

“So… I’m asking you if you would…?”

He rose to a more straight position.

“Shayla. You know I am always willing to help you, but I may need some more details on your… heat session. What exactly is the problem?” he asked and so I set to explain. I must have been blushing twelve different kinds of red when it was over and Ethenan understood my problem, and my request for him. He was silent for a long time.

Suddenly he stood and motioned me closer, his hands folding tightly behind his back as I did.

“How do you and Nihlus usually initiate these periods? How do you begin?” he asked, facial expressions looking more lifeless than he had ever done before. His eyes seemed to have lost that gentle sparkle I had come to value about him…

I stopped in my tracks, slightly scared. He looked like a completely different man.

“We… well, we just… follow my signals.” I said, lifting my shoulders a little. “Nihlus usually approaches me when he can feel the time is near, always testing the waters, so to speak. He doesn’t want to harm me, but if we linger too long, neither of us will be of very sane minds if my heat isn’t dealt with. It’s difficult to explain…” I said, not really comfortable in talking about it. The first time Nihlus and I had been together had been a time where none of us knew what would happen, and there had been some explaining afterwards before we had come to terms with what was happening. Especially because Nihlus was partially in love with me, even back then.

      Ethenan looked at me, tilted his head slightly.

“So, what you’re saying, is that **I** will feel when your heat is near, and that I should make the approach?”

I shrug my shoulders lightly.

“Well… partially. I… um, I’ve never really asked or told anyone about this, besides Nihlus, and since we’re… well…” I blushed a little, couldn’t help it. “I don’t know… I mean, it’s a bit personal, and I’ve never been good with sharing that kind of information to others, unless…” I rubbed my neck, not really knowing what to say here.

A hand suddenly lifted my head gently.

“Unless you feel you can trust them…?” he suggested and for some reason it gave a lot of sense. In fact, it seemed to be just the words I had been looking for.

“Yes…”

I couldn’t stop myself from looking into those large dark eyes and relax as he took a small step closer and carefully began to caress my jaw, cheek and neck.

“Your request is… uncommon for me, but not an unpleasant thought. I have to admit, I’ve never been with a human before, but always been curious to see if oral contact is as intoxicating to your kind as they say it is.” He said low, stepping only an inch closer, hand moving to my hair where he slowly began to loosen it from the ponytail.

      I allowed him.

“I might disappoint you. We both know I’ve been altered. There’s no guarantee that I will actually react.”

Hands cupped my face gently.

“Shall we test it?” he asked, voice dropping to a deep level as he leaned in.

A light shiver went over me as his soft lips ran over mine. I loved Nihlus, and he was a damn good kisser, but nothing really compared to the soft touch I was feeling now…

I sighed low, and as a slightly wet tongue moved over my bottom lip, I gave permission, allowed him to explore. When we parted I rumbled slightly in my throat. To a Turian it would have been a clear signal for him not to stop, but Ethenan crooked a brow at me, moving a little away. I awoke from the haze his kiss had created in my mind and blushed, slightly licking my lips. There was something sweet on them, almost… intoxicating… It wasn’t like I could taste anything, but each time my tongue touched my lips I registered something that had me thinking it was sweet.

 _Pheromones…?_ I thought and looked at him, suddenly noticing how my hands had clenched in his shirt. Was my heat really that close that even a kiss could kick it up?

“Pardon me for asking, but how shall I take your… sounds?” he asked, and I realized I was rumbling again. At first I blushed, then I smiled and finally I chuckled.

“Positive…” I whispered, relaxed in my hands and slid them around his neck, before moving in for another kiss.

      Neither of us was slow to understand the other, as I soon found myself on the floor, Ethenan nibbling on my neck and our clothes partially gone.

I felt a little dizzy, but felt none of the hallucinating effects the toxin in Drell skin can cause to human minds, and Thank God for that…


	6. New Waters

      I hate waking up.

Especially when everything just feels great…

I yawned a little, knowing I wasn’t going back to sleep now and began to stretch, but stopped as I felt an arm curl around me tight.

Looking back I could just see the scaled head of Ethenan as he held me close, sleeping. I lightly ran a hand over his arm, but it didn’t seem to disturb his sleep, so I relaxed and took in my environment.

His apartment was much smaller than what I was used to, but it was neat and clean, and everywhere I looked I saw something that could be associated with the Drell behind me.

Swords, looking like katanas, were hanging on the wall, above a chest of drawers of dark wood and with two bonsai trees on top. There were paintings of various kinds on the walls, a large fan with a beautiful ocean motive and some smaller emblems and symbols decorating as well.

Despite I couldn’t place most of it, I was certain most of it had something to do with martial arts and possibly Rakhana.

      My memory began to stray to what had happened between us and how I had ended up here in his bed.

I had explained my heat for Ethenan, told him what I needed and he had accepted to help me, which had lead to passionate love making on the floor in our training room.

After he had come, he had looked at me with eyes deeper than anything I had seen and an expression of bliss I didn’t know he could wear.

“I’m… beginning to understand…” he had said, panting. “… what you meant by… following your signals…”

I had chuckled lightly, gained a kiss and he had asked if I didn’t think it would be more appropriate if we took this to a bed instead. I had approved and we had agreed his apartment was closer than mine.

We had barely gotten through the front door to his apartment, before we were at each other’s lips again. He had taken me right there in the hall way, up against the wall, before carrying me to the bed, where countless of times followed, and I learned a valuable lesson. Drells have more than one orgasm during love making, though they don’t produce as much sperm each time as others do. This doesn’t make them less reproductive; quite the opposite as each package contains more fertile sperms than other species.

I had looked a little at him when he had explained that after coming for the third time and still seemed able to keep up with me. Nihlus had to keep it for some time, or go for other methods while he recovered, in order to keep going through my heat.

      Ethenan stirred behind me, slowly waking up, hands wandering slightly.

A kiss was planted on my shoulder.

“Good morning.” I said and turned when he gave enough room for it. He was still getting sleep out of his eyes, but he smiled none the less and finally opened his eyes, looking at me.

“A good morning indeed…” he said and let the back of his fingers caress down my cheek. I purred lightly.

“How are you feeling?” I asked and he crooked a brow.

“Am I not supposed to ask that of you?” he asked and rose up to support his head in his hand. I chuckled.

“Normally, but I hope you realize by now that I’m anything but normal.” I said and felt him trace his fingertips over my collarbone.

“You’re much more than that…” he said, cupped my cheek and leaned down to give me a small kiss, but once his lips had parted from mine, he returned for one more, one more and I finally just grabbed his neck and pressed him closer.

      My action was approved with a low hum and a hand wandering over my skin, over my hip and began to settle between my legs, fingers running over skin on the inside of my thigh. I sighed slightly, pulling him closer, getting lost in the soft feeling of his lips, the soft touch of his skin and the vibrations from his throat. No doubt he was using sounds beyond my hearing as he began to nibble down my neck, fused fingers running over my wet folds. I felt my insides turn a little around, thinking it was probably in anticipation of what was to come, when a loud growl was heard from my stomach, making both of us jump lightly.

Ethenan stopped and looked at me, crooking a brow in a way I had come to like about him now.

“It would seem your stomach has something it wishes to tell us.” He said, smiling slightly.

“You think?” I asked and held a hand over it. He laughed softly, before he planted a kiss in my hair.

“And I believe it may be right. Neither of us has eaten anything for quite some time, and it would give us a chance to talk.” He said, getting out of bed and reached for his pants.

When he mentioned talk I grew nervous. Had it been a mistake to do this with him? Did he regret helping me like this? Was I about to start looking for a new instructor? A new friend?

I decided not to think about it. He had a sixth sense when it came to my troubles and right now I didn’t want to make him concerned.

“If you don’t mind, I think I’ll take a quick shower.” I said and went out of bed, headed for the bathroom.

      Twenty minutes later I was seated on a chair with a cup of tea between my hands while Ethenan made last preparations for our breakfast. I was dressed in a shirt and a pair of pants I had borrowed from him, as he thought it was improper for me to walk around in my training outfit, and what kind of a host would he be if he couldn’t help his guest in times of trouble?

A plate was placed in front of me, and we began to eat in silence. It was really good, so I had to compliment.

“It’s good.” I said and he looked up at me, smiling lightly.

“Thank you. Cooking isn’t my specialty, but I did learn a few tricks from an old friend of mine before she passed.” He said, and I lowered my head slightly, feeling sorry for having him reminded for losing a friend.

“Speaking of tricks.” He suddenly said, pushed his plate to the side and folded his hands on the table, looking at me with serious eyes. “How’s your heat?”

“It’s fine for now, but it will kick back up in a few hours.” I said and again he crooked a brow.

“Kick back up? Our love making last night did not suffice?” he asked. I rubbed my neck. How was I going to explain that to him?

“Well, kinda. But you have to see my heat like a mountain. The first couple of steps are not very hard, and my signals aren’t that strong yet, but the higher I climb the mountain, the stronger will my heat be. And even if I get some satisfaction half way, I still need to get to the top in order to get down on the other side. In other words, I have to get to the peak of my heat and get laid, before it will run out of my system.”

      I felt a little bad for not telling him this from the start, but it had felt so good yesterday that I simply couldn’t stop him.

He looked at me.

“How much worse is your _peak_?” clearly not fond of me leaving that information out. Thankfully I had an answer to that.

“Not any worse than what you’ve already experienced. It’s more an increase of hormones, than an increase of activity. My peak is simply the time where I am the most fertile, or should have been…”

His eyes softened and he laid a hand on mine.

“Thank you for telling me, and do not worry. I said I would help, and I will, but it would have been nice to know if I were about to break my back on you to accomplish this goal.” He said with a small smile and I laughed lightly.

“How long until you reach your peak?” he asked getting back in his seat and reached for his plate again.

“A day or two. After that we should both be able to feel the change.” I said and he hummed low.

“It would appear I’m more or less stuck with you for a few days, then.” He said.

“Something like that.” I took a new bite, savoring the taste.

“Not that I mind…”

      I looked up at his smile when I felt his foot slowly rubbing my calf. Automatically I rumbled, smirked and then pushed myself from the table, walked to him and sat down on his lap. He looked a little surprised at my action, but soon placed hands on my thigh and back. His hands found tender spots as I ran my fingers over his face and the rippled skin on his cheeks and neck. His throat vibrated slightly to my touch and it felt like it puffed a little, swelled actually. Now that I was looking at it I could even see how it darkened. As I ran careful fingers over the folds, his sigh, closed eyes and slight tilt in head, was a good indication that he was enjoying my touch.

Feeling bold I leaned down and ran my tongue over the skin, hearing his sharp inhale and his fingers clenched slightly.

“Arashu…” he moaned, and I couldn’t help but to tease him.

“I’m not a Goddess.” I whispered and then returned to licking the rippled skin.

“But you feel like it…” he moaned and I soon felt the hardness of his cock pressed against my thigh. That gave me an idea.

I stood up again, Ethenan clearly confused when I left him, but I think he gained something to think about when I slightly turned him around in the seat, kneeled between his legs and opened his pants. The glorious member sprung free from its prison and I was instantly at it with a hand. Despite I hadn’t seen his member much last night, I had enough experience to know what I was doing and that it was feeling good on him.

      I flattened my tongue the best I could and licked from base to tip, drawing a long moan from him, before I sucked on the tip and his fingers clenched around whatever they could grasp (thankfully not me).

“Gods…” he moaned and fell a little back on the chair. I took as much as I could, and then focused on sucking as I let him slip slowly out of my mouth again. His breathing increased as I did this a few times, the sound of blunt nails scraping over a wooden surface reaching my ears and I looked up at him, pumping my fist up and down his cock slowly, giving him a small break.

He was panting when he looked at me again.

“I thought… your heat was about… pleasuring you…” he panted. I gave his cock a few licks, going over what appeared to be sensitive ridges.

“You have no idea how much pleasure I gain from this…” I said, blushing as he looked down at me, but I didn’t care. I meant every word, and right now I enjoyed making him feel good for everything he did.

I proceeded to suck him, until a shaking hand grabbed my hair and pulled me from him. I had no time to register the pain as I was laid down flat on the kitchen floor, Ethenan kissing me passionately. Funny how things can escalade after a few well-placed touches…

 

* * *

 

      My days with Ethenan worked out better than I had thought they would. He was passionate, caring, a wonderful lover, and I have to admit it was a little difficult to part from his apartment when my heat was over, but it was for my own good. We still trained as usual, even during my heat, though it was difficult not to encourage his touch…

Nihlus returned home the week after my heat with wonderful news. He had a few smaller, rather simple, missions in the same cluster next to the Citadel, so he was going to be home at the time of my heat. I didn’t wait a month to claim my mate again, though.

The minute he stepped into the apartment I ran straight to him and embraced him in a hug, before I kissed him passionately. A pleased rumble escaped him and suddenly his hands began to wander feverously over my body. He had barely been home for ten minutes before we were both stripped and in bed, and to be honest, I had missed his plates. That rubbing sensation, the way I could drag my nails over certain parts of his body and not care about injuries, how the danger of his claws and teeth seemed to add to my lust… Or maybe it was just because it was Nihlus, my mate and my love. I had never had another Turian, so I couldn’t really tell.

      My loyalty to Nihlus wasn’t questioned openly, but I had a feeling he still feared I was going to abandon him for Ethenan. And his fear became mine. Sure, I saw Ethenan in a new light, but he was still my instructor, and I was more than capable to keep my hands off him when I wasn’t in heat. He even complimented me for it, but of course, the fear of losing Nihlus did not go unnoticed by him.

I’m not entirely sure how or when, but after a week Nihlus changed slightly. He seemed more relaxed, even came to my practice to watch me spare with Ethenan in secret. He apologized for spying on me, but he had to see how I reacted around Ethenan now that I was out of heat, and he was pleased to say he saw no difference in how I looked at the Drell.

Our relationship practically exploded after that, and it was like gaining a brand new Nihlus. He was not just more relaxed, but he openly encouraged for intimacy outside my heat, pulled me to him in tight embraces as he desired and he always purred in bed, lulling me to sleep in his arms.

He was my perfect mate, and for months to come, I completely forgot about the horrible fate awaiting him in a near future...

 

* * *

 

      It had almost been nine months since I awoke, knowing nothing about my new self, but still able to remember my old life. After things had begun to settle, I had taken up an old hobby of mine and started drawing. When Nihlus discovered that he would have arranged for me to take classes, but I talked him out of it and after showing him a few drawings, I convinced him that the mastery of drawing was not simply something you could teach; it had to be a state of your mind as well, as if were with combat skills and weapons practice. If you couldn’t completely focus on the task, you wouldn’t be able to learn much.

Nihlus agreed and let me alone with my drawings. Actually he was just happy I had found something else to use my time on, as he refused to let me work like everyone else. Not that I minded since I still had weapons training and hand-to-hand combat training with Ethenan, and the Drell was beginning to teach me rather complicated stuff. Sometimes I suspected he was trying to make some sort of assassin out of me, but he always brushed the question off when I asked.

_Sneaky bastard…_

      There were only a few issues in being the bond-mate of a Spectre, and especially one as famous as Nihlus.

First of all was the council. They expressed their concern about Nihlus taking a human as bond-mate, even though they could see the potential in such an arrangement. They feared it would make humanity more eager to achieve a seat on the council, but it also proved that the council species had accepted humanity on a different level than just as a species in council space.

Sparatus, in particular, was very vocal with his opinion on our bond, and he clearly disliked the decision, but done was done, and as he said (and I quote):

“We can only hope this woman is as loyal as you claim she is, or we will all suffer from it, if she isn’t.”

I had growled at him back then, completely ignored protocol and rank. No one was allowed to second guess my love to Nihlus or my loyalty to the Turian people; not even the councilor.

Another problem of being Nihlus’ bond-mate, was the silver plated Spectre he called his mentor, Saren Arterius. He hadn’t just been vocal, but physical, in his disgust for our bond. He hadn’t harmed me, but he slapped Nihlus hard the minute he understood I was truly bonded to Nihlus. For weeks after that I feared something would happen to Nihlus, or that Saren would show up at our apartment to kill me while he was away.

      Thirdly, there was the media.

It was doomed to happen sooner or later, and there was mixed reactions to the news. Some people wrote letters, saying how proud they were to call themselves human or Turian, and that they hoped this would give other couples the courage to come forth with their relationships.

Other threatened both me and Nihlus, saying they wanted to kill either of us if we didn’t stop this ridicules scheme, humans reminding me about what happened during the first contact war, and Turians reminding Nihlus what humans were capable of. Neither of us took those letters to heart.

News reporters were just as bad and good as I remembered them to be, and thanks to friends and comrades, I quickly learned who to talk to and who to avoid.

      But of course, the media wasn’t the only problem.

Once they had backed down, assassins began to show up. It wasn’t that many, one or two a year, but the first time someone tried to kill me on open street, I had gone into a light state of shock. I had been shopping with a few friends when a human male had asked us for directions. I couldn’t answer, but my Salarian friend could, though it had all been a distraction. Some civilians had seen a second man draw a gun at me, and before I even knew what was happening a Turian had tackled me to the ground, shielding me from the shot. It was all very confusing, but seconds later C-Sec arrived and arrested both men.

The Turian who had saved me was Lorek, a bartender in a bar in the wards. I had thanked him and asked how I could repay him, but he had told me I should consider it his way to repay me for all the good I was doing.

I didn't understand that one....

 

* * *

 

      I buried myself deep in the warm bed and the scent of our passionate time together.

Nihlus had returned home late from a mission, late enough to find me already in bed, trying to sleep. That, however, hadn’t stopped him from waking me up with purrs and gentle caress, unspoken promises of a good time and his need for me.

How could I even begin to deny him?

After it, Nihlus had left me to store his armor and take a quick shower, leaving me to fall asleep, sated and happy. I was already drifting away when nearly silent footsteps walked across the room, around the bed and came to stop beside me. My mind was in such bliss I barely recognized the strange scent coming from the Turian next to me; a scent I had only had the _pleasure_ of catching once before, but it was enough to ring a small bell in the back of my head.

Something was wrong here… and as a sharp talon touched my throat, I had a feeling this wasn’t Nihlus.

      Turned out I was right…

“Saren?”

The slightly nervous voice of my bond mate had the intruder moving.

“Nihlus…” the answer was cold, and slightly made me shiver.

“What are you doing here?” Nihlus asked, a little hard if I might add. I think Nihlus had been both puzzled and concerned when he found Saren standing next to my sleeping form, but I am pretty sure he also feared for my life. How long had Saren been there? Had he done anything to me?

I sensed movement and heard the bed drawer squeak lightly as weight was put on it. Saren was seated on it…

“I came to visit you, old friend.” He said and from the sound of his voice he was looking down at me. A low growl was heard, but I couldn’t determine from whom.

“What makes her so special?” the pale Turian suddenly asked, his voice bearing tones of hatred and I felt cold talons move over my shoulder and bond marks. Icy fingers ran over my shoulder, making me shudder and I scooted closer around myself, groaning, but he didn’t stop.

“You wouldn’t understand.”

      The answer from Nihlus made Saren withdraw his fingers.

“You dare claim that I can’t understand a _human_?!” he growled.

“Shay is anything but human.” Nihlus said softly and I felt him sit down on the edge of the bed, close to me. He was ready to defend me if needed.

“I know some of what dragged me to her, was her eyes and her heat session, but I have come to love the woman behind it.” he explained and slowly touched my arm, letting his palm rest on my skin and I sighed low, relaxing again. Nihlus was there to protect me, I could trust him…

“We both know how most humans think of Turians and aliens in general. Shay isn’t like that. To her the species doesn’t matter. It’s the person behind it. She has yelled just as much of a human as she has of a Turian, and she’s not ashamed of being bonded to one.”

      Saren huffed.

“She’s only pretending because of your status. No doubt she has some sort of secret deal with the ambassador to gain him a seat on the council.” He growled and I felt Nihlus twitch his fingers lightly on my skin.

“She can barely stand the man! The growls she uses whenever she sees him cannot be faked, Saren. Shay doesn’t have any secret deals I am not aware of. I trust her, and I know she is loyal to me. She tells me everything.” Nihlus said a little hard, tension beginning to work in the air. I could smell it…

“Everything? Even what she does to the Drell?” Saren pushed and it was clear Nihlus disliked the conversation. His fingers twitched again, but he still didn’t harm me.

“I know about Ethenan! It was with my blessing she went to him! And yes!! I know humans have a weak spot for Drells, and I have seen her smile more when they are together, but it is mere friendship! Shayla belongs to me!” Nihlus growled in a very low voice to keep from waking me. This conversation was going places I didn’t like, and it made me whimper.

I know they both heard it, but only Nihlus did something to try and soothe me, possibly thinking I had a nightmare of sorts.

“I think it best if you took your leave…” Nihlus said, a small amount of anger still lingering in his voice.

      My bed drawer squeaked again as Saren stood up and left. By the door he stopped and turned.

“No matter how she might be, she’s human, Nihlus. They are never loyal!” he said and finally disappeared. I felt Nihlus growl, but I decided to keep my eyes closed, pretending to be asleep still. My mate sighed, stood and walked around the bed to crawl in behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist.

“You might be human but I believe in you, Shay. I trust you.” He whispered and rumbled low with his forehead pressed to my shoulder.

My eyes opened and a silent tear slipped over my skin.

He had known all along…


	7. Year 2182

      It was strange. Looking out on the Presidium…

It was a view I had seen for two (nearly three) years now, gotten used to, and yet I couldn’t stop thinking this was wrong. It was so peaceful here.

No fights, everyone was polite, people stepped away for each other instead of walking into each other, everyone was well dressed, etc.

Translated: this place was boring!

I preferred the wards.

Nihlus had strongly recommended I stayed on the Presidium, but if I really had to visit the wards I should take at least two friends with me to keep me protected. Honestly, I could protect myself now, but I didn’t want my mate to worry about my safety or believe he couldn’t trust me, so I heeded his advice every time.

In these two years I had also collected myself quite the amount of friends and trusted friends. Ethenan was still on the Citadel, training me, though now it was more to keep us both our abilitieskeen and sharp. Sometimes, I did however suspect he had other reasons for the continuous training with me, but none of us spoke about it, so I never mentioned it. I was just glad I had him to help me in my time of heat and every other time I needed someone I trusted.

      My drawings had become a part of remembering people, as I now had a small, thick book with drawings, portraits, of friends and loved ones. Nihlus and Ethenan were in it, a few C-Sec officers I had come to value over the years, various friends of pretty much every species, and, believe it or not, even councilor Tevors and Sparatus.

Tevors had heard about my drawings and offered to sit model for me as a sign of good faith from her side. Sparatus had slowly begun to accept me, though in public he still despised me. In private, however, he was another man and after a few visits he and I had begun to talk together, finally allowing me to draw him to keep in my _Book of Memories_ , as I had decided to call it.

And speaking of memory, my own about my family, about the life I used to have on Earth, had faded sharply. I couldn’t remember the voice or the image of my parents, couldn’t remember what I had been like, who my friends had been and things like that. Even my memory about the Mass Effect games was fading, and not even the sight of Saren could reawaken them.

Until that night…

 

* * *

 

      I had a strange dream one night.

_I was running on a planet I couldn’t recognize, could feel the weight of a weapon in my hands and could hear my breath. Only problem was, it wasn’t me._

_My dream changed and I suddenly saw who I had been. It was Nihlus and he was on some sort of mission. He came across some burned buildings and bodies, checking them for what might have happened, before he moved on. With his assault rifle steady in hand, he took cover as he heard something up ahead. He sat there a few seconds, steeling himself, and then moved out of cover, aiming his weapon at the enemy, but before he pulled the trigger, he recognized the person before him._

_“Saren?” Nihlus sounded surprised, even shocked._

_“Nihlus.” The cold voice of the silver plated Turian broke the silence as he turned towards the other._

_“This isn’t your mission, Saren. What are you doing here?” suspicion lingering in Nihlus’s voice as he lowered his weapon slightly. How had Saren gotten so far without drawing attention to himself? The Geth should surely have noticed him by now…_

_“The council thought you could use some help on this one.” Saren said, sounding like the usual old mentor Nihlus had come to know. Their friendship ran deep and the light tone in the elder Turian’s voice eased some suspicion. As a hand was placed gently on his shoulder, Nihlus lowered his guard completely, thanking whatever Spirits for the help._

_“I hadn’t expected to find the Geth here. The situation is bad.” Nihlus said, looking around to examine the place._

_“Don’t worry.” A cold chill ran down his spine as Saren spoke. “I got it under control.”_

_Cold steel touched his neck slightly, giving Nihlus only a second to understand before the sound of a gunshot rang as the last thing in his ears, his world going dark…_

 

I screamed.

Nihlus jumped out of bed, ready to attack anything that moved, but quickly found nothing out of the ordinary. He looked back at me, sitting in bed, shivering, tears running down my cheeks.

“Shay.” He hurried to my side of the bed and pulled me in. “Shh… it’s okay. It was just a dream. You’re okay…” he hushed me, rumbling low, but I was too worked up to listen to those sounds at the moment. It took a long time before I relaxed and stopped shivering.

Nihlus simply held me through it all and I slowly relaxed enough to talk about my nightmare. Nihlus found a glass of water for me, and while he was gone, my memory returned to me. This was a sign… The time of the Reapers were drawing near, which also meant I was about to lose Nihlus.

I could prevent it, keep Nihlus from going, go to the council and demand them to… Who was I trying to fool? I couldn’t demand anything of anyone even if I wanted to, let alone the council, and if I started screaming Reapers now, people would just think Shepard was another dumb human with delusions. That I had been posted as crazy by some for taking Nihlus as my husband was bad enough…

      But it didn’t stop my feelings from running from me.

Nihlus could sense my nightmare had affected me the morning after, but he slowly convinced me it was nothing more than a nightmare. I tried to convince myself as well, told myself he was right, since my presence was never accounted for in the games, so why couldn’t it all have been changed?

But as the same nightmare haunted me a week later and a week after that, I had a feeling nothing had changed. I was going to lose Nihlus on Eden Prime…

 

* * *

 

      Two months after my memory had returned and the nightmare of Nihlus’ death had started haunting me, the mission came in. He was going to Eden Prime for a covert pick-up of a Prothean Beacon, and he was about to evaluate a certain Commander John Shepard for Spectre candidacy.

I hated myself…

I knew Nihlus was going to die on Eden Prime, knew Saren would kill him and there was nothing I could do to stop any of it. I knew Nihlus answered to the Council; it was his job after all, but it didn’t kill my guilty conscious. I was going to lose a man I loved and I had known even before I became his, and yet I hadn’t tried to stop it, tried to avoided getting involved with the one Spectre who you saw so little of in the game. I had let my own feelings get the better of me and allowed myself to love a man who would be taken from me; a man I had **known** would be taken from me!

God, I was such a fool…

      I had tried to stay as normal as possible, but two days before Nihlus had to leave the sharp Turian Spectre confronted me.

“You regret being bonded to me?”

His question came out of nowhere, taking me completely by surprise. We were cuddling on the couch, and as his question filled the silence in the room I looked up at him in surprise and confusion.

“Wha… Why should I regret it?” I asked, afraid I was losing him already.

“You haven’t been the same, Shay. You’re distant, look like someone who’s guilty of a crime or regret her actions. Do you regret you bonded to me?” he said and I rose slightly from him, disbelieving how he could say such a thing. My own behavior from the past few days didn’t occur to me as the source for his question…

“Never! I asked you to mark me! I knew what I was going into! I don’t regret bonding with you…” I said, leaned my forehead against his and attempted to purr, though something was still off in my voice and he sensed it.

      Reacting on my actions he placed a gentle hand on my neck and pressed us closer, purring, attempting to make me reveal what was wrong.

“Then, what’s bothering you? There’s something you feel bad about, and don’t tell me it’s nothing.” he got a little stern, but he meant good. I sighed, considering how I should do this. Clearly, I couldn’t tell him I knew he was going to die, he’d say I was insane, and I couldn’t deny him to go either as that would cause suspicion. The only thing he knew about was my dream, and…

_My dream…!_

I had my solution.

“I’m scared, Nihlus. I know it’s just a dream, but I don’t like the way it keeps haunting me…” I said, lowering my head.

“The one where I…?” he asked and I nodded. Sighing in relief, Nihlus pulled me to him and purred, rumbling to make me relax. I let myself melt in his embrace, tried to bury myself in his warmth, his plates and his scent.

“I’m afraid to lose you…” I whispered and reached around his waist, holding him close.

      He nuzzled my hair slightly.

“I know… and I wish I knew what to say to you to make it better.”

I rose from him.

“Don’t go. Let someone else take your place.” I plead, knowing it wasn’t going to work, but I had to try. He shook his head lightly and caressed my cheek tenderly.

“You know I can’t do that. I answer to the Council and they want me on this mission. But know this…” he said and lifted my head when I looked away to hide the upcoming tears. “If I had been able to deny, I would have. I hate to see you like this…” he said and captured a tear with his thump, smearing it into my skin, before pressing his forehead to mine, rumbling.

I crawled in and pressed myself close to his body, my mind working around the facts and the horrible thing I was about to do. I knew Nihlus was about to die, and I was going to let him…

Even worse, I allowed the Reapers to arrive…

 

* * *

 

      The next full day cycle, Nihlus didn’t leave me for even a minute. His gear was packed, equipment and weapons cleaned and ready for use, and his armor ready to be put on for mission, but Nihlus stayed close to me. I think he worried about me and my fear to lose him, so he spent as much time as he could near me, holding me, purring, rumbling, kissing me and making sweet, gentle love with me.

I had to admit I wasn’t really in the mood, but once I had him inside, gliding slowly back and forth, my sole focus went on making both of us feel good, feel loved. Nihlus deserved to know how much I cared about him, and what his life meant to me…

In the morning Nihlus left and it was with a heavy heart that I wished him farewell and good luck. I hoped so much that he would return to me, I begged and prayed whatever forces were out there to keep Nihlus safe and to bring him home.

I caught myself thinking it was foolish, scolded myself and eventually hated myself for doing this to Nihlus. I cried hard for a few hours, before I exhausted myself and sleep took over…

 

* * *

 

      I woke up to the angry sound of the doorbell, looked at the time and wondered who could want anything at this hour. I got up; not bothering about getting cleared a little up before answering the door. A Salarian stood outside, large eyes taking in my fluffy hair, crumbled shirt and red eyes, but he made no comment about it. He simply saluted and delivered a message.

“Sorry to disturb, ma’am, but this is urgent.” He said and handed the data-pad. I rubbed a little sleep out of my eyes, took the pad and began reading. I hadn’t reached the middle of the message before I fell to my knees, crying, data-pad slipping from my fingers. The Salarian messenger kneeled down before me, apparently not costumed to receivers breaking down like that. He tried nervously to calm me, to understand what had upset me so drastically, and when I finally managed to explain through sobs and hiccups, he pulled me close; hesitant at first, but as I nearly tossed myself into his embrace, he had little choice.

      Nihlus was dead…

The inevitable had happened and my love had been murdered, shot in the back by a close friend. Those weren’t my first thoughts, though. Guilt went over me and I blamed myself for letting Nihlus go, for not fighting more to keep him at the Citadel.

It was all my fault!

I was responsible for the arrival of the Reapers! I had the knowledge to stop them, to prevent it all from happening and yet I had done nothing at all. Nothing! I was responsible for Nihlus’ death. I could have stopped him from going, told him everything, warned him more than I did! If I had… I could possibly have done some damage to this space/time reality, if I wasn’t already doing that…

Failure after failure kept going in my head and it made me more and more depressed. I was at fault. Saren had been right: my loyalty to Nihlus had not been complete, I had turned against him, let him die and all for the reason so Commander Shepard could get touched by that damn Prothean beacon and start…

_Commander Shepard…_

      My thoughts turned a hundred degrees. If the reports from Eden Prime was already here and the news of Nihlus’ death had been sent to me, then the Normandy was either on its way into dock or already docked, and that meant the first meeting could already be in session, or Shepard was running around looking for clues. I had no idea how much time had gone by. I could be missing a chance to avenge my bond-mate!

I got my mind settled, got a quick shower, dressed in my light armor with only a few weapons and headed for the Citadel tower. Thanks to Nihlus I had access and I had barely entered the Council chambers before an ice-cold voice made my lip curl and eyes narrow.

_Saren… You murderer!_ I thought and looked up at the large holo of the treacherous Turian. He would get what he deserved, no doubt about that, and I would be thrilled to send him to hell if needed…

      The meeting only lasted a few minutes and from what I could hear they were already halfway through when I arrived in the chamber. I waited until they had finished talking with Udina and then slowly made my approach. Captain Anderson was easy to recognize, and once I had gotten a better look on the others I had also listened a little to their conversation, and now knew what to say and do.

“You should talk to Barla Von. Over in the financial district. Rumor has it he’s an agent for the Shadow Broker.” Anderson said.

“The Shadow Broker?” The gunnery chief asked.

“An information dealer. Buys and sells secrets to the highest bidder.” I said and stepped forward, making myself noticed by the four people. “Forgive me for interrupting, but I overheard your conversation and figured I might be able to help.”

Commander Shepard turned towards me.

“How? And who are you?” he asked. The others looked at me as well, but it was only Anderson who seemed to a slight clue of who I was.

“My name is Shayla. My husband was a resourceful man with many contacts. He taught me many ways to gain certain information, and one of them is to listen.” I said, not revealing anything just yet. Springing the news about me and Nihlus maybe wasn’t the best start to a partnership with Shepard. “I overheard Vakarian saying something about going back to C-Sec where he was going to check out a lead. Something about an injured Quarian coming to Dr. Michel’s office. Could have something to do with Saren.”

      Shepard didn’t seem to take much notice to it, but Anderson stepped forward.

“Who exactly was your husband, and what business do you have with Saren? Why are you interested in this?” he asked, and part of me knew I had let the cat out of the bag. I might as well be honest with them…

“Saren killed my husband, that’s my business. I want to see that madman brought in for his crimes, even if I have to drag him back to the Citadel myself!” I said, hoping it would be enough for Shepard to tell his people to go and get the evidence he needed to expose Saren. I was in no such luck.

“You still haven’t told us who your husband was.” The dark haired soldier, possibly Kaidan Alenko, said, stepping a little forward. I sighed low.

“You worked with him before his death. On Eden Prime.”

Shepard and Kaidan shot each other a look before looking at me again.

“Wait! You mean…?”Kaidan started, but was apparently too shocked to even finish the sentence.

“My husband was Spectre Nihlus Kryik.” I said, folding my hands behind my back. The all looked at me, all wide eyed, though Williams seemed slower to remember who and what Nihlus was. If she had had liquid in her mouth she would have spitted it all over us.

“A Turian!?” she proclaimed loudly, obviously not believing her ears.

      I nodded.

“Nihlus was a good man, and a caring husband. To know that his killer is walking around free and unaccounted for…” I snarled slightly and that seemed to spike Anderson’s memory.

“I remember you! You came to the Citadel about three years ago. Caused quite a stir, if I remember correctly. Something about a Turian being bitten in the wards.” He said and I nodded slightly.

“You bit Nihlus?” Shepard asked, looking at me in slight disgust.

“Not Nihlus. A civilian Turian. He tried to apprehend me when I ran from C-Sec back then. They, and the Alliance, performed illegal tests on me, so I ran. I met Nihlus when I knocked him down the stairs.”

To say that they believed in me would be lying. Thankfully, Anderson had done his homework.

“I remember reports about that. Said something about you being immune to Dexto-amino acids. As I recall the tests they did on you was legal enough, though the method could have been better…” he said and I nodded slightly and then turned to Shepard.

“Commander, forgive me for saying, but my past is not important right now. You need to find evidence against Saren and if you spend too much time talking Garrus could be moving on with his lead.” I said, trying to turn the attention back to the objective and away from my life.

      Thankfully, Shepard had the same idea.

“She’s right. We need to find Garrus. Let’s get to Dr. Michel’s office.” He ordered and they turned to leave. I had to stop them.

“Commander, wait.” Shepard turned back against me. “Let me come with you. I don’t have a lot to offer besides myself and my contacts, but don’t misjudge me; I’ve been trained in hand-to-hand combat and weapons training, plus I’m a biotic. I know how to handle myself.”

Shepard thought a little when Kaidan raised his opinion.

“We could always need an extra gun, and if she’s a biotic…” he started, growing a little nervous the more he spoke. However, Shepard nodded.

“Alright. Welcome aboard, Shayla.” He extended a hand, which I took with pleasure. Finally something that was going in the way I wanted it…

“But once we expose Saren I wonna hear more about your relation to Nihlus.” Shepard pointed and I nodded. It was only fair.

      We got to the medical center, saved Dr. Michel from Fist’s men and learned about both Wrex and the Quarian Fist had gotten his hands on. Shepard ordered Kaidan and Williams back to the embassy, to wait for us there while Garrus and I was brought along to C-Sec to strike a deal with Wrex and get the evidence.

The fight in Chora’s Den was simple enough, not really much challenge in that, but at least I proved I could use a gun and my abilities. Wrex killed Fist after we had talked with him, we found the Quarian, Tali, and brought her to the human embassy. I really didn’t want to go there, facing Udina, as something told me he had had a role in the many tests done on me three years ago. I wouldn’t be surprised if he knew who I was simply from my looks.

I was right…

Udina never said anything, but from the way he widened his eyes I knew he had seen who I was and I was certain he was already planning how to lure me into a trap of sorts. Anyway, we gained the evidence and was allowed a moment to collect ourselves. Wrex checked his weapons, Garrus slowly went talking with Tali, Kaidan and Ashley stood in a corner talking and Shepard took me to the side, asking about my past with Nihlus.

      I told him what he asked; going all the way back from my recovering to the news of Nihlus’ death. I mentioned Ethenan and it made me worried. He knew how close Nihlus and I was, and with the contacts he had he must had heard about the terrible news. I really wanted to know what had happened to Ethenan and if he knew, but Shepard moved us forth to the Citadel tower; well, Garrus and I. We were the only two to witness Shepard gain his title as Spectre. I was proud to be included and happy he had accepted me, even my handicaps.

As we went to leave the tower someone called my name. I turned around to see the grey/beige Drell half running towards me.

“Shayla…” he took into his embrace and held me close. “I heard what happened. I’m sorry for your loss.” He said low. “How are you feeling?” he asked and gently cupped my cheek, eyes shining with emotions.

“I… I’ll be fine… It’s still hard to believe, but at least I can bring his murderer to justice.”

He looked from me to the commander and C-Sec agent waiting patiently a little away. I don’t know how much he knew, but he sighed and nodded slowly, before dragging me in to plant a small kiss on my forehead. I shivered lightly at the feeling. I was going to miss Ethenan…

“Be safe, Siha, and may Kalahira be your guidance. Whenever you return to the Citadel and have a free moment, please, come see me.” He said, stepped back, bowed and left.

“I will…”


	8. Journey begins

      Shepard dealt with a few problems on the Citadel, showing off his Spectre status, surprised how easily people actually knew about it. I told him not to be. The only place to keep anything private was in your own head and bedroom. What happened there, stayed there.

On our way in one of the slowest elevators on the Citadel, Garrus looked over at me.

“Forgive me for asking, Shayla, but… that Drell, in the council chambers…?” he started, almost as if he was afraid he was crossing a line.

“He’s my teacher in close combat, and a friend.” I said, not going any further. Garrus shifted a little on his feet.

“If you don’t mind me saying, but it looked like you were close.” He said. Shepard shot a quick look back at me.

“We are, but if you want the full story I’d appreciate it to be told somewhere private. The elevator is not exactly safe for conversations on private life.” I said and both understood. Garrus even danced nervously on his feet.

“Of course, I understand. I didn’t mean to pry.” He said and just then the elevator stopped and opened for us, allowing us to step out on the docking bay. I had to stop up and stare in awe.

      The Normandy was even larger in person than it appeared in the game, and incredibly beautiful.

Anderson and Udina stood near the docking tube, waiting for us, and as Shepard came closer Udina turned his attention to us. The politician smirked lightly when he saw I was still around Shepard, and it made me growl a little; something that Garrus detected. Thankfully, he didn’t comment on it, but he was going to want answers, no way around that.

Shepard was given the Normandy, and Udina left, still smirking and honestly it crept the hell out of me, but I tried to keep my growls and snarls down, though a rumble sounded from me. Garrus stepped a little closer.

Anderson let us go and soon after we had all found a place to be, Shepard announced over the com that it was time to take down Saren.

I couldn’t agree more…

 

* * *

 

      First stop was Therum.

Shepard wanted to get his hands on Liara T’soni as fast as possible which was understandable. We needed as many clues and hints as we could get to find out what Sarens plan was and where he intended to go to put it in motion. I could easily have told Shepard to get to Noveria for the location of the Mu relay, and then go to Ilos, but that would leave Liara stranded on Therum, the people on Feros under the Thorian’s control and the facility on Virmire still standing, plus he would question where I had gained this information and possibly my loyalty to the case and team. That wasn’t my idea or plan, so I kept my mouth shut, only talking when asked and I followed every command given.

Shepard brought Garrus and me on Therum, which also provided us with the first experience of Shepard’s driving. He wasn’t all that bad, considering he was driving a tank, but I was glad the mountains weren’t bigger than they were…

      The Prothean ruin really was… something else. I wasn’t entirely sure what exactly the Protheans had been doing there, and I was probably never gonna find out, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested in learning more. There wasn’t, however, much time to study anything, so I just sucked in whatever I could while scanning the area for enemy Geth.

We found Liara, who was more than happy to see people coming to her rescue. After fighting through waves of Geth, activating a mining laser and using fifty thousand years old technology to get to Liara, the mine finally collapsed above us and made the place extremely dangerous. We got up to the upper level, but before we could get to the exit, a Krogan had to be fought down along with a dozen Geth.

We escaped the collapsing ruin by the skin of our teeth, and got onto the Normandy before a volcano exploded under our feet. To say that I was just a little tired after the mission, would be putting it mildly, but there was a debriefing after each major mission and this was no exception. Liara learned the news of the Protheans true fate, and that Shepard had been touched by a beacon made her eyes sparkle with both excitement and fascination. I think, even then, she was a little dazzled by the Commander…

      Finally able to relax a little, I took a quick shower and then a few hours of sleep. I had a rather strange dream during it, though…

 

_I found myself lying in a bed, the carapace of a Turian in front of me. I knew it, had seen it before and felt my heart flutter as I reached over to touch my mate. He didn’t move from my touch, so I crawled in close, embraced him and purred, knowing that would get his attention._

_He was still unresponsive._

_I lifted a hand to tickle the sensitive skin on his neck when I noticed my hand was dark. I lifted it and studied it closer, coming to realize it was blood._

_Blue blood…_

_I rose up and turned him around in a haste, gasping as I saw a large hole in his chest. But what frightened me even more was his face. It was Nihlus alright, but he was looking slightly like a Husk. A ripping sound in my head turned my attention to something else, mainly the large shadow coming over me, descending from the sky with red lightings bolstering around it. My eyes widened at the sight._

_The metallic sound rang in my head again, making it feel like it was ready to burst open, and making it difficult to think any straight thoughts._

_“You have failed.” A voice said and as I looked up at the Reaper it darkened, changed and a lighting shadow appeared in the middle of it. A Turian…_

_He became more and more visible and finally revealed himself as…_

_“Nihlus!” I screamed and in that moment everything went fast. The burning yellow eyes of Harbinger shun on Nihlus and suddenly something moved next to me. I barely had time to turn and face the Collector as it threw itself at me…_

 

I awoke with a gasp.

I looked around and found myself in my small room on the Normandy SR1. It was just a dream, but what did it mean? Was it my guilty conscience trying to tell me something? Or…

Had I become indoctrinated already?!

Could I be doing exactly what the Reapers wanted by following the story of the games? Had I already doomed half the galaxy to extinction because I wouldn’t use the information in my head to save the lives around me? I could save so many, help even more, but at what cost? The changes I could cause by using it were countless and unpredictable. The Reapers could arrive too soon, or stay away until people stopped believing in them again, or I could make sure no one ever saw and believed in the Reapers, which was even worse. I could also make myself a target for Cerberus and other powerful organizations that saw potential in my knowledge. I couldn’t tell anyone about what I knew, but maybe I could twist it a little, making it look like I put pieces together from my contacts. It was worth a shot.

      I decided not to think about it. Besides, it was already too late. Saren was with Sovereign, Nihlus was dead and Shepard had the vision of the Reaper invasion in his head. I had a chance three years ago, but I wasted it by falling in love with Nihlus.

I sighed and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. Why was it so difficult to do something right? I felt tears begin to wield in my eyes, and the memory of Nihlus didn’t make it better as I sat there and slowly began to cry. A waste of tears, I knew that, but I couldn’t stop them and I couldn’t say it actually helped.

I just gave in to them…

 

* * *

 

      When I had finally calmed down and gotten rid of the red eyes, I went down to see what the others were doing in the hangar. I only found Wrex and Ashley in each their end of the hangar, the Mako gone and Garrus nowhere to be seen.

_How long have I slept?_ I thought and then checked the engine room. Tali were gone too, so Shepard must have taken those two on a mission. I quickly went through the options of a mission where Shepard would need two tech experts and found only one coming to my mind: the Luna mission with the rogue AI.

It made perfect sense for me, but it didn’t change that I was still feeling a little like crap…

“Wow… Who’s been giving you a beating?” Ashley asked when I came over with my sniper rifle to do some work on it, hoping it would give me something else to think about.

“A nightmare…” I said and began to tear the rifle apart. A gentle hand landed on my shoulder.

“You okay there?” she asked, and honestly it surprised me. I thought I had been black-posted in her books because of my relationship to Nihlus. Maybe she had forgotten I had been bonded to a Turian?

“I’m a little… sore, if you can call it that. It wasn’t exactly a… light nightmare.” I said, hoping she would let it go.

“Something you wonna talk about?” _No such luck, apparently…_

      I looked a little at her hand, and then remembered something from the third game.

“Well, if you think you can dance and talk at the same time.” I said and pointed at the large space in the hangar, not knowing if she caught the hint, but I tried. She looked a little from me to the open space and back again, suddenly smirking lightly.

“Oh, I can dance. Let’s see if you can keep up.” She said, rolling her shoulders and walked out on the floor. I was actually glad she had accepted to spare. I couldn’t really sit down and talk about my nightmare, which frustrated me in which case I just wanted to beat the crap out of someone or something.

Wrex peeked an interest when we took position.

“So, what’d you dream?” she asked and threw in the first punch. I blocked and stepped to the side, throwing in a kick.

“I saw a very dear friend of mine die…” I lied, though not entirely. Nihlus had been dear to me, but he had been more than a friend and I had seen him die in my dream.

Ashley blocked and tried to grab my leg, but I pulled it back before she could, making her lose balance slightly and then threw in a punch to her ribs. She coughed, stepping a little to the side.

“I’m… sorry to hear that…” she said pretending to be alright, but I could see I had possibly hit too hard.

      Damn Ethenan and his tougher body…

“You’ve never seen friends die before?” she asked, taking position again and tried to get in close with a small series of punches. I blocked them easily as Ashley was slower than the Drell, stepped again to the side and threw in a punch to the other side of her ribs. She coughed again.

“Though I’m trained for it, I’ve never been in real combat, and so far the only people I’ve seen die is Geth and criminals.” I said and reacted like I normally did with Ethenan, and it wasn’t until the blow had landed and I was getting back on both feet, that I realized I wasn’t fighting the Drell.

Ashley was lying on the floor, coughing and trying to regain her breath. I hurried to her side.

“Ashley! Are you alright?” I asked, helping her stand.

“Damn… remind me never to get on your bad side.” She said and wiped her mouth, slightly smiling. I think I had been too hard on her.

“I’m sorry. I’ve only fought Turian and Drell. I’m used to tougher opponents.” I said and helped her towards the elevator so Dr. Chakwas could check her for injuries. I wasn’t even sure how hard I had hit her…

      Wrex chuckled lightly when we walked to the elevator.

“What’s wrong? Can’t she take a hit?” he teased and fire spread in Ashley’s eyes. I had wanted to say something, but she came before me.

“Why don’t you try it? Let’s see how long you last against her.” Ashley challenged, making both me and Wrex tense, but unlike me, Wrex actually smiled at it.

“I’d last longer than you any day.” He said, making her growl and push from me, going towards him.

“Then prove it. Fight her!” She challenged again. Wrex looked past Ashley to me, possibly trying to figure where I stood in all this. Honestly, I didn’t want to fight anyone anymore. Ashley wasn’t one of my best of friends, but harming her because of my strength and training was something that hurt me. Wrex was Krogan, so I knew he could handle it, but what if I triggered his blood-rage?

“I don’t think that’s a good idea…” I said and went over to Ashley, hoping to bring her back up to the med bay like she should.

“What’s the matter, Shayla? You afraid of the space turtle?” she said, mocking me a little.

“I’m not afraid, but every Krogan is born a warrior. Unless you know no one will be critically injured, going head-to-head with one is suicide. I trust Wrex wouldn’t harm me on purpose, but neither of us needs to prove anything. I know I wouldn’t stand a chance against him anyway. Now, could we please get you to the med bay?” I said and gestured towards the elevator.

      Ashley looked a little at me, then rolled her eyes lightly as she turned and went to the elevator. I sighed, debating if I should follow or not, but the voice of the Krogan held me back.

“Nice speech. You sure know how to flatter people, not that it’s working on me though.” Wrex said.

“I wasn’t trying to flatter. I was stating facts.” I said and turned to walk away.

“So, how about it?” Wrex said after I had gotten a few meters away. I turned and looked back at him. He was slowly making his way closer again.

“How about what?”

“How about we find out how much you can handle? Life is a little boring down here, and with Garrus always calibrating and the chief working, there’s not much action for a Krogan. And from what I’ve just seen, you look like you can handle it.” he said and suddenly stood very close to me. I had to admit I was a little nervous about this, but it was also a good opportunity to find out how much more training I need to be on my own. Obviously, I was going to be on my own once we had caught Saren, and knowing I could fight a Krogan and get away with it, could up my chances of surviving.

“Alright, Wrex. But this is all friendly. No injuries. Shepard will have our heads if we both end up in the med bay.” I said. He laughed deep and short.

“I said, you look like you can handle it. I never said you can beat me.” he stated, walking past me to take position on the floor. This could be interesting…

 

* * *

 

      By the time Shepard and the team came back, Wrex and I had spared enough to make me exhausted. Wrex didn’t show much from it, but from the heavy breathing and the rise of temperature on his skin, I’d say I had at least tested some of his limits. I had taken a few hits, some bruises, nothing server, but I was exhausted and unable to fight. Chakwas had scolded me for sparing with a Krogan, but she had agreed it was practical training, despite it had been fool hearted. I thought, she was a mother hen…

Shepard seemed glad to know that the crew was mingling despite a few differences, Liara was terrified I had even decided to spare with Wrex, and Tali was just glad I had gotten away with a few minor bruises. Ashley seemed annoyed, Kaidan relieved no one had been killed and I couldn’t read Garrus, which puzzled me. I wasn’t sure if he thought me for a fool, if he didn’t care, if he was glad or if he felt betrayed. Joker teased me, said he couldn’t figure if he should call me the bravest woman he had ever met, or the luckiest, for surviving a fight in close quarters with a Krogan.

Wrex? I think he was slightly impressed. He had judged I could hold my own against him, and I could, but not for long. I had my ass handed to me time after time, and only a few times did I get some lucky shots in and got him down on his back, but I managed. And I think that’s what impressed him.

      Shepard took a few side missions for the Alliance before going for Feros and I was actually glad he did, especially since he took Kaidan and Ashley on to a frighter with L2 biotic terrorists. It gave me a chance to talk to Garrus without having Ashley staring at us. My heat was coming up, and so far only Shepard knew about it.

Wrex had left the hangar, probably to take a piss or something, leaving Garrus alone by the Mako, giving me a chance to talk with him. I wanted him to have the choice of helping me or not, and I wanted him to know about it when he wasn’t affected by my heat. There was a chance he wasn’t going to believe me, but I had to try.

“Garrus?”

He stood up from his work on the Mako.

“Shayla. Need me for something?” he asked, looking at me with those blue eyes of his. I found myself staring at his markings for a few seconds.

“Have you got a minute to talk?”

I must have looked nervous for he put the tool away and came a little closer.

“You alright?” he asked, hesitantly putting a hand on my arm.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just… have something I want to ask you. Could we sit?”

      He looked a little around, and then nodded for me to follow, leading us to the other side of the Mako where a couple of spare tires lay. We sat down, and I tried to find the right words. Garrus was only the second I had ever asked to help me, so I was out of practice. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, but back with Nihlus I actually managed to keep my heat in check with only the help of Nihlus or Ethenan. The Drell was always ready if my bond-mate couldn’t make it…

“I have a request for you, and I know it’s gonna seem strange, possibly… crazy, but…” I sighed and went straight to it. “Have Shepard said anything about my heat sessions?”

He looked a little confused.

“Not that I recall. When Shepard comes down here, he usually talks about the Mako, or the previous mission, or wants to know something about me. We rarely talk about… other members of the team.”

I nodded. So, Shepard had kept his promise about keeping quiet…

“I see. Well, you probably already know I’m not entirely human.” I looked at him, and he nodded in silence, waiting for me to continue, and so I set to explain. Damn, I was going to do this a lot…

      Garrus sat a little once I was done.

“Honestly? I have to admit it’s difficult to believe in. I’m not entirely sure if I should laugh or feel insulted…” he said, and it made me feel bad.

“Oh…” I turned my head away, blushing embarrassed and feeling tears creep up on me. “Then I take it you’re not willing to help me…” my voice betrayed me, giving vibrations of being rejected. I wasn’t asking him this because I simply wanted to bed him. I knew others would be affected by my heat, and Garrus and Shepard were pretty much the only ones I thought might be able to help. If Garrus wouldn’t, then I had to go to Shepard and he wasn’t always available. There was of course Kaidan, but I couldn’t picture myself with him, and there was Joker, but with his fragile legs I wouldn’t dare ask him.

“I’m sorry, Shayla. I’ve believed a lot, but this goes beyond what I can fathom.” He said, and it pained me. I knew I shouldn’t feel so hurt, but getting rejected when all I thought about was keeping the peace onboard, was a kick in the guts I hadn’t expected.

“Fair enough…” I wiped the first tears away and stood. “Thanks for listening, anyway.”

“Shayla, I…” I heard him try and smooth it out, but I honestly just wanted to get the hell out of there. I felt ashamed for telling him about it, for believing he would help. I guess one of the reason I took it so hard was because I had always liked Garrus in the game. To be with him now, in real life, was completely different.

      I hurried to the elevator, despite his pleads, and ran past Wrex who had just exited the elevator. I’m pretty sure he looked at me as I pressed the button to the crew deck, head lowered and trying to cover my tears. I don’t know what happened after the door to the elevator had closed. I just had one thing in mind; get to my room and get the space to cry a little, no matter how silly it might be…

 

* * *

 

      A few days after my rejection blow from Garrus, Shepard brought Tali and I along to investigate a planet side signal that looked like a gang’s hideout. We were to land in the Mako and Garrus was preparing it for us. I was still feeling a little bad for the previous episode with our Turian, but I respected it. He wasn’t going to help, because he didn’t believe in me, and that was that.

While Shepard got the Mako heated up and we approached the drop point, Tali went inside the Mako, and I was to follow after.

“Shayla. When you return, I think we need to talk.” Garrus said next to me with a data-pad in hand, trying to make it look like he was just standing there.

“About what?” I asked, letting myself be held back by his words.

“Your heat.” _I had a feeling…_

“I doubt we have anything to talk about, Garrus. You won’t help and I respect that. End of story.” I said, possibly harder than I should.

“There’s more to it than that.” He said.

“Shayla. We have to go.” Tali stuck her head out and disappear just as fast as she had appeared. I began to move towards the vehicle, but was held back by the arm.

“Just hear me out.” Garrus plead. I looked back at him, and the grip he had on my arm.

“I won’t promise anything.” I said, again harder than I should. “I need to go, Garrus.”

      He released his hold on me and I stepped into the Mako, eager to shoot something now, but I also just wanted to break down and let the tears slip. The latter had me mentally slapping myself. Breaking down now was the worst time. I had to stay focused!

“What did Garrus want?” Tali asked as I sat down next to her and strapped in.

“Huh? Oh, just wanted to wish us good luck.” I lied, and either was Tali more naïve than I thought, or she already knew the truth and decided to keep her mouth shut.

“That was nice of him. You two sure seem to get along. I wish I could make friends that fast.” She said and before anyone could comment on it the hangar door opened and we were dropped off.

_Mission time…_


	9. Stress relief

      I sighed.

The mission on Sharjila had been a little hard on me, especially because there were a lot more Krogans in that facility than there were in the game, and most of them had to come after me, and more than a few of them had to splatter their blood on me, so by the time the shooting was over I was drenched in blood.

I was practical yellow/orange when I stepped onto the Normandy again, and it was pretty obvious to everyone that now wasn’t a good time to talk with me. I took a shower after the mission and went straight to bed. And while I rested, Shepard took on a few missions, explored a planet or two, and once I was back up to speed Shepard wanted Wrex and I to take out the first Geth base in the Armstrong cluster.

That went better; at least I didn’t get splattered, but it didn’t leave much time for Garrus and I to talk, ‘cause once the Mako was ready again Shepard took off with one of us on the team and the other on the Normandy. And every time the team returned, one of us slept while the other worked on the Mako. I wasn’t sure if Garrus knew, but when he rested I helped Ashley and some of the other engineers on the vehicle. I still cared about him, despite the rejection, and his health was a priority to me. Everyone’s healths were, and Garrus was no exception.

      A day or two went like this and it was tearing on all of us. Most of us were tired, some were amazed Shepard was still working so hard and I had heard whispers about how some thought it amazing there wasn’t more tension between Garrus and Wrex than there were. Maybe because both of them were exhausted after a mission, all depending on how long it was, of course.

Me? I was just glad I could finally have some down time now that we had docked at Pinnacle station. I don’t think Garrus had given up on talking with me, but he had been sent to the station for a few jobs by Shepard and was therefore not on the Normandy. I could relax a little…

“He seems to be riding you hard.”

I looked up from my plate and caught the rear of the commander getting back into his quarters. Liara had come out of her hidey hole behind the med bay with a cup of something and was also looking after Shepard. I looked up at her and blinked.

“Excuse me?” I said, not really listening to her.

“The Commander. He is so focused on finding Saren that he refuse to let any mission rest for more than a few hours in case there might be some clue as to what Saren is up to.” she said and I nodded lightly, knowing she was absolutely right.

      We both looked back towards the captain’s quarters.

“I spoke with Doctor Chakwas earlier. If Shepard doesn’t start to relax soon, she has threatened to knock him out with a tranquilizer.” She said and it made me smile. I could actually picture Dr. Chakwas do it.

“A bit extreme, but I get her line of thought.” I commented.

“So do I, but I would prefer not to see that happening to him. Maybe he just needs someone to talk to him.”

I looked up at her, and turned slightly in the seat.

“Then why are you standing here? Go talk with him.” I said, knowing very well she would back out. Her eyes widened and she nearly spilled her tea, or coffee, or whatever it was.

“Me?! Oh,no! No! I can’t do that. I already made a fool out of myself once in his presence. I won’t do it again!” she said and I recalled the slightly awkward conversations you had with Liara if you tried to be friendly or romance her in the game. I could barely picture how she could ruin anything like this.

“Maybe… you could talk with him.” She suddenly suggested and I looked up at her, surprised.

“Why me?”

“He seems fond of you, listens to you when on mission and I think right now, you’re the only woman who hasn’t tried to seduce him in some way.” She said and a small blushed worked up on her cheeks.

      Well, she wasn’t entirely off.

Shepard had shown a lot of trust and seemed to listen when I told him something didn’t feel right on a mission. And yes, I hadn’t tried to seduce him… yet. But part of me feared I was going to if I walked in there. My heat was coming up and as we sat there talking, I felt the first small signs show up. I knew what that meant. If I could feel them, then Garrus had to be able to feel it too.

“I wouldn’t know what to say.” I said, trying to get out of it.

“Maybe he just needs someone to listen for once…” Liara pushed, obviously not willing to do it herself, and both Ashley and Kaidan had too much soldier in them to think about the man behind the commander.

I sighed.

“No promises, but I’ll see what I can do…”

A kiss was placed on my cheek and before I could say anything, Liara had returned to her safe place behind the med bay. Now, I was stuck to do it, and there was no time like the present…

 

* * *

 

      I knocked on the door, part of me hoping Shepard wasn’t going to answer, but as the door opened for me I knew there was no turning back now. I stepped in.

“Shayla. What can I do for you?”

I looked up from my feet, staring at Shepard as he walked a little close. Looking completely natural, calm and… I shot a look at his desk which was covered by reports and data-pads, a few mods he was checking and more than one coffee cup. I went straight to it.

“It’s easy. Take some time off.” I said and he took a step back, confused.

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me. You’re running yourself too hard and dragging everyone else with you. Sooner or later, someone is gonna get hurt. So, take some time off and relax a little.” I said, and it took a little while before he crossed his arms and looked at me with a stern look.

“You’re beginning to walk on thin ice, Shayla. Ordering a commanding officer can be considered as mutiny and is punishable. I suggest you change your tone.” He said hard and narrowed his eyes slightly. Damn, was he already this stressed?!

      I crossed my arms as well.

“I’m not Alliance, and your Spectre status isn’t gonna help you either. I’ll speak my mind as I see fit.” I snapped back, just as hard. He blinked, and before he got a word said I continued.

“Look at yourself. You’re stressed, pushing yourself too hard and most of the crew is feeling the effects of it as well. The mere fact that I’m here, now, is a direct result of that! You’re running from mission to mission with barely time enough to get some rest or a decent meal. You’re wearing yourself down, and taking us along with you. It’s only a matter of time before one of us is getting hurt, possibly killed.” I said, and it seemed like that broke his temper slightly.

“We’re all with you, and we know you want to stop Saren as fast as possible for the right reasons, but pushing yourself like this isn’t gonna do any good. You know that…”

He relaxed and stepped over to his desk, leaning on it, clearly thinking about how hard he had been pushing us and himself. He sighed.

“I’ve seen what the Reapers are capable of, Shay… I have to stop Saren while I have the chance.” He said. I took a few steps forward.

“You will.”

      He rose and turned around.

“How can you be so sure? I thought you would do anything to see Saren apprehended.” He said, and I stepped closer yet.

“Not anything. I won’t sacrifice the health or lives of my friends and loved ones just for petty revenge. Nihlus taught me that, and it’s one of the things Saren can’t take away from me. No matter how hard he tries…” I came all the way to the desk and leaned a little on it. “As for the other, I just know. You’ll stop Saren, and we’ll be right there with you.”

It brought a small smile on his lips, but it disappeared quickly.

“Sometimes I wonder why I do it…” he suddenly said, not looking at me. “Why do I keep fighting? What do I gain from it? What am I doing with it? Why was I chosen to become a Spectre?” he asked, possibly not directly to me, but it still affected me. Or maybe it was the little contractions of my womb and my heat…

I placed a hand on his shoulder.

“You fight because you feel it’s the right thing to do.” I said and then placed a hand on his heart. “And because this is telling you to, and when you combine that with a good head on your shoulders…” I moved my hand from his shoulder and gently ran fingers over the back of his neck. “There’s nothing in this world or galaxy you can’t handle.”

      He looked at me, and it wasn’t until after I had caressed his neck that I realized how those actions might have seemed. I tried to move back, but the more I stared at his blue eyes, the more I felt my resolve weaken and before I knew it, I had placed a kiss on his lips.

This time I moved back, swallowing the lump in my throat and tried to find something to say. For heaven’s sake! I had just kissed the commanding officer! And he had done nothing to stop me!

He had done nothing to stop me…

I removed my hands and the minute I did, he turned and grabbed my hips. _Shit!_ I thought, and still tried to find something to say when he leaned in and claimed my lips.

_Damnit… Why does he have to feel so good?_ I thought, knowing how this could affect me. I lowered my head, getting out of the kiss, despite most of my body was now screaming at me for ruining a good moment.

“Shep… We can’t…” I finally managed to say. He lifted my head. “You’re not Alliance…”

_Great! Use my own words against me, will ya?!_ I mentally growled and moved away from the kiss.

“We shouldn’t do this.” I said, my entire being growling at my logic for trying to slip out of his embrace and touch. My heat was clawing on my insides and it was getting worse by every second I spent in his warm arms, pleasant scent and…

      God, I hated myself right now!

“Why not? You want me to relax, and what better way to do that, than in the arms of one who worries about me?” he said and moved in again, this time holding my head in place.

“You know, that’s not what I meant…” I said and then whimpered lightly at the feeling of his tongue probing gently at my lips. I shivered, conflicted about this. If I gave in and allowed him, then what? I wasn’t trying to become Shayla Shepard, and it also confused me that he had been so quick to accept my touch earlier. Was he affected by my heat? Did he know, or was it just the general horn dog facade most guys used when they didn’t want to talk?

I slipped from his lips again.

“Shep… We can’t… I’m not…” I started and it somehow killed the mood instantly. He stopped and just held me.

“You’re not… interested?” he asked. I gathered my breath, not looking at him.

“In my right mind.” I said, and without even looking at him, I knew it confused him. “I’m in heat…” I said low, but he heard.

      He pushed my head to look at me.

“Why didn’t you just tell me?” he asked.

“It just recently started and I wasn’t expecting… I mean, I… I don’t want to cause any trouble. You’re the commanding officer and…” I tried to look away, but he held me.

“And nothing. I need my people at their best, and as you have just stated, I’m not really doing my part in upholding that. Let me rectify it by helping you…”

God, I could have killed him for saying that!

It made my heat nearly overrule every sense I had (even common sense), and it took much self-control to keep my pace down and not just rip his clothes off to fuck him senseless.

As our tongues danced between us, our hands began to move as well. Shepard pressed me closer, his pace changing slightly, trying to urge me on, lifting my leg and rubbed a thigh between mine. I gasped lightly, and caught his gaze, rumbling low in my throat and then moved in with licks, nips and kisses on his neck.

“I gotta warn you, though…” I breathed and had to stop as his hand slipped beneath my pants and began to caress a buttock. “I’m hard to satisfy.” I said, making him stop and look at me.

“Is that a challenge, Shay?” he smirked. I couldn’t help it.

“Maybe…”

      Wrapping my arms around his neck, I kissed him again, taking everything I could and soon felt him lift me, carrying us to the bed. Once my back hit the mattress, thoughts of guilt and shame washed over me, but as his shirt was removed and I had free access to roam his chest, I pushed them aside. Now wasn’t the time to get second thoughts. The first stages of my heat was about to be cured, Shepard would take time to relax and everyone would be able to catch their breath and get ready for the next hard mission without feeling like they were being dragged through it.

A win-win situation, right?

_What about Garrus?_ A voice in my mind screamed at me. Well, he didn’t want to help and I respected that, but I needed to do this and finding someone who both believed me and wanted to help was prized in my eyes.

_But he wanted to talk! About your heat! He might have been able to sense it before you knew it. Nihlus did!_ The voice screamed at me, but I wasn’t listening. Shepard had stripped me off everything but my underwear and he was only wearing boxers himself, and I was pretty sure that wasn’t an assault rifle he carried down there.

      Slightly wet lips trailed down my stomach till he reached my navel, then turned and went back up with kisses and tongue. I rumbled low, slightly disappointed he hadn’t gone further. He ventured all the way up between my breasts, over collarbone and over my throat, where I was sure he felt the vibrations from my rumble.

“Mmmm… I like that…” he said and before I could ask or answer, a couple of fingers slid over my panties, caressing me through the fabric. I gasped and as he pressed slightly against me, increasing the friction, I rumbled louder, getting close to a growl.

“Shep…” I moaned, eyes begging him to go further. He smirked wonderfully and as he moved away to take off my panties and then his boxers, I purred, releasing myself from my bra. I took a look at him, and damn! Shepard was packed! He wasn’t one of the biggest I had yet seen, but he was definitely not one of the smallest either.

Almost on instinct, my tongue ventured out and wet my lips. A motion he caught…

“I take it you’re enjoying the view?” he asked, crawling onto the bed again, pinning me between his limps. I smirked and licked my lips again, this time on purpose.

“Oh, I enjoy the view.” I said and ran my hands around on his chest, going down his abs. “But the view isn’t enough to satisfy me…” I grabbed his throbbing member and squeezed him a little, gaining a gasp and a stern look.

      Easing up, I released him and kissed him sweetly. It wasn’t my intention to making him feel uncomfortable around me, and the mere fact that he offered himself to help me in my time of heat was something I was going to take to heart and value.

As he took position I purred, letting him know I was more than ready and brazed myself for it. Relaxing had always been a little difficult for me when coming to the first penetration, so it was just slightly painful as he ventured into my tight tunnel. He cursed and groaned, pulled out and then tried again, coming further this time. I pulled him to me, getting him deeper as well and kissed him.

Damn, I couldn’t get enough of those sweet lips…

Shepard moved with mixed speeds; sometimes hard, sometimes gentle; but never the same for too long, and I had to admit I was really enjoying it. Of course, I didn’t let him do all the work.

He was beginning to push me closer to the point of no return, and that’s when I rolled us over, taking charge. His expression was marvelous and something I was going to remember; Commander Shepard more than surprised. Truly a sight to behold…

He wasn’t surprised for long as I began to move, slipping up and down him and scratched his chest lightly. He groaned, but didn’t seem to be in pain. Small wet noises sounded in the room every time I went down, making my cheeks burn with heat. What if someone could hear it on the other side of the door?

      My concern made me slow down and apparently Shepard would have none of that.

He grabbed my hips and thrust up into me, making me gasp and glare down at him.

“Don’t start dreaming about someone else.” He smirked and kept his pace this time, moving into me at the right angle, pushing me further and further. I wasn’t gonna last long.

“Shit!” I cursed and curled around myself when the explosions in my womb send waves of pleasure through my system. I bared my teeth, but managed to keep the snarl down. Shepard stopped, allowing me to catch my breath for a moment.

“You alright?” he asked, and once I had nodded, he moved again, slowly. I tensed, gasping. The movements were slow, but I was sensitive now and it only caused my legs to shiver even further, my breath to deepen and my mind to overflow with ecstasy.

“God…” I moaned, but did nothing to stop him, not even when he rolled us over again, putting me on my back and then slipped out to take a new position…

 

* * *

 

      I snuggled in close to the warm body, smiling and sighing.

“Damn…” Shepard breathed. “You could have warned me.” He said, referring to the many times I went over and still kept going. I bet his member was feeling like spaghetti now; all thin and wobbly. The thought made me chuckle.

“I did. I told you, I was hard to satisfy.” I said. He frowned a little, but only seconds later did he pull me close and planted a kiss in my hair. It was a little strange, actually. To know that I had just slept with Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy, Destroyer of the Collectors; it was a rather weird feeling. Especially, because he was none of those things yet, but he was going to be, and it made me secretly promise to help him in any way I could. Right now it had been nothing more than reliving stress, but that also needed to be attended to…

      However, this led me to a question.

“Shep?”

“Mmhm?” he sounded like he was beginning to doze off. I rose from him and sat up.

“This was nothing more than helping with my heat and some stress relief, right?” I asked and he looked at me.

“Why do you ask?” apparently he hadn’t thought about himself.

“I just wonna be sure we’re on the same side here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad you helped and it’s good to see you let down your defenses as well, but this is a military ship and there are regulations to be held, even if I’m not entirely part of it.”

He sat up beside me.

“You’ve been through this before. What did you usually do when Nihlus couldn’t help you?” he asked.

“I went to Ethenan, my instructor in martial arts and self-defense. We… ah, well, we… may have had a few times outside my heat as well, but no matter what we never spoke of it, and there would be no consequences. Whenever we made love, it stayed between us. No one bragged or pressured the other, and no one held any jealousy if a third or fourth party became involved. Of course, if he found someone he fell in love with, I was going to respect that and find someone else to help me, unless she could accept Ethenan had some on the sideline… like Nihlus accepted I had Ethenan to help me.”

      I wasn’t entirely sure how to take his expression after telling him that. Thoughtful, maybe?

“So, what you’re saying is that this will never be mentioned if we don’t want to and if I ever fell in love with someone else, you’d just step back and place no claim on me?”

“For the moment, yes. I can’t control my heart any more than you can, and there is always the possibility that we fall for each other, but for my case, I am not gonna let a single roll in the hay determine that.” I said and he nodded, suddenly rubbing his neck.

“I wouldn’t call it a _single_ roll…” he said and I chuckled.

“Actually, what worries me more is if you can accept that I go to others for help…” I said low, and I felt a little foolish, but I had to ask.

“Why wouldn’t I? You don’t put a claim on me, then I won’t put a claim on you.” He said and it eased my mind. I trusted Shepard and believed he would accept that I had other lovers.

      He suddenly forward, again with that thoughtful expression on his face.

“What?”

“You’ve told me that when you were in heat back with Nihlus you would spend a few days in bed with him, right?” he asked.

“Yes.”

“And that every time he was reacting to your signals, which made him crazy with lust.” He pointed out and I agreed. He looked back at me. “Then, why am I not reacting to it?”

“Both humans and Asari have weak senses compared to Turians and Drells. Our sense of smell isn’t able to pick up the pheromones, and I’m guessing human minds aren’t able to understand the signals either.” I explained. “It’s the best answer I can give you.”

He hummed and leaned forward on his legs, clearly thinking about it.

“So, I’ll never be as lustful as you need it?” he asked and that made me chuckle.

“I just need to be satisfied at my peak to get out of my heat. How sensual, tender, hard or rough the sex is has nothing to do with it, and it’s actually nice to be able to make love to someone who isn’t completely mind-blown by my signals.” I said and laid my arms on his shoulder, looking lovingly at him, smiling.

      Shepard lifted a brow before he smiled back and then suddenly thought.

“So, it doesn’t matter how the sex is to you, as long as you get satisfied, huh?” he asked. I eased back and leaned back on the bed.

“Pretty much.”

That had him smirking, and suddenly I was pinned underneath him.

“I like that.” He said and before I got to answer or comment a kiss had silenced me, promises lingering in every touch. I knew I shouldn’t let him, but… well, you don’t deny Commander Shepard…

 

* * *

 

      After making sure Shepard was going to rest for a few hours before attempting to launch a new mission, I went back to my own room and found some spare clothes. I needed a shower, and something to eat. Then I took a few hours of rest as well.

When I woke up again, I stepped out of bed and went to the kitchen to get something to eat, before Shepard decided to drag us onto a new mission. I was still a little sore after my time with Shepard, but at least I had made him see just a little reason. I had barely found anything before a voice cleared and I turned to look at the blue painted Turian sniper.

“Shay, I… do you have time to talk?” he asked, mandibles tensed around his face, eyes wide and alerted. I looked at him, sighed slowly and low, before I nodded and leaned against the counter, readying myself for a long explanation.

“But not here.” he said, suddenly taking a step closer as if he didn’t want others to hear, and I turned around, moving towards my room.

      The door closed behind Garrus and he stood there on the floor, looking like he didn’t know how to start. Actually I didn’t know how to start either, so the awkward silence stretched for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry.”

I looked up and saw no difference in his posture, but there was definitely something in his eyes.

“I should have believed in you.” He looked up at me and then started pacing. “I… I just couldn’t believe what you said, and it still doesn’t make any sense to me, but… I’ve felt it now.” He said and came closer.

“I know now, that you’re telling the truth. So… I’m sorry, and… can you forgive me?”

_Straight to business, huh Vakarian?_ I thought, and despite he had just confessed he had been mistaken about me, I still felt reluctant to forgive him so fast.

“I’ve never had anyone who hasn’t believed in me before, and I have to admit, your rejection hurt me.” I said and saw his head fall a little. “I’m not sure I should forgive you, but if I put myself in your shoes, I can understand your actions. So, I accept your apology, and you’re forgiven.”

A small sigh escaped him and the tension in his mandibles disappeared as he lifted his head again.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that.” He said and then moved a little nervously on his feet. “I should… probably get back. There’s still a few things to do on the Mako, and it’s probably best if I stay away from you while you’re in heat…” he said and began to turn.

      I wasn’t aware I could move so fast before I grabbed his arm, making him stop.

“Hold on. Even now that you know my heat is real, you’re still not willing to help me?” I said, not believing what I heard. How could he do this?

“Doesn’t seem like you need me. You got all the help you want.” He said and turned slightly towards me. I looked puzzled at him, not quite understanding.

“What do you mean?”

“Look, I know you’ve been keeping it quite, so the rest of the crew wouldn’t be disturbed or anything, but like you’ve stated before… Turians have a good sense of smell and both you and Shepard reek of sex. No offense.” He said and I was finally catching up.

“Wait…? You think… Garrus, just because Shepard helped me once doesn’t mean he’s going to help every time. He’s the commanding officer, he can’t put missions aside just because I need to get laid for a few hours. I need more than one option available.” I said, hoping to make him see that I needed his help in this matter.

“There’s always lieutenant Alenko. Why can’t you go to him?” he asked, rather hard if I had to say so.

      I lowered my head.

“I don’t trust him enough for that…”

He looked at me.

“Look, Garrus… I’m not asking you to do this because I want to add you to my bed collection or because I think of you as a substitute for Nihlus. I’m asking, because I know one partner to help with my heat isn’t enough.” I said, and it earned a little more of his attention. “You know I was bonded to Nihlus Kryik. You remember the Drell we met on the Citadel right after Shepard had become a Spectre? You mentioned later that it looked like we had been close. You were right. Ethenan helped me during my heat when Nihlus wasn’t around to do it.” I said and this made him turn towards me, surprised.

“Wait. Are you telling me that Nihlus Kryik, your bond mate, willingly allowed other males to claim you when he wasn’t around?” Garrus looked slightly disgusted by this fact. I couldn’t really blame him…

“It was only Ethenan, but yes. It was the only option we had. If Ethenan hadn’t been there to help, I would either have jumped the first and nearest male in sight, or my signals would have driven some innocent Turian into raping me.” I said and his disgust dimmed. “We did what we thought was best, and despite it all Ethenan respected the relationship I had with Nihlus. He never made any moves to claim me as his own, and Nihlus knew he could trust me to stay loyal as his bond mate.”

      I stepped closer and lightly touched his arm.

“I’m not telling you to fall in love with me, but I know what can happen to you if my heat is left unaccounted for, and whatever you have felt in the past couple of hours is nothing compared to what you would have felt if I hadn’t been with Shepard.” I said.

He looked like he was thinking, hard, and then suddenly stepped back.

“I don’t think I can do that…” he said and I nearly broke again, but I managed to keep my thoughts straight. I had to convince him, and I remembered the first time I had been in heat.

“Garrus… Okay. You won’t help? Fine. Shepard can’t help me anymore than he has, so I’ll just have to leave my heat as it is, but when it creeps up on you and you come running to me like some horn-dog, I get the pleasure of saying: I told you so.” I said a little hard, but it appeared this was the only way to make him understand. He huffed and stepped further back.

“That’s not gonna happen.” He said with confidence in his voice.

“We’ll see about that…” I said and watched him walk out of the door. Now, I could only wait…

 

* * *

 

      My heat was seriously killing me.

I rather wanted the cramps from menstruation pains than this tingling feeling all over my body, and no matter how I tried to pleasure myself it just wasn’t enough…

My small room must have been filled to the brim with hormones and pheromones, that even Joker would be able to sense just a little of my heat on the bridge. I knew I couldn’t get any help, for Shepard was gone, along with Alenko and Wrex, and Garrus wasn’t…

A knock on my door eased my attempt to come for the hundredth time. I rose and wobbled over there, opening the door and nearly came face to face with a heavy breathing Turian. His pupils dilated as he inhaled the scents from my room and everything that could twitch on him, did.

“Go ahead…” he panted “Say it. I don’t give a damn!” he said and then rushed in, pinning me against the wall, ripping in my pants to get them off. I never said it, but I thought it…

 

_I told you so…_


	10. Drell and Krogan

      Dealing with my heat was one thing.

Dealing with the Thorian, was completely different and not something I wanted to do again. I have always hated the Thorian Creepers and my hatred didn’t get any less after facing them in real life. Their constant habit of spewing acids on our shields to break them and poison us was seriously irritating. And then there was that damn Asari clone. Why did Saren have to give the Thorian an Asari commando?!

But between the acid rains, biotic clashes and bullets flying around our ears, I was more than happy to be fighting alongside two men I could trust, and of course to see that damn Thorian thing fall to its death. Now that was a relief…

Before it all Shepard dealt with Exogeni, Geth in the tunnels, gotten the colony operational again, used the gas to save the people and managed to talk Jeong down. I would have shot him on sight…

As we came up from the Thorian’s hiding place, a lot of people stood ready to thank us, not just Shepard, but all three of us. It was a little overwhelming since I had never been there to help so many people before. On Therum it had just been Liara, and every other mission I had been on had only had one survivor or none, as they had all been mercs. Never had men and women come to me and thanked me for saving their lives.

      After the mission we had debriefing (as usual) and Liara offered to help by melding with Shepard to see what he had learned. I was this close on telling them it was no use, but kept my mouth shut. How was I supposed to know what was happening in Shepard’s mind? I wasn’t an Asari, and as far as I knew, I didn’t have that kind of abilities either.

Liara couldn’t see anything (I could have told them that…) and as she became dizzy, Shepard dismissed the crew. I was one of last to go, so I heard a few things from Shepard’s talk with the council and what news they had. I should have expected it to happen sooner or later…

Virmire…

Shepard was going to face a difficult choice. Back when I had played the game, I had always chosen Kaidan as the surviving member. He’s less xenophobic and aggressive than Ash, but I always found him weak and blind. In real life, he was still a little… whining… whenever we talked. Sometimes I suspected he only did it to prove there was a soft guy underneath the soldier. After all, if you played as bro-Shepard, Kaidan would always be less talkative and appear more macho…

I liked Kaidan, and he was a good friend, but nothing more. But no matter who Shepard chose, I would be there to help him through it.

… I just sounded like I was in love with him, didn’t I?

      Anyway, Shepard decided to get back to the Citadel to restock and fix a few errands, which left us with some shore leave and I knew exactly how I wanted to spend my time.

I had sent a message to Ethenan, asking if he wanted to see an old friend and true to everything I knew about him, his reply had been casual, but there was excitement hidden between the lines. We agreed to meet at the embassy lounge and I had barely walked through the door before the Drell stood from his seat and came towards me.

“Gods be blessed…” he said and embraced me, a kiss on my cheek as he released me again. “I have missed you, Siha.”

I smiled and purred low, and from the way he closed his eyes, tilting his head slightly, I knew he had both heard and felt it. He quickly got back to normal, and offered me a seat at the table. We had something to drink and started talking about my new job and friends. Ethenan was happy I had found someone I could trust, and pleased to hear I was using every trick I had learned from him to advance in the fights.

“How have you been?” I asked. He smiled, and nodded. “Well. I have found others to train and more than a few has already asked for… hmm, shall we call it, private sessions.” He said and I chuckled lightly. No surprise really, Ethenan was a good looking man. I would have been more surprised if he had told no one had found interest in him.

“Sounds like you have your hands full, huh?” I teased him.

“Yes, though… I have never let anyone have a session as ours.” He said and looked at me with that look I knew could hold promises if I allowed him. I rumbled low.

“Well, if you got time for a… private session, I could show you all the new tricks I’ve learned.” I said and he wasn’t slow to catch it.

“I’d like that.”

      Heading out of the lounge, I intended to go to the public gym we had used as training room, but he pulled me in another direction, smirking as I followed in confusion. I had really intended to spare with him… at first anyway… but it seemed like he had other ideas, or maybe just a different place for us.

He took me to a different place, alright, telling me he had gained a gym of his own after I had left; a gym he could close and lock down as he saw fit…

I saw potential in that.

Once every door was locked and sealed, we had complete privacy and from the way his frills darkened and throat puffed, he had more in mind than sparring…

“So, how do you wonna do this?” I asked while he removed his coat and shirt, leaving his torso bare. If he thought he could cheat like that, he was going to be wrong. Very wrong!

“I doubt you have any need for meditation first, so… why don’t we skip right to the sparring?” he asked and took position as he used to, standing tall, rank and with his hands behind his back, waiting for me to make the first move.

I shook my head with a smirk and then lifted my shirt over my head, leaving me in pants and bra. I knew he enjoyed the view of my skin, so I walked to him and slipped around him, sensually touching his shoulder.

      He lifted a brow as he followed my moves.

“I don’t think you have sparring in mind at all, my good Drell…” I said low, leaning against his back and ghosted my lips on the rippled skin. He shuddered a little.

“In the presence of a beauty such as yours, it’s hard to think of anything.” He said as casual as always, but I could feel the rumble in his chest, see the puffing of his throat and slightly smell the change in his scent. I pressed against him, forcing his joined hands to flatten out between us, and linger at a very private area on my being…

“What do you intend to do about it?” I whispered, beginning to wrap my arms around him, but before I could get a solid grip, he looked forward, and within the blink of an eye I was on my way down to the floor. It was a rough landing, but the small bruise I would gain from this was nothing compared to the heat I was feeling as Ethenan hovered over me, both eyelids blinking and chest showing the heavy breathing.

“Something I have been aching to do again…” he said, deep and low. I purred as he lowered himself and captured my lips.

I had missed my Drell instructor…

 

* * *

 

      A happy sigh was heard.

I looked up at the Drell as he combed his fingers through my hair and held my hand to his chest. A fast beating heart was slowing down underneath my fingers, and warm skin filled with tiny scales felt like velvet on my own.

Okay, I had hoped to be with Ethenan like this again, but I would have sufficed if we had only talked. However, being here with him also reminded me of Thane, and by that of the Collectors and Shepard’s death. And once my thoughts had entered that train there was no stopping them until I had been through everything critical in the games. Right now I wished I had never seen Nihlus, that I had never run off from C-Sec back then and that I had never felt obliged to do something with the knowledge I had.

Right there… I wished I was back with my family again, in my own time and space…

“Something troubles you.”

I had lain my head back on his chest, wasn’t even looking at him, and when silence took over I felt him lift his head.

“Shayla?” he asked and squeezed my hand a little, making me sigh. There was no way around it and I knew it…

      I rose up from him, giving him space to sit up as well. He looked at me, and I was considering how to start. I couldn’t just blurt out how I knew everything that was going to happen; he wouldn’t believe me anyway.

“I’m worried.” I finally said. “I went along Shepard to stop Saren and make him pay for what he did to Nihlus, but… the more we progress and learn about Sarens plan….” I stopped, thinking, choosing my words carefully. “This isn’t just about some rouge Spectre who wiped out a human colony because of his hatred for that species. There’s more to it, and I’m worried about where this might lead…” I said.

Ethenan moved closer and placed both hands on my shoulders, still silent, and it felt like he was twisting my arm. I knew he wasn’t, but that man had a way of getting things out of me, and if I wasn’t careful I would tell him everything.

“We have two major leads left; a research facility on Noveria that recently dropped out of contact, and a Salarian infiltration unit on Virmire requesting help. I have a bad feeling about both…”

I couldn’t say more.

He placed a kiss on my cheek and then leaned his head against me.

“You have good instincts, Siha. You’ll survive. I have no doubt in that.” He said, rose from me and turned my head so he could look me in the eye.

“But you must stop trying to carry the galaxy on your shoulders. Sooner or later you will be crushed under its weight. You’re part of a team now, and from what I hear, you’ve made some good friends there. Do not hesitate to approach them if you feel the need to talk. Lay your worries on them. I’m sure they will understand…”

      He cupped my cheek and stroke it carefully with his thumb.

We sat there for a few more minutes, purring and rumbling low, caressing each other.

“How long before you must return to the ship?” he asked in a whisper, almost like he was afraid to break the peace we had gained again. I rose a little and opened my Omni-tool.

“Well, Shepard didn’t know how long it was going to take with his errands, but he promised he would throw a message an hour before take-off, so everyone had time to get back.” I said and checked my mail. The Drell moved a little closer, fingers skimming over my shoulder and abs.

“Anything?” he asked, head dipping to my skin.

“Nothing yet. Why do you ask…?”

I was interrupted when I was pulled back to lie on the mattress, and I barely had time to get my bearings before he crashed his lips on mine.

“Plenty of time…” he said low and husky.

_Oh… That’s why…_

 

* * *

 

      After those pleasurable hours in Ethenan’s company I felt ready to take on anything the galaxy could throw at me, except maybe for the news that I was going to Noveria… with Wrex…

Shepard had announced it a few hours after we had left the Citadel. We were going to face some unknowns there and he wanted the best in both protection and brute strength, which were pretty much me and Wrex. I told Shepard that Liara had more biotic power than me, and Kaidan had more experience, and if he was looking for someone to take on targets from afar, Garrus was a sniper veteran compared to me.

But Shepard wouldn’t listen to me.

He had made his decision and the only thing I could do was follow orders. Technically, I didn’t really have to, but it would look rather suspicious if I started to say no after all this time of following Shepards lead.

I was thinking a great deal about Shepard’s choice of team mates for this mission and wondered if he had some sort of insider knowledge, but as we reached the weapon detectors and Parasini I understood partially why I had been taken along and not Liara.

      Lady Benezia, Liara’s mother, was here.

_How could I have forgotten that?_ I thought to myself while we waited in the elevator. Liara would have been devastated if she had to kill her own mother and that was probably what Shepard had known before we got here. Now I felt bad for being one of them who had to kill Benezia and then tell Liara about it…

As we reached the floor and we stepped out, Wrex shivered.

“How can they stand this cold? I gotta find something to kill, so I can get my blood pumping again.” he said while walking, and I just couldn’t keep my mouth shut.

“There’s more than one way to get your blood pumping, without having to kill.” I said and he shot a look at me and then laughed deep and short.

“Ha! I knew you were attracted to me. Having difficulties keeping your hands away, huh?” he said and nudged an elbow into my shoulder, making me stumble. I groaned a little.

“I wasn’t thinking me. But sure, who wouldn’t have trouble keeping their hands from a hunk like you?” I said and in that moment we passed the two Turian guards outside Anoleis’s office. Both shot a look back at me and I suddenly realized how that could have sounded out of context.

      Wrex nudged me again, more gentle this time.

“I don’t blame you, Shay. But maybe we should wait till we got back to the Normandy again, hm?” he said and winked me. I jabbed his arm, but took a professional expression when the door to Parasini’s office opened. Wrex was still grinning, but I ignored him.

We got in to talk with Anoleis, but it was a waste of time. We got the lead about Lorik Quinn and went to talk with him. Lorik had always been difficult for me to figure out. He seemed like an honorable type, and yet he had such pleasant feeling about him that something had to be wrong. I always got mixed feelings when talking to him in the game, though I loved his many expressions and quotes from various humans. We agreed to help get the evidence from his computer, killed sergeant Sterling and went back to Lorik, but as we came closer I had a feeling he had done some research on me. He kept looking at me with a strange look in his eyes…

      Once Shepard had convinced Lorik to testify, it was all just a matter of getting to the garage, kill the Geth Benezia had left behind and drive through a raging blizzard to Peak 15. No sweat, right?

I have a tendency to forget small details…

We had barely made it a kilometer away from Port Hanshan before a missile hit our barriers. Wrex was cheering in joy, as he finally had a chance to kill something even if it was from the safety of the Mako. His aim, however, wasn’t anything to cheer about. Shepard got him off the gun and placed me there instead. He figured as a sniper I had the patience to take them down slowly and with each hit. Good thing Garrus had told me so much about the Mako and its range…

We killed a lot of Geth and thanks to my memory we were able to get them fast without too much damage to the Mako. Wrex was, however, beginning to itch for a fight, so he nearly roared with joy as we reached Peak 15 and went inside, almost instantly coming into fight with both Geth and other Krogans. With my biotics I could handle some of the Geth, but the Prime turned out to be too much for me to handle on my own. Good thing I had an eight-hundred pound Krogan and an Alliance N7 coming officer to watch my back…

      We reached the dining area where we quickly killed the Geth and then the sound hit. We crowded together, back to back and looked around.

“What was that?” I asked, searching around for any kind of movement.

“Probably debris. Don’t get a heart attack, I’ll protect you.” Wrex said calmly, possibly thinking I was overreacting, but I honestly didn’t like this. Knowing we were about to be attacked by the Rachni, didn’t ease my already fast-beating heart…

A little green bug suddenly showed its face around a turned over table, and I reacted.

“Contact!” I yelled and shot the damn thing, only to have three more coming from the same place, and damn they were fast! Wrex and Shepard also began shooting, seeing them too. Shepard suddenly yelled and as I turned to see, a Rachni soldier was in mid-way jump towards us. I flared my biotics, caught the damn thing and tossed it over us, to Wrex who began shooting at it till it laid still and its light green blood colored the snow around it.

“What the hell is that?” Wrex asked once things had quiet down and we got time to catch our breaths. I went closer and opened my Omni-tool, checking files and data.

“I’m no xeno-biologist, and I’ve never seen anything like this before. Could be a new species, or a run-away experiment.” I said and Shepard kneeled down beside me, looking the creature over as well.

“Whatever it is, it’s dead now.” He said and stood. “Come on, we gotta move.”

      We move to the other side of the dining room and found the elevator, but a few more of the Rachni soldiers attacked us before we reached it. They were quickly killed, but it was still scary as hell. Once we stood in the elevator, I looked over at Wrex and jabbed his arm. He looked at me while rubbing the point.

“Just debris, huh?” I said, referring to his comment earlier.

“How was I supposed to know?” he asked, still rubbing his upper arm. I snorted and crossed my arms.

“I thought you were used to expect the worst when on mission with Shepard. It’s almost like he has a magnet for dragging in the unexpected…” I teased and Shepard glared over his shoulder slightly, but his smile told me more than his eyes.

The elevator stopped and just as the doors opened we got our eyes on the little horde of bugs on top of the stairs opposite the elevator. Once one of them had seen us, they all came running. It was a massacre…

We restored power to the VI main frame, Mira, and fixed everything to reach Rift Station, fighting off at least dozens of Rachni and Geth in the process. I seriously needed a shower once this was done…

      I kind of liked Rift Station; the mission there, at least.

Instead of going in hard and shoot everything in sight, we formulated the cure and sneaked in the backdoor, soon facing Benezia. She was a bitch to take down…

Fighting the Commandos was tough and I took more than a few hits, and despite Benezia was getting drained quickly, she was still an immense opponent. It was hard to kill her, both because of her skills, but also because I knew who she was family to… Liara was going to hate us for this.

After fighting Benezia and killing the remains of her forces, Shepard went to have a closer look on the large insect queen Saren had been breeding. As expected, an Asari Commando suddenly stood up and walked to the cage, talking for the queen. A spooky, yet exciting experience…

“There are acids in those tanks. Set them off and get this over with.” Wrex said quickly once we had spoken with the Rachni queen and she had asked Shepard what he would do with her. I gasped.

“No. Release her. You can’t kill her based on what she is. Give her the chance to redeem herself.” I said, hoping, mentally begging for Shepard to listen to me. I knew the Rachni would be powerful allies when the Reapers hit, thought right there, I wasn’t thinking about that.

      Wrex turned towards me and growled a little.

“If he lets her go, the Rachni will attack again, and then the Krogans will be left with cleaning up the mess! Mark my words!!” he said hard and pointed a finger at me, which made me growl.

“And if we kill her based on what might happen, we’ll be thinking like the Salarian did during the Krogan rebellion!” I snapped back and went straight to his face, not even afraid of what could happen. I wanted to save the Rachni and honestly I wasn’t thinking about my words. They just popped up…

Wrex stepped back, grumbling under his breath and we went back to Shepard who was still thinking. We all waited with baited breath.

“I won’t condemn your entire species to death. You go free.” He said and I sighed low in relief.

_Thank you, Shep…_ I thought, but Wrex wasn’t pleased. He was mad, no way around that, and I felt I was to blame for it.

With the Rachni queen free, all that was left was to set the purge in the hot labs and destroy the remaining of the crazy Rachni, before leaving Rift Station and getting back to Port Hanshan. Wrex was silent the entire way back, not even complaining about the cold. Damnit! Why did I have to be the one on this mission, and why did I have to open my damn mouth?!

But… it had been the right thing to do…

Hadn’t it?

 

* * *

 

      Back on the Normandy the tension was easily detected by Garrus. I decided to stay clear of the hangar for a while, hoping the next few missions Shepard had arranged would cool off the red armored Krogan.

If he was mad at me, that is…

I decided not to take the chance and spent as little time as possible down there, but there was only so much I could do for the others, so I did something I hadn’t thought I would do in that situation…

I went to Kaidan.

He was working as usual when I came over. He saw me quickly, approaching me as I looked like I had either lost a dear friend or was close to tears.

“Shay? You okay?” he asked, hands beginning to reach for me, but he stopped. I rubbed my neck, not looking at him.

“Honestly? I don’t know…” I said. He laid a hand on my shoulder.

“Why don’t we take a seat?” He motioned to the chairs and I nodded.

      It wasn’t going to make this easier, but it was worth a shot.

“I…” I started, but decided that was not the best way to go. Actually, I didn’t how to go… “What’s your impression of Wrex?” I finally asked and could see the confusion in his face. He thought a little.

“He’s an okay guy, once you get under his armor. Full of stories… but, I wouldn’t want to be on his bad side. He means serious business.” Kaidan said and it made me swallow a little. I hadn’t considered that…

“You know what happened on Noveria?”

“Besides the fact that you and he were fighting alongside Shepard and released the Rachni upon the galaxy? No, not really.” He said and I set to explain a little more detailed about what had happened and what had been said.

I needed some advice to approach Wrex again, but I was beginning to doubt Kaidan could even help. Still, it felt good to have someone just listening to me for once. He just sat there and let me talk, let me empty my worries upon him and when I was done, he sat there thinking.

“I don’t know if I can help, Shay. I’ve never dealt with a Krogan like this before.” He said and it made me huffed with a smile.

“Yeah… me neither…”

      A hand was gently placed on my back.

“Hey, if you two are as good friends as I think you are, he’ll come around. Just give him some time.” Kaidan said, moving a little closer to me. I wasn’t thinking about it as I really was more worried about Wrex and my friendship with him. I liked the big old Krogan, and the few times we had sparred or just talked had been priceless to me. I had learned so much! To lose all of that over one stupid decision… I couldn’t bear the thought.

However, I smiled to Kaidan.

“Yeah. I guess that is the best I can do right now. Thanks…” I looked at him and he nodded with a small smile. I’m pretty sure he would have wanted to either do or say something, when a voice suddenly cleared and we looked up at Williams.

“I’m… not interrupting, am I?” she asked with a lifted brow. I rose up from my seat.

“Not at all. I just needed to talk and Kaidan was kind enough to lend me an ear.” I said calmly, not even embarrassed or uncomfortable. There had been nothing going on anyway, so why should I?

“Right…” she said with that I-don’t-really-believe-you tone.

      I shook my head lightly, and then turned to Kaidan.

“I’ll let you get back to work, but thank you.”

“Any time, Shay.” He said and then I left, but before I was completely out of hearing range I overheard Ashley.

“So? She just needed to talk, huh?” she said and you could actually hear the smirk in her voice. Again I shook my head. If she thought there was anything going on between me and Kaidan, she was dead wrong! And so was anyone else…


	11. Consequences

      _No no no!_

This was so much not supposed to happen!

I watched in horror alongside some of the crew when Alenko and Garrus carried (or rather, dragged) a nearly lifeless Shepard to the med bay for treatment of poisoning. They had landed in the Mako on Nodacrux from where a strange signal had been sent, and after dealing with the Exo-geni scientists and Thorian Creepers in the base, Shepard had called back to the Normandy that he and the team would stay a little while longer, getting rid of remaining Creepers.

I wasn’t told all of the details, but about two hours later Kaidan called the Normandy, requesting an emergency pick-up. Shepard was down and poisoned…

I couldn’t believe it!

But as I watched Shepard getting dragged from the elevator to the med bay there was no doubt in my mind; I had altered this universe and now saw the consequence of it.

      It was going to take a few days before Shepard was back on his feet and in that time someone else had to lead us. If my theories were correct, the next one in charge was Pressley, but in my experience he wasn’t a field agent. He belonged on the ship, so it was probably going to be Alenko who would take over. I wasn’t entirely sure what to think about that…

Not saying I didn’t think he couldn’t handle it, it was just… he didn’t seem like leader material to me; and neither did any of the others. Me? I knew I wasn’t leader material. I would panic and choke on the hard choices; not that I thought we were going to face any, but with our luck you never knew.

We gathered after getting confirmation that Shepard would be alright. Chakwas had managed to stop the poison and now the antidote just had to do its job. It would be a few days before Shepard would be back in action again, and it wasn’t a thrilling thought. Shepard hated to be confined to the med bay, though Liara seemed to enjoy it. Now Shepard was closer to her quarters and she used every excuse to come out and chat with him.

That girl was in deep…

      Alenko took over, as expected, and one of the first things he did was to tell us that he wasn’t going to Virmire. He would take command until Shepard was ready, but Virmire was a Spectre mission and he wasn’t sure he could handle the pressure, so he settled with a smaller mission from the Alliance command; stopping a certain Major Kyle.

Kaidan decided to take Tali and I along, claiming that going in with too much muscle might send the wrong signal and hoping that a firefight could be avoided. I wasn’t entirely sure I agreed with the first, but I hoped as well for a peaceful solution.

We landed on Presrop, the moon of Klendagon, and soon found the base for the biotics. As expected Kaidan drove us to the large compound, stopped the Mako and went out, Tali and I following. The welcome was anything but friendly.

_“Leave, Alliance!”_ one of the biotics said.

“I’m Lieutenant Alenko of the Normandy. I wish to speak to Major Kyle about the missing Alliance soldiers.” Kaidan tried.

_“We will not allow you to take Father Kyle away from us! Leave immediately, or face the consequences!”_ the tone had turned hostile now and I feared this was going in the wrong direction. Carefully, I stepped forward and placed a hand on Kaidans shoulder, more to tell him it might be better to leave than anything else.

      But, amazingly enough he stepped aside, giving me room to speak instead. So I took the chance.

“This is Shayla Kryik. If your Father Kyle cares about his children, he will listen to us, or we are coming in there by force and a lot of you will be killed in the process.” I said, hoping my words had been enough. As the voice returned, I feared it hadn’t…

_“You will not take our father from us! We will…”_ a sudden silence took over. _“Wait. Father Kyle will see you.”_

I sighed low, thankful for the memory of that mission. I had hoped it would work, but part of me had feared it wouldn’t.

We walked over to the other compound, faced Major Kyle and I was allowed (forced) to talk him into seeing the error of his way. I managed to get him to surrender and, after looking at Kaidan, granted him the hour to explain it to his followers.

Back on the Normandy Ashley congratulated Kaidan for doing a good job as commanding officer. Tali and I looked at each before I shrug my shoulders and proceeded to take off my armor. Let her think what she wanted, I knew the truth and for once… it was actually enough.

      Once I had everything stored I shot a small look towards the Krogan in the hangar. He wasn’t looking at anything in particular, but suddenly turned his head towards me. More than anything I wanted to know what was going through his head, but now wasn’t the time to talk, so I just closed my closet and went to the mess hall to get something to eat. I knew I had to talk with Wrex sooner or later, but right now Kaidan stood beside me in the elevator, complimenting me for my help during the mission.

 

* * *

 

      I tossed and turned in the bed.

This couldn’t go on! I had been avoiding Wrex for days and apparently he hadn’t been very friendly to others either. I had to step up, talk to him. He could either listen to me, or break me in half…

The nightshift had begun when I stepped out of my room and headed towards the elevator. Garrus was sleeping down there too, but usually inside the Mako, and if I could keep the volume down he wouldn’t even notice.

I was a little surprised to see Wrex wasn’t there. I searched around a little, thinking maybe he had found a spot where he could sleep without being disturbed, but when I didn’t find him I gave up. Wherever Wrex was, I wasn’t going to find him tonight.

I sighed and left, going back up to the mess hall and found myself leaning on one of the tables. Damnit! Why did I feel like I had done something incredibly wrong? Why was I even trying to smooth things over with him? The final decision had been Shepards, not mine!

Why had things even gone as wrong as it had…?

      I sighed deeply, straightened up and stretched a little. I might as well just get back to my bed and wait for a new chance to talk with Wrex.

“Shayla.”

The deep voice startled me, making me turn around in a flash and stare at the massive creature right behind me. How the hell he had managed to sneak up on me, is still a mystery to me.

He was staring back at me, looking both calm and pissed. Something told me he wanted me to say something, anything, but my voice was locked by surprise. I couldn’t even think straight…

After a while he sighed and lowered his eyes.

“We need to talk…” he suddenly said and my voice worked again, as if the words had pulled some sort of spell off me.

“Yeah. We do.” I said, still not completely getting what kind of situation I was in. I think the fear of getting beaten by a Krogan was shutting down a lot of reasonable senses in my body and mind. He stood a little, moving a bit back and forth on his feet, shifting his attention to something else briefly, before he spoke again.

“Not here.”

      I nodded and gained mobility in my feet, walking in direction of my chamber. I felt like I had a pressing shadow hanging over my head the entire time and once the door was closed behind him the tension in the room seemed almost choking.

Wrex looked around, suddenly inhaling and closing his eyes.

“So… my instincts were right after all. You and Garrus…” he said and I had to think for a while before I finally realized what he was referring to.

_My heat, dumbass!_

Shit! If Wrex could tell that, then he could also…!

I instinctively took a step back, creating as much space between us as possible, giving me more time to react should he ever charge.

What was I thinking? This was Wrex, a trusted friend and comrade. He wouldn’t hurt me, right? I’d hate to admit it, but I was beginning to doubt. He shifted on his legs again.

“Anyway, I just wanted to clear the air. Seems like there’s been some tension between us lately…” he said and took a small step closer.

      I looked away.

“You could say that…”

“I have a feeling it got something to do with Noveria.” He said and stepped closer again. I swallowed and looked at my feet. It was supposed to be me talking to him, not him dragging it all out of me!

I gave up on keeping it in.

“Look, I’m sorry about what I said. I had no right to do that. I wasn’t in the war with the Rachni, nor during the Krogan rebellions. I can only hope you will forgive me…” I said and slumped back against my desk in defeat. If he wanted to beat the crap out of me now, then I was ready for it.

“Forgive you? If you hadn’t said what you did, I would have taken the controls and killed that queen on the same reasons the Salarians infected my people with the Genophage.” He said, and it took me a while to completely understand what he was saying. I looked up, surprised and found him closer to me. For an eight hundred pound Krogan he moved silently…

“I don’t like letting that Rachni go, but I see your point. Killing her would have made me as bad as the Salarians…” he grimaced lightly, and my big mouth couldn’t stay shut.

“Yeah, I’m guessing you don’t wonna be compared with them, huh?” I asked, suddenly thinking it could be taken the wrong way.

      To my surprise Wrex stepped even closer, the edges of his mouth twisting up in a small smile.

“Not in my life time.” his smile disappeared and he lowered his head again. “Actually, I’ve been wrong about you, Shayla. We’ve been fighting together for a while now, even sparred, and I still just thought you were pretending to be tough.”

He moved again, now standing right in front of me and I still hadn’t moved from my desk. His words made me think and forget about the feelings of danger I had previously had. Wrex wouldn’t hurt me.

“You got a quad, Shayla. I like that about you…” he suddenly smiled softly. “You’re different than all the others. You think differently…”

A hand was lifted towards my face. I looked at it briefly before looking at him again, searching his face for any clues I could, but honestly I was at loss for what to do or expect. I didn’t have much experience with Krogans in such, dare I say it, soft and tender situations…

The large armored hand carefully brushed some of my hair out of the way before gently cupping my cheek. It barely touched me, and I found myself reaching for his hand, pressing it closer and closing my eyes, not really minding the cool touch, but more enjoying the gesture.

Something warm and hard bumped against my forehead and as I opened my eyes I couldn’t see anything but Wrex, his head plate leaned against me.

      I don’t know why, but I began to rumble in my throat, deep and low. Soon I felt small vibrations coming from him and as I reached up, gently touching his neck, I realized he was responding, just too deep for me to actually hear it.

If anyone had told me three years ago, that I would be sharing a moment like this with Wrex, I would have laughed. Now? I didn’t know how to react.

Part of his words ran around in my head, but they wouldn’t sit still long enough for me to capture and analyze them. I just knew something felt a little off, but I couldn’t figure out what.

His rumble increased, coming into my hearing range and I had to admit, they went straight south, doing things to my insides that shouldn’t be done in the presence of a Krogan. While I was distracted by that, he suddenly pushed against me, forcing me either to be squeezed between him and the desk, or to try and wiggle my ass onto the table and let him get in between my legs.

_Between my legs…_ Possibly not the best idea, but the damage was done before I even began to analyze and understand where this was going.

      His head plate was still pressed to my forehead when I heard him inhale deeply. I felt a little drugged on his deep rumble, feeling more willing to just relax than listen to my overprotective conscious, but the relaxed exhale he gave away seemed to open for a channel in my head and reason poured to my senses, giving me the power to push from his touch.

“Wrex?” When his only response was a sound that could be confused as an irritated groan, I knew this was going in the wrong way and it had to be stopped before any of us got hurt!

“Wrex, stop! Stop!” I put pressure into the words and his head snapped up, looking at me and suddenly he looked confused.

“Stop what?” he asked, hands moving down to rest at the junction of my hips.

“I… well, I… don’t really have much experience with Krogans. Besides fighting and killing them…” He leaned back and looked at me, so I continued. “I can’t tell what you’re intentions are.”

He was silent for a while, then he laughed, rich, deep and loud. It simmered down to a chuckle as he leaned his head plate against my forehead again, a hand gently rounding my shoulder.

“Then maybe I’m not expressing myself good enough…” He said, his voice still deep, but suddenly warm, calming. I found myself moving into his touch.

      That was however until I felt his large tongue on my neck.

_Oh! So it was those intentions he…!_ I froze. Was that even a good idea? What if I couldn’t handle him? What if he couldn’t control himself? What if…?

Oh, fuck it! My body was already much more into this than my brain was. I had technically already given in to him, and besides, I had already done both human, Turian and Drell. Why not add Krogan? Because that would make me look like a whore! And something could go wrong!!

_He’s a freaking Krogan, for crying out loud!! He could break me in half with a single hand!!_ My inner voice was screaming at me as I purred and gave him better access to my neck. But, this is Wrex, and Wrex would never harm me, and despite his massive strength, he was surprisingly tender at this…

“Wrex…” I breathed and he hummed in response.

He certainly knew what he was doing, and it made me feel a little guilty for not trying at least to make him feel good as well. Experimenting had always been easy for me, so I tried with what felt natural for me, but I think it was more of a coincidence when I slipped fingers between his head plates and eraned a deep rumble that vibrated through me.

      A soft spot… good to know.

I continued my exploration of him, my mind more or less working overtime to keep up with new experiences and the pleasant sensations he was bringing up in me. I think he might have slept with more than one Asari, and maybe a human or two, but I couldn’t bring myself to ask. I just enjoyed his actions.

However, when he squeezed my butt, I accidently ranked my nails down his throat and his groan had me worried I had harmed him.

_Krogan, you idiot! It takes more than that!_

Never the less I had to ask.

“You alright?” I asked and tried to look at him, but his head was lowered, eyes closed. He opened them slowly and his pupils were dilated like I had never seen them.

“Yeah… My armor just got awfully tight…” he said low, but once he had relaxed a little he attacked me again, hands wandering over the right spots, tongue and mouth doing wonders. I have to admit I was taken by his expertise.

“Wrex… you gotta help me out here. I’ve never mated with a Krogan. I don’t know what to do…” I said, trying to keep a moan down as he pressed a finger between my legs and rubbed against my now burning delta.

      He rumbled deeply.

“Undress, lay back on your bed and you won’t have to do anything else… for now.” His voice was even deeper than before and it vibrated through me. However, once he let me slip from the desk, I did as told and undressed.

While I did I noticed how he slipped out of his armor as well and I couldn’t help but to stop and admire his plating. Arms, legs, stomach and back, even his little stubby tail was covered in deep red, nearly brown plating, while the skin in between was of the same light color his face was. He had scars many other places than just his head plate, and some of them just as large, but I have to admit, it wasn’t what really took my attention at first.

As he removed his cod-piece and turned towards me, I had to stare at the large, thick cock pointing at me. At least seven inches long and possibly two point four inches wide, even wider at the base; tip pointed, small ridges along the top and larger ridges along the underside. I saw only one set of balls, but at that point I wasn’t really thinking about missing testicles. I was more thinking how the hell that would fit, and suddenly my mood dimmed sharply.

“Didn’t I tell you to lie down?” Wrex asked, coming towards me. I shivered lightly.

“You’re not getting cold feet, are you Shay?”

      I shook my head, and cleared my voice.

“No, but… you sure that will fit? I mean…” I tried to say, but my mind had more or less shut down.

Wrex moved in and planted a soft, careful kiss on my forehead, something I thought he couldn’t do.

“You trust me, don’t you?” he asked.

Of course I did, so I moved from him again and lay back on my bed. I was still nervous when he hovered over me, burying his nose in my neck. Having an eight hundred pound Krogan hovering over you was like lying under a truck hanging in a thin rope. You never knew when it would fall…

So I closed my eyes and did everything I could to calm down. This was Wrex, after all. I had wrestled with him, practiced weapons, and killed alongside him. There was nothing to be afraid of.

I gasped as I felt a large wet tongue run over my folds. I hadn’t been paying attention to him, so it was a bit of a shock when I suddenly found him there, head between my legs and mouth buried. He must have been drugged by my scent by now, and if he wasn’t he soon would be.

      His low hum vibrated through me and I arched my back, hand reaching for his head.

“Wrex…” I breathed and moved under his touch, but he took a solid grip on my hips and held me in place, tongue suddenly working more aggressively and as my climax build up I began to understand what he wanted.

I still don’t know if it was intentionally, but his upper lip moved ever so lightly across my clit every time he moved his tongue, creating just enough friction to drive me crazy and when he pushed further against me, it finally brought me over. I moaned low, shivering and his pleased hum wasn’t making it any less pleasurable for me. In fact he lengthened my orgasm, though only with a few seconds, but it felt longer.

I was panting when he rose from me, smirking.

“Now you’re ready for the main course.” He said and sat on his legs, holstering me up and held me tight against him. I was still a little dizzy after my climax, so I barely felt him slide in part of the tip, but as the rest wanted to follow I tensed. He groaned, stopped and gave me time to relax again, before he tried once more to push inside, slowly. It took a few times before I had finally taken as much of him as I could.

      I was clinging to his body, breathing deeply, still shaking, just waiting for him to move so the pain could come and disappear. The rhythm was slow, his mass almost too much for me to take, but after a few minutes I had relaxed enough to increase the pace. He smirked and allowed me to control it from there, letting me decide how it was supposed to be done, but after having ridden him for a few long minutes, I increased even further and soon found myself adjusted to his member.

“Wrex…” I moaned and leaned my head slightly back.

He dived to my neck and collarbone, licking over every inch of skin he could find, as hands kept me steady. The pace increased again and I reached between us to rub myself off.

He cursed low, teeth clenched as I came around him and for a moment I thought he was going to join me there, but he held it and smirked up at me once the sensation had left my body.

“Enjoying yourself?” he asked.

“Very…” I breathed and was slowly laid back on the bed. Of all the lovers I had ever had, I had to admit Wrex was one of the most gentle and careful I had been with, but I suspected most of that was because he was a Krogan and didn’t want to harm me.

      He leaned down, lightly leaning his forehead on mine, and resting most of his weight on his forearms. Some of it was placed on my lower region, but not enough to do any damage. He slowly moved again, bringing a gasp on my lips. Increasing the pace further he soon rose up on his hands and hammered his way through my third climax. He joined that time, a deep sound coming from his stomach as he released and stopped himself from falling down on me.

He was breathing hard.

Slipping out of me, he rolled to the side, pulled me in tight and we lay resting for a few minutes.

“I have to admit…” he said between breaths. “It’s been a while… since I had a female… this tight.” He panted, but apparently determined to speak. I chuckled, running my hand over his arm slowly.

“When was the last time you were with a female at all?” I asked and silence fell over him. A low hum indicated he was thinking… hard.

“Can’t remember, really. Must have been years back.”

      I chuckled. “You can’t even remember the last time you had sex?” I rose up and looked down at him. He huffed.

“Not all of us are horn-dogs like you, Shay.” He said with a smile on his face.

“The only reason I’m a horn-dog is because of my heat, which, by the way, isn’t natural for a human being.” I stated.

The Krogan rolled his eyes with a smile and pulled me down again, making me cuddle in close to his warm plates.

“Yeah, yeah. Spare me the biology lesson.” He said and I chuckled again, sighed and made myself comfortable. I was actually beginning to doze off, when he spoke again.

“Huh? Seems like I just won the bet with Garrus.”

I wasn’t thinking much of it, dozing more and more and…

My eyes snapped open.

“You WHAT?!”


	12. Second guessing

“Garrus~” I sang lightly and the Turian stopped everything, raising his head and waited. I couldn’t tell if he was uncomfortable, cautious or expecting. Never the less he turned around and looked at me as I swayed closer to him, looking at him with the most innocent expression I could find.

“Shayla. Need me for something?” he asked, a brow plate lifting as I moved towards him, looking like I had something in mind, something… private… I probably smelled of it too, as it had only been a few hours since Wrex had left me and I had been given the chance to shower. Despite my efforts to wash it off, the scent of sex still lingered on me and I knew Garrus would be able to sense it.

_Might as well play on it…_

“Oh, I need you for something…” I said and crept in closer, really giving him the reason to think I was ready and willing to flip him to the floor, strip him clean and have my way with him right there in the hangar. He shot a nervous look towards the others in the hangar, before he stepped back and cleared his throat low.

“Shay, this might not be the best place for…” he gasped and tensed as I moved in and assaulted his neck. A low purr escaped him, before he tried to fight me again. I held him a little tighter to me.

“Tell me what your bet with Wrex was all about, and I’ll stop this…” I whispered in his ear, the Turian shivering before me, before the words made their way into his mind and he pushed from me.

“Bet? What bet…? Oh, Spirits…” he backed as he understood, but as he met the console almost right behind him, he must have realized he was out of options and escape routes. I narrowed my eyes lightly and stepped in on him. “Oh, yes. **That** bet! How come you didn’t tell me?!” I said, my voice raising a little. Garrus got nervous again, eyes moving around once more to look at the surroundings.

“Shay, please… let me just explain. It wasn’t…” he started and then we heard a snicker from Wrex’s spot.

      I instantly grabbed Garrus by the mandible and dragged him with me to the other side of the Mako. He whimpered most of the way.

“Now, spill. What was this all about?” I asked, crossing my arms. He rubbed his mandible slightly, before going back and rubbing his neck.

“I’m guessing Wrex already told you about it.” he said.

“He just said he had won a bet against you, but he refused to give any details, so spill them before I go to Liara and have her teach me how to slap your ass with a singularity!” I said, possibly a little too hard, but I hated when people made bets behind my back, especially if **_I_** was part of the bet!

“It’s not as bad as you think. Wrex had a sniff at me after I had helped with your heat, and he claimed I must have been desperate if I were willing to lay with a human. I told him about your heat and its effects on non-humans.” He explained and suddenly looked away, fumbling with his fingers. “I… uh, may have been a little detailed in my description of our time together, and uh…” I could see this was making him nervous, but the mere fact that he had told Wrex about my heat without consulting me was making me a little angry, my eyes narrowing at him.

“Well, Wrex seemed to understand when he heard it was you, and then suddenly started saying he could get you down without your heat getting in the way. I told him he couldn’t, told him you probably weren’t interested in… Krogans… and, well, then we made the bet. We wagered fifty credits each…” he said and lowered his head.

      I shook my head. He had been right. Actually, this bet hadn’t been as bad as I had thought it to be. Technically I could understand Garrus, but it still didn’t make up for him neglecting to tell me he had told Wrex about my heat.

“Wait… After my heat? But that’s nearly a month ago.” I said, and Garrus took a step back.

“Yeah… I’m surprised he’s remembered it at all. But I suspect he didn’t win entirely fair and square. If my senses aren’t playing with me, then you’re coming into a new heat session, right?” he suddenly said and stepped in closer, his voice dropping to a level you could easily decipher as heated. I stepped back, thinking fast and came to the same conclusion. I was about to enter a new heat session, but had that been the reason for the encounter I had just shared with Wrex? However, I was still not pleased with Garrus.

I leaned back on a foot and crossed my arms tightly. “What if I am? You planning to do something about that?” I asked, looking at him as he came closer.

“Well… after last time, I wouldn’t mind if you asked me again.” he said, clearly remembering our time, how good it had felt, and obviously hoping he was going to do that again. I huffed and stepped in closer on him, and began to toy with the collar of his armor.

“Is that so? Last time you barely believed I was telling the truth.” I said, feeling him place his hands on my waist, drawing me closer still.

“I had a pleasant awakening. I wouldn’t doubt a word you say anymore…” his voice dropped even further, a small rumble coming up from his chest. It did marvelous things to me, I won’t deny that, yet I still wouldn’t let him off that easily. Guess my payback would come during my heat…

      I leaned in and nipped gently on his neck.

“Guess I’ll be seeing you soon enough, then. Just be ready, Vakarian. You know how I am…” I whispered and he shuddered slightly, a deep exhale mixing with a rumble landing on my own neck. I stepped back from him and left, leaving the Turian to fantasize and beginning to plot how to get back at him.

And oh… did I get back at him…

 

* * *

 

_Running. Just keep running._

_That was all I could think about as I ran down the corridor. For a moment it looked like the Wards on the Citadel, but it was empty and as I turned a corner and looked back, soldiers came running after me._

_I was getting tired, knew I had no strength to fight them, knew I would rather die than let them get their hands on me!_

_I turned a new corner, the door at the end slightly open and as I saw someone in there, I knew my freedom was gone. I had trapped myself and basically I only had one option left: fight!_

_But for some reason I wouldn’t listen to myself and kept running, straight into the room and stopped a few meters away from a giant object. People started shouting for me to get away, and then…_

_A light blinded me, I felt like screaming, but sounds had disappeared. I just saw, felt, tasted, smelt and heard something far from the laboratories, far from soldiers and shouting scientists, from brutal experiments and injections._

_I felt free at last…_

      I woke up with a small startle.

I could hear the low hum of engines through the ship, a good indication that we had gone into orbit somewhere and the Mako possibly landed or a team gone searching a ship. I sat up and looked around.

I was still on the Normandy, I was still hunting down Saren and the Reapers, and I had confirmed my presence had changed the time/space reality slightly. I rubbed my head, noticing I was alone. Garrus must have left some time during the night, or early morning.

He had arrived to help with my heat, clearly excited about it. However, I had not forgotten his little bet with Wrex and so, the first hour or so, I tortured Garrus to his limits. I won’t go into details here, but let’s just say he was tied up and desperate for release when I was done torturing. I did, however, let him have all the fun he wanted afterwards, allowed him to take a little revenge, which turned out pretty good. In fact, it left us both wanting it again…

Anyway, he helped with my heat, I got my satisfaction, my revenge and somehow our friendship and bond strengthened even further, the Turian now purring in content when we felt back on the bed exhausted. I wasn’t saying I was falling in love with him, but I definitely couldn’t deny that I loved being able to see him like this; free and open, almost like an infant, without worries and only joy on his mind. We had fallen asleep, and like I said, Garrus must have left some time after.

      I got out of bed, grabbed a few things and headed for the shower.

As I stood in there I began to think. We were about to reach the end of the hunt. With Virmire came the last piece of the puzzle in Shepard’s head, and with that the grounding of the Normandy. Shepard was definitely going to hate the politicians, but I kept thinking.

If my presence had changed the time/space reality to a point where Shepard got poisoned… I exhaled and nearly beat my head against the wall. Who was I kidding?! My presence hadn’t changed anything. I just couldn’t look away from the fact that the only Shepard I knew was a computer animated character. This was the real deal! And a lot of what had happened to me here, had been child’s play in the games, but I seriously needed to look away from that!

It was hard to really understand.

Part of me had already accepted this new world of mine, and yet another stayed trapped in my own time. Why did I even have the memory? Was I afraid to go into a mission without knowing what would happen before hand? Or was it because I still hoped for a way to get back home? If that was the case, could I even get back to my old life? A life without gunfire, explosions, Geth and my team mates? Could I go back to being a normal woman with normal issues and an education like so many others?

      I looked at myself in the mirror as I dried off.

I had changed a great deal since beginning to run around with Shepard. I had grown stronger, my face was more lined, a few scars here and there. I was still soft to the touch, but that young woman I had once seen in the mirror wasn’t the woman I saw now. I was changed, and honestly…

I liked it.

I know I had started off being scared, hesitant and closed, but as I had gained Nihlus’s love, his heart and affection, something had changed in me. I had never found love in my own time; a few crushes, but never anything real and I couldn’t remember ever enjoying hard work like I did now. I looked at myself again. If I ever returned to my old life, would I be the same? I had come to value my biotics, my abilities and the strength I had. If I returned, what state would I be in? Was there even anything left to return to? Maybe my world, my time, had been destroyed and I had then been “reborn”, so to speak, in the Mass Effect universe? It was possible…

I got dressed and went to the mess hall for something to eat. A few of the crew sat at the table, greeting me as I walked by. That was also something I had come to like; the companionship between us all, and the trust we had built up. I had always liked Garrus in the games, but he had been slightly different in real life. Now, however, as he had accepted and understood that my heat was real enough, he had loosened up to me again and we had gone back to the friendly chatter we had before my heat. We had even taken it further and gotten Wrex into our chats, much to Williams’ displeasure.

As I sat down I mentally slapped myself, again. What the hell was I doing here anyway? I was practically of no use here. I had no special skills like Garrus, Liara and Tali, I was no soldier like Shepard, Ashley and Kaidan. I couldn’t pilot a ship like Joker, or patch people up like Chakwas. The only things I could do were take orders, listen and get people laid. I made no difference here…

Shepard could easily do all of this without me, Wrex never needed a woman like me to have his back, and without me Garrus wouldn’t have had to suffer through me heat.

      My heat…

The only thing about me was my heat, and that wasn’t even normal compared to regular humans! Cerberus had done that to me, experimented on me, my body… I stared at my hands. Was it even my body? Why was I able to remember the games here if this really was my body? The body I had been born in… Maybe, this wasn’t even me. Maybe this was just who I thought I was. Maybe I was just suffering from a really bad case of amnesia and split personality. Or maybe I was just disconnected…

Ethenan had told me about this concept, explained it to me, and he had used it against me every time I had made a mistake during practice. He knew I hated being called disconnected, and that motivated me to do better. _Sly bastard…_ I thought and flexed my fingers. This line of thought…

I groaned lightly and hid my head in my hands, hating myself for even calling me that. If only there was a way for me to go back in time, a way to see what happened to me and how I ended up on the Presidium, looking like a victim from a car accident, if only…

I lifted my head. _Of course! Why hadn’t I thought of that before?!_

I moved swiftly from the table, walking towards the med bay. Liara’s mother, Benezia, told us on Noveria that she extracted the information about the Mu Relay from the Rachni Queen. If Benezia could do that, maybe Liara could search my mind and find my missing memory!

Doctor Chakwas wasn’t there when I stepped in, direction already taken and I was just about to knock, when… _But, what if she finds my memory about the games? What if she learns that I know where the conduit is, what will happen, what choices Shepard has to make?_ Could I live with that?

      My determination faltered, withered and I stepped back. If Liara learned, she would no doubt tell Shepard, and he would probably be more than angry with me, possibly tossing my sorry ass out of the airlock…

I sat down on the edge of one of the beds, a hand to my head. What the hell was I doing? Was I really that desperate to become a part of this universe that I would sacrifice so many lives? Was I that afraid of going back to my old life? Telling them all that I knew about their fates would seem like I had been lying to them from day one, and after everything we had been through I couldn’t bear to lose them.

There I go again…

I really was afraid, wasn’t I? I couldn’t handle to be thrown away from all of this because of my knowledge. I didn’t want to! How did it go so wrong?

_Idiot! You know where! Nihlus!!_ I sighed. I knew… my knowledge about the game had been kept secret from the very beginning, and at first it was simply to protect myself from becoming a lab experiment again. Then, Nihlus had declared his love for me, and I had begun to love him as well. My heat had shown its ugly face every month, I gained the friendship of Ethenan, and then… time just seemed to run from me…

If I had never met Nihlus, I could have begun to… to do what? Search for the conduit? How? Without Nihlus, I wouldn’t have been alive now. Without Nihlus, I wouldn’t have had the fund to that expensive armor and weapons in my room. Without Nihlus, I wouldn’t have known what had happened to me, and what Cerberus had done. Without Nihlus, I…

      A tear slipped my eye as I realized.

It wouldn’t have mattered what I had done. Had I used my knowledge back then I would probably have ended locked up and everyone looking at me as if I was crazy and everything would have happened anyway. Not telling anything at all, not even beginning to give in to Nihlus’ requests would have caused so much suspicion I would probably have ended up under torture to make me talk. Even now, where I used a little of my knowledge and did everything I could make sure we all got through every mission safe and sound had made me an small asset and exposing myself to know more than I let on…

“Shayla?”

I jerked at the sound of my name. Liara jumped back as well, clearly not used to that kind of reaction. I relaxed again, attempting to get professional, drying my eyes.

“Are you alright?” she asked, coming closer and laid a hand on my shoulder. I couldn’t look at her now… So I just shook my head and let the tears come again. Slowly did she come closer and drew me into her hug while I sobbed, feeling like I was ruining everything I loved…

 

* * *

 

      It took time for me to relax. Chakwas had returned and seen Liara and I in a hug. At first she had thought it a little intimate, but as I had sobbed, she had returned to us and as the elder woman she was, she had asked about my health. I hadn’t been able to tell and they had given me time to relax. When the team had returned Chakwas had told Liara to take me into her chamber while she attended the team and their wounds. She thought it was inappropriate for them to see me like this.

However, their concern for me only made me cry even harder, and in order to stifle my sobs Liara had pressed me in so close to her shoulder that I could barely breathe. After long minutes, I finally relaxed and with shaking hands I pushed away from Liara. Her scent was pleasant and soothing, but nothing compared to… I had to stop myself from thinking or I would begin all over.

_Damn me and my carelessness!_ Now I had to come up with an explanation as to why I broke down like that and why I was in the med bay in the first place.

The truth? Well, that wouldn’t work. Or part of it would. My dream **had** been the start of all of this…

“Are you feeling better?” Liara asked, running a hand up and down my back. I nodded, still not completely trusting my voice. I looked at her shortly with a small smile, but I didn’t think she would buy it.

“Shayla…” she took my hand.

      _I just fucking knew it!_

“I had a nightmare.” I said. “I… I was being chased by soldiers. They shot after me. There was scientists too, and some sort of… object. I don’t really know…”

When she didn’t say anything, I continued. “I know Cerberus experimented on me, but I don’t remember it.”

“You think this nightmare could be part of your lost memory?” she asked, and I had to admit; the girl was fast. I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know… maybe… Anyway, it got me thinking, and my thoughts returned to Nihlus…”

“Yes… losing someone you love is hard…” her sad voice had me looking at her, and for maybe the third or fourth time I mentally slapped myself. _Benezia…_

“Liara, I… I’m sorry, I didn’t think of that…” I said and placed a hand on her shoulder. “You wonna talk about it, or…?”

And so, I ended up in Liara’s quarters for a few hours, talking about Benezia and Nihlus. We cried, we laughed and we shared memories. It felt good to finally tell someone about the man I had come to love, and I’m sure Liara was happy to have someone she could tell how her mother really had been, before the indoctrination. We could probably have gone on, but Joker announced over the radio that Shepard was looking for me and that I should get ready for mission…

On Virmire.

 

* * *

 

      “What’s Saren researching?” Shepard asked.

“He’s using the facility to breed an army of Krogans.” Kirrahe said, and when Wrex heard that he came over. I began to fear a little for my huge friend…

“How is that possible?” he wanted to know.

“Apparently, Saren has discovered a cure for the Genophage.”

I observed it all with a neutral expression, but my thoughts were swirling around the facts, the possible outcomes and the questions still lingering in the air. My heart skipped a beat when Wrex stepped in close on Kirrahe and claimed the Krogans wasn’t a mistake. I could understand him, but that didn’t change the fact that I was terrified about the next few minutes.

Shepard’s talk with Wrex…

Could he convince him? Or were we about to lose an important piece in the war against the Reapers?

I watched from a distance, saw how close Wrex got on Shepard and I instantly noticed how Williams drew her weapon when Wrex lifted his shotgun. My hands clenched. It wasn’t until after Shepard had talked Wrex down that I realized what I had been willing to do…

I had actually been thinking about harming Williams if she hurt Wrex… Was my despise for Alliance soldiers really that high, or was it something about her? I knew she disliked non-humans and had a small crush on Shepard, but was that really enough for me to think she was a threat? After all, that was what I had thought; a threat, to me and to Wrex…

      I smiled when Wrex came over after talking with Shepard. He was still grumbling a little, and sighed when I stepped in, placing a hand on his arm. Taking his silence as permission I moved in front of him and leaned my forehead against his, hands moving to his neck and cheek. He sighed again and I almost took it as annoyance, but relaxed when I felt gentle hands on my waist, slightly pulling me closer.

I shot a quick look around us, saw how some of the Salarians widened their eyes and dropped jaws. I bet none of them had ever seen a Krogan be so gentle, or seen any woman (human or otherwise) accept the touch of a Krogan so freely. My inner child laughed at them, calling them fools, and my inner soldier triumphed, knowing I had done something they would never accomplish. They probably wouldn’t dare anyway…

Wrex sighed deeply one last time and then stepped from me, determination returning in his eyes. He was ready to kill Saren for this and nothing should stand in his way! I knew how he felt…

A few minutes later Shepard was called over by Kirrahe and a plan was formed. Kaidan was chosen to go with the Salarian groups and Williams to arm the nuke. Shepard chose me and Garrus as the Shadow-team, leaving Wrex behind on the Normandy. I didn’t really like it, but on the other hand I kind of understood why Shepard didn’t bring him along. If Wrex changed his mind about following Shepard we could be forced to put him down, and I doubted Shepard wanted that. After all, he had been talking just as much with Wrex as I had (but hopefully not done the same things!).

      After confirming we had radio contact with the Salarian groups, we began to infiltrate and undermine the defenses against Kirrahe and his men. Targeting systems were cut off, communication sabotaged and Geth flyers destroyed as well as their refueling station. We were close to the facility entrance and had just fought off the guards outside. Shepard turned towards the door, Garrus dealt with opening it and I prepared for a new fight.

When Salarians attacked us as well, we remembered Kirrahe saying something about losing some men. It pained me to kill them, but there was no way around it since they had already become indoctrinated and slaves of Saren’s will. We fought our way to the breeding grounds, released one of Kirrahe’s men, and finally reached Saren’s office and Rana Thanoptis, a neural specialist. Shepard talked with her, we gained access to the elevator and as Shepard was about to let her live, I pulled my gun and shot her down.

“What the hell are you doing?!” Shepard wanted to know, staring at me for doing something like this. I simply looked at the Asari as she bled all over the floor.

“Saving us a lot of trouble. Anyone working with Saren is doomed to be indoctrinated, and if an Asari matriarch couldn’t stand against it, what makes you think she could?” I said and holstered my gun again. Even Garrus stared at me, shocked.

“You don’t know that! Shiala broke free of it!” Shepard turned towards me, clearly angry about my decision to kill Rana.

“Shiala was a different case. She melded with the Thorian and possibly terminated her connection to Saren and Sovereign. For all we know, Thanoptis here, could have been melding with Husks to understand the indoctrination, dooming herself in the process.” I said and he took a step back. Anger was still burning in his eyes, but part of him seemed to understand. He looked at Rana and then walked towards the elevator.

“We’ll never really know now… Come on, let’s get moving.”

      I know killing Rana on such weak reasons was a stupid idea, but she was going to cause trouble during the Reaper war, and I would rather save as many as I could later, than let one lousy Asari survive now. My only fear was that I had lost a little of Shepard’s trust…

That fear however was drowned as we stood face to face with Sovereign and learned about the Reapers true goals. We moved again once the console had been disabled and came back across the body of Rana. Shepard shot me a quick look and then nodded slightly, apparently approving my actions despite he had disliked it at first. Something had come together in Shepard’s mind, and made him see my point of view.

We fought our way to the center of the facility, planted the bomb and were then told that Kaidan and the Salarians couldn’t make it back in time. Shepard went to help them, but as we got half way there a Geth ship arrived with Williams, pouring Geths all over the bomb site.

It was time…

Shepard had to make a difficult choice now. Did he go forth to save Kaidan and the Salarians, or did he go back to secure the bomb and Williams? As he leaned against the railing of the sidewalk, I wished I could have prepared him for this, but all I could do now was follow him in his decision as he had followed me in mine. And of course, be there for him when this was over.

“Alenko. Radio Joker and tell him to meet us with you.”

      I was neither glad nor sad.

I was angry. If it hadn’t been for Saren all of this would never have happened and Shepard wouldn’t have had to make this choice. None of us would be here now, and I would still be back on the Citadel with my beloved Nihlus.

So when Saren appeared, I growled, ready to kill him on sight, but Shepard ordered us back and in cover as biotic blasts came from above. I obeyed.

Their talk made me more angry, more ready to slaughter the traitorous Turian, but I also began to see the fear in his eyes, the desperation. He was beginning to fear he wasn’t in control of himself anymore and had hoped he could be protected here, but once you’re indoctrinated by Reapers there’s no turning back. How did Saren fall into the trap of Sovereign in the first place?

We would probably never know, but I slowly began to feel sorry for him. Despite his hatred for mankind, I was sure he was a great man, a good spectre and could have been turned around to see that not all of humanity was after his blood.

My need for vengeance faded…

      Garrus nudged me with an elbow when the shooting began and I was a little slow to understand, but once I did, I fired on the Geth. Every time I tried to fire at Saren, I hesitated. A hesitation I paid for… Whenever I spotted Saren, Geth managed to move in on me and I covered myself from their melee attacks with my left arm. At that moment I wasn’t thinking about the consequences; I just wanted to survive.

When the bomb sounded, Saren had fled and we were on the Normandy, fleeing to escape the blast radius, half my left arm was covered in bruises. I honestly can’t remember why, but as I pulled of my armor, Wrex claimed I should bring more ammo with me next time. I had looked at him, and when he joked that I had apparently turned to physical attacks during this, I finally looked at my arm and understood. I went to the med bay and of course the good doctor scolded me for being careless. However, Chakwas was glad we got out safely, but she was no doubt touched by the death of Williams.

We all were…


	13. Last preparations

      _Goddamn politicians!!_

I could have torn Udina apart when he told us we had been locked down. After everything we had done for his ass, after everything Shepard had done to make sure he wasn’t causing too much trouble, and this was the thanks you get!?

I was ready to tear something apart, but when I saw Shepard kneeling at his locker my anger dimmed and I slumped against a wall in cover from his vision. The last thing I should do now was approach him; that was Liara’s job! Right…?

 _Fuck!_ I had never really asked Shepard what he thought of Liara. I knew Liara was interested in him, but what did Shepard think? Was he interested in her, or had I messed things up by allowing him to help with my heat? I could have captured Shepard’s heart without really wanting to… and he could have captured mine…

I shot a look over at Shepard, noticing the furrows in his forehead, the tense muscles on his neck and the angry movements. Why hadn’t Liara approached him yet? Where was she? Shepard needed motivation right now! I considered reaching for my com and call her up, but then again, if she was somewhere on the Citadel it would take too long for her to get here.

I made a decision.

      I didn’t have to announce I was there. The minute I was within his range of sight he looked up, anger clear on his face, and some of it disappeared when he realized it was a friend and not some unknown coming to keep an eye on him or something. He slammed his back hard against his locker, sitting on the floor and looked up at me. I wasn’t supposed to be there, but…

“Shep, I… I wish I could do something.” I said, not really knowing what to say or do here.

“It’s not your fault, Shay. None of us could have done anything. We never saw this coming.” He said, trying to comfort me, when it was the other way around. I was supposed to comfort him!

“I know, but… it still doesn’t make it right. If we don’t do something soon, Saren will reach the Conduit and the Reapers will return.” I said, getting a little angry.

“I pushed the Council as hard as I could. They wouldn’t listen!” Shepard raised his voice a little as well, anger returning on his features.

“So, this is it? We’re just gonna sit here and wait for Saren to succeed?” I asked.

“We’re out of the game for now, but I’ll find a way back in. We will stop Saren, I promise. But I need you to stay strong.” Determination returned on him.

“Now, that’s the Shepard I know. And I’m with you, every step of the way.”

      I extended my hand to help him up, which he took and all of a sudden he was standing close to me, smirking with that damn expression I knew would get to me. I could barely think as he came closer, practically dragging me into his waiting lips…

_“Sorry to interrupt commander, but I got a message from Captain Anderson.”_

_Saved by the bell…_ I thought and stepped back while Shepard asked Joker if he had been spying on us. The message from Anderson about meeting him in Flux was given and I told Shepard he better get going and see what the captain wanted. Luckily, I wasn’t taken with him to Flux.

That gave me time to think and wonder what the hell to do now. I couldn’t be falling in love with Shepard! And if I were, what should I do about Garrus and Ethenan? No doubt both the Turian and Drell had something for me they didn’t act on, or maybe I was over-thinking, making myself too valuable. Doubt slipped into my mind, again.

 _Okay! First things first! Stop Saren! And then, you can start worrying about your personal life!_ I told myself, and just as I had straightened up a message beeped on my Omni-tool. The sender was Ethenan.

_[Siha.]_

_[I heard the Normandy had returned to the Citadel, but as I asked, I was told it was grounded and no one was allowed near it. I suspect you are not granted to leave either.]_

_[Are you well? What has happened?]_

_[I hope you receive this, that they haven’t blocked communications as well. I look forward to hear from you, praying that Arashu is still keeping her divine protection over you and that she will bring you home alive and in one piece.]_

_[Be well, Siha.]_

_[Ethenan.]_

      His message made me smile, comforted by the fact that he was thinking about me. I thought long and hard about what to send back.

_[Ethenan.]_

_[Thank you for your message. They haven’t blocked communication, yet. But let’s not tempt fate.]_

_[The Council has grounded Shepard and the Normandy as they believe Saren is no longer a threat, but he is still out there, still going forward with his plan, and if he succeeds we’re all dead.]_

_[He’s going to attack the Citadel soon enough. I don’t know how, or why, but… if you can get off the station before it happens, please… do it. I doubt Saren will be coming alone and unarmed. I don’t want anything to happen to you…]_

_[We have already lost people thanks to Saren… and I don’t want to see you added to that list. I’ll stay with Shepard, help him the best I can.]_

_[I can’t promise I’ll return, but I too hope Arashu will show her mercy and allow me to see you again once this is over.]_

_[Be safe, Ethenan.]_

_[Love, Shayla.]_

      As I had hit the send button, I hated myself. I knew I was giving out information to someone outside the Alliance and the Normandy, but I trusted Ethenan. He would never use information against me, and honestly I hoped he would listen to my advice and get the hell out before it was too late.

I could only hope…

 

* * *

 

      It wasn’t long after my message to Ethenan had been sent, before I heard from Joker that we had actually stolen the Normandy and was on our way to Ilos. It was both exciting and terrifying to know this was about to come to an end. We could all die on Ilos, or on the Citadel once we came through the Conduit, or get shot by Saren in the Council chambers… I had to stop thinking like this, or I would definitely get killed.

Two hours to the Mu relay…

What to pass time with?

I could fix my armor, but that was already done and weapons too. I could go see how the others were doing, but that would probably lead to something when I saw Garrus…

I sighed.

I had to do something, or I would go crazy! Seeing someone, it was!

      I had barely stepped out of my room before I nearly bumped heads with the commanding officer of the Normandy.

“Shep!” I said in surprise, attempting to support us both when we lost balance, found it again and tried to stabilize ourselves. He smiled lightly, as you do when you nearly bump into someone and manages to save yourself from falling on your ass.

“You really need to walk louder. I didn’t notice you at all.” He said and stepped back, making us appear professional to everyone else. I shrug my shoulders. “Sorry. Stealth training with a Drell doesn’t leave you easily. He was very thorough in his lessons.”

“I can imagine.” He said and then relaxed a little, the commander mask fading slightly. “You alright?”

I knew he was referring to the theft of the Normandy, the knowledge that we were going to Ilos and that this could be our last moments alive. I wasn’t sure what was bothering me anymore. So much to think about, yet so little to say…

“I don’t know… We’ve stolen a military craft, disobeyed the Council and are now on our way to the Terminus systems to stop something that will wipe out the galaxy. How am I supposed to feel about that?” I asked, and when he didn’t answer I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms.

“You know, when I first came onboard I had no idea of what to expect. I’ve never killed before, yet it came pretty easy to me. I guess my training had something to do with that…” I exhaled slightly. “I’d never thought you’d actually keep me for this long. I figured… once you knew about my past and abilities, you’d send me to the Alliance so they could dissect me for the sake of humanity’s future protection.” I said and looked at him.

      He quirked a brow and stepped closer. “Dissect you?”

“That’s what most has been trying to do. Gotta take care of myself, you know?” I said and he chuckled lightly, shaking his head.

“Even if I had been ordered to, I don’t think I could. You’ve been there for me, Shay. Probably done more than I expected, but something tells me I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“You would have done fine without me… I’m pretty sure someone else would have knocked your ass into place if I hadn’t been here.” I said with a small laughter and he joined. This felt nice, and I could actually use the company…

 _BREAK OFF! You nearly kissed him, remember?! This is the night before Ilos!! It’s supposed to be for the lovers!!_ My mind suddenly screamed at me, but my mouth wasn’t listening.

“Look, I... don’t really know what to do with myself right now, and if you got some spare time…” I said, a light showing in his face. “Of course.” Was all he said and then led the way to his quarters. I should have listened to the voice in my head, should have gone to the hangar or something, instead of feeling comfortable in his presence and getting… well…

      I had barely moved towards a chair to sit before he had grabbed me by the shoulders and started kissing me feverously. And for some reason, I responded perfectly to it, giving in and allowed myself to be dragged into it, letting him do as he wanted.

Not even as the clothes began to fall, did I hesitate or say no. Had I really fallen? I was honestly not thinking about it. I was just giving myself to Shepard and his wonderful nature, the caress of his hands, touch of his lips…

_Shit… This wasn’t meant to happen…_

 

* * *

 

      When I woke up again, Shepard wasn’t leaned against the desk like you would see in the game, but seated on the bed, half dressed. He turned around to look at me as I sat up.

“Even without your heat, you’re hard to satisfy.” He said, making me huff.

“Never claimed I wasn’t.” I said and started to dress. I turned back to him. “Shep?” I asked, and was about to say something when Joker called in, saying we were five minutes out from the Mu relay. Shepard stood and came closer, looking at me, possibly waiting for me to say what I had wanted, but I couldn’t remember anymore.

So, I just smiled. “You better head up to the bridge. Joker will be waiting.” I said and he smiled as well, finishing dressing and by the time he left I was done too, preparing myself mentally on the last hard mission. I wasn’t sure if I should hope to come along, or wish he didn’t bring me. I reasoned with myself, telling me it didn’t matter. No matter what, I was there for Shepard and if he wanted me by his side on this mission, I would be there and I would fight.

I sat on his bed for a few minutes, trying to calm myself.

Then it came…

_“Shay! Garrus! Suit up!”_

 

* * *

 

      Ever seen something so scary you actually thought it was beautiful? Well, that was my thoughts about Ilos.

This place was beautiful with its plant life, overgrown ruins and mysterious atmosphere, but those statues scared the hell out of me, and yet, they fit in perfectly. I had only little time to admire the view, but I allowed every moment I had to look around, to let the images sink in. I really wish I could look more around, explore even, though I’m pretty sure there was nothing left for me to see as most would be in Prothean and I couldn’t understand that.

We fought a lot of Geth, even went to the lower levels, skirting the Armatures and coming up behind them. Garrus hacked a console down there, giving us access to activate them and have them fighting other Geth. That came in handy once we reached the control center. While I stayed in cover in the middle, Garrus and Shepard each went to their Armature, activated it and then took cover as the shooting began. Within a few minutes every hostile Geth was down and we could walk directly to the override without a fear in life.

“Come on. Saren’s already got enough of a head start. He might have reached the Conduit by now.” Garrus said, making me look at him.

“If so, then we’re just walking into a trap. He knows we’re coming.” I said, while Shepard made sense of the controls and pressed the right buttons.

“It’s a chance we have to take.” Garrus had been thinking about it himself. I could hear it in his voice, but he was ready to fight with his life to stop Saren, and that gave me confidence. I could do this! I would do this!!

      Just as Shepard turned towards us, the console shun a bright green and the broken image of a VI appeared. I wasn’t entirely sure what happened, but I heard words…

_“… called Reapers… side the archives… no escape… only hope…”_

“Sounds like a message… Pretty damaged, though.” I said, not thinking about it before Garrus spoke up.

“It’s probably in Prothean. In wonder we can’t understand it.” he said and I had nearly swallowed my tongue.

 _Can’t understand it?! Then, how the hell…?!_ There was definitely something for me to figure once this was over; granted if I survived…

Shepard listened a little to it, but couldn’t make sense of the message either. He ordered us to go, and before long we were back at the Mako, driving through the bunker.

Watching all these stasis pods made me think about someone who was yet to be discovered; Javik. He would have hated being here, seeing so many of his people lying in their own grave, and not one of us cared for them. Granted we couldn’t do anything for them, but it still pained me to know and not even blowing some Geth to atoms could lighten my mood. The Reapers were going to pay for every species they had taken, every cycle they had destroyed and for every individual they had converted.

      We finally ended up in the containment field Vigil put up to block our path and help us in our fight. We were cautious, but soon relaxed and got the story of the Protheans last stand against the Reapers. In a way, I was actually glad Vigil wasn’t as functional as Vendetta on Thessia…

I had to stop thinking about the future. What mattered was the present, and right now we had to drive through Geth infested areas and reach the Conduit before it closed up again. Shepard’s driving didn’t improve as he went over everything and anything to get to the Conduit in time, and when we finally reached it, the sheer force pressed each of us into our seats and took our breaths away. When we could finally breathe again, the Presidium appeared before us and Shepard barely had time to steer the Mako, before it crashed and rolled over to lie parallel with the Tower.

As we crawled out, I couldn’t help it. “Nice parallel parking. Next time? I’m driving.” I joked, both Shepard and Garrus shaking their heads at me, but there was a smile none the less on each their faces.

Husks attacked us, and we barely made it into the elevator before they managed to overwhelm us, all of us taking a deep breath now that we had the chance. It wasn’t long, however, before the elevator stopped and Shepard told us to suit up.

“We’re going outside!” he said and once we were all ready he shattered the window and jumped out, Garrus and I hot on his heels.

      Nothing kept us down, no one kept us back and everything in our way was removed or killed. We were determined to get to Saren now, and it became even more when the first shockwave from Sovereign rumbled through the Tower and we got out in the open where we could actually see the giant Reaper.

“I hope we have a big enough gun for that…” Garrus whispered, mostly to himself, but we all heard. I placed a hand on his shoulder. “We got one better; we have the Normandy, and like Shepard said, Sovereign is just a machine, and machines can be broken.”

Shepard nodded. “Don’t give up now, Garrus. We can do this.”

The Turian nodded and rolled his shoulders, tightening his hold on the assault rifle in his hands. “Right. Let’s get to it, then.” He said with new fire in his eyes.

Shepard led us perfectly around, ordered us to covers and eventually we found the hatch leading into the Council chambers… and Saren. We all ran, Shepard and I using our biotics to get past the Geth blocking our path to Saren. I was growling by the time we moved up the stairs and caught a glimpse of the Turian disappearing, right before he reappeared and threw a grenade at us.

“I’m impressed, Shepard. I didn’t think you’d make it in time.” Saren said, metallic resonance filling his voice and suddenly my anger faded. It was like Virmire… I had a clear shot at Saren, but I couldn’t take it, couldn’t get myself to shoot him. I felt… responsible…

      The talk went on between Shepard and Saren, the commander able to talk him down and admit he had done wrong. He tried to fight the implants, but it was too late, Sovereign’s hold was too strong.

“I’m sorry… it’s too late for me…” Saren said and a panic rose in me. I don’t know why, but I moved from my cover, shouting for him to stop. Everything seemed like it moved in slow motion. The shotgun in his hand rose to his head, his eyes turned soft, and his mouth moved.

_“Goodbye… Shayla…”_

The ringing of the shotgun firing brought everything back to normal speed, and I fell to my knees. Why had I reacted like this? Why had I tried to stop him? What was happening to me?

“Shayla! You alright?” Garrus kneeled down beside me while Shepard moved forward and accessed the master control unit. I blinked a single tear free from my eyes and looked at him. Again, I don’t know why, but it felt like the answer was written on Garrus’ face. It was my knowledge, the memory I had about the game, the fact that I knew Saren could come around and accept he had made a horrible mistake by joining the Reapers and fall into their trap. I had hoped he could be saved, and I had failed…

“I’m fine…” I said and stood, walking to Shepard. I’m sure he didn’t quite believe me, but now wasn’t the time to talk about my actions. We had a job to do and a galaxy to save.

“The data from Vigil worked. I got complete control of the Citadel.” Shepard said and turned towards us. Garrus joined my side. “Quick! Open the station’s arms!”

      I had the other idea. “See if you can open a communication’s channel.”

And so, Shepard stood with another choice: saving the Council or saving strength to finish Sovereign. He chose the Council, sacrificing human lives for theirs. While the station arms opened to let the fleet in, Shepard told us to go down and make sure Saren was dead. Garrus had looked at me, but as I had nodded he had gone down first and taken the shot. I radioed Shepard.

“He’s dead.”

I had barely said it, before the transformation began and suddenly we were in the fight for our lives. Despite I knew this… abomination, had been Saren, I had no trouble shooting it down and watch it burn to a small pile of ash as we finished it. It felt like a strike against the real enemy, and a revenge for Saren’s life. Despite his hatred for humans he had been a good man with the galaxy’s best intentions at heart… (that was my impression, anyway).

We crawled back up again, but we had barely begun to move before a shadow loomed over us and we all watched a huge piece of Reaper coming towards us.

“Go!” Shepard shouted, and then everything turned Black…


	14. Some peace and...

      I remember hearing fire around, my vision blurry and someone coughing next to me. I tried to reach for him, but my arm hurt, and any attempt to move brought pain to my hip.

Light suddenly blinded me.

“Captain Anderson! We found them! They’re in here.” someone called and a hand landed on my shoulder.

“Take it easy. You’re safe now. Where’s the commander?” Anderson asked me, and suddenly memory came back to me. He had pushed me away right before that debris had hit, disappearing himself. I shook my head and slightly turned it towards the large piece where I last saw Shepard. Part of me expected to see a dark spot getting bigger, or the remains of a hand sticking out, but there was nothing. No sign, no body…

Anderson helped me standing, when we heard debris falling and feet against the floor. Garrus turned towards it in surprise and I honestly couldn’t believe it myself when I saw it, but there he was!

Commander _Fucking_ Shepard. Hero of the Citadel.

Worst part? He just walked down to us with a smile on his face as if nothing had ever happened. It didn’t stop me from pulling him into a hug, cursing him for being so goddamn lucky…

 

* * *

 

      That was two weeks ago.

I had broken an arm (again) and a bruise at the size of my head on my left hip, plus nearly a thousand scrapes and burns all over. Garrus had twisted an ankle, lost the tip of a spur and a lot of bruises, but the spur would grow out again and the rest heal. Shepard had broken two ribs and little else. But all three of us could agree that we needed to sleep, and at the first chance, we took it.

It must have been some sight to behold for the nurses when the shuttle landed near the hospital with us inside, all solid asleep against each other, not a care in the world and looking like we had just come from war (which we pretty much had).

But like I said, two weeks later I was seated on a bench in what was left of the hospital garden, watching mechs and gardeners work feverously to save whatever they could. Rebuilding of the Presidium had already begun and in the process people were helped out from debris, dead was found and children united with their worried parents. Geth bodies were gathered and destroyed, Husks as well and every scrap of Reaper debris was taken away from civilian life and eyes. No evidence was left behind, and the rebuilding seemed like it couldn’t go fast enough.

      “Hey.” A voice called and I looked up to see Shepard coming towards me.

“Hey. What are you doing here? I thought you were still in the hospital.” I said and watched him take a seat next to me. “I needed to stretch my legs.” He said, pain going over his features as he sat, but it disappeared once he was leaned back and comfortable.

“How’s your ribs?” I asked. He placed a hand over them and smiled. “Better. At least, now I can laugh without crunching together in pain.” He said and I chuckled. Shepard had always hated the hospital, even the med bay was forbidden ground for him. Maybe that was the reason he didn’t come to see Liara so much… He’d had to go through the med bay…

“What about your arm?” he asked and pointed at my right arm, still in plaster. It itched as I was reminded about it. “Healing. Doc wants me to keep it in plaster for two more weeks, but it’s itching like crazy. So is my hip, for that matter. Never knew a bruise could itch like that.” I said and Shepard laughed lightly, trying to keep the pain down from his rips.

We leaned back and silence came over us as we watched the rebuilding proceed.

“They sure are fast, huh?” Shepard stated. “Yeah… and I hate it.” I said, making him look at me, slightly confused. “Hate it? Why?”

      I leaned forward again, folding my hands the best I could. “It’s like they want to cover it all up. Like they want to forget there ever was an attack, and that they don’t want to know the truth about it. In their eyes, this was nothing more than a Geth attack, led by Saren in an advanced Geth dreadnought. To them, the Reapers doesn’t exist.” I said.

“I know what you mean…” he leaned a little forward, but not as far as I did. “This was a small victory. The Reapers are still out there, and unless we find a way to stop them, they’ll wipe out galactic life.”

“So, we’ll stop them.” I said and earned a smile from him, and a small huff. “You really believe in that, huh?” he said and leaned back again, an arm over the back of the bench. I leaned back as well.

“After what we’ve been through, I have no doubt. We’ll find a way to stop them, or we’ll die trying.” I said. Shepard huffed gently, letting his hand fall to my shoulder and again silence came over us as we watched.

“You know, when we’re back up to speed again, I could use you on the Normandy.” He said, turning his head towards me. I exhaled softly. Getting back on the Normandy would be great, but I knew what were to come and I really didn’t want to go through that. Besides, I had my own little investigation to attend to.

“I’d love to, but I have some business of my own I need to take care of, and I can’t do that on the Normandy.” I said, watching his smile fade. “Besides, without Garrus and Wrex, you’ll be the only one I trust enough to help with my heat, and you can’t always be there.”

      He seemed disappointed, but didn’t move an inch.

“What kind of business?” he wanted to know, probably so he could help and get me back on the ship. I smiled, considering not telling him, but I couldn’t keep it to myself.

“I need to find myself, my past. I know Cerberus experimented on me, but who was I before? What did they do to me?” I said, and as I suspected he offered to help.

“Let me help. Maybe I can dig something up.”

I chuckled and leaned against his arm, left hand reaching for his on my shoulder. “If the largest information broker in the galaxy can’t find any more than what I already have, I sincerely doubt you’d be able to. But I appreciate the offer.” I said and gave his hand a light squeeze.

He huffed, but the smile returned and slowly did he push me towards him, making me lean my head on his shoulder as he wrapped his arm around mine.

“It’s gonna be a little boring on the Normandy without you, Wrex and Garrus.” He said, leaning his head gently against mine. I knew I wasn’t suppose to enjoy it, but this felt good, relaxing, and his scent was calming me, making me doze a little.

“I’m sure you’ll manage…” I said low, eyes closed. My shoulder was rubbed a little, a small kiss planted in my hair and then the weight of his head was on mine, a deep exhale coming from him.

“Guess I have no choice…”

 

* * *

 

      I watched the Normandy leave about a week later, saying goodbye to Kaidan, Tali and Liara, and wishing all of them a safe journey. Shepard tried one last time to get me on the Normandy, but I turned him down. I needed to deal with my own business before I could handle anything else, and right now I had to think of a way to keep my heat contained. There was still a week or so before it arrived, but after the news I had been given, time was short for me.

I had recently learned that Ethenan, my Drell instructor, had not been able to leave the station in time and as a result, he had tried to help some civilians escape the Geth forces, sacrificing himself in the process. I had been walking around on the hospital, helping where I could, when I had accidently spotted something that looked familiar to me in a room and gone in. Worst mistake of my life…

Seeing Ethenan like that, bruised, bloodied, lifeless… it was like someone had just kicked me in the stomach. I had fallen upon my knees beside the small bed, crying, and had been found by a nurse later. I had filled a few forms and helped with shipping him back to Kahje where I knew he had family. I had written to his nephew, Quill, in advance, given the horrible news, and then the news about Ethenan’s return to Kahje. I had received many thanks from Quill for the news on his uncle, and later even other members of his family had expressed their gratitude for bringing Ethenan home.

I had felt it was the least I could do. After everything he had done for me…

 

* * *

 

      Damnit!

My heat was no more than a day old and I had already had multiple Turians trying to make a move on me. I had put them all down, claiming I had no idea of what they spoke of. I had tried to get in contact with Garrus, but I couldn’t reach him and I couldn’t go to C-Sec in my current state, but maybe I had someone else who could help me…

Humans wouldn’t be affected by my heat in the same way Turians did, so I went to Anderson, hoping he might tell me where Garrus were. Benefit of being bonded to a Spectre? I got in almost anywhere, any time.

When I stepped in, I regret my actions immediately. The Turian councilor was there, and there was no doubt that he was going to be affected in no time if I stayed.

“Shayla?” Sparatus said, clearly surprised to see me there. I bowed quickly.

“Forgive me, councilors. I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll come back later.” I said and was already on my way out the door. “No! Wait!” Anderson’s voice stopped me and I slowly turned around. Sparatus was coming closer.

“Actually, your timing couldn’t be better. We want to talk with you, Shayla.” he said and came close. He would feel it any second now, so I hurried a little past him and came closer to Anderson, who offered me to take a seat.

      He folded his hands on the table, sighing softly.

“I’m not really sure how to say this…” he began and lowered his head. “The Normandy… has been shot down.”

I froze in my seat. _No… not already…_ “Shot down?” I managed to say, my voice strange. Anderson nodded.

“An unknown enemy attacked them and blew the ship to pieces. Most of the crew was evacuated.” Sparatus said, walking around me from behind and stopped next to Anderson, folding his hands behind his back, stature professional, but his eyes spoke at a different level.

“Most?” I croaked, already aware of what had happened, already prepared for it, but it still hurt.

Anderson sighed again. “Shepard didn’t make it…”

My world clicked.

 _Shepard’s dead. Shepard’s dead. Shepard… is… dead?_ I wasn’t sure what to think or say, but as I felt the familiar sting behind my eyes, I knew I didn’t have to. Both councilors were silent while I processed, allowed a few tears to vent and then steeled myself. “You’re absolutely sure he’s dead?” I asked. I had to know…

“The remains of the Normandy were found on Alchera, a nearby planet. We have searched everywhere for his body, but… with no luck. Joker was the last to see him alive, right before the ship exploded.” Anderson assured me, so I allowed the tears to finally fall at their volume.

      A hand landed on my shoulder.

“I know it must be hard for you… He spoke highly of you in his reports, and it seemed like the two of you were close.” Anderson said, trying to comfort me, but it was in vain. I was devastated…

I heard some mumbling around me, and then Anderson moved aside and Sparatus kneeled down beside me, a hand on my knee and my shoulder.

“Come. I’ll take you back to your apartment…” he said and I nodded slowly, stood up and barely registered him lay an arm around my shoulders, walking close to support me.

It wasn’t before I was seated in the car that I relaxed a bit and noticed the small rumble coming from the councilor. I wondered a little, but as I felt the pleasant stings in my nether regions, I knew I had made a huge mistake. He was affected, but hopefully he would just drive me back and then leave. There was no reason for him to stay, except for… my heat… No! He was a councilor! Not some common Turian! Neither was Garrus, but Sparatus had a higher rank and probably had millions of tasks to do with the rebuilding and all. He didn’t even have the time to help me out!

      He did as promised; drove me home and took me to my apartment. Problem was he also went with me inside. I knew it was a bad idea to let him stay for too long, so I tried to smooth things over.

“Thank you, councilor. That was… very kind of you.” I said and he nodded lightly. I swallowed. “You should probably head back. I bet you have a ton of things to do… with the rebuilding and all…” I said, and then he did the one thing he shouldn’t do: he walked in close and gently touched my arm.

“Shayla… I know that this is hard for you. Losing Nihlus, and then Shepard… You shouldn’t be alone right now, but if you want me to leave, say the word…” he said, hand somehow ending up on my cheek.

My mind was fighting itself. One half: _Please, leave and stay away till my heat’s gone_ and the other: _Fuck yes! Stay with me! Comfort me!_ I knew letting him stay would no doubt have us ending up in the bedroom, but the thought of being alone with the knowledge of Shepard’s death tore in me, so I lowered my head and slowly crept in to him. “Please… stay…” I whispered, voice stained by tears and sadness, even a little guilt. His rumble increased as he wrapped his arms around me, pulling me (and my heated scent) closer to him.

And as feared, we ended up in the bedroom. Not saying I didn’t enjoy it, but I was feeling a lot more guilty when he had been exhausted to sleep. I was sitting in the bed beside him, looking at the sleeping Turian, knowing my heat had been dimmed now, and that there was going to be some explaining to do when he woke up again, but it still didn’t kill this feeling of having used him for my own gain.

      I had never felt this way before…

He already knew about my heat, I knew that! But was he aware how powerful it could be? What would he say when he woke up? Would he blame me for taking advantage on him? Would he approve of a little stress relief? My doubts and questions rose up, but I knew they were no good. Only time could tell, after all…

So I lay down beside him and slowly fell asleep…

 

* * *

 

      The morning after wasn’t as terrible as I feared.

Granted, Sparatus wasn’t happy about it, but he couldn’t deny the fact that he was more relaxed now, or that he had actually enjoyed it. After all, he had known about my heat longer than most, so I doubted he wouldn’t know what was going on when he started to feel the effects of it. Thankfully he wasn’t mad on me, and so I asked him about Garrus and after some digging I learned he had left the Citadel.

 _Probably to Omega…_ I had thought, but that left my heat problem unaccounted for. Without Garrus I had to go to someone else, and there were only a few who knew, and would/could help.

In the end, Sparatus offered to help me. Or, well… he left in the morning and return same evening at my apartment with a flask of some sweet wine and the comment (I quote): _“Someone have to make sure you don’t go out there and rape half of the Citadel just to keep your raging hormones in cheek.”_

Charming fellow, really…

But I appreciated it none the less, and showed it in various ways that both left him pleasant surprised, gasping and even close to begging. Mmm… the sound of a begging Turian… music to my ears.

      *Cough* In any event…

Sparatus helped me contain my heat and when that was done, I decided I wanted to travel a little. See places and get some experience of my own that didn’t involve Reapers, Geth, explosions or fighting in general. I wanted to be a completely normal citizen on a vacation. And I knew just where I wanted to go.

I know, probably not what you would have thought, but I wanted to see something new, and something that didn’t remind me of old loved ones…

So I purchased a ticket for Illium, made the arrangements, told the few who knew me (including Anderson and Sparatus) and then left. I didn’t want to attend to the funeral of Shepard, as I saw no reason for it. He was going to come back; I just knew he would!

      The ship I was on was mostly filled with Asari, all of them chatting in between, a few Turians and some Salarians. There were practically no humans at all on the ship; I think I saw a single Hanar and possibly a Krogan or two… There was no one really who took notice of me or attempted to talk with me, but I noticed a Turian looking at me every now and then.

We arrived without problems, but as we walked to shore the Turian walked straight into me and sent me tumbling to the floor.

“Out of my way, human!” he growled and moved on, not even looking back. I huffed, gathered my things and made it to the hotel I had booked a room on. I learned, however, that I had chosen a rather… noisy… hotel, especially at night… You know you’ve picked the wrong place to sleep when you can hear moans and bed creaking from both of your neighbor rooms, plus have your door knocked by a small dressed Asari with a slutty smile.

I still get the creeps whenever I hear them say _“Embrace Eternity”_ …

      Anyway, I enjoyed my vacation during the day, didn’t get myself into trouble, didn’t make myself noticed, and before I knew it, two weeks had passed and it was about time I went back to the Citadel. I was waiting in the docking bay area, when it all happened so quickly.

I never saw it coming, and neither did the many other innocent lives around me.

One moment I was seated, and the next I was lying on the floor trying to get my bearings and hearing back. I looked around and it took me a few moments to realize the area had fallen victim for a bomb. I could vaguely see some burning pieces lying around on the floor, people running, some lying still, possibly unconscious or worse, and I remember feeling something run down the side of my head.

I touched it, only to find my fingers red with blood.

I had barely understood that I was injured before the dampened sound of a gun went off, and I looked around to find the source. Who attacked us? Why? I hadn’t looked for long before I found a pair of armored Turians, not looking like security.

 _Mercs…_ I growled and tried to stand to get away, but my head was swimming and I found myself almost nailed to the ground by my own dizziness. I tried several times, but finally had to give up, especially when two mercs suddenly stood above me, weapons pointed at me.

“Found her!” one of them yelled, and part of my mind wanted to understand, almost felt like it knew, but I never gave it much thought before I was suddenly knocked unconscious.

Hell of a vacation, huh?...


	15. Captured

_I apologize for the long wait. I had some exams I had to attend to, so there wasn't much time to write. I still have one left, but that's not before two weeks. So, I'll have some time to write a little more for you and add the next chapter._   _I appreciate your patience and hope you can forgive the long wait. I'll try to make it less, but no promises. Enjoy chapter 15 :)_

* * *

 

     My head was aching…

I was slowly coming to, felt how something wet caressed over a particular spot on my forehead, how drops of something dribbled down my skin and left from both my nose and chin, falling to the floor. I groaned slightly.

I moved a little, but a stern hand gripped around my chin and kept me in place.

“Sit still!” a voice ordered and from the flaring and low sub-harmonics, I guessed it was a Turian. I slowly opened my eyes, a mental image already in place, but as I got a look at him, I gasped silently.

He was anything but Turian. He was a freaking Batarian!

I rumbled low and he stopped his actions, suddenly gripping my chin harder and forced me closer to him.

“Listen closely, princess. Try it and I’ll carve seventeen thousand pieces of your ass! Understood?” he growled at me and I could only nod lightly. He released his death grip on my jaw and continued to press a wet cloth to my forehead. He was… nursing me?

      I didn’t have time to look around or ask for anything before a door opened and a heavily armored Turian stepped in. He was dressed in a Blue Suns armor, facial markings telling me he was high ranking and the kinetic barriers was a dead give-away as well. The Batarian didn’t stop his work.

“I see she’s awake.” The deep flare of the Turian’s voice rang in a hostile tone.

“Woke up two seconds ago.” The Batarian said, clearly not intimidated. I looked back and forth, trying to find out what I could about them, but nothing came up. I just had to wait and let the players reveal themselves instead of wasting energy on pointless observations.

“Consider yourself lucky. If it wasn’t because we needed you, you wouldn’t be alive by now.” The Turian said, walking around the back of the Batarian. There was some clear tension between them.

“And I’m sure you’d enjoy killing me the moment I’ve served my purpose…” the Batarian said low, but it did not go unheard by the predator.

It went so fast. I felt rather than saw the Batarian be dragged to his feet and slammed against the wall next to me, the Turian pressing a gun to his head, but I also noticed something else. The two males stared at each other, a rumble lingering in the silence and tension of their glares.

      A third voice cleared through.

“If you two keep fighting, I’ll kill you both!” a second Batarian (also Blue Suns) stood in the door, looking at them, and a few long lasting seconds later, the Turian released my nurse. He wasn’t exactly gentle about it, pushing hard and growled as he turned and walked away. The arriving Batarian made way for him to leave, and then looked back at us. “Finish your job and bring her to the room down the hall.” He said and left.

My nurse sighed deeply once we were alone, putting the syringe back into his pocket.

“Could you have killed him?” I asked and he looked down at me, confusion and anger both burning in his eyes. He looked away again, picked up his cloth, wet it in the bowel and then kneeled down beside me.

“Sit still.” He said, softer this time, moving over my forehead again. I took the time to study his features. This was the closest I had ever been to a Batarian, well, a live one anyway.

“Could you have killed him?” I asked again, and he stopped his work, looking at me.

“What do you mean?” he asked and I nodded towards his pocket. “I saw the syringe. Could you kill him with it?”

All four of his eyes moved back and forth over my face, before he resumed his work, leaning a little closer to me. “Yes.” was his only answer and I nodded faintly, saying no more.

      He finished his work, helped me stand as I was tied, and led me down the hall to a larger room than the one I had come from. I was a little wobbly on my legs, still not quite back on track after being knocked unconscious, but I did what I could to remain observant.

It was obvious that the room was a gathering point for the mercs, as there were several tables already filled with cards, weapons and other stuff. A sniper in the corner, two by some crates, several soldiers and specialists standing, sitting or wandering around as if they didn’t care about me.

That was… until two Batarians grabbed me and pulled me away from my nurse, hammering me to the ground and holding me there for the feet of a commando. This oversized Batarian smirked as he saw me.

“Well… How nice of you to finally drop in… Miss Kryik.” He said and the others laughed lightly. I struggled a little against my holders.

“You have me at a disadvantage there.” I growled.

He ushered the others away, but before I could get comfortable he grabbed me by the neck and yanked me up. His breath was absolutely foul.

“Dharlak Bran’bowar. A name you’ll be screaming if you don’t behave.” He grinned and then released me by slamming me into the ground again. I’m just glad he didn’t manage to break any of my teeth. I growled at him, but he merely chuckled and walked over to a table. My nurse slowly helped me standing again.

“I know who you are, Miss Kryik. Quite rare and useful.” Dharlak poured himself some water to drink, gulped it down and then poured a new glass. “My men and I have been paid a staggering amount of credits to capture you.” He came over with the glass in hand, offering it to me.

      I merely looked at it.

A shrug with his shoulders and the content of the glass was poured straight down on top of my head. Everyone around me laughed, except my nurse. Dharlak was probably trying to get a reaction out of me.

_Work harder, bastard!_ I thought, not even snarling. When I didn’t give the reaction he had wanted, he growled and grabbed me by the front of my shirt.

“When I’m done with you, you’ll wish you’d never left the Citadel.” He growled.

“Your ugly face already makes me.” I spat back, making him growl further and a hand was lifted to strike at me. My nurse came to my rescue.

“You’re not hitting her.” he growled, keeping Dharlak’s arm back, making it impossible for him to strike. “I didn’t just spend seven hours making sure your buffoons hadn’t given her a severe concussion and patch her up, so you could use her as your personal punching bag!” he said, gripping harder on Dharlak as he tried to resist the hold.

I have to admit, I was both terrified and stunned. A fight between two males on this close distance is a terrifying experience, but the courage my nurse had to stand up was absolutely stunning. I guess you could say I was a little mesmerized.

      Dharlak released me. Okay, no. He tossed me to the floor and punched my nurse instead.

“Then, you’ll have to take the beating instead.” Dharlak said, punching my nurse good a few times, making him trip and spit a little blood up. There was cheering from everywhere and the crowd only got more rowdy when two Blue Suns grabbed my nurse and held him tight for Dharlak to punch.

“You shouldn’t have interfered, Kheral. Now I have to make an example out of you. Why do you waste your life on someone like her anyway? She doesn’t care about you…” Dharlak said while punching the shit out of Kheral, my nurse.

I couldn’t bear it…

I got onto my feet and then stormed towards Dharlak, pushing him out of the way, before I efficiently kicked one of the soldiers holding Kheral in the balls. The cheering stopped abruptly when they realized what was going on. I growled wildly off the last soldier who backed and let Kheral fall to the floor. I kneeled down beside him.

“Why… did you…?” he coughed, clearly in pain, but was interrupted as Dharlak stood up from my attack. He nearly roared his fury.

“You’re becoming more trouble than you’re worth!” he pointed at me with a strict finger. I growled, stepped over Kheral to his other side, using myself as a shield between him and Dharlak.

“Get them! Both of them!” Dharlak shouted, and before I could respond soldiers grabbed both me and Kheral. “Lock them in! I’ll deal with them later.”

      No sooner had Dharlak given the order before Kheral and I was dragged out of there, and back to the small room. Kheral was thrown in first, me after, landing hard on the beaten Batarian. The soldiers laughed as they closed and locked the door.

I knew it was really pointless, but I growled anyway as I slipped off Kheral and looked back at the door. The Batarian groaned.

“You alright?” I asked, concerned about his health. A slap landed across my cheek.

“What the hell were you thinking?! Why did you help me?! Now we’re both locked up!!” he yelled at me, tempted to slap me again, but he groaned instead, curling around himself as pain struck him.

“I could ask you the same thing.” I said after a few moments of silence. “Why did you help me?” I asked and looked at him. He didn’t answer, just looked at me and then suddenly moved around me, untying my hands.

“You could have let him hit me.” I said once my hands were free. Kheral walked over to the small table, seeming to work with something, but clearly not into it. “Why didn’t you?” I asked, getting up. He sighed and leaned on the table.

“Just let it go…” he said, sounding like a defeated man.

“No way! You went in Dharlak’s way to keep me from harm, why can’t I do the same for you?” I asked, watching as he sighed again, sinking further towards the table before he pushed himself away and turned slowly.

“Because out there, you had a fighting chance, and I’m already a dead man…”

      I stared at him. Dead man? The Turian had said something about killing Kheral, but… I had just thought it was something personal between them, not some real deal.

“I think I deserve to know what’s going on.” I said.

“Why does it matter? We’re both dead anyway…” he slumped back against the table, already looking like a dead man, but I refused to give up just yet.

“We’re not dead yet and we might as well use the time on something until we can come up with a plan.” I said, gently laying a hand on his shoulder. The gesture seemed to work on him, or maybe it was the words, I’m not entirely sure. But he straightened up and leaned his back against the table, looking at me.

“What do you want to know?”

 

* * *

 

      The next few hours Kheral explained to me what was going on. Blue Suns had been hired to capture me here on Illium by some anonymous contact and told to keep me in one piece. Once they had me they were to contact their employee’s contact and await further orders. So far, they had heard nothing except to keep me alive and unharmed. Kheral had been a prisoner at the time of my capture, his fate already settled, but when mercs brought me in, injured and unconscious, his medical abilities came to good use.

He wouldn’t tell me what he had done to piss off the Blue Suns, but it bothered me that his life was more or less gone. I had to try and save him somehow, but I also wanted to know who had ordered the Blue Suns to capture me, and for what reasons.

We had barely finished talking about the place and the numbers of our enemies before the door was opened and Dharlak walked in. I instantly growled.

“I’d settle down if I were you, Kryik. You’re already on my shit-list, so don’t make me really kill you.” He growled back at me, but I didn’t settle down. In fact I was ready to kill…

Dharlak looked me over, did a swift motion and suddenly four mercs came in, two grabbing a hold of me, the others going for Kheral. Of course, I struggled. None of them was really strong enough to hold if I flared my biotics, but I knew to keep them at a minimum and use them carefully. I hadn’t survived the chase of Saren if I hadn’t learned that…

      The Batarian commando walked over to me, staring me down and then the slap suddenly came. A tear crept to my eye as the pain manifested.

“You’re lucky I can’t do more than that.” He said, pointing a strict finger at me. I would have thrown something back at him, but moving my jaw right now was painful. When I stayed silent he huffed in triumph. “In a few hours you won’t be my problem anymore. Finally had the word. They coming to get you, and then I’ll free of you and your damn abilities!” he sneered, turned from me and walked over to Kheral. He grabbed his chin hard.

“You, on the other hand, are a problem I’ve been looking forward to eradicate myself.” He said, suddenly looking back at me with a smirk. “And what better way to do it, than right in front of your girlfriend!” he said, stepped back and pulled a gun straight at Kheral’s head.

As I recognized the first glimpse of the gun, I simply reacted.

My two holders went flying when I detonated my biotics and then charged at Dharlak, roaring as I grabbed him around the waist and forced him away from Kheral. My rescue attempt moved his gun out of position, but it went off and hit one of Kheral’s holders, the soldier falling back dead.

In Dharlak’s confused state I managed to crawl up and deliver a few punches before he understood the situation and knocked me off him with the butt of his gun. He would probably have shot me had Kheral not taken a weapon from one of the others and begun shooting after Dharlak.

      The Batarian commando crawled as fast as he could out of the room and then called for back-up. Kheral took me by the arm and hauled my ass into cover behind the desk he turned over.

“Of all irresponsible, thick headed, stubborn humans I have met, you are the worst!” Kheral shouted to me, when not shooting after soldiers and Dharlak. I wasn’t entirely sure how to take that, so I just stayed silent when he rose up to fire a round, and then covered again.

“I can’t believe I owe my life to your stupidity!” he growled and then suddenly placed a hand on my shoulder. “Thank you.” He said, a genuine smile lingering on his face and my own lit up. He then took a better hold on the assault rifle. “Now… how about we get out of here?”

We shot a quick look over our cover and both had to withdraw quickly as mercs took shots on anything that moved. We had to think of a way to distract them and make a counter move. Thankfully there was a fire distinguisher on the wall behind us. I grabbed it and looked at Kheral.

“How precise can you shoot?” I asked and waved the canister slightly. He smirked with all of the deadly teeth of his species, before he nodded and I threw the canister over our cover. It had barely left my hand before he rose up and took the shot, the canister exploding in a cloud of gas and foam. I took the distraction to flare my biotics and storm towards the mercs. It took no more than a few seconds before they were dead and I looked around to see Dharlak wasn’t one of them.

      I then called on Kheral.

“Damn… Remind me never to get on your bad side.” He said as he witnessed my work. I shrug my shoulders. “Exit this way.” he said and began to move, but I grabbed his arm.

“We can’t let Dharlak live. He might come after us again.”

“To hell with Dharlak! We’ll go into hiding. He’ll never find us!” Kheral said and started to drag me along, but I planted my heels solidly in the ground.

“If I learned one thing from Shepard, it’s never to run away from your enemy. And even if we did go into hiding someone would eventually find us and Dharlak would be at our tail again. Better to stop it while we have a chance!” I said stern and I could see the battle in his face. He really wanted to punch me, but he could also see my reasoning.

Finally he sighed.

“So what do we do?”

“You know this place better than me. Are there any explosives stored?” I asked.

“Plenty. A full storage just down the hall.” He said and pointed towards it.

“Get to them and set them off. We’ll bring down the house, literally. And while you do that, I’ll find Dharlak. Any idea where he might have gone?” I said and Kheral shook his head in disbelief.

“He’s probably in his own quarters. He got plenty of weapons in there and a superior position. Getting to him will be difficult.” Kheral said and pointed me in direction. I smirked lightly.

“I’ve tried worse.”

      As I turned to leave, Kheral grabbed my arm, holding me back.

“Kryik!” he looked at me for a good long second, before he nodded. “Be careful…”

“You too.”

Then we parted and I soon ran into armed mercs. I needed a weapon and better than this lousy pistol I had taken from one of the mercs, so when I saw a better assault rifle in the hands of a merc, I went for it, killing everyone in my way.

Better armed, I searched for Dharlak.

He couldn’t have gone far since we got out of the room, but there could be any number of hiding places for him, and I could be walking into a trap. I was on high alert, every sound making me move to defensive positions and I felt my heart hammering in both fear and excitement.

_Guess that’s what you get for training with a Krogan for a few months…_

I stepped into a large room and had barely gotten two feet inside before someone fired a round after me. I jumped into cover behind a pillar.

“You should have stayed out of it, Kryik! Now, you’ll both die and I’ll lose my payment!” Dharlak shouted to me.

“I don’t give a damn about your money loss! I just wonna remove your ugly face from the surface of the planet!” I shouted back and leaned out, firing a few shots, hoping he would give himself away, but he was apparently smarter than that.

      I peeked around my cover and had nearly gotten my nose shot off.

_Damn snipers!_ I growled and fired a round as she appeared again, taking her down. Others, however, saw their chance to try and take me down on the same time, so I was forced back in cover. Damn, Dharlak was well fortified here! But I wanted him dead!

I just needed a better place.

I had noticed how two or three mercs had been firing at me from my left. There were some crates which gave plenty of cover, but if I moved over there to flank them, I would expose myself. Time to put those biotics of mine to good use…

I got ready to move, and then sprinted, firing like a mad man when I moved. I managed to kill one (by miracle), and as I took cover, I looked quickly behind the crate, saw the mercs and flared my biotics. Two was caught in a pull before they realized what was happening and the last dead before he managed to understand.

      Now in better cover, I killed the last two, and then started to move. I hoped I could find Dharlak before others found me, but just as I had begun my search I heard him shout.

“Keep her busy!” I looked over a crate and saw him run through a door. _Orh, hell no!_ I thought, flared my biotics, jumped over the crate and ran after him. Two mercs fired on me, but my shields could take it and the both realized too late that I was not so easily stopped.

I practically skated out in the hallway, only to withdraw again, as there were other mercs waiting for me out there. I fired the best I could, even my weapon suddenly ran out. I cursed it all to hell, threw it from me and ran straight towards the mercs biotics flared.

I kept running after that and finally got a glimpse of the Batarian bastard.

“Dharlak!” I yelled and sped up. He turned around a corner, where a merc appeared shortly after. I pulled him to me, smashed his head open on the wall and then took his weapon. I had barely touched it, before a new one appeared and forced me to shoot before checking it for ammo. As the merc fell, I took a short moment to relax and check my new weapon.

I had barely replaced the clip, before Dharlak turned from the corner, took a shot at me and managed to hit my arm. I crumbled down on the floor in sudden pain, regained my bearings, but before I could get a look for him, something happened.

      A black figure rushed down from the vents, flashes of green moving so fast I barely saw them. The commando was dead long before any of us really understood who, what and why.

I stared as the entire situation settled down, almost into slow motion, my breath caught in my throat and every thought evaporated from my mind. I could only stare, suck this picture in, as the black dressed assassin stood tall a few feet away from my small form.

The atmosphere was tense, thick. I sensed anger in the air, mixed emotions, and I heard drumming. There was no doubt in my mind as to who this was, when he slowly turned his head towards me, looking over his shoulder.

_Krios…_

“Kryik!” someone suddenly yelled and I tore my eyes away from him, looking back to find Kheral running towards me. No surprise, when I looked back again, the Drell was gone. Could it all have been an illusion? No. As I felt Kheral’s grip on me I realized the drumming I had heard was my own heartbeat. It must have pounded hard enough for any to hear…

“You alright? Can you stand?” Kheral asked, shaking me back into action. “Yeah. My arm took the shot, not my leg.” I joked and he sighed, moving towards an exit.

I looked back at the scene one final time. It looked like before, with no sign of the assassin. Without looking back again I ran after Kheral, but my mind kept thinking about what I had seen, and subconsciously I couldn’t let it go before I had done one thing, even though he would never hear it…

_Thank you… for saving me…_

 

* * *

 

      It took a little more fighting before we finally managed to get out and from a good distance, we watched as that building burned to the ground. No one bothered saving it, or the people, or the content inside. Good riddance, I say.

“What will you do now?” I asked Kheral. He sighed, not answering for a few long minutes, possibly thinking.

“I… I don’t know. Pretty sure this isn’t the only Blue Suns team who knows about me. Or you for that matter.” He suddenly looked at me, the underlying question clear. And like him I was silent for a while. Looking down at the burning building however gave me an idea.

“I think Shayla Kryik died in that building.” I said and suddenly realized. “In fact, she died long before she even set foot on Illium.” I admitted and turned away.

“What do you mean?” Kheral asked, so I stopped and looked to the Illium sky. Like Thane would state in the second game. It certainly was spectacular…

“When I lost my husband I lost a part of myself. Shayla Kryik is dead. I need to find my place in the galaxy, and as an anonymous, it’ll be easier to gain information.” I said, looking back at him.

      He came closer.

“And more dangerous. You’ll have to be extremely careful, and how do you suspect people should get in contact with you when they have the info you need?” he asked and it made me think.

“Well, in that case I just need a new name.”

“And what should that be?” he said, leaning into a hip and crossed his arms.

“Something that strikes fear in the hearts of my enemies, but also evokes courage in those who wish to fight.” I said and instantly started to go through names. _Archangel? Nah, Garrus was going to take that one. Angel, then? Nah, not good enough._

I was almost lost in thought, when it came to me.

“Palaven.”

I looked at Kheral, and he stared right back. “Home of the most fierce and honorable beings in the galaxy. And if I’m right, your late husband would probably have been proud of you to use it.” He said, and after I had thought about it, the name made me smile.

“Palaven…” I said to myself and looked at the sky again.

_Yes… that will do nicely…_


	16. Palaven the Mercenary

_To all of my readers, I apologize for being so long about this chapter. I have had a lot on my mind with studies. I have also lacked inspiration, and therefore motivation, to get this chapter done sooner. But finally, after a long time, my writer’s blockade has passed_ _J_ _For this chapter, anyway… I hope you will all enjoy it._

* * *

 

      “Oh, Palaven~” he sang “Come out and play~”

I had been cat and mouse with this damn Batarian for about half an hour now, his life only intact because he had valuable information I needed. Tracking him to this abandoned warehouse had been easy, getting him to talk had proven difficult, especially when he had fired heavy weapons after me to keep me off balance. It hadn’t worked out the way he had wanted, not entirely. He had managed to exhaust me, but when he ran out of missiles to throw at me, he had drawn his rifle, probably thinking he had me right where he wanted me. I was about to prove him wrong!

I looked around the corner of my cover to check where that sleazy Batarian was now. Fortunately, he was standing half in cover, checking some other place, so he didn’t notice me as I lined up a shot. A clear shot right through his left shin. His scream in pain was drowned as he accidently pulled the trigger on his rifle and fired a round into the ceiling. I hurried from my previous cover to another while he was occupied with pain.

“Bitch!” he screamed after me and fired blindly around, hoping to get me, but the last year and a half had taught me much. I wasn’t so easily taken down. I had obtained many good weapons, including a powerful cloak…

“When I get my hands on you…” he growled as he tried to stand, leaned against a crate in cover, reloading his rifle. I smirked. If only he knew how close I really was on him right now…

“You never will.” I breathed on his neck and hammered my knife into his right side, avoiding vital organs. He screamed, staggering to the side, but as he put weight on his left leg it gave in under him and he fell, dropping thermal clip and rifle in the attempt to braze himself.

      He was clutching his side, looking wildly around, when my cloak stopped and revealed me standing next to him, bloody knife in hand. He desperately reached for his rifle, but I grabbed his leg, flared my biotics and used it to pull him closer to myself, other hand instantly hammering the knife into his shoulder. I didn’t care about the screaming…

“Now… I believe you have some information I need.” I growled, twisting the knife a little. He groaned painfully, and a few years back I would probably have felt guilty for doing this, but now? Now I couldn’t care less.

He must have used a lot of effort when he turned all four eyes towards me and spat some blood onto my recon hood. Good thing I had it…

“Screw you, bitch! I’ll never talk! Go ahead. Kill me!” he growled right back. Usually all this pain did the trick, but some Batarians simply had to play stubborn. And apparently, he was one of them.

“Oh, you will talk.” I growled, yanked the knife out and stood. “I’m just getting started!” I snarled and flared my biotics. Time to get dirty…

 

* * *

 

      I sighed when I finally had home in sight. There was nothing more I wanted than a long, warm shower, a quick meal and then off to bed. I really needed to wash the stench of dead Batarian off me, and don’t even get me talking about the remains of a dozen Turian and Salarian Blue Suns mercs…

I crawled through the open window when I was sure no one had followed me, closing it after me and pulling down the blanks. Just as I had light was turned on in the room, making me spin around, knife raised to throw, but I managed to stop midways. I sighed in relief.

“Draft… You do realize I could have killed you, right?” I said and removed my hood, beginning to undress. The Batarian in the doorway crossed his arms and leaned against the doorframe, a stern look on his face.

“Where’ve you been?” he asked. I hissed slightly when a muscle protested against movement and forced me to move it more than it wanted. I knew I couldn’t neglect his question in the long run. Eventually he would get it out of me and that wasn’t always pretty. I sighed low, letting my shoulders drop. Something told me he already knew where I had been, he just wanted me to say it…

“Goddamnit, Shay… You know you shouldn’t have gone there without back-up. You could have been killed.” He said and moved, suddenly standing beside me. I knew he was right. Of course I did, but the opportunity to gain this kind of information was too good to pass. We both knew that…

      A hand gently landed on my shoulder.

“Get showered. We’ll talk about it later…” he said, but I shook my head.

“Can’t. Have to clean these.” I said and began to take my weapons apart for cleaning. His hand clutched mine, making me look up at him.

“Go. I’ll do it.”

His gentle voice melted my training away, the worked in need to clean weapons after every mission, so I exhaled and turned away from the table, heading for the shower.

      Stripped and lowered into the tub, I could finally relax and let my mind drift. Considered everything that had happened to me, I had been lucky. Extremely lucky…

Take Draft, for example. His real name was Kheral, but after we escaped the Blue Suns ordered to capture me, he changed name and decided to stick around me. I never learned why Draft had been on the death list of those mercs, but then, we never really talked about it either. The past was past, and that was why he had taken a new name: Draft. Or, actually, I had given him that, since he gave me mine…

Shortly after our escape we had moved to another place on Illium, he had gained a job and an apartment, and I had succeeded in spreading the name of Palaven. Now, Draft was like family to me and we shared the apartment when I wasn’t in heat. This, however, also meant that he had grown attached to me, worried about me every time I went out to fight mercs and others, and he was always scolding me when I came home in bad shape.

He had really turned into a mother hen.

But I couldn’t really blame him. Thinking back to our escape I remembered the death of Dharlak…

_A black figure rushed down from the vents, flashes of green moving so fast I barely saw them. The commando was dead long before any of us really understood who, what and why._

_I stared as the entire situation settled down, almost into slow motion, my breath caught in my throat and every thought evaporated from my mind. I could only stare, suck this picture in, as the black dressed assassin stood tall a few feet away from my small form._

_The atmosphere was tense, thick. I sensed anger in the air, mixed emotions, and I heard drumming. There was no doubt in my mind as to who this was, when he slowly turned his head towards me, looking over his shoulder._

_Krios…_

Whatever the Drell was doing there I still couldn’t figure. Maybe he had a contract on Dharlak and just accidently happened to save me, or maybe he had been sent to kill me as well. The possibilities were many, and we both still feared he was coming for me someday, but I had quickly learned that driving yourself crazy with those thoughts were a waste of time. I had enough to consider, and one of those things were my upcoming heat.

      Of course, I couldn’t have made it as far as I had without friends and powerful allies, including lovers willing to take on my heat.

One of these was Thaleon, a Drell. I had through eavesdropping and carefully placed questions learned that he did not only worked as a delivery guy for a large merchandise company, but that he also earned a few extra credits on the side line by working as an information trader.

I caught his attention on one of his days off in a bar not far from where he lived. We started talking and within a few hours we ended up in his apartment. The sex was wonderful and his buttons easy to push, so I quickly got what I came for. He didn’t suspect a thing.

At least, that’s what I thought…

But the Drell was smarter than I had thought and he sought me out. I still don’t know how, but he found me right after a mission and confronted me. He knew I was Palaven, _and_ the Human Turian, Shayla Kryik. I gave him a chance: I could kill him on the spot, or he could live with the information and know I would kill him if he as much as breathed about it.

That was nearly fifteen months ago and he was still alive. I guessed he must have liked what I was doing, or maybe it was the payment he received, both in form of credits and my personal attention. Of course, he could have been bidding his time to get close to me, but with every last-minute call I received from him about information or changes to a plan, made me more and more convinced that he wouldn’t betray me

      And he wasn’t the only one that secretly joined my cause.

Gamenk and Avec: two Krogans. Gamenk was an ex-merc who grew tired of killing for nothing, and decided to open a repair shop instead. He helped me fix my weapons and occasionally bashed a few heads in for the greater good. Avec was a bounty hunter, younger than Gamenk, and always eager to help me in my fights. He claimed I found more interesting fights than the Blood Pack.

Raven: a Salarian informant. Like Thaleon, he had his slim fingers on information, but he was more skilled than my Drell lover. Raven was full time and extremely good at his job.

Galrun aka Crip: an old Turian soldier, who had been forced to retire due to an injury. I had found the Turian spending his days and money drinking his life away, but once I had learned a little about him I offered him a chance to do something different. He now helped Gamenk in his shop, earning his money, and, like the Krogan, sometimes helped me. In more occasions than one…

Toufan: Salarian assassin and infiltrator. I rarely contacted him, but we happened to work together more times than often, and despite he actually had a contract to take me down, he had never taken the shot. Maybe because he knew some other assassin was watching over me.

Shade: Drell assassin. I don’t know his real name, but it isn’t Thane Krios, I can tell you that! I don’t even know why the Drell started to watch over me, or how he managed to follow my every move. Of course, I knew he had a good cloak and amazing skills, but we barely spoke and he always showed up at the most desperate of times. Always when I needed it the most... I sometimes suspected him to be a stalker, but I never vocalized it…

Jeena: Asari commando. We weren’t on the best of terms, but she was reliable and considered the amount of times we had saved each others’ butt, well…

Nigeth: a second Turian and another lover. If he could, he would follow my heels no matter where I went.

      So, yeah, I had made a name for myself, but I couldn’t have done it without my people and I did everything in my power to make sure they stayed alive and out of harm’s way. Draft, included.

I guess that was the real reason as to why I went on this mission alone.

I had begun to hear rumors about some special division of mercs, not your typical Blue Suns or Eclipse, so I decided to check it out. Raven had gathered some more intel for me and we soon discovered the division had a contact outside Illium. At first that wasn’t so disturbing or confusing, for that matter, but when I had ambushed by the division several times and once nearly lost both Crip and Gamenk in the attempt to escape, I put all efforts in to find out who the division worked for.

Tonight was my big lead.

Some drunk had slipped intel to someone Raven knew, who then told him and he told me. I found the place and the mentioned Batarian from the intel and made him talk. Granted, it hadn’t turned out pretty, and even less when his back-up team showed their ugly faces afterwards. I had no choice but to fight my way through all of them… but it paid off.

I knew who they worked for.

      I dried off, slipped into some clean clothes and headed for my room, but was stopped when I noticed Draft finding dinner for us. He looked at me and waved a hand at the chair. Resisting him would do me no good. I smiled weakly and sat down. After all, I needed to eat and we both knew it.

Dinner went on in silence, but I was waiting for the question to come. He wanted to know what I had found, I was sure of it, and if he didn’t, well… more rest for me.

Draft let me have a few bites before he looked straight at me, and I had that feeling…

“Was it worth it?” he asked. _I just knew it…_

I nodded and set my fork aside. “It took some good old-fashion fighting, but I know who they work for now. A man named Brian Hawk. He’s apparently good at keeping himself hidden and unnoticed, because Raven hasn’t been able to find anything about him.”

Draft gained a thoughtful expression, like he usually did when he really was thinking things through, or disliked my ideas…

“And yet somehow this Hawk knows everything about you…” he said, low, and most likely to himself.

“Your point?” I asked. After nearly three years I was still a little naïve when it came to the world, but I had still learned a lot, just not enough.

      He looked at me again, serious and hard.

“Someone is selling you out.”

I jerked a little, not believing my ears.

“What? No way.” I said, waving a hand at him, trying to dismiss the thought, but it kept coming back into my mind and haunted me.

“Think about it, Shay. He attacks every time you’re vulnerable. It’s sheer luck that he hasn’t gone after you while you’re in heat! Someone has to be feeding him the intel on your whereabouts and missions.”

I hated it! Draft was right, and I hated it. How things had nearly gone from good to catastrophic was a proof at that, but I really didn’t like it. Accusing my friends and loved ones for being traitors wasn’t my style and I would hate myself even more if I falsely accused someone.

I sighed. “Maybe you’re right…”

A hand reached over and touched mine. “I know you don’t like to be cold among friends, but the situation demands it. And right now, you should worry more about your own life than ours.” His tone was softer, concerned, and again I hated this situation. Whenever Draft spoke like this, it made me want to break down and scream: to hell with it!

But I never did…

      I rose from my seat, thanked for dinner and left for my room. My armor was clean and stored, weapons lay on my bed after Draft had cleaned them, and so I only had to pack it all. Didn’t take me long, and Draft didn’t even seem surprised when I came out of my room, packed and ready to leave. Instead, he walked to me.

“So, you’re leaving.” He said and I nodded in silence. “Mind telling me where you’re going?”

“I can’t.” I said, finishing the last straps on my coat and then looked at him. “Like you implied, I can’t trust anyone right now. Not even you.” The words were hard to say, but it was the truth and he believed so as well.

He nodded, turned and left, but seconds later came back with a small box in hand.

“Food.” He said as I lifted the lid to check the content. You can say what you will about Batarians, but this particular one had changed my vision on them. I hugged him, tears creeping to my eyes, and I desperately hoped that he wasn’t the one selling me out. I don’t think I could bear to put him down after everything he had done for me.

I released him, picked up my bags and left as quickly as I could without making it look like I was running away from him. I had to find a place to hide my stuff before I went for some release. My heat was coming up and there was only a few I could go to, but if Draft was right, then I had to find someone new, maybe even sell myself out as a whore…

Nasty thought… but it could come to that.

 

* * *

 

      I had just reached one of few hiding places I had all to myself, when I felt a certain kick in my gut. My heat was firing up, and it wouldn’t take long before I was radiating signals in so many directions that any non-human, in a ten miles radius, would be able to find me. But that also meant I had no time to be subtle by trying to lure some innocent in with the hooker-act.

_Damn! I thought I had more time!_ I cursed myself. But no matter. I guess I just had to capture someone, rape him and then kill him once I was done, which was (right after the hooker-act) my least favorite thing to do. But in desperate times you must take desperate methods in use.

I un-packed, getting more and more aware of my upcoming rutting and the desperate measures I was about to take. Right now, I hated it (oaky, what didn’t I hate at that moment?!). But I mean, no woman likes to be raped, to have someone force himself on her, and now I was about to do the same to some innocent guy I had never met before, and even kill him afterwards in order to keep both myself and my people safe.

Desperate times… Yeah, right…

      I had to make a choice, and soon. In a few hours I wouldn’t be able to make any kind of decision expect one that included release. Did I rape and kill someone, or did I take the chance, exposing myself in order to get to friends and lovers how knew about this?

I walked to the window, looking out at the horizon. Thane’s words flashed through my head, but right now I couldn’t find it very spectacular.

I sighed.

A slight sound suddenly awoke my senses and I flared my biotics in a snarl, ready to blast the entire room if I had to.

“Wait!” a voice sounded and a cloak went off, revealing the hooded assassin, my invisible guardian angel, Shade. “It’s me.”

I stared at the Drell, relaxed and then suddenly started to think. A horrible thought, but it was one that made a lot of sense. I growled at him.

“You! You’ve been selling me out, haven’t you? You’re the only one who could follow me around undetected, and I bet you’ve been stalking me for the past year!” I growled, never moving my eyes from him. He merely crossed his arms in with a huff.

“If I was the traitor, why should I reveal myself to you now?” he asked.

      A good question…

“To remove yourself from suspicion. To appear like the innocent and very loyal friend in a time where I desperately need it.” I growled, not allowing him close. “We’ve hardly spoken more than two words together before. Why should that change now?” I asked, watching as he relaxed in his arms and reached for his hood, flipping it off.

“Because, you need it now.” He said and suddenly pulled his coat off, letting it fall to the floor and leaving him more exposed than I had ever seen him. A dark red row-plated sleeveless shirt covered his torso, leather pants hugging his lower part in more ways than one…

I tried to look away from what my mind was drifting to, but it was hard and only getting harder as he stepped closer, past the table to place his pistol there, now unarmed.

“Your heat is coming up, and the current situation leaves you with three options available. 1) you can stay in hiding, take some innocent citizen, have your way with him and kill him later.” He said, slowly coming closer. “2) you can expose yourself and go to one of your lovers, risking both your lives by going out there with your heat in full flare.” He said, still coming closer. Why did his skin suddenly seem so soft…? “Or 3) you can trust me and let me help you through this, risking no one’s life…”

      I stared up and into his large dark eyes, something in me suddenly realizing how close he was and I backed away, breathing heavy, mind going a hundred miles per second and still not making sense. He tried to follow, but I raised a hand, biotics flared and ready for use; a warning. But while I tried to think things through and get past the fog already assembling from my heat, he slipped past my hand, closing in.

“We both know what your choice will be. You won’t kill for simple release, and you won’t risk others life for it either. You just have to let go…” I tensed as warm fingers touched my check, my concentration slipping and my heat began to gain control. He stepped lightly closer, cupping my face between his hands, leaning in.

“Why are you…?” I said to ask, but he hushed me and only a second later our lips touched. I had never been with Shade before. To say I was scared, would be right. I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect from him, but as our kiss turned more and more desperate, I couldn’t really care. There was someone here with me, to help me through my heat and help spare the lives of my people. It was more than I had hoped for when I left Draft, and despite I should have been on high alert, I gave in.

 

* * *

 

      I wasn’t asleep when warm fingers began to play with my hair, combing through it, petting it, before the hand travelled over my shoulder, down my arm and back again. Barely wet lips was planted on my skin, a small rumble heard in the air.

I had to admit, it was still hard to fathom. I had slept with Shade to contain my heat. One of few men I thought I was never going to ask. I mean, we had never really talked before, never shown any interest in each other’s lives, but somehow he had always been there to help me through tough situations. Now I could add my heat to the list of shit he had pulled me out of…

I guess what really made it confusing, was the amount of passion and concern he seemed to have in store. The first time, sure, it had been a bit rough, but he had lit a short fuse and I think he knew the first time in my heat would be like that. But afterwards his touch had been soft, gentle, almost curious.

“I know you’re awake.” He suddenly said, making me open my eyes and look back at him. The tiniest pull in the corner of his mouth indicated his satisfaction, and the only hint of a smile. I lay back again, sighing, still thinking about what had just happened in the past few hours.

“Why are you doing this?” I asked and his fingers stopped on my ribcage. The rumble disappeared as well, and back was only the silence. It only lasted a few seconds, before he started to explore my ribs again and planted a careful kiss on my shoulder.

“You needed it.” he said low and allowed his hand to move further down, rounding over my hip. I shook my head lightly.

“It’s no excuse.”

      I turned around to face, not completely oblivion to his hand resting on top of my navel or the warmth seeping through his skin to mine. But I needed answers, so I pushed the pleasant feelings away. After all, my heat was contained for the next twelve to eighteen hours, so…

“We’ve barely spoken together before, and then you’re doing this!? What’s going on here? You know something about Hawk?” I asked, hard enough to be taken seriously, yet soft enough to express my concern as well. His eyes were about the only things that moved on him for a few moments, before he turned his head slightly.

“I know he’s spent a lot of time and effort into finding and identifying you. I know he wants you at any cost, and I know more than a dozen smaller criminal gangs and merc bands are ready to take his bounty for bringing you in.” he said. “I’ve been keeping an eye on him for some time, tried to be discrete and still be able to help you out once in a while. As Palaven you’ve done a lot of good for Illium, and I wanted to make sure you lived to do more.” A hand suddenly warmed my cheek and a small light of sincerity was seen in his eyes. He had been trying to protect me, but from what?

“Interesting, but how does all of that ties in with our former situation and our present?” I asked, still not understanding what exactly he wanted to say with it all.

His hand left my cheek and returned to warm my stomach, the light in his eyes gone again.

“Brian Hawk… is my employer.”


	17. Bonus: The broken soldier

_This was how I imagined Shay to get in contact with Crip. It never became a real part of my story since I couldn’t find the proper angle for breaking it in, so now you’ll get it as a bonus chapter ;) I hope you’ll enjoy._

 

* * *

 

      I had been sitting in the club for nearly four hours now, the music pounding in my ears and several of small drinks standing before me from courting males around in the club. I hadn’t touched any of them, for I had my eye on a very special Turian. He seemed old, maybe around fifty, possibly sixty, but everything about him screamed soldier to me. He was special because of his left leg. Everything from mid thigh and down had been replaced with an artificial leg of steel and wires. I had seen him almost every night now, and every time he got himself drunk enough till he couldn’t stand and was thrown out of the club by two Asari. Tonight was going to be different.

I walked over to him and poked his shoulder lightly. He turned his head towards me.

“The seat taken?” I asked, leaning in for him to be able to hear my question and pointed at the seat next to him. He shook his head and went back to his drink, either already too drunk to see who sat down beside him, or not really interested in me. I ordered a Thessian temple and drank it in small, slow sips. Through it all I noticed the Turian steal a glance at me once in a while, finally to look at me directly when I caught him looking. My dress was tempting, especially for Turians. Showing of the better portion of my waist and hips, plus hugging my body tightly, letting him see the small bulges of muscle my body contained. I was built well, and I was trained. Turian catnip…

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” he suddenly asked and straightened a little up. I nodded slightly.

“You could say that…” I took another sip and he straightened even more.

“I might be drunk, but I never forget a face, and I haven’t seen yours before.”

      I couldn’t help it.

“Funny. I thought Turians were more interested in waists…” I teased, watching him retract slightly, before he moved in real close, staring at my eyes. He sat like that for a long time, and I stared right back.

“That’s… an interesting color of eyes you have.” He sat back again. “Unless my eyes are toying with me…” he swallowed his drink in a few gulps, shaking his head.

I tried to find something to say to him, since I needed to know more about him and his skills. Coming up close on him was a major success, and now that I had him close, I noticed how strongly built he was. His crest was not near as long as others, but his neck was thicker, his body broad and strong. There was no doubt he were a good storm trooper.

“You work in the military?” I asked, knowing I was probably pushing my luck. He looked me over, then leaned back and smirked.

“You got something for military boys, huh? Why am I not surprised…” he looked at the desk, eyes telling me what I needed, while he ordered the next drink. I moved closer on him, pushing my luck further.

“What if I have?” I asked and smiled at him. He lifted a brow and grabbed his drink.

“Trust me girl; the last thing you want to is getting laid with a crippling like me.” he took a huge gulp of his drink. “It’ll be bad for your reputation.” He said with some anger in his voice, moved in his seat and leaned over the desk, clearly trying to block me out.

      I moved in further, letting a hand rest on what was left of his left thigh, bringing my fingers close to his crotch.

“What makes you think I care about reputation?”

That got his attention. He looked at me, both brows raised, his eyes scanning over mine, my features, but he couldn’t find anything that indicated I was just yanking his chain.

He sat his drink on the desk and looked at me, very seriously.

“Fair enough… but what makes you think I’d even consider getting laid with a human?”

I moved back and rested an arm on the desk.

“Because, you need to blow off steam and the alcohol isn’t helping you anymore. You refuse to lay with Asari, or you would have done so ages ago, instead of sitting here, waiting night after night, hoping the alcohol will knock the painful memories out of your system.” I really had his full attention now, mandibles slack down his jaw.

“I’m guessing you used to be in the military, but was forced to retire due to your injury. How am I doing so far?” I said and he went silent for a while, looking me over again.

“Impressive… How did you…?”

“When I asked if you were in the military, your expression changed slightly, a hint of sorrow in your eyes. Whatever happened to you must have been recently since you still have the money to keep coming back here and get yourself drunk in an expensive beer like that.”

He looked from me to the drink and back again. He was more than impressed. He was damn right stunned…

      Slowly he pushed the drink away and leaned closer to me.

“You have my attention, miss…?”

I leaned in closer.

“Diana. And you are?” I lied, using a false name. I had discovered those really came in handy at times like these...

“Ready to get out of here with you…” he said and stood, offering a hand to me. I took it and we walked through the crowd, hand in hand, till we reached the rapid transport and he called a cab. It didn’t take long before it arrived, he punched in an address and before I knew it I was laid on the back seat with this heavy Turian over me. As the cab took off he slowed slightly down, a hand came to my neck, deft talons running over my skin, before he grabbed my throat and shoved a pistol to my head.

“WHO ARE YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT?” he growled and yelled, pushing even further on my throat. I gasped. Apparently he wasn’t drunk enough to lose sight of the situation. A seasoned soldier… _Perfect…_

“I’m… not here… to hurt you…” I tried to speak, clearly feeling his strength, but it was getting difficult to breath. Almost as if he sensed it, he released my throat a bit, letting me draw in a much needed deep breath, before I was able to talk again.

      “Who’s your contact? How do you know so much about me?” he asked, still growling deeply.

“Observation…”

“BULLSHIT!” he pressed the gun harder against my head, leaving a bruise. “No human is able to read a Turian like that!”

“You’d be amazed what a human can learn, when we decide to listen to the other species. I’ve been watching you over the past few days, hoping to get a chance to talk…”

“Why?” he leaned closer.

“Because I like what I see.” I smirked and threw him slightly off guard, but instead of attacking I let the words sink in and gave him the chance to see I wasn’t going to harm him.

“What do you want from me?” he asked, releasing me a little more once he had thought over my actions and words.

“Your attention, and cooperation.” He rose again, looking down at me. I always wondered what went through his head at that time. I continued. “I’m guessing my theory about your leg was pretty good, considering your response now.”

      He released my neck.

“Yes… I was forced to retire. Why does this matter to you?”

“You’re soldier, and that’s what I’m looking for. I’m trying to fight for the better good in this galaxy. Slavers, drug dealers and other criminal elements are already aware of my presence, but alone I’m no threat to them. I need people. People who can get the job done, but without civilian casualties.”

He looked me over again, his eyes scanning me, but he still couldn’t find anything that made my words less sincere.

“What do you have in mind?” he asked and suddenly removed the gun from my head, rising to move from me. I grabbed his jacket and pulled him to me again, earning a growl which I silenced by a kiss.

“Right now? Blowing off steam…” I said, kissing him again, and as I traced my fingers over those magical spots of the Turian anatomy, he began to relax, resting on his forearms, fingers tangled in my hair. A purr and deep rumble in his chest escaped him, once I released him.

“I can deal with that…” he said, already drugged in my scent and signals.

      We stopped at a hotel where a lot of people were shooting us a look. It must have looked rather weird for a Turian of his size to come to a hotel with an arm around the shoulders of a human woman of my size. I’m sure most thought we were just here to fuck and then part ways, which were partly true, but I intended to keep him around…

 

* * *

 

      He was good for a few hours before he was finally worn out and spent, the alcohol must have kicked in by then.

We lay in the bed, bodies entangled, both of us breathing heavy. I could feel his heart pounding behind his chest, and despite we had just met and all, he held me tightly to him.

“That was… something else…” he breathed and pulled me closer to him, a deep rumble erupting in his chest. I couldn’t help but cuddle closer and let out a small chuckle.

“So… all this talk about observation and fighting for the better… you just used that to get in my pants?” he suddenly asked. I rose from him, but choose to support myself on his chest.

“No. I **am** trying to fight for the better, and if you wonna join up, there’s a seat for you.”

“What exactly do you do?” concern and suspicion rose in his eyes.

“There is a lot innocent people dying because they get caught in the cross fire of street gangs and merc bands. Others are taken by slavers and psychos. I’ve witnessed too many good lives go to waste just because no one wanted to protect them.”

      Amazement went across his features.

“You want to fight the mercs and gangs?”

I sat up, and the duvet fell from my body, revealing my shapes to his eyes once again. I didn’t mind.

“Not directly. I wonna take out their shipments, hit them where it hurts, but still let them have some power. I don’t wonna break them down completely, but I want them to think twice about their actions.”

I stretched a little, letting the duvet fall completely from me.

“I want to fight for the innocent, with no civilian casualties and a sense of honor; mercy if you will. I expect this of my own people as well. But I also need people who can use a gun, in case things get ugly. People like you. A soldier with nothing to lose, but everything to win.”

“I… see.” He gulped and turned his head slightly away. I accidently shot a look down his body and noticed the tent. I smirked.

“So no, I didn’t just use it to get into your pants.” I said and crawled over him, leaning down.

“But you needed to ease some tension, and it’s a fine bonus for me…” I purred, slowly moving to kiss him again. However he grabbed my waist and flipped us over, letting his member poke directly at my entrance and purred for me.

“I’m taking your service is part of the deal as well?” he said low and husky.

“If sex is what you need for stress relief, I’ll gladly be of service. I need my people sharp and…”

      He silenced me with a kiss and only seconds later he pushed his length inside me. I moaned into his mouth.

“When do I start?” he breathed once we released each other’s’ lips. A smile crawled across my features, but it was quickly replaced by a pleasant moan as he took me one last time before we went to sleep for a few hours and then departed from the hotel…


	18. Hunted and Haunted

      “Brian Hawk… is my employer.”

The words seemed to echo in the silence of the room.

I stared at the Drell, barely believing my ears.

My world seemed to stop right there, my throat tightened, making it hard for me to speak and breathe, his words running on repeat in my mind. I couldn’t even move!

“You…” I barely managed to whisper, but his eyes went straight for my lips as they moved.

“Yes. I work for Hawk, but I’ve never sold you out.” He said and I grimaced, still not able to find my voice. He lifted a hand as if to silence my thoughts instead.

“My primary objective was to investigate what had happened to the Blue Suns squad ordered to capture a certain Shayla Kryik. I reported the building was burned to the ground and Kryik possibly consumed in the flames.” He explained but it didn’t set my mind on ease. “A few months later I encountered you for the first time. With no objective I decided to see what I could learn about this new player. You interested me.” he said and I crooked a brow, much to his amusement apparently.

“Palaven never held any interest for Hawk, until you attacked a shipment meant for his private stores.” He said, pointing a strict finger at me.

“And what? You were ordered to observe me? Report back any intel?” I snapped at him, my voice finally coming back to me after the shock. My right hand was under the blanket and I was ready to biotically toss him across the room if needed.

      He shook his head lightly.

“Amazingly enough, no. Hawk never contacted me with such matter. He still didn’t seem to have any interest in you.”

“But he has.” I said and he nodded, hand still lingering on my stomach.

“Yes, I learned recently and I’ve been trying to find the one giving him information about you, but without luck. When I could not apprehend the one guilty, I decided to keep an eye on you instead, help you when you needed it. Which leads us to our current situation…”

This was a little complicated, and hard to take in, but I really, **really,** tried to work things around in my head.

“Okay, let me see if I got this straight: you were originally meant to find me, Shayla Kryik, but your trail ended at the burned down building. Without a job you came across Palaven, and decided to check her out. And for nearly two years, you haven’t said more than two words to me, because you were observing me, and now Hawk is after my ass and you decide it might be the right time to crack the shell and tell me the truth?!”

He looked away from me, fingers twitching slightly on my skin.

“More or less…”

      Let’s just say… I didn’t buy it.

I growled, inching away from him, but was stopped when he grabbed my hip and pulled me close. I’m not entirely sure how but I ended up closer to him than before, one of his arms firmly wrapped around my waist while the other held my neck, keeping me in place to look at him directly.

“Don’t even start with me. I could have killed you a thousand times, had I wanted or been hired to.” He said, slightly growling, his expression clear to me. He wasn’t kidding…

I groaned from the painful grip he held on my neck, one he slowly eased on and began to caress my skin.

“Look, I know this will seem creepy to you, but I’ve witnessed more than a few of your heat sessions. I know what you can do to people and how it feels…” he said, his eyes softened and tone changing. It felt creepy to me, but if he had witnessed my sessions before, then…

“That would explain why it felt so… natural, when you approached me.” I said and he nodded.

“When I learned of your search for Hawk, I knew it would only be a matter of time before your information and your heat clashed, so I stayed close to be sure. If it didn’t clash, I would know. If it did… I could finally offer my service to you.”

“You’ve been waiting for that, huh?” My teasing side jumped through the creped-out side when his hand skimmed gently over my cheek.

“You have no idea…”

      I might be able to tease, but I was still hesitant when he pressed our lips together, tongue dancing lightly over my bottom lip. If he really worked for Hawk, how could I then trust him? Who could I even trust? What if most of the people I had entrusted myself to were working for my enemies in secret? Had I been too eager in my goal to make a difference to consider betrayal from within?

A small, low whine escaped me when he pushed his tongue past my lips, teasing me to participate. My hesitation was obvious now, making him rumble, trying to soothe me, make me relax. It was difficult for me, but I slowly kissed back; though not with the same enthusiasm…

He stopped and leaned his forehead against mine.

“You have nothing to fear from me…” he whispered, his attempt to calm me down working and it terrified me. Yet, I couldn’t find the strength to fight him. Standing alone against the entire world would eventually crush me, and I needed people I could rely on, now more than ever…

“It’s still creeping me out.” I stated and he chuckled lightly, his grip easing completely to a gentle hold.

“I would have been surprised if it wasn’t.”

He then moved in and claimed my lips again, not for the last time that day…

 

* * *

 

      _I looked around, not capable of seeing anything, but I had the most terrible feeling that something was wrong. I felt scared…_

_A strong light suddenly blinded me, and when I finally keep peek through my fingers, I saw the same red light of a Reaper’s devastating laser. I gasped, suddenly able to stare right at it, but not able to move at all._

_“You have failed!” a deep voice thundered through the air, making my ears hurt, my mind screaming at me to run or grab my weapons. “Releasing control!”_

_My eyes widened. I knew what that meant, and no sooner had I thought it before hundreds of Seeker swarms flew towards me._

_My legs finally moved, my breathing drowning in the buzzing of their wings, and then I felt it. The sting of their paralyzing poison…_

_But as my body froze, my mind was overwhelmed with images, sounds and emotions. I saw, felt and heard so much it was unbearable._

_But in the blurry chaos of images and sounds, a silhouette appeared before my mind’s eye. I couldn’t see who or what it was, but four golden eyes suddenly opened and an ear splitting screech sounded as it launched itself at me._

_I screamed._

I sat up with a small scream, my body shivering. It took time before I calmed down, remembering where I was and what was going on. It had been a few days since Shade joined with me and began to help me through my heat. I looked around and found the bed empty, so he was either in the other room or out checking the perimeter.

But since he had not yet shown up to see what was going on, I guessed he was out.

      I was still skeptical about Shade.

Despite he had helped me through my heat these past few days, I still couldn’t put the knowledge of his employment with Hawk away, not even when he was racing through my orgasms. He was a different character than you would expect.

When he was sitting alone, either just observing or fixing his weapons, he was cold, closed, barely talking and not even as much as a smile on his lips. But when he wrapped his arms around me, kissed my skin, his hard façade melted, eyes softened and he could smile and grin. I also discovered that he liked to be the dominant, and a small fight for dominance brought something primal forth in him. If I refused to give in, he could be downright violent, though, he never harmed me. A bruise here and there, but nothing severe.

And despite he liked it rough, he could also be passionate, careful and extremely gentle. But lying right under that was the teasing side of him and he enjoyed to still be in control, even if it was gentle. He was hard to refuse, and even harder to dominate.

Sure, I liked the sex. After all it was all just to contain my heat, but I still feared waking up to soldiers or scientists looking down at me, strapping me in and torture me. Or waking up to a gun in the face and Shade pulling the trigger…

      I admit, I liked him and appreciated everything he had done for me, but… I was still confused about it all. He had more than once told me he wasn’t doing this because he was in love with me, or had a crush. He simply saw the potential I had and wanted to make sure I could use it. A reasonable goal, I guess, but it still didn’t explain why he was willing to go this far to help me when I had never given him anything.

The thought of psychological torture came to my mind more than once. What if Shade was trying to break me down psychologically? That, even though he had said he wasn’t helping Hawk, he could have his own agenda and this was just part of it? There were so many options and I disliked them all equally.

But I could drive myself crazy with these thoughts, so I crawled out of bed, took a cold shower and dressed up, ready to leave. My heat was over, the peak already passed, so I figured I might as well go out and see what the world situation was.

I had just reached the front door, when his voice sounded.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

I turned to look around, and only a second later did the cloaked assassin appear just three meters from me. I simply looked at him.

“My heat’s over. Thought I’d check in on my forces.” I said and turned, reaching for the door. A hand clamped down hard on my arm and yanked me around to face him.

“Your peak might have passed, but if you go out there now, you’ll expose yourself.” He said, his eyes hard. This time I growled loud. My heat was over so he wasn’t going to be able to affect or intimidate me so easily anymore.

      I yanked my arm from his grip.

“If this was such a problem, then why haven’t you tried to stop me the countless of times you were observing my heat in action?!” I asked hard, possibly pushing my luck, but I was tired of his attitude and overprotective ass! “I’ve slipped from lovers **during** my heat, and managed not to be detected anywhere. Why? Because I know what I’m doing! I might be naïve when it comes to the life of a merc, but don’t try to tell **me** how to work **my** heat!!” I yelled now, growling and it wasn’t until I turned and reached for the door that I noticed I had actually pushed him back into the room with my outburst.

I had just punched the panel when I was roughly pulled aside. I had barely hit the wall before the sounds of multiple rifles going off reached me.

I looked back, seeing nothing but Drell, but I heard the many bullets flying around in small room. The shooting stopped suddenly, movements were heard, armors clattering slightly. Shade moved slightly, giving me a better view to see three, four, five… seven mercs coming inside, looking around. The Drell pressed closer to me, his eyes constantly on the mercs as they roamed the room. Some of them even looked in our direction, but when they didn’t yell up and start firing at us I guessed (and hoped) we were cloaked.

“There’s no one here!” one of them yelled and our table with equipment was kicked over, the materials scattering on the floor, breaking.

“Search the entire area! We heard voices in here! They can’t be far.” The leader of the mercs said and the group split up, furniture getting destroyed in their search, and possibly more than a few valuable objects stolen by greedy fingers.

      I looked at them all while they walked around looking for clues. All humans, not one alien race. They weren’t able to sense the remains of my heat session, or the intensity of the lovemaking Shade and I did to keep it down. The search went on for a few minutes, before the group gathered, all empty handed.

“There is no one here. Must have been a recording we heard. We’ve been tricked.” One said and the leader kicked the already damaged table, making it scramble over the floor.

“Damn Turian lied to us!! This is all just a scene! No one has been here for weeks!!” Another furniture had to suffer the rage of the merc before he signaled the others to leave the area.

“When I get my hands on that plated bastard, he’s gonna wish he never sold her out!!” he said right before leaving and the words struck me.

I barely registered Shade follow the mercs through the door in order to make sure they were going to leave completely. I was too deeply caught up in thought of who could have done this. There were only a few Turians I trusted, and even less who would know anything about my heat, bringing me down to two suspects: Crip and Nigeth.

But I couldn’t imagine any of them selling me out. Why would they?

The door opened again and an uncloaking Drell came in. He looked around.

“Shay?” he asked. I uncloaked as well, his attention turning towards me when he heard the static. He came over, reaching out for me. “Are you alright?”

I was still replaying the episode in my mind, relief washing away as I came to a conclusion. Looking up at him I saw no evidence, but it didn’t stop me from acting.

      My fist collided with his chin, hard. The surprise upper-cut had Shade stumbling back as I growled.

“You knew! You knew they were outside that door! You **fucking** knew!!” I growled, hands glowing. I was more than ready to kill him despite everything he had done to help me. All I saw right now was a traitor, a criminal, one who had used and abused me, terrorized me and possibly committed psychological terror on me as well. My trust to him was fragile already and this stunt only made it worse.

He regained balance and rubbed his chin, tongue dashing out to lick the blood away from where he had bitten himself. My growling increased, my shoulders rising, body puffing up. He looked at me calmly.

“Yes, I knew. They’ve been tipped off with locations you might use in the vulnerable time of your heat and searched through them for a few days now. Someone is selling you out.” He said and I had nearly accused him, when I remembered what the merc had said.

“A Turian…” I said, growling ceased and I relaxed a little.

“Crip or Nigeth.” He said and walked closer. I stopped him abruptly by shoving a charged hand straight at him. I still growled, but it wasn’t as loud as before.

“Just because they spoke about a Turian, doesn’t take you off the suspect list, pal! How do I know you didn’t go after those mercs to give them our next location; one you would lure me to?” I asked.

“Why should I?” he stared at me. “After everything I have done for you, you still don’t trust me? I just saved your life.” He said, referring to how he pulled me away from the door and into safety by activating my cloak.

      But my anger had blocked rational thoughts, and right now reason didn’t apply to me.

“Normally, when people trust one another, they tell each other these kinds of things. You keep it to yourself, letting me be dragged along from the ride, never knowing what I should do or who I should fight. You might have saved my life, but if you don’t start telling me what you know about this, trust is something you’ll never see from me.” I said and lifted him with my biotics. “I’m tired of being kept in the dark. So, tell me what you know.”I threatened.

He merely looked at me.

“Your empty threats aren’t going to get you anything.” He said, making me growl a little lighter.

“You’ve observed me, Shade. Is this an empty threat?” I growled and released a pulse of biotics, which sent him flying to the wall. Before he could fall down I had caught him again and was now pressing him hard against it. He groaned a little.

“You’d never harm an innocent.” He said, but his voice waivered a little, either indicating he was in pain or getting nervous.

“True. But you’re not innocent.” I said and crushed him a little, just enough for him to feel pain. His gasping, half-chocked scream made me release my crushing hold. “Now talk!!”

He groaned again, but I kept my hold this time. Slowly he exhaled.

“Those men were hired by Hawk. After our first night, I went to check my sources and came across some talking about an accident. A young woman had been shot in one of your hiding places. She looked a lot like you…” he said.

      I started to see a bit of the picture.

“I suppose they quickly learned it wasn’t me?” I asked and he nodded.

“Yes, so they kept searching. I had a feeling it might have been Hawk’s mercs, and I was right. I found them yesterday and have been following their movements. It would only be a matter of time before they reached this place.” He said, but I growled and slammed him against the wall.

“Why didn’t you tell me?! Warn me?!” I was really getting pissed on him now.

“There was no time…” he groaned again when I pressed him hard on the wall.

“We spent **four hours** making love after you returned, and don’t tell me you were so affected by my signals that you forgot, `cause I’m not buying it!!” I growled and waited for his answer.

Nothing came.

Instead, he simply lowered his head and closed his eyes. This was… I had no idea of what to do or how this could ever turn out right. He demanded my trust, but he wouldn’t trust me?! This wasn’t right, and it never would be…

I sat him down on the ground, the Drell gasping a little when he finally could breathe normally. I looked at him as he regained both balance and breathing.

“I’m sorry.” I said, flared my biotics and tossed him across the room. When he hit the floor I quickly went to him to make he was still alive. I felt both pulse and breathing and a quick scan insured me he was going to make it. He would wake up with a damn headache, but he would make it.

Now I just had to figure what to do next…

 

* * *

 

      The shop was mostly quiet, except for the few noises indicating there was someone in there.

I slipped from my little alley unseen and turned around the corner to the backdoor. Gamenk would usually keep it locked, unless he knew I was coming in. Tonight he didn’t. Thankfully I knew a trick or two about hacking doors, so I easily cracked it and slipped inside the storage room.

I could hear the large Krogan in his little workspace, and the rummage out front told me Crip was here as well. I had to avoid the Turian at any cost.

I slipped into Gamenk’s little room, and silently closed the door. He stopped working, lifting his head and listened. I stood still. I knew the old Krogan well enough; he would detect it was me. I’ve never had to say anything.

He suddenly turned around in his chair, looking at me, mouth open and eyes ready to pop out of his skull. When he slowly stood, I stepped closer, but I was cautious. The entire way he reacted right now seemed wrong, and with what I had been through the past few days, I was having less and less trouble accusing my friends of betrayal.

“You…” he slowly said and took a small staggering step forward. I withdrew slightly, but then took courage and moved forward.

“Gamenk. We need to…” I never got to finish as I was suddenly within his strong embrace, the Krogan holding me so close it was embarrassing. I knew Gamenk never worried about others opinion when he showed his feelings, but this was a bit too strong; even for him.

      A deep inhale sounded and he released softly, in time with his grip fading to a light hold.

“It’s really you…” he said and it puzzled me. He gently pulled me away, holding me by my shoulders and then suddenly gripped my arms tight, growling. “WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!” he yelled and in that moment I was more concerned about his anger, than a certain Turian might hear the fuss and come to check it out.

I blinked at the angry giant. “Sorry?” I peeped, not entirely sure why I suddenly felt like the one trying to explain myself. He released me and took a step back.

“Four days!! You left us all in the dark for FOUR DAYS! What the hell were you thinking?!” his anger was clear, but there was something else in his eyes, his voice. I stumbled over my own tongue to find the words.

“Gamenk, I don’t know what you’re…” but not even that did he let me finish. He grabbed my arms again, pulling us nearly nose to nose, growling.

“WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD!” he yelled, and I finally understood.

_The young woman…_ I thought. Could they really have heard about the attack on my hiding place and of the woman killed there? Technically I didn’t know which hiding place had been hit, but there was one not far from Gamenk’s shop, and if that was the place it was no wonder he thought like this.

“We thought you were dead…” he said again, more softly, and pulled me into his embrace.

      My thoughts about betrayal and possible danger vanished in the warmth of the mighty Krogan as he held me tight, and I could only return the gesture, reassure him that I was very much alive, and there with him. I rested my head against his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, if you’ve been hurt, but it wasn’t my doing, and it has never been my intention.” I said calmly, feeling him pull from me, finally to look at me with gentle and caring expression I knew him for.

“Then would you mind explain what’s going on? We lose contact with you, hear about a human woman killed in _your_ hiding place, and four days later you show up at my shop!? What’s happening here?” he asked.

“I’m being betrayed.” I said and he jolted back.

“Betrayed?! By whom?” he asked, clearly not believing me. I moved from his grasp and walked to his work bench.

“I’m not sure. My only lead is a Turian…” I said, looking back at him. He stood a little, then his eyes widened and he pointed back towards the shop, expression showing severe disbelief.

“I don’t know, but he is one of few who know my hiding places.” I said, getting ready to explain when Gamenk rose up a little and crossed his arms. “In the past four days my hiding places have all been attacked, wrecked actually, and the mercs doing it appears to be hired by a certain Brian Hawk.”

Gamenk relaxed a little as I continued. “Hawk has been after Shayla Kryik since before I became Palaven, but it isn’t until recently that he put two and two together. He’s hired whatever he could get his hands on to find me, and based on what’s been happening lately… he even managed to get some of mine…” I said, and the Krogan finally relaxed completely.

      He walked to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

“Crip would never do that…” he said, but I wasn’t sure. If Crip wasn’t the traitor, that left Nigeth, and if it wasn’t him either, then I was down to zero again. Of course, one of the others could have paid an anonymous Turian to tell Hawk, in order to keep their backs free, but if that was the case I had to accuse my entire team…! Again…

“Come on. You’ll see for yourself.” He said and walked towards the shop front. I knew showing myself to Crip could be a dangerous move, but if I sensed any hesitation or fear in the Turian, then I had my man! So I nodded.

He stopped me in the back room, went in and called for Crip. It would be safer like this, so I went into hiding the best I could, waiting for them to return. I could hear them before I saw them.

“You want me to what?” Crip asked, looking back at Gamenk as the Krogan pushed into the back, blocking the exit point should this go as we feared.

“There’s someone I want you to meet.” The old warrior said and then looked at me as I came out of hiding. Crip’s jaw dropped to the floor, mandibles too. In a hasty movement he looked back at Gamenk, making me prepared to fight, but as the Krogan nodded and Crip slowly came closer to me, hands shaking just as much as his breathing, I relaxed. Three-fingered hands reached out for me, but didn’t dare touch, should I prove to be a fiction of his imagination. I palmed his hand and laid it on my cheek. He tensed by the action, but after a few shaken breathes, his mandibles tightened and he pulled me in like Gamenk had done.

“Don’t. Ever. Do something like that again!” Crip said hard when he released me. I smiled, knowing my two oldest allies never had anything to do with the betrayal. I purred lightly at the rough touch of Crip’s palm. I knew his skin…

      “Why am I not surprised?”

We all turned to the voice, ready to fight. The Drell uncloaked himself, revealing his seated form on one of the large crates and I held the others back. “I had a feeling this might be the first place I’d find you.”

“Didn’t I knock you out this morning?” I asked, taking a small step towards him. He jumped down, making both my companions growl, or rumble.

“Yeah. I’m still feeling the tingling in my head. So, thanks for that.” He frowned and crossed his arms. Gamenk leaned a little down to me. “You knocked him out?” he whispered.

“She did. Despite I have saved her ass countless of times, given her four days of mind blowing sex, help her retrieve intel about her own situation and kept both her and her team safe from further corruption, she still doesn’t trust me.” Shade said, his hood keeping the others from seeing his true expression, but from the look of his eye I had a feeling he was pouting.

_Cute…_

“Whoa! Mind blowing sex?! What’s does he mean by that?” Crip asked, but before I could answer Shade interrupted.

“I helped her with her heat, but we have bigger concerns right now. We have a traitor to catch.” He said and came closer, ignoring the stern looks he got from both Krogan and Turian. “I know who betrayed you.” He said, looking directly at me.

“Nigeth.” I said.

“No.”

We all looked at the Drell, confusion and surprise written in each of our faces.

 

 

 

“Draft…”


	19. Hawk

      Illium whooshed past us with a speed most would consider hazardous to one’s health.

“Would someone explain this one more time? I didn’t get it the first.” Gamenk asked from the back seat of the skycar, fully armored, alongside Crip. Shade was driving and I was seated next to him. I turned slightly in my seat.

“Remember how we were ambushed by a special division of mercs?” I asked, and he nodded. “I’ve spent a lot of time trying to find out who pulled the strings with them. Turns out to be Brian Hawk, a man good at keeping his hands clean and leaving no evidence. He hired Shade to find Shayla Kryik after I was kidnapped by Blue Suns. When he found nothing, assuming I had perished in the fire, Shade was free for hire and Hawk did something else. But now, he’s put two and two together, and discovered that Palaven is Shayla Kryik.” I explained. Shade took over.

“Hawk haven’t shown interest in Palaven before. But after she took down a shipment for his private store, something began to stir. I expected he’d might hire me to assassinate her, but apparently he’s been planning something else, or maybe he’s been hired to do the dirty job for a third player. Whatever the reason is, Hawk has now hired big and small to find Palaven and bring her in, dead or alive, and that is where Draft comes in.”

“Draft has apparently been bribed to sell Shayla out, and to avoid detection he’s gone through some Turian working as a contact to the mercs, also hired by Hawk.” Crip finished the explanation and Gamenk nodded, understanding. Though, he quickly gained a confused expression.

“But… You and Draft… You have a history, don’t you?” Gamenk asked, making the others look at me as well (Shade only for a moment).

“Yeah, but we don’t talk about. That was put behind us when we changed names.” I said, still not quite believing how Draft could be the traitor.

      After Shade had found me and the guys in Gamenk’s shop, he had told us how he had come to a few hours after I had left, and once he was more or less stabile, he had started searching for the Turian. He already guessed neither Crip nor Nigeth would dare to betray me, so he looked for someone else. Eventually he came across a nervous Turian in a bar, whom he had confronted. The Turian had heard rumors that Palaven was still alive, hadn’t been found by the mercs and even knew he had sold her out, which meant Palaven was coming for him. …That’s what he believed, anyway.

Shade quickly got what he needed, but just as the Turian had sung, the mercs arrived and they were pissed. Shade barely got out of there with his life, but he managed. The Turian wasn’t so lucky…. Then Shade had sought out me.

“What do you know about Draft?” Shade suddenly asked me.

“Not much. His real name is Kheral, he’s a nurse of sorts, and he was apparently wanted by the Blue suns as well.” I told them.

“Wanted? For what?” Gamenk asked.

“Don’t know. He’s never told me, and I never asked.” I said, but right I kinda wished I had.

“Maybe you should have.” Shade said, almost as if he was reading my mind. If Draft was still wanted by the Blue Suns, maybe Hawk could have used that to persuade him into adding in the capture of me. Maybe Hawk had offered protection, and Draft could only receive it if he got hold of me…

      “It makes no sense! If Draft really is selling me out, why didn’t he try to get me when I was home before my heat?! He had the perfect chance, and I would never have seen it coming!” I said hard, still not truly believing that the Batarian had betrayed me. He was like an elder brother to me, for crying out loud!!

“Maybe he didn’t have the guts?” Crip offered, making Gamenk huff. “Not likely.” The Krogan said. “I haven’t met a Batarian unwilling to kill for the sake of his own life. Especially not if the target is human, no offense, Shay.” He said and I nodded slightly.

“This is different. Draft has always been protective about me, he hates when I leave without telling him and he scolds me when I return from any mission harmed.” I said, the situation not making sense for me. “If Hawk has ordered Draft to kill me, why didn’t he do it before I started searching for Hawk? Something isn’t making sense here…”

“We’ll know when we find him.” Crip assured me and placed a hand on my shoulder. I prayed he was right and that we weren’t too late for the answers to our questions. I started thinking about how I met Draft, how rude and cold he had seemed. He had claimed he was a dead man, but after we escaped the Suns and had gained ourselves new lives, he had softened a great deal up, smiled and laughed, and even begun to pull me into hugs when I returned with goods or unharmed. He had never gone as far as to kiss me, but he had shared a bed with me a few times when I had returned home completely soaked by rain and shivering from cold. Body heat was the best cure, after a warm shower…

      We landed, and I decided to go in on my own, but either Crip or Gamenk would hear about that. Either we all went in, or none of us did! _Mother hens! All of them…_ I had thought to myself, and then led them to the apartment. Crip suddenly stopped and hushed us at the door.

“Multiple voices…” he whispered and I leaned close to the door to listen, hearing the same.

_“Let’s not make this anymore painful than it already is. Where is she?”_ a deep voice I didn’t recognize said. I vaguely heard a cough. _“I’ve already told you, I don’t know!”_ I gasped lightly as I recognized the voice. That wasn’t Draft. It was Thaleon!!

_“I haven’t seen her since her last heat about a month ago, and even if I had, what makes you think I would betray her?”_ I heard through the door and then the groan as he was hit, possibly by a weapon of some sort. There was coughing, wheezing and it made me ready to jump right through the door and kill whoever was harming my friend and lover. A taloned hand kept me back.

Crip listened in as well, his ears possibly picking up more than I could. I stayed silent, waiting for him to let go, when he suddenly looked at me with wide eyes. In a matter of seconds he pushed the others back as I flared my biotics and used a blast so powerful it tore the door apart, sending the sections flying into the apartment. My growl filled the silence as I entered and observed the scene.

      Multiple mercs stood as nailed to the ground, all of them immovable as they looked at me. Six of them stood in the background, two more was holding a body between them, one was standing near the southern window (and thankfully hadn’t been able to see us coming) and one by the entrance to my bedroom. A buff one, possibly their leader, stood with his back partially turned towards me, gun raised and the newly spent clip lying at his feet, ready to shoot the Drell lying in front of him.

My growl increased, my focus on Thaleon and his safety first and foremost.

“Well, well. Look who decided to drop in.” the leader smirked and rested his weapon on his shoulder instead. I took a step forward, growling, and he instantly switched hands, aiming the weapon at Thaleon. “Ah, ah. I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”

“Let. Him. Go!” I snarled, my biotics still flared. “It’s me you want.”

The leader smirked, but didn’t lower his weapon or made any indication that he intended to listen to me. “Actually, you were second on my list. I came here for someone else.” He said and snapped his fingers, the two mercs holding a body between them coming closer. With the weapon still aimed at Thaleon, he grabbed with his free hand around the neck of the poor soul and lifted his head, four eyes barely staying open, blood flowing from his nose and mouth.

“Recognize him? Or did I punch him a little too much?”

      I stared at the leader and increased my biotics, a pulse coming from me and instantly every merc capable aimed their weapon at me. The situation made him laugh.

“Now it’s getting fun!” he nearly laughed and gripped tighter around Draft’s neck. “Looks like you got a choice here, Palaven. You surrender, and I promise to spare one of them. All you have to do is choose who gets to live…” he said.

“And if I don’t surrender?” I asked, somehow already knowing what answer would come. “Then I kill them both, my guys kill you and I leave here with a corpse. But frankly I don’t really care if you live or die, I get paid no matter what.” he said with a smirk so wide he reminded me of a mad man.

A small ping on my com indicated Crip and Gamenk was ready to move on my signal, and the double ping told me that Shade was somewhere in the apartment as well, ready to take the shot. I just had to figure the right time, make the right situation and hope I could save them…

“How about this?” I said and lowered my biotics. “You let them both go and in return I’ll let you kill me. After all you get paid no matter, right?” I spread my arms slightly, offering myself to him. He looked at me, really intense, and then he started laughing. Low at first, but it increased to a mad mans level before it died to a chuckle, and in split second he got serious.

“I got one better.”

      I never saw it happen, before I felt the pain in my leg as I crumbled on the floor. I heard groaning and despite my own situation I looked over at Thaleon, watching how a merc stepped on him and pushed a rifle to his head. One of the two holding Draft was pushing a pistol to the Batarian’s back head as the leader came towards me.

“My guys kill yours, and then I get the pleasure of killing you.” He smirked wide, slowly aiming his weapon at my head. That’s when everything became complicated to follow as it more or less happened within seconds (I’ll do my best to explain).

The first I remember was the leader’s hand exploding as Shade sniped it right off him, a nanosecond later a wall came crumbling down as Gamenk barged through it, creating enough distraction and disorientation for Crip to shoot both men threatening Draft and Thaleon as he moved into the room through the door. I used the momentarily confusion to flare my biotics and push the leader across the room, taking the other holding Draft in the fall, and the Batarian dropped to the floor more or less lifeless.

I stumbled to my feet while they others were killing and fighting, and then suddenly everything went silent. Dust fell to the floor from the broken wall, a spent thermal clip was ejected here and there and a hand suddenly gripped around my arm. “You alright?” Crip asked and I nodded, hissing when pain shot through my leg. “I’ve been better. Check on Draft.” I said and he moved towards the Batarian once he was sure I had stabilized.

      I looked at the destruction. Every merc was dead, except two: the leader and the one who had held Draft. The latter was killed quickly when Gamenk went over, picked the leader up by the throat and then stepped on the smaller mercs head, splattering it all over the floor. I looked away, really wishing I hadn’t witnessed that. I would never get that sound out of my head now…

“Shay?”

The broken voice turned my attention to the wounded Drell and I limped over to him while Shade scanned him for injuries after freeing his hands. I slumped down in front of him, my leg hurting as I did, but I pushed the pain aside, focusing on Thaleon. “How are you feeling?” I asked and he looked up at me with a slightly swollen eye, blood tickling down his chin and bruises forming under his scaled skin.

“Glad to see a friendly face…” he said and attempted to smile, but he was in more pain than me, which had me turning my anger at the leader, now hanging helplessly in Gamenk’s grasp as the Krogan raised a fist to strike.

“Wait.” I ordered and Gamenk froze, but his eyes never left the leader. I stepped slightly in between them. “You’re from Brian Hawk, aren’t you?” I asked, but he just laughed lightly at me.

“You’re crazy if you think you can make me talk.” He chuckled. I looked away a few seconds, before I hammered my knife into his hip. The merc screamed as I twisted it slightly. “Looks like you have a choice here…” I said and let the knife scrap even more against his joint, possibly tearing it apart. “You tell me what I want to know, and I promise your death will be quick. Refuse… and I’ll tear you apart, bit by bit.” I growled, proving my point by flipping my knife quickly to a side, ripping his hip out of its joint, causing him extreme pain and making even Gamenk move slightly in discomfort.

      I moved closer, the bloodied knife raised to his eye level. “You’re from Hawk… aren’t you?” I asked and he groaned, his eyes going back and forth between my eyes and the knife. He nodded as much as he could. “Yeah…”

“That’s all I wanted to know…” I said and turned away, again wishing I hadn’t been there as Gamenk crushed his head against the wall. Now I **really** wouldn’t forget that sound…

Every merc dead I turned to my team and Draft. He was in poor shape, but alive. Crip had managed to make it just a little comfortable for him before scanning him for injuries. I looked at the Turian before kneeling down beside the Batarian. It wasn’t good…

His eyes opened when I touched his arm, and they attempted to widen when he realized it was me. “Shay…” he said weakly, a hand lifting to reach me. I grabbed it and held on to it. “I’m… sorry…” he said, coughing, his pain clearly. I sighed, tears beginning to press behind my eyes.

“Why, Draft? You were family…” I asked.

“He… promised… to capture you… alive. I… trusted him. Stupid…” his words were punctured by heavy breathing, his voice rasping and as I looked over at Crip I had a feeling Draft had suffered internal bleedings, and we couldn’t save him from that…

“Draft… What did Hawk do to you?” I asked, leaning closer to hear him better, so he didn’t have to use too much energy on speak loud. He swallowed, hand gripping tight around mine. “He… kept you safe… from me,… from… my past. Said… they knew too much now. Said… he could keep you safe… if captured…” he coughed and the first tears rolled over my cheeks. “Promised… to keep you alive… safe… from my past…” he looked at me, voice dying out and his grip faded…

      It was a shaking hand I skated over his face, closing his eyes in the progress and then I cried. My heart couldn’t take the loss. Despite his betrayal, despite he had told the enemy about my locations he had done it to protect me; not from Hawk, but from himself, as he apparently had done throughout the last two years. He had betrayed me to protect me; a complicated situation, and I still didn’t understand all of it, but right then I couldn’t. I was broken over the loss of a friend; despite of everything else around me…

“Shay…” Crip reached over but had barely touched me before a voice interrupted us.

_“I hope you have good news for me, Delta.”_

We all looked in Gamenk’s and Shade’s direction, the Drell holding a holo device in hand and the back of a sharp dressed man was seen in front of him. A finger was pointed at Shade, but he barely moved. _“You! You’ve got a lot of nerve calling me, Assassin! We have nothing more to talk about.”_ The man said and moved slightly as if he wanted to terminate the connection.

“You and I don’t, but I think you might want to share a few words with my new employer.” Shade and pointed back at me. I stood up at the same second the man on the holo turned around, looking around. _“Palaven…”_

“Hawk, I presume…” I growled and came closer. He stood a bit more rank and folded his hands behind his back. _“Correct, and I must say it is a pleasure to finally meet you, Palaven. Or should I call you Shayla?”_

I snarled and stepped even closer. “You can call me hell, for that’s what coming for you!”

      He huffed and then looked around at each of my comrades and the mercs. _“I see the plans have been changed. And that you have taken one of mine in employment. I’m both disappointed and quite pleased.”_ He said and looked back at me. I shoot a quick look at Shade, but he shook his head at me. Hawk continued. _“But I suppose this means Kheral is no longer available. Pity. He was a good man.”_

I growled. “Don’t play with me, Hawk. Draft never meant anything to you.”

_“On the contrary. He was a valuable asset to me.”_ he said.

“You gave him protection, didn’t you? From what and for what price?” Crip asked coming up behind me. Hawk looked him over once.

_”His past. Blue Suns wanted his head after he sabotaged and poisoned an entire division back on Omega. I offered immunity and protection, and in return he would do a few discrete jobs for me whenever I required it. He did his job well for two years, until I asked for something very personal of his.”_ He said and looked straight at me. _“You.”_

“What do you want with me?” I asked

_“Nothing. I am merely doing as I was told. And with the amount of money I’ve been given, I am more than willing to do whatever it takes to accomplish my task.”_

      “What task?” Crip asked and the holo turned its attention on him.

_“Capture Shayla Kryik, or Palaven,… dead or alive.”_

“Who’s your employer?” I asked, ready to tear the holo apart if it said one wrong word.

_“I do not discuss my own employment over an open channel, and frankly you can’t say anything to change my mind.”_ He said.

“Maybe not, but I can do something. I don’t care where you are, I **will** find you.” I growled, my biotics flaring and the sensations licking over my skin.

Hawk lowered his head slightly and then scratched it. _“Well, Kheral did speak highly of you and your kind nature. I’ll be looking forward to meet you in person.”_ He said, smirking as he did. _“But since the Shadow Broker hasn’t been able to find me, I sincerely doubt you will. But you’re more than welcome to try, Palaven. I’ll enjoy hearing about your failed attempts.”_ He said, bowed and then the connection cut.

I had to let all of my bottled up emotions get some air, so I roared and let a biotic lash shatter the wooden table. No one said anything.

“Tell me, we have a chance of finding him.” I turned to Shade as he was the only one with some real connection to Hawk. He was at a loss of words, for the first time since I had met him. I walked over to him, anger blocking the pain I was feeling. “I don’t care if I have to travel the galaxy thin! Just tell me there’s a chance!” I growled.

      He sighed. “It’s slim…” he began, but it was enough for me.

“Good enough.” I said and turned to the others. “If Hawk think he can use one of mine for his own gain, he got something else coming. I’ll take all the help I can to bring him down, but I won’t ask you to follow me. You have built lives here, and I respect that.” I said, but before I could keep talking, heavy steps came closer.

“Ask? Is there ever a doubt?” Gamenk said, a little harder than usual. “I didn’t just go through four days thinking you were dead, just to have you back so you can rush off and directly into a trap. Not on my watch, girl!! Wherever you’re going, I’m going with you.” he said and pointed a strict finger into my chest. The others agreed rather quickly afterwards, even Thaleon.

I sighed, both annoyed and relieved. “We’re going to need a good information broker, and possibly a few specialist…” I said, feeling like I was beginning to plan for war, but as my eyes slipped over the body of Draft I knew…

This was war!


	20. Palaven's end

I looked out at the Citadel as we came closer and closer to it. I had almost forgotten what it looked like…

An elbow nudged me gently, bringing me out of my blank state and turning my attention to the Drell beside me. Thaleon looked at me with a bit of concern in his eyes. “You alright?” he asked, tilting his head slightly, but I just looked away, back to the view of the massive station coming up. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what it would feel like to be back here, and I certainly hadn’t expected Hawk to be in a place like this. Omega, maybe. Or some lone colony…

After burying Draft and relocating to a completely new place, we had begun to gather our people and whatever information we could on Hawk. Raven, our Salarian informant, dug up some info, but he couldn’t pinpoint the exact location of the sharp-dressed man. He did, however, gain contact with some who might have more, and piece by piece we managed to put it all together. Brian Hawk was only a cover (out of many), and the man was really a powerful diplomat on the Citadel by the name of Delan Tobashi, but to me he was one man only: Hawk!

Not only did we piece together all of his many false identities, but we picked up some additional help along the way in form of a few soldiers and specialists.

Lun’rina, also just called Lun: female Turian Cabal, ex-military. She got in contact with Shade and soon learned the deal, offering to help.

Crestin: Salarian tech expert. He was a genius when it came to hacking, quick on his fingers and almost as fast talking as Mordin. Only problem was that he was a little nervous in large groups.

Nal’Sheen and Deli’Sheen: Quarian brother and sister, twins even (which, I’ve heard, wasn’t that normal). They were tech experts like Crestin, and had always stuck together so their combined team-work with the rest of the group was practically invaluable.

Kacus: Retired Turian Havoc, but he was more than ready to fight again, especially when he became friends with Crip.

      It had taken weeks of careful searching and planning, but now the plan was put in motion and there was no turning back from it. _Ready or not, Hawk, here I come!_

Warm fingers closed around my hand gently, again making me look slightly at the Drell beside me. “Honey?” he asked, reminding me of our current mission. In order to avoid suspicion, my team and I had begun to travel to the Citadel slowly and as individuals, so no one would suspect we were going to be there as a group. Thaleon and I were about the last to travel from Illium and were to behave as a couple on their way to a vacation on the Citadel. Some of the others had gone to Omega and then to the Citadel, and Shade had even been back on Kahje, to really spice up the deception and remove us from suspicion.

I sighed and leaned against his shoulder, playing my role well. I had colored my hair, gained contact lenses to conceal my abnormal eye color, and even used some tanning to change skin color as well. I was a complete new woman…

“Just a little nervous… The station looks so massive.” I said, with a slight accent, and closed my eyes as I rested against him. His thump caressed my skin.

“First time on the Citadel?” the Asari on the other side of Thaleon asked, looking at us with a smile. Thaleon replied politely and ended up chatting with her until we landed and got off the shuttle. Nothing ever indicated that she had any idea of who I was, but of course, Shayla Kryik was technically dead, even on the Citadel…

      We got off the shuttle and continued our deception for a few days, until a note came in from Shade. The team was all here, and he had found Hawk. When that hit, we went searching for the shop of weapons and armor Crip and Kacus had set up weeks before our arrival, with all the necessary licenses and paperwork done (all fake, but very convincing). They kept it under construction until the note came, having all of our armors and weapons stored in there. Perfect cover and a perfect place for us to meet.

But again, it had to be done nice and slow so no one noticed the many people slipping around the back and into the new shop over very short time. Last one to show up was Nal and Deli, but no one blamed them. They had a lot of trouble just getting on to the Citadel and then they were harassed and nearly arrested for something they had never done, had Raven not been there as an innocent, bypassing witness.

Once gathered, it was time to go over the plan.

“Here’s the deal.” Raven said and brought a holographic image of Hawk up. I growled slightly when I saw him. “Brian Hawk, alias Delan Tobashi, works as a diplomat here on the Citadel. He has some serious pull, and heavy protection. We can’t storm him while he’s on the Presidium. That’ll be suicide.” He explained.

“So we have to get him where we want him. Somewhere away from people and the Presidium.” I said, making more than a few nod. Raven took over again. “Now, we’ve managed to get a bug into Hawk’s systems, thanks to Shade and his cloaking, and learned that he has a meeting with some unidentified buyer, which we have learned is a group of Blue suns. We know where the meeting will take place.”

      A building schematic came up. “As you can see, there are multiple positions from where Hawk might enter.” Raven said.

“Which is why we have to be there before Hawk arrives.” I said and walked a little back and forth. “We infiltrate the building, take out the Blue Suns and set up our little surprise for Hawk. If this is done right, we can minimize the fire fight with the Suns, and focus on the hired muscle Hawk no doubt is bringing with him. So we are going to need some good tech solutions, and assassins.” I looked quickly at both my Quarian twins and my assassins, before changing my attention to our youngest Salarian.

“Crestin. You’ll find a way to scramble their communication, so they can’t warn each other about Shade and Toufan, our infiltration team. They will take out as many as they can without detection, and then drive the mercs to this point.” I said, pointing and enlarging a specific room with multiple entrances. “The rest of us will break into two teams, each with two biotics, a Krogan and either Nal or Deli with them. Our twins will handle hacking of the doors, biotics will give cover to the team and our Krogans serve as muscle. If we can box the Suns in within this room, we can easily take them out.” I said.

Kacus came a little closer. “There’s some excellent positions for snipers in there. I suggest a third smaller unit to drive the mercs into the room, while our own assassins take out what snipers they have and set up positions. That way we can hit them from multiple angles.” He said and it made Gamenk step up as well. “Two Krogans and a Turian should be enough to scare them half to death. What resistance the remaining teams might face shouldn’t be more than a well rested biotic can handle.” He said.

      “So this is how we do it. Crestin handles the scrambler, Shade and Toufan clears the back entrances here, here and here, focusing on this one first. Crip, you’ll handle the hacking of doors from there, taking Gamenk and Avec in first and drive the mercs to this place. Nal and Deli will still be divided with the rest of us and the biotics will keep their attacks down until we reach the room, as there will be heavy weapons. Mean while, Shade and Toufan will insure that no sniper is coming up on us, and take their own positions.”

“How many mercs?” Lun asked.

“Fewer than forty.” Shade answered, being the only one who had been in there and seen it. “And locked inside that room, it will be like a shooting gallery.” He added.

“Once we have the building, our techs will close every door, giving Hawk no other route but to reach the very same room, where we will be ready for him. Then we’ll take him down, nice and clean, but no one kills Hawk until we know who he works for. After that I don’t care who takes the kill shot. The important part is that he never leaves that room.” I said, and saw how some light began to shine in some of their eyes, eager to get started.

“Does everybody understand the plan?” I asked and they all nodded. “Good. The meeting will happen in four days. Shade will keep us updated on possible changes, so I want everyone ready and able to move out on a moment’s notice.”

 

* * *

      And that was how it was done.

Four days later, we arrived at the building, everything going as according to planned. Shade and Toufan got in and started to thin the numbers of mercs, then Crip, Gamenk and Avec drove the remaining Suns into the room, where our assassins had set up positions, and then the remaining of our team arrived from two other directions, boxing the Suns completely in, their numbers quelled in a matter of minutes.

We didn’t avoid injuries ourselves. Raven took a shot as he wasn’t used to fighting and was taken to cover in a room with Deli. Nigeth and Kacus dressed themselves in Blue Suns armor and went to wait at the front door to lead Hawk inside, while the rest of us cleaned up the Blue Suns bodies. The place didn’t have to look like a massacre when Hawk arrived… Crestin and Nal closed every other door, some of our agile fighters getting ready to take hide behind crates and in dark corners, while Gamenk and Avec was more or less exposed. Now we could only wait…

An hour ticked by before Kacus contacted us, saying the target had arrived and he really had some serious protection with him. We took position.

      I stood in the middle of the room, waiting when the door opened and Kacus led Hawk inside, Nigeth following up behind the entire group of protection. More than a few Asari, possibly commandos, or at least well trained biotics, and some heavy looking Turians. Hawk looked me over once and then looked around, turning to Kacus.

“Is this supposed to be a joke?” he said hard, the old Turian soldier not even as much a flinching.

“No joke, Mr. Tobashi.” I said, turning his attention to me. “Or would you prefer that I call you Hawk?” I asked. I could see his thoughts was running in circles to find out where he had seen me before, since I was still tanned and had different hair and eye color.

“Have we met before?” he asked, stepping a little closer, two Asari walking with him, looking around for any danger. Good thing my people knew how to stay hidden, expect for my Krogans…

“Not in person, but you did claim to be looking forward to our meeting the last time we spoke.” I said, giving him a little more, but he still didn’t seem to be able to remember. He suddenly looked around again, now really noticing the Krogans and he withdrew slightly.

“What is this? Where’s Aptius?” he asked, reaching for a weapon in his jacket. I chuckled slightly.

“Ah yes, Aptius. He wanted me to tell you that he is currently unavailable,… and that hell has come for you.” I growled the last, his eyes suddenly widening.

      A low sound began to fill the room, a sound soon identified as a laughter which only became louder over time. Hawk suddenly spread his arms as if he wanted to hug me in.

“Congratulations, Palaven. You found me, and I see you brought a little company. Daring of you.” He smiled and bowed slightly.

“I told you, I’d find you.” I said, no longer holding the façade. He knew who I was and why I was there.

“Indeed you did. And I must admit I’m impressed with your stubbornness. Anyone else would have given up long ago.” He said.

“I don’t give up. You should have realized that by now.” I said and crossed my arms, glaring at him as he nodded slightly and then folded his hands behind his back, clearly amused by the situation.

“So, now what, Ms. Kryik? You intend to kill me?”

I growled low. “Oh, I’m itching to do that… But you have some information I need, and dead men don’t talk.” I said and relaxed in my arms, stepping closer. Hawk’s protection aimed their weapons at me, and from the corner of my eye I could see Lun ready to shield me with her biotics. A voice suddenly sounded in my ear.

_“I got two in line. Don’t move.”_ Shade told me, so I stood still.

“And I suppose this is where I tell you everything you wish to know and then you let me go?” Hawk asked, walking around his people. None of them as much as moved. Crip and Kacus had drawn back to safer positions after Hawk had recognized me as Palaven.

      I didn’t answer him.

“I must admit, I’m impressed with you, Kryik. Not only did you manage to find me, but you even succeeded in slipping from Illium unnoticed, bug my systems, use my own schedule as bait, take out this entire unit of Blue Suns and capture me here.” he said, spreading his arms again as he walked back and stood in front of his people. He looked slightly at what people I had exposed. “Krogan and Turian, good choice. But I am guessing your assassin is in here somewhere as well. He was the one who bugged my systems, wasn’t it?”

I still didn’t answer him, so he smirked.

“Yes… That Drell is amazing, I’ll give you that. But I doubt you’ve been able to take out the Blue Suns with five people by your side. So, why not just have the rest come out where I can see them?” he said.

“Really? Commander Shepard took down Saren and the Geth with just two people. Why shouldn’t I be able to this with five?” I said, folding my arms and saw how his expression waivered a little. “What’s the matter, Hawk? Afraid you might have the wrong files on my people? That maybe they’re a lot stronger than you ever gave them credit for?” I said, growling.

      Hawk stepped back, his mind either not functioning anymore or the sound of Shepard’s name had done something to him. Maybe he had heard how I helped Shepard back in the days, just never believed it…

“Don’t just stand there! Kill her!!” he ordered, and no sooner had he shouted the order before the shield on two of his people fell and their heads then exploded, one at a time. It gave a few seconds of confusion, but some didn’t seem to care as they fired their weapons at me. A biotic shield appeared around me, keeping me from harm.

And then the fighting really began. My people jumped from cover, Hawk and his took cover and shots were fired from nearly everywhere in the room. I took cover along Lun and Nigeth, thanking her for her help. It was a war zone…

I was busy taking down this pesky Asari, when I suddenly heard a groan in my ear and the flickering of static. I looked up to where I knew Shade was seated, only to see him fall to the ground. I completely forgot about Asari, and focused solely on the one standing over my Drell assassin, weapon aimed at his head. I tackled her brutally, biotic fist raised and then kept hammering on her shield until it gave in and I could shatter her skull under my fingers. Later, I was so glad I had gloves on…

I then pulled Shade into cover, looking at my own shields. They had taken some fire during my stunt, but they would recharge. The Drell groaned again. “How bad?” I quickly asked, still keeping an eye out for incoming enemies.

“I’ll live…” he groaned “Only got my arm…” and I nodded once he showed the wound. It wasn’t fatal, but he was incapable of fighting anymore. Deli showed up beside us. “Help him.” I ordered and returned to the fight.

      I admit, it was hard, and Hawk had been more prepared for a battle than what I had first thought, but we managed to get through. Though… not without causalities…

When only Hawk was left alive, I wanted the others to check in, and we soon learned that both Toufan and Nigeth had been killed in action. Kacus was still alive, but we knew it was only a matter of time…

“Heh. Hell of a fight, Palaven…” he said and smirked up at me. “Haven’t had this much fun since First Contact.” He joked, but was interrupted by a series of coughs. He settled back against the gently hold of Lun. She looked up at me slightly, but I knew what she wanted to say.

I reached for his hand, and held it tight. “You did good, Kacus. It was an honor to have you alongside me. Spirits be with you…” I said, saw his smile and then how it faded as his head fell back, eyes empty, life gone…

I closed his eyes gently and Lun put him down, folding his hands on his chest. A wheezing noise disturbed the peace as Avec pulled a bleeding Hawk from his cover. “What about this Pyjak? We kill him now?” he asked, holding Hawk by the shoulder, lifting him about two feet from the ground and bringing him on display for the rest of us. I walked over and motioned for Avec to lower him.

“You listen very carefully to me now. Because of you and your damn deals, I just lost three good men and several others are injured, and the only thing I really wonna do right now is tear you apart. But if you tell me who you work for, I’ll give you a running start!” I growled.

      The man shivered, his head lowered so I wasn’t sure what it was, but when he looked at me, his laughter was clear.

“You really think I intend to tell you anything? Go ahead, kill me. There will be others after you, Kryik.” He said, getting into my face and then spat on me. Avec lifted him up and rammed him down into the ground, efficiently breaking his leg in the process. I wiped it off, before looking at the now whimpering man.

I then pulled off my gloves and took out my contacts, the golden eyes of mine coming into light again, and growled. “I offered you a chance to live, but you spat on it! Now, I’m not holding back…”

I stepped back, flared my biotics, making Avec release Hawk and move aside. I lifted the man up. “In the end it doesn’t matter if you talk. I found you, and I’ll find your employee. Time for revenge…” I said and tossed him into a lot of crates.

“You turned a friend against me by using his fear.” I said, lifting him and then tossed him into the wall, holding. “You had your people kill three of mine.” I said and added pressure, breaking a few of his bones. “You made me suffer their deaths, and now…” I growled, pulling him a little from the wall and made him look into my eyes. “Hell finally caught up to you!” I said low, threatening and tossed him across the room, bashing his head open on the opposite wall.

The lifeless body dropped to the ground, twitching slightly from nerve activity, but I didn’t care. It was over, it was finally over…

For now, at least…

 

* * *

      I sighed.

“I thought you’d be happier by now.” Thaleon said, looking at me as we walked along the docks. “Hawk is gone. It’s over. He’s not coming after you any longer.” He said, clearly trying to cheer me up. I stopped and looked at him.

“But he managed to destroy everything for me. Four good men are dead, Shayla Kryik is dead here on the Citadel, and too many people on Illium knows about Palaven for me to return. Let’s face it…” I hung my head. “I’m no one. I don’t exist…”

A scaled hand gently cupped my cheek, thumb running over what was left of a small wound, as dark eyes looked down on me. “In that case I have a damn good imagination.” he said, but it didn’t work on me.

“What’s even worse, I still don’t know who ordered Hawk to capture me, or why the Blue Suns was after me two years ago.” I said, walking out of his touch. “There’s definitely someone out there who knows more about me than I do, maybe even know where I came from…” I said and leaned against a railing to one of the docked ships. Thaleon came to stand beside me.

“If so, we’ll find them. Like you said, we found Hawk, we’ll find these bastards too.” He said “And we’ll be right there with you…” he nudged my shoulder, and I couldn’t help but to smile a little.

“Why do you always know what to say to cheer me up?”

He shrugged his shoulders with a smirk. “Talent.” He said and I jabbed out for his shoulder playfully, his tongue playing out between his lips as he stepped away from me and avoided the punch. He did stepped back in and threw an arm around my shoulders as we began to walk again. I leaned against him, feeling a little better.

      Since we had taken down Hawk things had been a bit hectic. We had to stay clear of C-Sec and after a few weeks of staying low, most of my team was already on their way back to Illium, “relieved of duty” and with the promise I’d stay in touch with them no matter what happened to me. Thaleon, Crip and Gamenk were the only few who had decided to stay on the Citadel. I suspected Shade was around as well, but I never saw or heard anything from him.

Despite I hadn’t wanted to, we had decided to let C-Sec deal with the bodies of Toufan, Nigeth and Kacus. None of us could openly arrive with them or take them back to Illium without going through official channels, so it was better to let C-Sec handle them. Kacus had been given his last honor and the others had been dead before the fighting was over.

Now out of work and home, I had sneaked back to the apartment I had had before I had my vacation on Illium (and was kidnapped), but I found it occupied by someone else and what little I had left behind had long been sold or destroyed. The only things I had left now were my Book of Memories, some credits and the clothes on my back.

_Things really had gone from perfect to a disaster in a few years, huh?_ About six years ago (nearly), I had arrived on the Citadel, confused, injured and clearly not a part of the world. Now it felt like I had always been here, but my knowledge of the games still haunted me and then there was the lack of memory about my past. Why couldn’t I remember who I was before Nihlus? The things done to me by Cerberus or even what this _Object Delta_ was? It was almost like someone, or something, didn’t want me to remember, because every time I tried to look for it, I was met by a brick wall in form of a dead end.

It weighed heavy on me not to know and I knew Thaleon would pick up on it, eventually…

      “Hey…” he suddenly said and I looked up at him, but he wasn’t looking at me. There was something else around that had caught his attention. “Didn’t you say you had served on the Normandy?” he asked and then looked at me before I could turn around to see what he had seen.

“Yes, but it was destroyed in an attack near Alchera. Why?” I asked, and then he pointed back behind me. I gasped silently.

“Then, what is **it** doing here?” he asked.

Docked among a few others, the special design, the long nose and least, but not last, the huge letters burning on the newly polished surface, made themselves clear and easy to identify. The Normandy… and as I had a closer look at the nose, the yellow and black symbol roared at me as well.

_Cerberus…_

But did this mean…

 

Shepard was really alive…??


	21. Reunion pt. 1

_First of all, I apologize to all of my readers for letting this story be silent for so long. I am so sorry. A lot has happened to me lately, both personally and with my family. And to make it worse, my laptop decided to die on me during an exam. Thankfully, the drive was intact so all of my work was saved, but it has taken some time for me to find a new computer suited for my needs._

_I'm really sorry for being so late with this, but I hope readers will understand and as compensation enjoy the two new chapters._

 

* * *

 

      "There he is…" I said and put the sniper in position.

_"Careful, Shay. If we don't time our shots…"_ Shade's voice cracked in my ear, making me sigh.

"I know. It's not my first time with a sniper…" I said, putting the weapon better in position, waiting for the right time to strike the small group walking beneath us. I had my eye on a woman in some sleazy jumpsuit, her long black hair waving around her as she looked around. _Yeah, you try and find us…_ I thought, finding it amusing how little she was actually looking. It almost looked like she wasn't used to field work.

_"Now!"_ Shade said, and at the same time we pulled the trigger on our snipers, taking down two of three shields, making it impossible for the group to say where the shot came from. I flared my biotics, lifted the two and knocked them both unconscious before anyone could make a move, leaving the third to aim and fire at me as he noticed my biotics. His shots was reflected on my shield and barrier.

He quickly changed rounds, but a shadow appeared behind him, pressing a pistol to his back. "You'll be dead before you even pull the trigger." Shade threatened, making the soldier lift his hands in surrender. I drifted down to them, and walked towards him.

"You should get yourself some better people, commander. Those two would have been dead by now, had it been our intention to kill them." I said and came closer. "But I was feeling generous. Killing people isn't the best way to secure a possible alliance."

"PtM, I assume?" he said, clearly not intimidated by either of us. I nodded. _God, even the voice was as I remembered him to be…_ I thought as I stared at the soldier, the Commander; John Shepard. He looked the same, except for the few red lines on his face and the slight red glimpse in his eyes. The armor had changed as well, but he still wore the N7 symbol. Now I just had to find out if he really was the one and only…

"And you must be Commander Shepard. I've heard you were dead." I said, my voice twisted thanks to the recon hood. I waved a hand at Shade, who stepped back and allowed Shepard to lower his hands.

"I was, partially." He said, looking back at the Drell, before he gripped his weapon and took a step towards me. "But who are you, and why did you attack my people?" He said and I huffed.

      After I discovered the Normandy and that there truly was a Shepard onboard, I went through my old addresses and found his. Then I spent a few days working on what to write and how to get to talk with him in private without revealing who I was too early. I had my remaining team members help me set up a plan, and Shade offered to be there with me. Honestly I hadn't expected for it to work, but here he was and as I suspected, he hadn't come alone. The two Cerberus operatives were no match, however.

I leaned back on a leg. "I'm not fond of Cerberus. And honestly, I wouldn't have expected a man like you to work for them, commander." I said, avoiding the question about my identity. He lowered his weapon and stepped closer again. Shade was ready to interfere…

"I'm not working **_for_** Cerberus. I'm working **_with_** them to stop the Reapers." He said, his eyes hard and cold, but I sensed some of the life. He stepped back again. "What even gives you the right to judge me? Who are you and what do you want?" he said, clearly not fond of the situation, but since we hadn't tried to kill him or the others, he wouldn't do anything. That is, if he really was the Shepard I knew…

"Palaven, and I called you here, hoping to talk with you." I said and stepped closer to him, coming within a few inches of his reach. "The Reapers are on the move again, aren't they?" I asked and he lifted a brow slightly, trying to look through the lenses of my hood.

"What do you know about the Reapers?" he asked, the tension in the room rising, making Shade tense behind Shepard. I took a step back, crossed my arms and leaned into a hip.

"There are some in this galaxy who hasn't rejected your theories, and even seen the evidence themselves, _commander._ " I deliberately twisted the sound of his title, hoping to bring a reaction out of him, something I could recognize…

"We're not entirely sure yet, but everything points at Reaper influence. Several human colonies in the Traverse have gone silent, and every time there is no trace of any hostile activity. Everyone is just gone." He said and I relaxed again. "We have confirmation that a race called Collectors is involved in these attacks, but we still don't know if they are working for the Reapers."

"But you suspect it?" I asked and he nodded, making me walk a little back and forth. "So, the Collectors are involved, the Reapers might be behind it all, and the deceased first human Spectre returns to life, working **_with_** a known terrorist group, in order to stop them…" I stated, just trying to be along with the facts. Of course, I already knew, thanks to the return of my knowledge about the games…

      I stopped walking. "Sounds like you have your hands full, Shep." I said, folding my hands behind my back.

"I have no intention of going alone. I'm trying to gather a team of…" he started, but then trailed of and I smirked behind the hood. You could see the thoughts work in his mind, and this was the final clue I needed to know I was standing with the one and only Commander Shepard. If he didn't pass this one, I knew I had to kill him…

"Shep…?" he said, narrowing his eyes and took a step forward. "There's only one person who has called me that before…" he stored his weapon and then walked forward, reaching for my hood. Shade lifted his pistol, ready to shoot should it prove necessary. I didn't move as Shepard slid the hood of my head and my hair was allowed some air.

The look on his face was almost priceless as I looked up at him and he instantly recognized me.

"But… I was told…" he said, not believing it.

"That I was dead? Technically, yes, but don't believe everything you hear; especially not if it's from the Illusive man." I lightly growled, and then all of a sudden I was held tight in his embrace, our armors clashing together.

"I thought you were dead…" he whispered. I made Shade lower his weapon and then embraced Shepard, holding him the best I could.

"I've missed you too…" I whispered. There was no doubt anymore that this was Commander Shepard, the first human Spectre, the man who had defeated Saren and Sovereign, and who I had given myself to during my first real journey in space.

      We separated and he looked at his two Cerberus companions.

"Now I understand why you knocked them out." He said, lifting a brow in that teasing way I knew and liked about him. I shrug my shoulders.

"What can I say? I don't like Cerberus." I said, and his smile disappeared. I quickly laid a hand on his shoulder and smiled up at him. "But if you need me, I'm there for you… Commander."

That brought a smile back on his lips. "Appreciate it, Shay." He placed a hand on my shoulder and shook it lightly, apparently as glad to see me as I was to see him. He suddenly looked back at Shade who had stored his weapon. "Friend of yours?" he asked, pointing at the Drell.

"More like a guardian angel." Shade said before I opened my mouth, and stepped closer to Shepard glaring at him from under his hood. "I'll leave her in your care, commander, but if anything happens to her, you better say your prayers. For I **will** find you!" he growled, activated his cloak and disappeared before anyone managed to blink.

Shepard looked at me, and I shrug my shoulders, putting the hood back on. "I'll tell you later…" I said and then walked over to the male of the Cerberus companions Shepard had along with him. I shook him, trying to get some life back in him and when Shepard realized what I was doing, he went to the woman.

We got life in them and both stared at me as they got on their feet. Shepard introduced Jacob and Miranda to me and would have used my real name, but I came before him and called myself by Palaven the Mercenary. Miranda seemed to have heard about me, but I couldn't determine whether she was glad to have me onboard or if she was annoyed. Honestly, I didn't care. Shepard was back, he remembered me and now I could help him again.

That was all that mattered to me…

 

* * *

 

      "According to my research Palaven the Mercenary should have died on Illium. How do we know you're the real thing and not some cheap knock-off?"

I had never been a fan of Miranda Lawson in the game, and the only reason I ever had a romance with her was due to curiosity; nothing else. But right now I hoped more than anything that Shepard wouldn't date her for mere curiosity. She was more annoying in real life than in the game…

I had followed them back to the Normandy where Miranda instantly had taken me to the com-room and glared at me while we waited for Shepard to return in more civil clothes. Then she had begun questioning me, and it was seriously walking on my nerves.

I huffed and shrug my shoulders, taking a step forward. "According to my knowledge, Commander Shepard should be dead and the Normandy destroyed, yet here I am, standing in the very ship with said commander, who's now working with a known terrorist group." I said and walked closer to her. "Want me to guess how it's all tied together?" I growled and she took a step back.

Miranda may be a little taller than I was, but she wasn't intimidating me.

"What we did to Shepard…" she began, but I turned away.

"Save it. You honestly believe I would be here if I wasn't aware of the connections?" I growled, but I really enjoyed playing with her. Shepard cut my pleasure short.

"That's enough, Shay." He said and Miranda looked right back at him, staring. This apparently came as a surprise to her.

"My apologies, commander." I said and she looked back at me, the hood concealing the large smirk I wore at her ridicules expression. Her voice was slightly affected when she spoke up.

"Shay? As in… Shayla Kryik? But… that's not possible." She said.

      I looked once at Shepard, who nodded lightly, and then I pulled off the hood, revealing the golden eyes of mine. A small rumble entered the silence.

"Why not? Because Cerberus wasn't involved?" I said, and again she stepped back, before she turned to Shepard.

"Shepard! We can't trust this woman! Shayla Kryik died on Illium! Multiple people confirmed it was her corpse!" She said, clearly not fond of having me around any longer, and she was going to put up a fight to keep me off the ship, if she could! Shepard crossed his arms and leaned back on a leg.

"I trust her, and even if I didn't, we need all the help we can get to take down the Collectors. She's staying." He said and that was final in the discussion. But instead of slumping her shoulders together, Miranda stood tall and gave him a small nod.

"Understood, Commander." She said, turned, glared at me and left. I had a hard time not cracking into a loud laughter as I watched how she left with her hips swinging from side to side, like a cloth in a strong breeze. _Clearly thinking of me as a threat_. I thought and went closer to Shepard, leaning on the table.

"If she swings her hips more than that, you're gonna need bigger doors." I said and pointed over my shoulder. It took a little time before he understood, but as he did he let out a small laughter and shook his head.

"What am I supposed to do with you?" he asked, coming closer. I looked like I pondered on that.

"Hm… Lock me up? I'm a criminal after all, in her world." I said, hoping that I wasn't stepping in too soon with normal behavior. He smiled and came even closer.

"If I were to lock you up, it would be in my room…" he said seductively, ghosting his fingers over my neck, which both surprised me and sent shivers down my spine.

      I gently pushed him away from my skin.

"Whoa, straight forward, huh Shep?" I smirked, lifting a brow, but it seemed like he misunderstood as he stepped back, gaining his commander façade.

"Sorry… It's still a little hard to fathom that I've been dead for two years…" he said, rubbing his neck.

"I can imagine… Must be a confusing time for you right now. I mean, to you, it's only been a few weeks since we last saw each other, but to me, it's been two years." I said and he nodded, not looking at me. He was no doubt thinking that I couldn't show the same emotions we had shared before. I took a small step closer. "But… I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the idea of being locked in your room…"

He looked at me and lifted a brow. "Straight forward, huh? Looks who's talking…" he said and I lifted my shoulders in a shrug. "Hey, you started it." I smiled, but then grew serious. How could I flirt so openly with him when I knew what kind of situation he was in? After all I had been through something similar when I first woke up in a hospital bed on the Presidium so many years ago.

"Is it true, though?" he suddenly asked and looked seriously at me. I tilted my head slightly, an annoying habit I had gained from Crip… "What is?"

"That you died on Illium?"

I turned and leaned against the table, crossing my arms. "Technically, yes. Shayla Kryik died on Illium, and from her ashes Palaven arose." I said and looked at him, before flashing him a smile. "Then, Palaven became a pain in the ass for criminals on Illium, she was betrayed and murdered, and now I don't really have either name or existence." I said with a large smile, making him shake his head, clearly trying to keep the chuckle down. He had to be professional.

"Besides, does it really matter who died where and why?" I asked. "Something is disturbing the peaceful balance of the galaxy right now, and we're taking action to find out what and why. And two years without you hasn't changed anything, Shep." I said, attempting to make my point clear. I had long been thinking about what to say to him if I was ever given the chance, and I felt responsible for making all of this happen to him, so I wanted him to know I was with him and that I would die for him if I had to!

"I don't care if Cerberus brought you back to life. From what I have seen, you're still the Commander Shepard I fought alongside with against Saren, and the Shepard I know and love." I said, letting my mouth run.

      I should have thought more…

It took a moment before my words sunk in with both of us and when it finally did with me, it was too late to correct. I was pinned in his embrace, warm lips on my own and I could feel a heartbeat getting stronger under my fingers.

_Shit! I hadn't intended to say that!_ I thought, but despite I knew the truth I couldn't tear myself away from him, and it was a lost battle when my body and mind remembered the landscape before me, fingers beginning to run on automatic. I gently wrapped my arms around his neck, feeling the muscles underneath the skin, scraping it lightly just to feel rather than hear his shudder. Hands grabbed my thighs and roughly planted my ass on the table, bringing our lips from each other for a brief moment, but he was quickly back, taking advantage of my open mouth.

_"Miss Lawson requests your assistance, commander. She claims it is urgent."_ A synthetic voice suddenly sounded, ripping us from each other. I looked around slightly to see if I could find anything unusual, but nothing seemed out of order. Shepard groaned and lowered his head to my shoulder.

"I'll be there in a minute, EDI." He said, his voice vibrating with angry tones. He pushed from me and straightened his shirt a little. When had I crumbled that…?

"Sorry, but duty calls." He said with disappointment clear in his voice. I couldn't help but to tease (which I knew I shouldn't have, but seriously when will I ever learn?).

"Aw… and just when it was getting good…" I said and jumped from the table, walking towards the door. "But I guess I'll just have a look around, then." I said, waving back at him and when the door had closed and I finally had a free moment, I leaned against the wall, blushing like crazy.

What the hell was I doing?!

 

* * *

 

      When I had calmed a little I went around to see what I could learn about the new crew and ship. Kelly Chambers was a wonderful girl to talk to and we quickly got along, as she was very interested in getting to know more about me. Part of me was glad there was such an open-minded person among us, and yet my defenses kept kicking me, telling me to keep my distance to this Cerberus member. She could just be pretending…

Joker was happy to see me, enough to get off his ass and hug me. I wasn't completely sure how to react to that, and felt he was a little out of character, but I guess the news about Shepard's death had struck him hard, and he had no doubt learned about mine as well…

I was introduced to EDI, the artificial intelligence onboard the Normandy now, and despite Joker wasn't pleased about it, I still got a small conversation out of her before leaving to look more around. On the third floor I ran into Chakwas, who also seemed quite happy to see me again, and alive. She did a few scans on me to make sure I was in fighting condition, and then we sat down to talk. My mother hen had missed me and was glad to see I had done well in these two years, but she was also glad that Shepard was back. Even I had to admit, it had been hard without him.

But I seemed to be able to get along with the crew, and while we were on course to our next destination, I learned about the Master Thief, Kazumi Goto, they had picked up at the Citadel before meeting with me.

      We were getting the meal of the night when a scent moved past me, making me lift my head and start to look around, but I saw nothing. It definitely wasn't the typical military scent, or any of the Cerberus members, but unfortunately it had been so brief that I couldn't really determine what it was. I shrug it off and went to an empty seat at the end of the table.

I had barely taken the first bite when a voice sounded.

"Wow! You're really the Human Turian, aren't you?"

I looked up and just as I did, a cloak flashed and revealed a woman seated at the opposite side of me, her elbows on the table and her head rested in the palms of her hands. Amazingly enough, I was startled out of the chair, an un-dignifying scream coming from me as if I had never seen a cloak before. I landed hard on my ass, looking up at the woman as she chuckled.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you." She said, her voice surprisingly light and I could easily hear the amusement in it. I groaned a little and rumbled low when I went back to my seat. The crew members were looking at us, whispering, but I couldn't tell if it was because I had been startled, or if it was something else.

"No harm done, just don't do that again." I said with a stern look in my eyes, and she moved back a little, yet she still smiled.

"No promises." She smirked and then extended a hand. "Kazumi Goto, at your service."

"Shayla." I said and shook the hand. At least I could still be polite…

      She leaned back on the table, looking at me as I began to eat again.

"But you are, aren't you?" she asked, making me halt in taking a bite. I looked confused at her, before she moved a little forward. "You are the Human Turian, right?" she asked with a smile, which made me move back and take my plate, rising from the chair.

"I don't see how that is any of you concern." I said, possibly harder than I should, but my entire defense was up and running, and not once had I noticed she was there. For her to ask a question like that made me suspicious and had me draw back into myself. I noticed the crew whispering again and when I looked back at Kazumi, she was gone.

"Don't worry. I'll find out." Her voice suddenly sounded close to me, making me jerk and turn towards it as she leaned against the counter in the kitchen. "I always do." She smirked and disappeared before I could even open my mouth to yell at her. That woman was going to be a pain in the ass!

      I went back to my room, a small storage room on the top deck with just enough room for a bed, a closet and a small shower. Why there even was a shower in there, puzzled all of us when we decided to change it into my room. Anyway, as I reached the room I let myself fall back on the bed, sighing. I was happy to be on the Normandy again, to be with Shepard, Joker and Chakwas, to be able to do some good, but if I was going to have to deal with both Miranda and now this Kazumi person, life was gonna be a little difficult.

I turned to lie on my side, thinking about what she had said. _The Human Turian…_ A lot had called me that lately. Was that how Shayla Kryik was remembered? As a human/Turian hybrid?

A tear suddenly slipped over my skin.

_Nihlus… why did you have to die…?_


	22. Reunion pt. 2

_Second chapter in the compensation for letting this story being silent for so long. I'm so sorry._

* * *

      I wouldn’t say I’m the ultimate people person, and I wouldn’t say I’m an expert at judging people from the first encounter. I do have some moments where I get these feelings, you know? Anyway, I wasn't really not sure what to think about Zaeed…

He seemed like a straight forward kind of guy with no problem in taking money from a terrorist organization, but the brief meeting we had with him on Omega before going on to face Aria, gave me the chills. Maybe his rough looks were just something you had to get used to…

Shepard had taken me and Kazumi with him, even though Miranda recommended either she or Jacob accompanied him as they were both biotics and Jacob a powerful soldier. Shepard hadn’t even listened to her, pushing it all aside and gone with his choice in team. I was pleased… Well, some of what pleased.

I still wasn't sure how to respond to Kazumi. After our first meeting she had come to me and apologized for being a little forward, but that was what she had heard. _The Human Turian, Shayla Kryik_ … I couldn't remember hearing it before, but part of me hated it. It made me sound like some kind of hybrid, or experiment… and worst of all, it affected the name of my first love; something I couldn't stand!

But I was reasonable and forgave her, but I was still wary around her when Shepard told me we were going on a mission together on Omega. That, or maybe I was afraid I was going to be exposed and attacked by the many mercs I had pissed off in my time as Palaven the mercenary…

      Anyway, facing Aria wasn’t something I ever wanted to do again. Her goons were down-right unpleasant to both look at and be in close quarters with, and I swear some of them sent me a glare when I growled low. Shepard had walked right up to the queen of Omega, but was stopped at the top by her cold voice and suddenly guns were drawn. I had growled low when I focused my pistol at the nearest Turian and his eyes had narrowed at me before a low growl sounded from his throat. I had no doubt that he knew more about me than he let on.

Shepard was granted to sit on the Queen's couch, where he asked Aria about both Mordin and Archangel, but after hearing that Archangel was in serious trouble, he had decided to go after him first. Mordin sounded like he could hold his own for now.

As we walked towards the registration room to deal with Archangel I grabbed Shepard’s arm and pulled him aside.

“I’m not trying to take charge of the mission here, but are you seriously considering taking us along for this?” I asked and pointed between Kasumi and myself. Shepard looked back and forth, and then shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t see why not.”

“Shepard, we’re going for an area with Blue Suns, Eclipse and Blood Packs. That means mechs, powerful biotics, Krogans and possibly Varrens. You’ll need a heavy hitter, a good biotic and a tech expert.” I said, showing that I had learned a lot in those two years. The mere fact that I had had a really nasty dream about this mission wasn’t discussed, but then again, I hadn’t told Shepard anything back with Saren, why should I start now?

      He pointed at Kasumi. “Tech expert.”Then at himself “Heavy hitter.”And then at me “Good biotic.” He said with a small smile. I sighed slightly.

"Shep…" I sighed and shook my head. I couldn't doubt him now. "Alright, if you say so." I said and as we went on, he walked by my side.

"You doubt me…?" he asked, making me look up at him. I shot a quick look back at Kazumi, who tilted her head slightly and flashed me a grin. I exhaled gently. I might as well be honest with him…

"No… but my last carrier nearly ended with me suspecting my entire team of treachery. I guess I just ain't over it yet…" I said and he looked at me, stepping in front of me, stopping us again.

"Was it too early to take you along?" he said seriously, thinking I might jeopardize the mission. I shook my head.

"No. But if you don't believe me, say the word and I'll get back to the Normandy." I said, just as seriously. He suddenly cracked a small smile and turned.

"That's all I wanted to hear." He said, and walked on, leaving me confused behind. But once the words had finally sunken in, I followed them, glad Shepard still trusted me. It didn't ease my feelings towards Kazumi, but if Shepard said we could do it, then I believed him. After all, he was still the Shepard I remembered, but I promised myself that I would give him the full story once this was over.

      After getting registered by the Blue Sun merc and dealing with the kid (which I had the "pleasure" of handling, ahem!), we moved to the shuttle and was transported to the place. The Batarian driver, Salkie as far as I remember, kept sending glances back towards me, either knowing more about me than we knew, or thinking about my special eye-color. I knew I shouldn't let it get to me, and it took some strength to keep from growling at him as a warning, but doing so would expose me. So I just looked away from him.

Getting through the area full of mercs was no problem at all, and as EDI, we did everything we could to undermine them to insure the survival of Archangel. We found credits, gear and data-pads with information Shepard judged worthwhile. I even found one myself that triggered my curiosity, but due to the time and situation I couldn't read completely through it, so I took it.

The closer we got to Archangel, the louder people got, and we soon found the Batarian we were looking for. Shepard went to talk to Kathka, and suddenly his people moved as they were signaled to, and shortly after I heard the scream. Shepard walked towards me, looking like nothing had happened. _Not completely paragon, huh Shep?_ I thought, but merely lifted a brow at him. He shrugged his shoulders.

"We should get to Archangel." He said and moved forward.

"Right behind you." I said and reached for my assault rifle, ready to fight. As I jumped over the barrier, a projectile took out my shield and I looked up at the sniper on the second floor in the building across the bridge. I had just gotten my eyes on him when he ducked. _If that's you, Garrus, you bet your sorry ass I'll get you for this!_ I thought and growled lightly.

      Running over the bridge with Shepard in front and Kazumi behind me, we easily took out the few slow pokes roaming around, and my biotics did come in handy when they realized we were betraying them. Having learned a few tricks I made short process of those I marked, and in no time we stood at the door to Archangel. Kazumi kneeled down to hack it, when it suddenly changed from red to green and opened for us. We were all on high alert, even though I had a feeling I was about to see an old friend…

"Archangel?" Shepard asked the kneeling sniper, but he held up a hand, signaling us to wait as he went in position again and took out the last resisting merc on the first floor. Then he stood and took off his helmet. The sight made me smile and look at Shepard, who looked quickly back at me and then at the Turian.

"Shepard. I thought you were dead." Garrus said and sat down on the armrest of the couch. Shepard opened his arms.

"Garrus! What are you doing here?" he asked, clearly glad to see the Turian. Needless to say, I was glad too, thrilled actually. Being together with Shepard was one thing, but to be able to get Garrus back, would really be great.

He looked at little at the floor. "Just keeping my skill sharp. A little target practice." He lifted his eyes and found mine. "At least it's not hard to find criminals here. All I have to do is point my gun and shoot…" his voice lowered, making me concerned about him. I had completely forgotten about his team and how they had been killed due to Sidonis' betrayal, but why was he looking at me as if I was the one betraying him…?

      Shepard talked shortly with Garrus, and we formulated a plan to take out the mercs, one at a time. Since Garrus and I were both skilled snipers, we were to keep the spot on the second floor, while Shepard and Kazumi went down and took out everything that came past us. There wasn't any time to talk, so I just set up and began shooting when they showed.

"You've improved." Garrus suddenly said as I took down the fifth with a headshot and reloaded. I looked at him pulling the trigger and duck down to reload as well. He looked at me quickly, eyes now shining with something I wasn't sure was sorrow, or worry. I went back to killing mercs.

"I've had a good teacher." I said and took down two in a row.

"Drell, no doubt." He said, and we reloaded again. "As I recall, you were quite fond of those." He said, but again he was so dark and confusing, I couldn't determine if he was teasing me or angry. I went with the teasing.

"Still am." I said and we took down the same target. "But I think I learned the most from a C-Sec officer I once fought alongside with." I said with a smile, but he didn't respond to it. Had I taken a wrong step? Could he be mad at me for some reason? I could only wait for the answers…

      Finally getting rid of the last Eclipse merc, and having the heavy mech explode, Garrus stood up and found more clips. I silently followed his example.

"Why didn't you try to contact me?" he suddenly asked. I looked at him, and this time I was sure of what he felt. His mandibles were clamed tight around his jaw, brow plates twitching slightly and eyes narrowed as he turned his head towards me. He was angry, but somehow also relieved…

Then it hit me! _Illium…!_ How could I have been so dense? "Garrus, I…" I started, but was interrupted as he suddenly grabbed my arms and yanked me closer.

"I thought you were dead! Thought I had lost you too! And then you show up, as a merc! _Palaven…!_ " he growled lightly, making me jolt in surprise.

"You… you knew…?" I asked, feeling a bit betrayed that he hadn't tried to reach for me if he knew who I had been for the past two years. He released me and relaxed again.

"One of my team mates told me about a merc on Illium, Palaven. He had gotten his hands on some videos and showed them to me, suggesting we made contact." He said and turned his head away. "I recognized a few of your patterns…" he said, again looking like I had betrayed him.

"Why didn't you contact me?" I asked, and he tensed.

"I didn't believe it was actually you…" he said, and just as I was about to say something, Shepard and Kazumi stepped in, stating that the first floor was clear of mercs. Garrus returned to his own self and thanked Shepard for the work, when we were interrupted by the explosion in the basement.

      "Damnit! They've breached the lower levels. Well, they had to use their brains eventually." Garrus said, and Shepard suggested splitting up, leaving me behind to help Garrus.

"I trust you can keep him safe, Shay?" Shepard teased and I gripped my sniper tighter. I huffed.

"You just worry about your own ass, Shep." I glared at him with a smile, and they ran off.

I heard Garrus exhale when they were gone. He was already moving towards his spot, so I quickly walked after him. "Garrus?" I said, making him turn around and in the same moment I did something I knew I shouldn't do in a life-or-death situation, but it was the only thing I could think of to convince him; I kissed him.

He tensed lightly.

"I'm sorry, but promise me we'll talk about it when this is over." I begged, keeping a hold on his collar. His surprised eyes softened for a minute, before a tired expression came over him. He took a gentle hold on my hand.

"If we survive, that is…" he said, making me smirk.

"What are you talking about? Of course we will!" I said, maybe too cheerful, but I quickly turned serious again. "You're not alone anymore, Garrus. We'll get through this." I said and went to take position. He followed and took place beside me instead of his previous spot.

"If you say it like that, how can I doubt you?" he said and shot a quick glance at me, making me smile. He may not have believed it was me before, but there was no doubt that he was convinced now. _Watch out, mercs! Garrus is back!_

      And he was back, alright! His accuracy seemed to have spiked a little, but he quickly grew tired and I found him missing more and more. His shield went down and he ducked to let it recharge, but he went up too soon, making me grab his arm and pull him down again. The shot aimed for his head swirled past him and a second later his shield came back up.

Garrus looked up at me after I had taken down the bastard. "Thanks…" he said and got up, still in cover. I ducked down and poked his nose.

"We didn't come this far to have you kill yourself. I know you're tired, but if you make a mistake like that again, I'll knock you out cold! Got that?" I said hard, for a moment completely forgetting I was talking to a veteran sniper and not some rookie. He blinked a few times.

"Yes, ma'am." He said, and it made me laugh slightly, when I finally realized what I had done. I had to steel myself before I went up again, taking down three before crunching down and found him still seated on the floor, looking at me. "Were you always this forceful?" he suddenly asked, as I reloaded.

"No, but lately I've had a lot of practice." I said, and it kicked some life in him.

"Thought so." He said, and we began killing again, when suddenly the door opened and Garm stomped in, roaring when he noticed Garrus.

      By mere reflex I raised a barrier around us with my biotics, letting Garm pound at it as he wanted.

"Coward! Come out and fight!" he yelled, flaring his own biotics and landed a hard blow on my barrier. I gritted my teeth, fighting to keep us protected, when an order came from behind me.

"Let it go!" Garrus yelled and I ceased, covering down, as the sniper took a shot right above my head, hitting Garm in the face. The Krogan stumbled backwards, but regained his footing and growled at us. His barrier and shield had taken the impact, leaving him unharmed and pissed. I let sniper be sniper and reached for my assault rifle, switched to Warp ammo and pounded away on his barrier, hoping to bring it down before he got too close on me.

Garrus released a concussive shot, stunning Garm for just a moment, but it was enough time for us to get away and for Shepard to show up, helping us bring down this oversized walking tank. Like Garrus said, he was a tough son of a bitch! I was panting slightly when we finally had a moment to breathe.

"You've gotten stronger…" Garrus said, looking at me, his eyes showing more than I could decipher. I had wanted to say something in return, but Shepard interrupted and as we talked on what to do with the Blue Suns, Tarak showed up in his damn gunship. Then things went fast.

      I remember getting into cover as the gunship loaded troops off, and we all fought like crazy to stay alive. We were running on the last resources, no doubt, and my accuracy had dropped at least fifty percent due to my biotic stunt. I could still feel the vibrations when Garm pounded on my barrier…

The last merc dead, we went silent, waiting for the gunship to show up and it suddenly did, showering Garrus in a rain of bullets. He went to cover, and then it happened… The missile…

I was pinned to the spot as I watched Garrus fly through the air, land hard on the floor and remain down. Shepard called his name, but got no response and began shooting on the gun ship. I suddenly snapped, my mind going blank and my biotics flared. I roared as I used every aspect of power I had left to tear the damn ship, and its bastard pilot, to pieces, first cooling down when I saw the burning scraps below us.

Then I hurried along Shepard to Garrus, who thankfully still was alive. I did my best to stop the bleeding, adding medi-gel and kept talking to him.

"I don't think he's got much time…" Kazumi said with worry in her voice, but in my already hazy mind, I only heard the words, making me snap at her.

"Shut it, Kazumi!" I growled and glared hatefully at her, before a gurgling sound from Garrus took my attention again. She must no doubt have been stunned, even hurt, but at the time I couldn't care less. I refused to let Garrus die!

"I just said…" she began, but Shepard somehow stopped her.

"Kazumi. Don't." he said, softer than I had liked, but I was more worried about our Turian.

      _Don't die on me now! Not you! Not you too!_ I remember I thought, but everything after that was blurry and fuzzy. I remember sitting in the shuttle, looking at Garrus, and I remember going to the med bay, but was held back. I wasn't allowed in there while Chakwas worked. Kelly had come down and per order from Shepard she helped me back to my small room, got me out of my armor and somehow ushered me to take a bath, washing the blue stains of Turian blood off my skin and hair.

I must have been walking on instincts and sealed-away emotions, but as the blue water washed over my fingers, leaving drop after drop, I somehow… I felt… like I was washing Garrus off me… a silly thought, I know, but in that moment I honestly thought I was going to lose him as easily as the drops left my fingertips…

You never realize how much someone matters until you've lost them…

_So true…_

I think it was a shock for Kelly to find me huddled up in the corner of the shower, crying and shivering. I'll give her this, she did a great deal to try and calm me down, to figure why I was reacting like I did and what she could do to make me better.

Never would I have expected that from a Cerberus member…

 

* * *

 

      I was pretty sure Chakwas was cutting some corners by letting me sit there, watching the Turian as he slept, but she knew how important Garrus was to me, knew how close we had been on the original Normandy (maybe even how many times we had been together, for one reason or the other…), and I think that knowledge made her accept my presence. It wasn't as if I was in the way, and I wasn't making a lot of noise, but I still think she had seen them…

The silent tears I shed, unable to control their fall.

Pointless, I know, but I had several reasons to cry. Garrus had been hurt, I had known he would be and I still couldn't protect him from it. But he was still alive, and Chakwas had assured me that his vital signs were strong. He was going to make it, but he would need a few days to recover if it stood to her. And if I knew Chakwas, she would disobey even Shepard to keep Garrus from harming himself too soon.

_Our beloved mother-hen…_ I thought as I looked briefly at her, working at her desk. She hadn't changed much over the two years…

A small exhaled was heard from the Turian patient, but there was no sign that he was going to wake up anytime soon. At least now I had seen him, knew he was breathing and recovering… I could sleep a little easier now.

I stood from the small chair and walked to the doctor, placing a hand on her shoulder. "Thank you…" I said low, lightly embracing her and as I rose I noticed a small rise of water in her eyes, but it wasn't until later that I truly understood. Without a word from her I walked out of the med bay, heading for my room, when I nearly crashed into Shepard around the corner.

      "Sorry." I said once we had stabilized ourselves. He looked me over.

"Don't think about it. How's Garrus?" he asked and I stared up at him, almost asking him how he knew, but I kept my mouth shut. I knew how he knew; we had worked together before after all…

"Asleep, but he's alive and recovering." I said, letting out an exhale that seemed to loosen up my chest slightly. "He's gonna have one hell of a scar, but at least he'll live." I said, for the first time since coming back from the _Archangel_ mission, feeling just a little optimistic. Looking up at Shepard I wanted nothing more than to embrace him, but he was probably on his way to do business, so I stepped back and gave space for him.

"You alright?" he asked and I unconsciously scratched the small wound on my shoulder I had gained during the mission. Another bad habit from Crip…

"I don't know… One minute I feel like I can take on the galaxy, and the next…" I said, looking back towards the med bay.

"You feel like the world is crumbling around you…" Shepard said, suddenly standing closer to me than before. I nodded slightly, tears threatening to spill again but I wouldn't let them this time. A hand gently felt around my chin, moving my head back at him, cupping my cheek. "I know how you feel, Shay…"

      Tender lips moved over mine in a dance I knew only too well. A tear broke free, skating over my skin in its newfound freedom and jumped to its doom from my chin, making others follow its trail. _Shit…!_ I released myself from his lips, but buried my face in his shoulder, feeling my body shake. When had the last time been since I had broken down like this? Draft? No, I returned to my post after his death. Shade? No, I had been scared, but not broken. Could it really be…?

I'm not sure how long Shepard and I stood there, but by the time I gently pushed from him his embrace was heating my back, I had felt a wet spot on his shoulder, and I was sure someone was doomed to have seen us by now. I tried to get free and make the situation more professional, but he wouldn't let go.

"I know how you feel, 'cause I've felt it myself." He said softly. "The responsibility of command can be difficult at times and when you're finally released from it, even for a while, it all comes crashing down on you." He stroked a tear away from my skin. "The Shayla I knew wouldn't crumble like this if she knew there was a good chance for Garrus to survive, not as the only reason. So, there had to be more to it…"

I lowered my head, slightly smirking. "So,… you checked my past as Palaven, huh? Couldn't wait for a moment for us to talk?" I said, feeling a little betrayed. I didn't need him to be suspicious of me now, I just needed things to be as they were before…

He released me slightly. "I figured something had happened to you during these two years. You've never questioned my choice of team before, and you seem more hardened in a firefight. I gave you time to focus on Garrus, and chose to do my own research, around Cerberus." He said, and the words struck me.

      Shepard had gone behind Cerberus to find information about Palaven, about me, so I could focus on Garrus, but… what had he learned? And how much of it? I was glad he hadn't gone to Miranda and asked for everything they had, but still, why couldn't he have waited? Had I really changed that much for him to doubt I still trusted him?

"What did you learn?" I asked, not looking at him.

"Only that you had a team and apparently was really productive throughout the two years." He said, not doing anything to make me look up. I sighed lightly.

"How much do you want to know?" I asked, and this time he lifted my head.

"Everything…" he said, making me realize how close he actually was, but I pushed feelings aside this once.

"How much time do we have?" I asked and he released me, taking a step back.

"Apparently not enough. I came to see how Garrus was doing, before going back on Omega to get Professor Mordin Solus. If I can make him join the cause, we'll be on our way to Korlus to get Okeer, a Krogan Warlord." He said, and I nodded.

"So, there'll be time after Mordin. Good, it's a date, then." I said, already back in my role as leader, moving towards the elevator to get my gear. Shepard turned in surprise and then cleared his throat.

      "Excuse me, what?" he said, a brow crooked at me. I looked back at him, part of my mind expecting to see Thaleon smirking at me, but as I recognized the pale skin, blue eyes and lack of rippled throat, I reconsidered my harsh words and sighed deeply.

"Sorry, Commander… I…" I tried, but was suddenly pushed gently inside the elevator, strong arms wrapping around.

"I know…" he said low, voice practically smirking at me. "It can be difficult to put away as well, the role to lead…" he said, head suddenly lowering to the back of my neck. I feared a little for what he intended to do, so I tried to distract him.

"Am I supposed to stay on the ship, commander?" I asked, feeling the light touch of his lips on my skin, before he rose up, clearly thinking and finally removed himself completely.

"Well, we're a sniper down, Kazumi isn't suited for a plague zone, and I refuse to take Cerberus with me for this. Are you going to question my choices again, Palaven?" he said, pressed the button for taking us to the upper level, and then took a professional stance.

I was silent for a moment. "I'm not Palaven. Not anymore." I said, making him look back at me. "But I'm not Shayla Kryik, either. She died on Illium two years ago."

"Then, what do I call you?" he asked.

"Shay…"


	23. Recruiting

"Right. Give me a full report and I'll look it over." I said, patting one of the crew members on the back. He nodded and respectfully saluted before disappearing into the elevator. I really wasn't used to people saluting me, and that most of the Cerberus crew had so easily accepted Shepard's decision to make me second-in-command, was even more confusing. Needless to say, Miranda wasn't fond of it… She continued to tell Shepard that he couldn't just change the chain of command like that, as this was a Cerberus operation and that she reported directly to the Illusive Man. I can't remember the exact words, but Shepard put her in her place and then announced over the intercom that I was taking over whenever he left the Normandy. No one, but Miranda, complained…

So while Shepard was running around on Korlus with Zaeed and Jacob, I decided to take an inspection-round, to see how everyone was holding up. Kenneth and Gabriel held me up for a little longer than the other places, but that was mostly because we clicked so easily. They were wonderful people and I looked forward to spending more time with them in the future, hoping (and praying) that they eventually would see what evil was lying behind Cerberus.

I had a talk with Garrus in the main Battery, his condition improving. Chakwas would check him later tonight and if she was satisfied, he would be allowed to go on the next mission, should Shepard need him. I had deliberately gone as far around Miranda as possible, but I had spoken a little more with Kazumi. She was actually quite nice, once you got to know her…

      While touring the CIC and stopping to talk with Joker, a crew member had turned to me with some matter, which had surprised me, but I easily fell into role of being a leader again. It was a simple matter, so it didn't take too long. As I went towards the elevator, Kelly held me up.

"Ah… Ma'am! Dr. Solus is asking for you. He seems to have something he wishes to talk to you about." She said, making me turn to her. I chuckled lightly.

"You don't have to be so formal with me, Kelly. Just call me Shay." I said as I went towards the laboratory. I stopped in front of the door and looked back at her, smiling gently. She tensed, blushed and then nodded, clearly mumbling something under her breath. I shook my head and left.

As the door closed behind me and I stood in the mid-section to the laboratory, I wondered what Mordin wanted to talk to me about. We hadn't spoken much since he was recruited, since he had pretty much locked himself within the lab, working. Only Shepard had really talked with him…

When the door to the lab opened I was met by chatter and feverous typing at the computer. Mordin was clearly in his perfect environment, humming every now and then, talking to himself and such. I huffed gently, smiling. He reminded me of an elder and more energetic version of Crestin…

      "Ah, Shayla. Good you're here. Wanted to talk." Mordin said, never really looking up from his work.

"Kelly told me you had something you wished to discuss." I said and he looked up, straight at me, making me flinch slightly. Those large eyes were more observant than I had ever tried with a Salarian. He began moving around the desk.

"Not discuss. Talk. Clarify." He said and stepped close. I followed his every move, but I did my best not to show any kind of discomfort. Scientists weren't on the top of my joy list…

"Have wanted to talk since recruitment. So much to do. So much data. Mission takes priority." He said, inhaling slightly.

"Of course. We both have much work to do, and the work you do is important to our future survival." I said, knowing how much he had actually worked since coming onboard.

"Yes. Collectors likely to fight back. Will need your biotics as well." He said, motioning to me, before lifting his hands and shook his head. "Getting off track! Waiting for results. Have free time now. Would like to take a blood test. If you please." He said and then moved around his desk to find the equipment needed. It wasn't until I actually saw the instrument, that his words sunk in.

      "Wait… Blood test? My blood??" I lightly gasped as he stepped closer. He nodded.

"Yes! Have been curious. Plague on Omega didn't affect humans, yet you reacted. Interested to know why!" he said with a little more enthusiasm than I would have liked. I took a step back, partly already knowing why I reacted to the plague, and yet it concerned me. I had felt a little warm during that mission, but I never related it to the plague itself…

I swallowed and looked at him. He was all ready, waiting for my approval. "Right… But on one condition!" I said, and his wide eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Whatever results you might find stays between you, me and Shepard! Nothing gets to Cerberus! Got that?!" I said, possibly harder than I should, but despite I knew Mordin from the games, I knew from personal experience that the characters you met in the game could differ from the ones I met in real life…

He looked at me, suddenly crossing his arms and tapped his chin.

"Not a friend of Cerberus, yet working with them. Why?" he said, narrowing his eyes slightly and I could see the thoughts running in head. I sighed, and began to explain…

      When I had told everything necessary to Mordin he was leaned against the desk, equipment still in hand and looking at me with a strange look in his eyes. I couldn't really determine if it was fascination, concern or something else, but he was interested in my abilities and story, that was for sure!

"Past Cerberus experiment, brutal scientist conducting tests, people using mercs for abilities… Disgusting!" he said low, but hard. "Disgusted by their action. Would never force patient, never be brutal. Strict, yes! But… never brutal." He said. I wasn't sure what to say, feeling a little out of place. He was the first scientist I had met, who had seen things from my view point.

He turned to me. "Understand you now. Would never give Cerberus this, but would like to know more. Would like to learn more about you. Abilities. Limits. And if possible, find medicine for heat session." He said with a determined nod. I stared at him.

"You… You think that is possible…?"

"Most certainly. Cannot remove phenomenon completely, but certain hormones may be blocked, educing effect of heat. However,…" he suddenly looked at me very seriously. "Requires… tests, samples…" he said and it slowly dawned at me that he was worried about me, that my story had made an impact on him and he now wanted my approval for continuing. He wasn't going to force anything on me like the others had. Mordin was a proud scientist, and an honorable one. I had always known this, considered his dialogue in the games…

I smiled slightly and looked at him. "If it's you, and you can agree to my previous condition, I won't have any problem with the tests." I said and offered my arm. A broad smile appeared on his face, a nod and then he gestured me to a chair, where he began to take the necessary tests.

 

* * *

      After Mordin had taken what he needed for the tests, I had returned to patrolling the ship and finally ended up in my own chamber, looking over reports, when EDI suddenly announced that the team had returned. Shepard was back on the ship and I was relieved of duty for now. Only seconds later did Joker call me up.

_"You might wonna go down and see what Shepard dragged home this time."_ He said, sounding a little strange, yet still with a bit humor in his voice.

"A Krogan, I suppose? Isn't that what he went down there for?" I asked and a small laughter sounded from the pilot, making me slightly concerned.

_"Yeah… he did…"_

I sighed and stood up from my chair. "I'll check it out…" I already knew what I was going to find down there…

 

* * *

      I already knew…

Yet, I wasn't prepared for the scale. Despite I had seen Wrex, both naked and in full armor, the Krogan in the tank was definitely something else. Even in there I could sense the power emitting from him, making me growl low. He would be a powerful addition if he accepted Shepard's leadership, but if he didn't…

The door slid open behind and Shepard stepped in, clearly surprised to see me down there, but he regained his composure.

"I see you have heard about our mission." He said and came to stand beside me.

"I've only heard that you brought back a Krogan. Never expected this…" I said and then looked at him. "What happened to Okeer?"

"No-go. This is his legacy. He created this Krogan to be pure and free of the Genophage, giving his own life for it." He said, looking at the unconscious creature in the tank. "What are you thinking?" he asked.

"He's a power house, no doubt. But if he gets out of hand, he'll be difficult to take down." I said, expression my concern.

"Think we should leave him like this?" Shepard asked and looked at me, clearly wanting my advice on this. I looked up at the tank again, flashes of his future coming to my mind.

"No."

       Shepard needed nothing else, and despite several warnings from EDI, he pressed the holo pad and with a few noises, the tank began to move, releasing the huge monster inside. As the pale, silver plated Krogan fell to his feet, coughing up water, I drew back and went into hiding. Shepard on the other hand came closer. The tank-bred creature stood, looked weary for a while, suddenly to widen his eyes and stomped towards Shepard with a roar. The commander was slammed against a crate, slowly being crushed under the massive Krogans strength.

“Human. Male.” He said, his voice deep. I drew my gun. “Before you die, I need a name.”

“I’m Commander Shepard of the Normandy.” Shepard growled, but the creature shook his head.

“Not your name. Mine. I’m trained, I know things, but the tank… Okeer couldn’t implant connection. His words are hollow. Warlord, legacy, grunt… grunt. “Grunt” was among the last. It has no meaning. It’ll do.”

       While he spoke, I crept closer, my weapon ready, but I stayed out of sight from him.

“I am Grunt. If you are worthy of your command, prove your strength and try to destroy me.” the young Krogan demanded calmly.

“Why do you want me to try to kill you?” Shepard asked, not even the slightest intimidated. The question seemed to confuse the new Krogan.

“Want? I do what I am meant to – fight and reveal the strongest. Nothing in the tank ever asked what I want. I feel nothing for Okeer’s clan or his enemies. That imprint failed. He has failed.” He spoke with a hate in his voice, as if he despised Okeer and his work. Grunt went on. “Without a reason that’s mine, one fight is as good as any other. Might as well start with you.” In that moment I stepped into Shepards view, holding my gun high, ready at his signal. Shepard understood.

“I’m offering you the chance to join my crew. Stand down. I won’t ask again.”

“Asking marks you as unworthy. That’s why you’ll die first. I’m stronger in every way. The tank showed many imprints of human weakness – where to break your spine, the shortest path to organs. Your words are worthless.”

       I came even closer, while Grunt talked.

“Talking was the generous plan A.” Shepard said and nodded slightly. I growled, forcing my gun to Grunt's gut and stepped so close he wouldn't be able to harm me, too much anyway…

"Here's plan B… Let him go!" I growled. Grunt slowly turned his head towards me, looking over his shoulder and he didn't seem impressed by me. At least, that's what I thought… His expression never changed when he suddenly looked down, but then he huffed.

“You offer one hand, but arm the other – and she doesn’t hesitate. Maybe you are worthy.” He took a good long look at me, before turning back at Shepard who had drawn his gun for support.

“You will give me strong enemies? A chance to find my own reason for the skills in my blood? Very well. I will fight for you.” He said and stepped back, releasing Shepard.

“Try that again, and we won’t be so patient.” Shepard said, lowering his weapon, but I didn’t. Grunt nodded.

"Wise, Shepard. If I find a clan, if I find what I… I want, I will be honored to eventually pit them against you." Grunt slightly bowed, turned and walked towards the tank. I slowly lowered my weapon as the air in the room seemed to calm. Shepard looked at me and then nodded towards the door, slightly smiling. This had gone better than I had expected.

       A deep voice suddenly held us back, and I lifted my weapon slightly as Grunt came towards us again, staring at me with those intense blue eyes of his.

"Your name." he demanded. I practically locked eyes with him, feeling myself on the verge of growling, but for some reason I held it down.

"Shayla. Friends call me Shay, but you'll have to earn the right to call me that." I said hard, and my words seemed to amuse him. He huffed, flashed me a grin and then looked at Shepard.

"Your mate?" he asked, pointing at me. Shepard didn't even flinch.

"Shayla is my second-in-command, and I suggest you listen to her. You're not the first Krogan she's dealt with." He said and the grin disappeared from Grunt, who turned his eyes to me again. They narrowed slightly, before he turned around and walked away. Shepard and I stepped outside, a deep exhale leaving me once the door was closed behind us.

"Not saying I was scared, but I don't wonna go through that again anytime soon…" I said as we walked to the elevator. Shepard pressed the button, nodding.

"Agreed. Never thought I was going to be spared by a Krogan." He said and leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms, the fingers on his right hand trembling slightly. I didn't blame him. Both my hands were shaking and if I hadn't secured my gun I would either have shot my foot or blown a hole in the floor.

       The adrenalin wearing off, we slowly began to talk about what to do now and where to go after this. Shepard would like to test out Grunt and his strength, but he wanted to have someone with him who was capable of handling a Krogan, which he meant I could.

"Alright, but it better be soon. I only have a few more days before my heat kicks in, and I'd rather not affect Grunt too much just yet." I said as we stepped off the elevator in the CIC, heading for Shepard's terminal.

"You didn't seem to have a problem handling Wrex during that time." Shepard teased and a blush crept over my cheeks. It had been a long time since I last blushed, but I wasn't ashamed of it. Rather I was a little pissed. How could he take it so lightly when he knew what I could do?!

"That is different. Grunt is tank-born! Who knows what's going through his head right now?" I said a little hard. "I trust Wrex and knew he would never hurt me, but I have barely known Grunt for an hour." I said in defense, but a hand landed on my shoulder.

"I know. I was just teasing." Shepard said, looking both worried and apologetic. I sighed low.

"It's not something you should joke about. You know how I affect others…" I said, lowering my voice and then shot a look towards Kelly, who clearly had long ears. She tensed as I looked at her, turning back to her work, her pale cheeks flashing in red. I growled low…

       Shepard looked back at the young Cerberus member and then stepped closer to me, lowering his voice as well.

"I know, but I need you on this next mission. We'll work out your heat later…" he said and winked me. I huffed and if it wasn't because we were in the CIC I would have thrown a smug comment back at him, but instead I stepped back, saluted and went to the elevator. As the door closed I typed a quick mail to Shepard.

_That eager to repeat our night before Ilos, huh? ;)_

I received his reply when I stepped into my own chambers.

_If Garrus isn't enough for you, sure ;)_

I huffed with a smile. This was the Shepard I knew and cared about. Cerberus hadn't changed him one bit, expect for all the implants. I sat down on my chair and looked over reports again, when a note I had left for myself took my attention. I had found some interesting data during the Archangel mission, but hadn't had the time to look it over before now. I tried to remember what I had done with it and finally found the file, opening it up on my computer.

I wish I had never started to read it…


	24. Pre-heat

_Dear Readers. First of all, I want to say thank you for following my story so far. I appreciate all of the comments I have received on it, and your eager to see more inspire me_ _J_ _Lately, I have had a lot on my mind. I still have, and I am currently going into a period of my studies where my free time is limited. I have taken every possible opportunity to finish this chapter, which I hope you will enjoy._

_And then I will have to ask for your forgiveness, for as I said, my free time is limited, so it will take some time before I can continue the story. I promise I will go on, but I must ask for your patience as it will take a bit longer before I can continue again. I will still take every opportunity to write, and if I managed to finish another chapter, it will be uploaded_ _J_

_I hope you will enjoy this chapter, and will accept my sincere apology for leaving you all hanging like this._

 

* * *

      The cracking of a skull sounded five meters away from me for maybe the twentieth time that mission. I looked to the side, noticing the red paste under Grunts foot, the color following up his leg to his knee. I knew these were convicts and Blue Suns mercs, but that wasn't a reason for him to be so violent. I shook my head and sighed as I sniped a Turian.

"Do you have to crush their skulls like that, Grunt?" I asked him over the com, reloading and checked my screen, noticing how a merc had managed to sneak up and was now trying to flank me.

_"What's the matter? Can't take the heat?"_ Grunt asked with a smirking voice while I sneaked closer to the merc.

"Oh, I can take the heat…" I said, and then flashed around the corner, grabbed the merc and broke his neck before he even realized what had happened. "I just prefer a cleaner execution." I said, quickly gripping for my sniper and fired a shot, which caused the Batarian's head to explode almost right behind Grunt. He turned in a flash at the sound, and once he understood, he looked down at me as I supported the sniper against my hip. "Most of the time, anyway." I smirked and his laughter echoed through the room and com.

_"Area clear here. Status."_ Shepard suddenly sounded over the com. I reached for it.

"Clear. Just saved Grunt's ass." I said and a loud huff sounded.

_"He wouldn't have stood a chance anyway!"_ Grunt mocked and we both moved forward to catch up with Shepard.

      Purgatory was going down in flames, bodies were lying around everywhere and we could still hear screams coming from the place. I guessed there were people trapped in their cells, but if they were locked up in here I couldn't really feel bad for them.

I had to admit I had been worried about Grunt when we stepped onto the Purgatory. He had seemed tense as if he wanted something to go wrong so he could fight, and when the introduction didn't turn into a firefight, there had been even more tension in his neck. He grumbled and sighed as Warden Kuril had explained just what they were doing with Purgatory, but as he had seemed nervous about Jack, a spark of fire had gone up in Grunt.

However, he had behaved, and right now I was actually glad he was there. Things went smoothly and despite he was no more than a day or two old, he obeyed Shepard perfectly, fought like any other Krogan I had met, but he did seem more into crushing his enemies; literally…

"I could have taken him." Grunt said once we had caught up with Shepard and was moving on. I looked quickly back at him as he formed back formation of our group.

"I never doubted you couldn't, but you're part of a team now. And as long as I am on mission with you, I'll do everything I can to keep my team mates safe. Krogan or not." I said, waiting for him to say something in return, but we were interrupted when Kuril began shooting at us, and his men came to his rescue.

      Shepard ordered us to keep his back free while he dealt with the shield Kuril had put upon himself. Grunt and I complied without hesitation, but I still waited for a response from the tank-born.

Nothing came.

He remained silent until we met up with Jack and convinced her to go with us, despite flying under Cerberus colors. She looked me over more than once, but when I wore no evidence that I was working under Cerberus, she merely huffed. As we walked to the Normandy, she suddenly looked back at me.

"Never thought Cerberus recruited doll-faces…" she said, a slightly amused expression on her face. I growled low, but now wasn't the time to confront her. I'd rather just get out of my armor and to the med-bay, so I could get this damn cut stitched. Chakwas was gonna tear me a new one…

Shepard instructed Jack to go wait in the com-room, while he changed, and as we stood in the elevator, he suddenly looked at me.

"You too, Shay." He said, making me look at him. "I want you there in case anything goes wrong."

"Yes, Shepard." I replied, not really feeling like going, but I couldn't disobey him. Not after we had finally gotten friends again… It was my own fault, I knew that, and the news I had uncovered wasn't making my mood any better…

      "Something wrong?"

Shepard stopped right before turning to his own chamber and I just barely registered it. Was I really that deep in thought?? I looked at him as he stepped closer with a concerned expression in his eyes. _Crap…_

"I…" I started, intending to say I was fine, but I knew I would be lying to him and that would break us apart again. I sighed and lowered my head. "I have a few things in mind…" I admitted, and then looked at him with a stern expression. "But we can discuss that later. Right now, we should worry about Jack. I get the feeling she doesn't really care about anything…"

Shepard took a step closer, laying a gentle hand on my arm. "Shay…"

I knew what he was pleading for, but now wasn't the time. I reached for his hand, slowly but steadily pushing it off me. "Not now, Shep… Later, I promise."

He sighed and stepped back with a small nod. He then turned and once the door closed behind him I cursed myself for being such a fool and for letting _that_ information ruin my concentration. I had made various mistakes during the mission on Purgatory, but thankfully most of them hadn't been while Shepard had been looking or been around. Part of me prayed he'd never learn, but for some reason I also found myself wanting him to scold me, comfort me and help me through this.

      I tossed my armor onto my bed, cursing and swearing. I was such an idiot!!

Leaned onto my desk, trying to calm myself, when my eyes flickered over the surface and I reached the data…

Ever since I read it the first time, I had been going through it again and again, hoping, begging, that what I was reading wasn't true. But I knew it was pointless. The only way I could be sure was if I investigated, and I wasn't sure how much time we had, so maybe it would be best not to bring it up for Shepard…

_You promised him you'd talk about it later! You can't back out now!!_ My inner voice screamed at me, and I knew it was right. Shepard worried about me, and with everything that had happened lately I had to show him that I still believed and trusted him. Telling him about this would be a good start…

I calmed, did my own handy work on the cut, dressed in more casual wear and stepped out of my room about the same time Shepard did. We nodded to each other and rode down to the com room.

_Show time._ I thought as we stepped in. Miranda was already here, Jack leaned against a wall, but none of them had torn up the place. I decided to step a little away, but Miranda was already glaring at me, something Jack caught up to.

"I'm Miranda, Shepard's second in command." Miranda said hard and walked forth, glaring down at Jack. "On this ship we follow orders."

      A huff sounded from Jack.

"Get that cheerleader off me, Shepard. I'm here because of our deal." Jack said and pushed herself away from the wall. "Besides, I thought Doll face over there was your little bitch in chain. I'd rather take orders from her…" Jack pointed at me, looked me over and even licked her lips, making me growl and bare my teeth. Shepard stepped forth.

"Miranda is gonna let you into the system. Let me know what you find. And for the record, Shayla **_is_** my second in command!" he said, turning his attention to Miranda with the last. A small jolt was all Miranda did, but it was enough for Jack to look rather smug, and her famous parting words rang in the room even after Miranda had left.

"You do realize Miranda is going to kill me at first chance available now, right?" I asked, looking serious at Shepard. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"It is my decision, whether she likes it or not. The Illusive Man put me in charge of the Normandy, which naturally gives me very right to choose my own second in command, and…" he began, but stopped as I placed a hand on his.

"I was joking…" I said. He looked at me, and then exhaled, releasing the breath he had held back, closing his eyes. "Seems like I'm not the only one who has a lot on my mind, huh?" I said, reminding myself of the data I had in my room, feeling the sting my chest yet again…

      He drew in a breath and exhaled loudly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to…" he started, but suddenly stopped and looked at me. "There's been a lot lately, hasn't there? I mean, when was the last time we had a break from it all?" he asked, and I looked up at the ceiling, pretending to ponder.

"Since we were united? I don't recall any breaks." I said, making him huff slightly.

"Aren't you gonna tell me I'm working too hard? That I'm dragging everyone after me, and that eventually someone is gonna get hurt, possibly killed?" he asked, stepping an inch or so closer, wrapping his fingers around my hands. I smiled and shook my head.

"After feeling the pressure of leadership on my own body for nearly two years, I understand it much better now." I said, getting a little embarrassed about the things I said to him back on the original Normandy. If I had known I would come this far, I had probably thought of something different. He massaged my fingers slightly as we stood there.

"You said something about your heat coming up, didn't you…?" he said low, inching closer to me and I honestly couldn't help but to look at him with a suggestive look in my eyes.

"Are you offering to help, commander?" I teased, moving slightly back. He cleared his throat slightly, looking at our hands.

"Well, Garrus is healing up nicely, but I wouldn't want him to get injured again by keeping your raging hormones in check." He said, moving the last few inches forward and wrapped his arms around my waist, gently pulling me towards him. "And like you said earlier, we don't want Grunt to catch on to it just yet…" his voice dropped as he tilted his head, capturing my lips in a sweet kiss.

      I rumbled low in my throat, pleased with the gentle pace, and as his hands began to wander I felt the familiar tingling indicating my heat was flaring up. No way I could go down and ask Garrus now…

However, I pushed him back, just enough to talk.

"Easy now, Shep… My heat is just beginning, and we might as well use this opportunity to talk like we promised…" I said, trying to take it slow, despite my hormones was already clawing at my insides. Damnit! What was it about Shepard that made my heat go crazy like this?! My fingers itched to feel his skin, hips pushed just slightly against him and I licked my lips more than usual.

"Heat first, then we talk…" he said, voice dropping even lower as he descended to my neck, pushing my hair out of the way as he kissed my skin, earning a rumble of pleasure from me. _Hell, yes!_ I thought, but as he began to roam he accidently hit my wound and I tensed in pain. Shepard jolted back in surprise.

"You alright?" he asked, looking at me in concern as I crunched slightly. I tried to straighten up again, make his concerned face go away.

"It's nothing severe…" I said and lifted the shirt to show him. "I intended to go down and have Chakwas take a look at it. Are we done, Commander?" I asked, slightly teasing, but I could see he was a little disappointed for not being able to move further than the kiss. He found his commander mask and nodded.

I bowed slightly and then left, but his voice stopped me in the door. "Give me a status once you've seen her." He said and came a little closer, but stopped with distance between us. "We still have something to talk about, and I'd rather see you recover smoothly…" he said, voice dying a little.

      I honestly couldn't help it!

I turned and smirked. "Desperate, Shep?" I asked teasingly, but my smirk died from his expression.

"More like longing…" he said low, looked at me for a few seconds and then turned around, leaning on the table. "Dismissed, Shay."

I nodded, turned, left and then stood outside the room for a short while. I couldn't seem to get my bearings again. Things were difficult for Shepard right now. Garrus wasn't acting like himself, for which I knew the reason… I hadn't been acting very much like the woman Shepard came to know back at the Citadel, but I hoped part of me had returned now that some closure had been brought to my mind.

_"More like longing…"_ His words kept running in my mind, and I felt a tightness in my chest. I knew this meant I cared, but just how much did I care about Shepard? I knew what I wanted to do; I had known ever since I remembered Shepard back after Nihlus' death and begun to travel with him. I wanted to help Shepard through this, help him carry the burden of being the _Hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy_ and _Destroyer of the Reapers._ I wanted him to know he wasn't alone, that he was being cared for, that he had someone to rely on through thick and thin, and that I would gladly take his place for a short time, if it helped him recover, mentally and/or physically.

But… did that mean I had fallen in love with him…?

 

* * *

      After facing a small part of Chakwas wrath for getting hurt (again), I sent my status report to Shepard. I was physically in good condition, and if I kept from heavy activity for a day or two the wound should have healed up enough for me to return to the battle.

Once that was done, and I had received a reply from my commanding officer, I ventured back to my own room. I had a lot to think about, but now that this small matter was off my back, I felt strangely exhausted. I lay back on my bed, staring up at the ceiling, beginning to count the bolts for some reason…

_I could hear something… a strange sound… Yet, it seemed so familiar to me…_

_A growl in my throat erupted and everything went quiet. It was so dark around me, but as I opened my eyes things became brighter, yet strangely blurred. I felt like floating…_

_I growled, no… I rumbled low in my throat and a blurry white thing in front me started to move away, yet came back, closer. The strange sound began again, making my ears tingle and as I tried to focus on what I assumed was a person, everything became brighter and I was eventually blinded by a strong white light…_

_"She's stable…" I heard a voice echo in my head and suddenly images of my adventure with Shepard sped past my mind. Every encounter, every day, every kill…_

_"We're losing her…!" "A double dose!" "Failure…"_

_Multiple voices clashed in over my memories of Shepard, but they stopped talking as I ventured from present time to what the future would hold. Horizon, the Collector ship, the Galactic core, the Reapers, Cerberus, Sanctuary, everything! And when it was over, it started over, going even faster, and then multiplied, creating a chaos of sounds, voices and images in my mind._

_I trashed around, trying to wake up, trying to make sense of all the information I was getting, when suddenly a hand shot forth and grabbed my throat, squeezing tightly. I gasped for air, tried to fight back, but had no strength, no voice…_

_"You have failed…" a dark voice roared over all the others things, bright red eyes shun in the chaos and I suddenly felt a pinch in my shoulder…!_

      I roared from my dream, panting, growling and then suddenly heard something familiar.

"Shay! Wake up! It's me!!"

I blinked and looked down at the blue, torn armor, the slightly brown skin, and blue eyes and markings of our Turian sniper as he lay pinned under me, hands raised to protect himself.

"Garrus…?" I straightened slightly up and rubbed my eyes with a hand.

"Spirits, Shay… Remind me never to wake you up again." He said with a voice slightly more sour than what I remembered him to be. I slowly got off him, now realizing I had somehow thrown both of us to the floor with me pinning Garrus down by his shoulders.

"Sorry…" I offered him a hand and once he was standing I sat down on my bed, trying to relax and get my mind clear. The only thing I could muster to think about was, however… "Why are you here?" I asked, tired and not able to look up at him. He took one of his characteristic small steps towards me.

"You kept calling me, and when I couldn't get a hold of you over the intercom, I came up to see what you wanted. I found you moaning and squirming in your bed…" he said, lowering his head slightly. "Looked like you had a bad dream." His voice softened.

"I don't remember falling asleep…" I said heavily, and then looked up at him. He shifted slightly nervously.

"We rarely do…"

      He sighed softly and then walked over, slowly sitting down beside me as I stretched out. He was hunching over his legs, clearly having a burden on his shoulders as well. Silence went over us, until he turned his head towards me.

"So, what did you dream?"

I looked at him, now more awake than before, but still feeling slightly groggy. I thought for a while, trying to overcome the fog in my mind, but when nothing came up, I leaned back and flattened out on the bed, sighing.

"Don't know… I don't remember it very well." I said and laid an arm over my eyes, shielding them from the light. I could hear from the mattress how he shifted his weight and turned more towards me.

"Must have been bad. Can't remember you ever attacking me like this… Unless, of course, you've developed some secret dislike for me over the years…" he said, and because I was covering my eyes, I couldn't decipher if he was lightly joking with me, or if there was some hidden question in his words…

I went with the former, and huffed with a smile. "I doubt I ever could." I said, not removing my arm, but smiled lightly. "You'd have to really step on my toes, but we've been through too much together for that to happen…"

      I heard the mattress shriek again as his weight shifted. A gloved hand took my arm away from my eyes and as I turned my head slightly, I looked almost directly into the blue orbs of the Turian.

"And we'll be going through even more now…" he said, voice holding rumbles I knew only too well. I knew I shouldn't have let him move in closer, and I shouldn't have given him the chance to test the waters with the small peek on my lips, but I was still too tired and mentally disorientated to refuse the kiss.

I would be lying if I said I hadn't missed Garrus in that way as well, but as he pressed more against me, the strict order from Chakwas hanging over my head had me push him slightly back. I knew engaging in anything physical would only invoke her wraith, and Garrus would feel terrible if he harmed me…

A wet tongue snaked over my neck and I felt him tighten his grip on my arm. "Garrus… Stop." I said with as much strength in my tone as I could muster. He didn't move from me.

"Why?" a small growl vibrated under his voice. I sighed.

"I have strict orders from Chakwas not to engage in anything physical until she has deemed my wound healed." I said and that made him rise from me, looking at me with shock in his eyes, despite his facial expression didn't change much.

"You're injured?" he asked and moved even further when I made indications to rise up. I lifted my shirt so he could inspect it on his own.

"It's nothing bad, but you know how Chakwas is." I said, and he nodded, after having confirmed that I really wasn't that terribly injured. His touch had been gentle, and quite pleasant… I think he knew…

      Garrus moved back.

"Well, this is going to be a problem, isn't it?" I looked at him confused, so he continued. "You're going into heat soon, aren't you?" he asked, looking directly at me, and for some reason I was both surprised and amazed. I nodded.

"Yeah… but if I refrain from anything that may reopen my wound, it should have healed up before I seriously get into heat." I said. "But, how did you know?"

He leaned in slightly, closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. "Once you've experienced it, you never forget this scent…" he said, voice soft, deep and rumbling. He moved back to proper distance again. "I wasn't able to tell before I got close on you, but it's there no doubt."

I huffed slightly, now feeling uncomfortable. If Garrus could sense it already, did that mean Grunt had been able to as well? Was I going to have to fear for my own safety now? "So, I'm already in heat…"

"Guess so, but it isn't like those strong potent scents I remember." He said. I felt a small part of our teasing friendship reappear, so I went for it.

"So, you're not gonna attack me just yet, huh?" I smiled and he huffed with some amusement in his voice.

"No. Though, I suspected that might be your reason for calling me so furiously…" he teased back, and again I grew confused.

      "I never called you, Garrus." I said, and this time he was the confused one.

"No? But, it's your name that shows up every time." He said and opened his Omni-tool, showing me the many calls he had received within thirty minutes. I gasped a little. I didn't remember calling him… Could I have been sleep-walking?

"If it wasn't you, then who did this?" he asked, closing his Omni-tool again.

I stroke my chin and pondered. "No idea, but I guess we can be thankful for it." I said. Garrus tilted his head slightly. "If you hadn't received all those calls, you wouldn't have come up to check on me and woke me up."

He huffed gently. "Guess so, but I still don't like it…" A glimpse of anger flared up in his eyes, and I suspected it came from the memories of the betrayal of his team. I wasn't sure what to say to make him feel differently or to make him think of something else, so I just kept my mouth shut.

He suddenly stood. "In any event… I'm glad you're okay, Shay. And don't worry; I'll keep my distance from you." He said. The words alone could have been misunderstood, but looking at him I instantly knew what he referred to.

"Until I've healed, right?" I smirked, teasing him possibly more than I should at the moment. He turned and began to walk towards the door.

"You know where to find me." He said, voice much more than suggesting, waved slightly and then disappeared.

      The minute I was alone, I leaned back on the bed again, exhaling. What the hell was I doing?! Not only did I know Shepard was longing for me, but now I even seduced Garrus!? Yeah, we had slept back in the days and I knew I could trust both of them, but…

I sighed. _Forget it, Shay._ I thought and then started to think about whom could have sent those calls for Garrus, if I hadn't been sleep walking…

The answer more or less came on its own when I stepped down to the crew deck a few hours later and found Kazumi, smiling at me and asking if Garrus were able to make my dreams a little better…


	25. Brightness

_Yes!!! I am finally back!!_

_I apologize for taking so long, but i had a huge writer's block to overcome with very chapter. But I really appreciate everyone's patience, and the steady flow of encouraging words have been a great help for me. You guys are fantastic! :D_

_Please, enjoy!_

 

"Garrus… Oh, fuck!"

I moaned, the pleased rumble in my ear telling me he liked what he was hearing. A talon skated lightly over my skin, prickling my over sensitive nerves, making me bite my lip hard.

"Easy now…" a gentle hand snaked around my chin, making me look at the pale skin and blue eyes before me. "Don't bruise yourself…" Shepards seductive voice made me relax, which gave Garrus the perfect chance for a sharp thrust and a small nip at my neck, forcing half a growl from my throat.

_I knew they were good separately, but combined…! Holy shit!_

Garrus growled as he came, fingers twitched lightly, leaving red marks on my skin before he climbed off me and lay down beside me as I collapsed face-down on the bed. A barely wet tongue moved swiftly over my shoulder as the Turian gently rumbled.

"Tired?" Shepard asked sweetly.

"She can't be." Garrus said before I even managed to think of anything. "I can still smell your heat, and it's quite strong…" he rumbled, making me wince slightly. "Besides, bad girls who seduce two men at the same time deserves to be punished a little…" he said with that seductive voice he knew would make me shiver in delight.

"Still…" Shepard moved in close and began to kiss down my back. "We can't be too hard on her. I need her on mission and I have a feeling this isn't that much of a punishment to her…" he said, slipped behind me and lifted my hips again, before he pushed in.

      My head flew up with a small gasp.

"You may be right…" Garrus purred at Shepard's comment.

_Oh, fuck you both…_ I thought, yet still delighted by the feeling of Shepard thrusting into me. I admit, I made a small mistake by seducing both of them before my heat really kicked in, but I would never have considered they would team up against me like this.

Shepard had called me in, a few days after we recruited Jack, for the talk I had promised him. My heat was up and running, and I had actually intended to spend most of the day with Garrus, but I couldn't disobey. When I came in, Garrus was there and had apparently been waiting for me to show up. He instantly confirmed that I was in heat, and so did they decide that I needed to be punished for seducing them both and for delaying the talk with Shepard.

"So why don't we make this more of a punishment…" Shepard suddenly whispered in my ear before biting it. Then he rose slightly from me and stopped. It took a little before I realized that he wasn't going to continue, so I turned as much as I could to look at him. "You had something you wanted to tell me, didn't you?" he asked, making me slightly confused.

"Wha…? Why do you want that now?" I asked. I couldn't believe he would actually want to hear about that in the middle of making love to me!! He smirked as he leaned over me again.

"This is your punishment." He said and then looked at Garrus who rumbled in agreement. "I know how you are when you're in heat, Shay…" he said and made a sharp thrust, making me whine. "You want it badly, but unlike Garrus, I don't get affected by your signals in the same way… I can end it right here and now…" he bit my ear again, before licking it and nipped the lope gently.

      "Tell me what's been bothering you, and I'll continue…"

_Now he's bribing me!? Man, Shepard isn't what you'd expect!_ I thought, but my thoughts were interrupted by the pain slowly crawling up on me. Having Shepard inside felt good, but when he wouldn't move the pain from my heat slowly returned, and if I didn't get him to move soon, it would cloud my mind!

I bit the pillow before me, trying to calm down and gather my thoughts about the intel I had found. When able to speak, I turned my head slightly.

"I… I found some intel… with the Blue Suns." I started and was rewarded by a slow pace that would keep the pain at bay for now. Knowing he would stop if I didn't say more, I tried my best to focus. "They… they had learned who ordered them to bomb Illium, and… who hired Brian Hawk…"

"Go on…" Shepard said, sweetly, changing his angle slightly. I trembled by the act.

"Ce…Cerberus… are behind it…"

"Figures." Garrus said hard, and it made me look at him.

"That's… not all…" I said. "Nihlus learned that… I was rescued by Cerberus, who then did experiments on me… He learned the facility I had been in was destroyed…" I lowered my head as I recalled the messages I had read. "There's… there's another facility,… covered by a harmless factory…"

      Shepard stopped by these news. "So that means…"

"… that others might be going through the same thing she did…" Garrus said, shock in his voice, despite it all.

Shepard slipped out of me and then turned me to my back, a hand gently caressing my cheek. "Why didn't you tell me sooner? If Cerberus is conducting experiments on humans, they have to be stopped."

"It's… it's not in use…" I panted. "They… wanted to capture me… and bring me there for further tests…" I said and then tensed as my heat worked again. "It's being prepared… for me…"

"It's not getting prepared for anything…!" Garrus growled, and slipped slightly closer. "You're not going to be their experiment, Shay. Never again…" Maybe it was the heat, but he sounded just like the old Garrus to me, maybe even like the love-struck Turian you would be united with in the third game. A soft hand caressed my cheek, as Shepard leaned in and placed a kiss on my forehead.

"He's right. Cerberus won't get their hands on you." He smiled sweetly, reassuring, before sitting up and exhaled. "Now I understand… You've feared any one of them could have known about this and stabbed you in the back when you least expected it. Even those we recruited…"

      At times like these I was glad Shepard was so forgiving. He could have scolded me in a thousand different ways for not having faith in him, completely forgetting what horrors I might have been through and what lay behind my actions, but he wouldn't. He knew I rarely feared anything, and my loyalty in him was absolute. If he said he would protect me from Cerberus, I would lay my life in his hands and trust him implicitly.

Garrus too. I believed in both of them, and I knew they believed in me…

The Turian beside suddenly cleared his voice. "Hate to break the tender moment here, but her heat is still running wild, so… if you're done, could you move over, Shepard?" he asked, his erection poking aggressively into my thigh. The commander huffed and then leaned over me, planting his mouth on my collarbone.

"Oh… I'm far from done with her…" his deep voice vibrated over my skin, setting my nerves on fire, but it also clearly challenged Garrus.

_What have I gotten myself into…?_

* * *

 

      _Exhausted…_ I thought as I felt someone run a finger up and down my side, planting soft kisses on my shoulder and sweetly whisper my name in between. I moved a little. God… I felt fantastic… Why hadn't I tried a threesome before?

"Shay? You awake?" Garrus asked, mandibles moving slightly over my skin as he spoke. I moaned lightly and began to stretch, slowly turning towards him.

"Am now…" I said with a smile, which was mirrored in his own way. He nuzzled his forehead against mine, rumbling low.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, clearly not as affected by my heat as previously. I moved my legs a little, wiggled my hips slightly and stretched my back before looking at him.

"A little sore… Nothing to worry about." I caressed his cheek and he held my hand, closing his eyes with a purr hanging between us. Seemed like Garrus was still the same despite the betrayal of his team; at least during my heat and in the afterglow…

      I looked slightly around and noticed we were still in Shepard's chambers, but the commander himself was nowhere to be found. After the first couple of rounds, my heat had dimmed a little and we had talked more. But once they had what they wanted, new energy had returned to them, leaving me to experience the intense care all over again. I rose up and felt the effects of dampening my heat flare through my sore muscles, making me tense. Despite the aching I sat up.

"Shepard?" I asked, looking back at Garrus, who also sat up.

"On a mission. I think he took Mordin and Kazumi with him…"

I huffed slightly. "Sounds like Shepard…" I said and stretched more. "Always on the move."

"Yeah…"

I looked at him again. Something in his voice sounded off, like he was holding something back. Having played the games so many times, and now having experienced him in real life (or what you should call it), I was certain my ears weren't deceiving me.

"Something wrong?"

He was silent for a while before slowly moving over and ran the back of a finger down my back.

"Sorry about those…" he said and I jumped slightly as a small pain shot through my nerves. I looked back, trying to see myself, but without luck. Instead I reached for my back, trying to feel how bad it was. I noticed no blood on my fingers, but I needed to be sure.

"Any bleeding?" I asked, looking back at him.

      Apparently my neutral response startled him slightly as he hesitated for a second, just looking at me, before he pushed my shoulder away from him, bringing my back into better view.

"Punctures here and there. Nothing severe." He said as he ran gentle fingers down my back, checking the small wounds he had apparently given me during the intercourse. I stretched my arms above my head and arched my back, moaning in relief.

"Good…"

"Shay…?" he suddenly asked, quite low, so I barely heard it, but once I had convinced myself that he actually spoke, I turned towards him again. "What?" I asked, but the Turian refused to look at me. I could see his eyes were dancing over the floor and the bed, mandibles flexing slightly and then tightened.

"Never mind… But don't you think a shower would be appropriate right now?" he looked up at me, façade trying to appear teasing, maybe even proactive, but I sensed a shadow coming over him. Garrus wasn't Garrus yet…

"You may be right…" I said, leaving the issue where it was. I didn't have to remind Garrus that he could always talk to me, for I knew he would come to me when he was ready. So I smiled at him, swung my legs over the edge and began walking towards the private shower in Shepard's cabin. I had barely gone up the small stairs before I felt plates on my skin again.

"And I wouldn't mind helping you wash those hard-to-reach spots…" Garrus' voice sounded next to my ear. It sent a shudder through me from the feral tone he used. Part of me wanted it, but I also feared this tone.

It was not the sound of the old Garrus…

 

* * *

 

      My heat was done and over with.

And at a perfect timing, if you asked Shepard…

The Illusive Man had called and practically ordered Shepard to investigate the Collector attack on Horizon, before dealing with any more dossiers. I could easily see on Shepard as we made our gear ready that he wasn't a fan of this mission, probably because he hated taking orders from the Illusive Man. There was always something behind his words…

And the mood only got worse when a certain big butted Cerberus operative stepped into the armory, clearly unsatisfied about the team Shepard had chosen. Two snipers and no close combat protection! And what if my heat attracted more attention than necessary, overpowered the effect of Mordin's countermeasure for the Seeker swarms? Miranda had many questions, suggestions and ideas, but Shepard shot them all down. He had made his choice, and since we were going into unknown territory, with an unknown enemy and unknown technology, he wanted people he had tried that with before at his side!

That settled it all, and before we went to the shuttle, Mordin briefed us on the tech he had developed. I barely understand half of the technical stuff, but I did understand him when he leaned slightly closer to me. "Also, have results. Would like to discuss, when mission complete." He said low, and I understood. _My blood and tissue samples!_

I nodded and then we left.

      Coming in on the colony we soon had a visual of the Collector vessel. Everything about it made me growl, and I began to feel my heart beat faster. Was I getting nervous in a time like this…? Well, who could blame me? We were up against an unknown enemy, with unknown technology and experimental tech of our own to protect us. If Mordin's countermeasures didn't work out, my biotics might be the last protection we had and I wasn't sure how long I could keep the Seeker swarms at bay with them…

"Brings you back, huh?" Garrus suddenly said, fiddling slightly with his sniper. "This is almost like the mission on Feros. We had no idea what we were going into…" he said and then looked at me. I felt a little of the old Garrus coming back there, so I responded.

"Yeah… Or Noveria. Not knowing what had happened in those labs, was terrifying… and we have no idea what might jump us here." I said, watching him moved slightly on his feet.

"Yeah… Despite we've tried a thing or two, I still get the chills of going in blind. I hate being blind…" he said with a tone easily mistaken for anger, but as I looked at his hands, I saw them shake just slightly. The Turian was as nervous as I was.

"You won't be blind for long, Garrus. We'll face the Collectors soon enough, so stay sharp." Shepard said, but I felt it was directed to me as well.

      When we got off the shuttle, we all looked up at the huge ship in the middle of the colony. The Collectors were going to pay for everything they had done, and if the reapers really did have something to do with it all, they were gonna get their fair share of kicks in the quad!

We had only walked a few meters away from where the shuttle took off again, when I spotted something in the distance. "Shepard! Incoming!" I whispered, and then we all heard it. The buzzing, the flapping of tiny wings, and then a flock of Seeker swarms flew past right above our heads. We all turned, followed the swarm, to make sure they really hadn't noticed us.

"Did you see that? They didn't even notice us." Garrus said. I exhaled, feeling how my fast beating heart came down again. That was one thing less to worry about…

Now knowing the countermeasure for the Seeker swarms was working, we moved forward into the colony, but we had barely reached the outer apartments before a small patrol of Collectors came at us. We did what we could with what little knowledge we had, but it came as a complete surprise when they activated their protection shields. I fired at it the best I could, even tried with my biotics, but as I got into hiding, I looked over at Shepard and shook my head.

      We had to go around, flank it.

Garrus and I made sure the Collectors kept their attention on us, while Shepard moved around and finally took care of coward behind the shield. The rest wasn't that difficult, but I had a feeling I was gonna need new armor if we meet too many of the Collector snipers.

"You alright?" Shepard asked once the shooting had died down and we walked over to one of the Collector bodies. "Yeah, I'm fine. Didn't get through." I said, feeling the heat from the melted armor on my arm. Less protection, but I could manage. Yet…

"We should get some samples for Mordin." I said, and we all did some quick scans, took a few tissue samples and then moved on.

The colony was quiet, awfully quiet, and it disturbed us all. When we finally found signs of human life it was in those transport pods, and we didn't have the time to study them as there were Collectors nearby, and more than the patrol we had faced.

      What were even worse were the Husks that came at us. Bad memories came back when one of them surprised me just as I had lined up a shot at an unprotected Collector. I yelped and flared my biotics, sending the damn thing flying. But now I had given away my position, making the Collectors concentrate their fire on me. It did give Shepard and Garrus the opportunities they needed, but I felt a little helpless like this, and I honestly didn't want to be surprised by another Husk!

The fighting stopped and after checking we were all alright, we moved on, checked the colonists, the bodies of Collectors and Husks, and by now confirmed that the Collectors were working for the Reapers. Now all we had to do was figure what they needed the colonists for… I shuddered as I remembered what we were going to face on the Collector base…

We were nearing the center of the colony when we ran into a squad of Collectors. I had found a good spot and aimed my sniper at one when it suddenly changed, light coming from it and then…

"Assuming direct control."

I felt like my breath had been stolen, like I didn't even know how to anymore, and the swallow breathing I managed to get wasn't enough to fuel my oxygen-demanding body, creating a dizziness. I ducked into cover again, trying to get myself under control. _What the hell is this?!_

      I shut my eyes tight, tightened my grip and moved out of cover again, only to find it gone and there was only one other Collector left. I sniped it before it sat up the shield.

_Could I have imagined that…? No… What happened to me back there?_ I continued to think, despite following Shepard and Garrus into the locked down building where we met Delan, the mechanic. He told us about Kaidan being here, and for some reason that snapped me back into the present.

"Kaidan's here…" I whispered, and noticed Garrus look at me before turning his attention back at Delan. We were informed of the AA-towers and about the missing calibration, which had me snicker slightly, but I had no time to be funny. We moved out quickly afterwards, taking down every Collector in our way, including that large thing with the gun… I hate them!

After getting rid of them, we looked around for spare ammo and found less colonists in the area. If they were already loaded onto the ship, then we had to hurry.

The fight at the control tower while waiting for EDI to finish the calibration was tougher than I had thought, and it didn't get better when that huge, flying… multi-headed, tank came to their rescue. As it burnt up in flames, crying out with some strange metallic cry, I swore that I needed better armor from now on…

      Just as we thought it was all over, and we gathered to plan our next strike to get the colonists out of the ship, it took off and disappeared into the sky, probably loaded with little more than half the colony. Delan came running from his hiding spot, begging us to stop them, but it was pointless.

"You did more than most, Shepard." Garrus said, trying to comfort. We both knew it was hard for Shepard to see people die under his watch, but if we hadn't been here now the entire colony would have gotten taken.

"Shepard? Wait, I know that name…" Delan turned and looked at us, then crossed his arms. "Yeah, you're supposed to be some big Alliance hero, or something."

"Commander Shepard. Captain of the Normandy. First Human Spectre. Savior of the Citadel."

We all turned our heads towards the voice coming from behind the crates as our former teammate walked towards us. "You're in the presence of a legend, Delan. And a ghost." Kaidan said, looking back at Shepard. Delan left quickly after learning Kaidan was still alive, and that he had ties to Shepard, leaving us with Kaidan…

I stared at the man before us as he came closer, his smile telling me one thing, but as I looked at his eyes I felt like going into cover. He was shooting daggers at us… And I had a strong feeling my presence hadn't done anything to change this situation.

_Kaidan…_


	26. Recover

I wasn't sure if I should scream, cry or simply let it all pass by.

_Damn you, Alenko!!_

I couldn't contain my anger when I remembered his words, his facial expression, and hammered my glowing fist into the table. It squeaked in pain, but didn't break (thankfully…). Jacob looked slightly over at me, but kept his mouth shut, which for the moment was a wise decision.

And the worst part? Shepard had been silent through the entire trip back to the Normandy…

He had delivered his report to the Illusive Man, sounding mad, and then he had retreated to his quarters where he had been for a while now. We were still in orbit with Horizon, had no orders to follow and both the commanding officers were still shaken from the experience in the colony.

I admit, I hadn't expected Kaidan to ever look at me like that. The last time we saw each other was with smiles and laughter, but now he had looked at me as if I was carrying the worst possible decease and begged him to help me, knowing I was contagious. I was traitor in his eyes, filth, a criminal… Well, not sure if the last counts as something bad, though…

      I sighed deeply, pushed myself away from the table and left the armory, throwing a quick apology to Jacob for startling him, before venturing to the bridge. I'm sure more than a few of the crew wanted to crawl under a rock to hide, hoping my, apparently _obvious_ , wrath didn't hit them too. I even vaguely heard Hadley whisper to his side-mate that he felt sorry for Joker…

"So, am I supposed to be worried you might tear some of my equipment up here, or have you settled down?" Joker asked as I came to stand a meter from his chair, and he turned around. "Even I could hear your little stunt in the armory." He said, making me sigh and lower my head.

"I…" I tried, but even I could see how foolish that had been. "I'm sorry…" I said, my voice smaller than usual. Joker moved a little in his chair, apparently uncomfortable about my current condition.

"Ah, come on. I didn't mean it like that. Just… take a little care of my baby. I just got her back, you know." He said, making me huff with a smile.

"Don't wonna lose her so soon?" I asked and looked at him, trying to get back to my usual self. His teasing was making me feel better.

"Well, if it stood to me, I'd never lose her. Ever." He said and had a small break. I smirked at him and sank into a hip.

"There's probably a few superiors who'd disagree with you." I said.

      "Yeah…" he lowered his head, and then looked back up at me a minute later. "Maybe I could go pirate." He said enthusiastic, making me laugh lightly. Jeff Moreau, ladies and gentlemen. My saving grace… I shook my head, smiling, and before I knew it I had stepped forward and hugged him in tightly. Joker went rigid, clearly not sure what he should do in this situation.

"Umm…… What are you doing?" he asked, almost sounding like he had never felt a hug before. I huffed lightly.

"I don't know what I'd do without you…" I whispered and felt him pat me lightly on the back.

"Yeah, okay. I like you too, Shay. Now, come on. You're making me scared here." He said and untangled my arms, gently pushing me away. I knew it was simply because he hated to see me so emotional, and especially for me to show it so openly in front of Cerberus personnel. I smiled as he adjusted his hat.

"So… feel any better?" he asked softly, and I nodded.

"Yeah… But I still wonna tear out a bulkhead, or something. No offense." I said and walked past him so he could turn his chair around again, focus on his work, and I could keep an eye on the personnel.

"Can't have been easy… I mean, it was probably a set-up or something, but at least we know Kaidan's doing okay." He said and then looked up at me as I glared down at him for mentioning Kaidan. He lowered his voice, avoiding my look and cleared his throat slightly.

I eased up and sighed softly. "Yeah… It was good to see him. I just…" I said, and sighed again. "I just wished the reunion had been better…"

      Joker nodded, not really commenting, which gave me time to think of something.

"Can't really say I blame him, though." I said, and his head snapped up, looking at me in confusion. "Back when I met up with Shepard at the Citadel… If I hadn't seen the proof I needed to know I was dealing with the real Shepard, I wouldn't be here now." I stated and closed my arms around myself.

The thought of not being here, on the Normandy with the people I loved and cared for, was terrifying and even made me shudder. I could have ended up like Kaidan! Well, sort of… I would still have had Thaleon and Shade, and the few survivors of my team, but I would probably be suspicious of everything related to Cerberus, just like him…

"Well, in that case, I'm glad you did." Joker leaned back in his seated, visually satisfied, and then looked up at me with a soft smile. "The Normandy isn't the same without you…" he said and I felt my chest lighten up.

Kaidan could say, do, think and write whatever he wanted. I knew I was working with the right people for the right cause, despite our resources came from a terrorist organization… And I would work hard to keep these people safe, even from previous teammates.

The silence between us seemed to make Joker a little uneasy, as he removed his eyes, cleared his throat and adjusted himself in his seat. I smiled and pushed myself from my spot. "Better get back to work…" I said, and he hummed a small reply.

A few steps from his chair, I turned however, walked back, grabbed his shoulder and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thank you…" I whispered, before leaving for good this time.

 

* * *

      After talking with Joker I had found a lot of confidence, for some reason, so I had walked in and talked with Shepard, only to find that he wasn't as affected as I had feared. Sure, it had hurt, but he was still needed for the future missions.

"Besides, I have you to support me…" he had said, before he had stood up and claimed my lips, and for once it had simply been a kiss. I hadn't felt any sexual intentions in it, like I usually did. It had been… different. But there were definitely some emotions in it…

We had talked about what to do now, where to go and who we were looking for. Thane Krios and Samara… Going over dossiers with Shepard like this brought me to think about my time with Thaleon back as Palaven the Merc. The Drell almost always had some sort of information for me, and always wanted to discuss in private (he was probably hoping for extra action…).

Sitting with Shepard made me think of the Drell, but it also seemed like something we had done before. Honestly I couldn't remember if we had ever gone over next missions on the original Normandy, but it just felt right…

      We agreed to head for Illium as fast as possible and when I left Shepard's cabin I felt a little excitement coming up. We were about to get our hands on Thane Krios, a character I had romanced countless of times in the games. I could hardly wait to meet him in person!

I had barely stepped into my room before I noticed the message on my console. It was from Mordin. He requested my presence if I had time. He wanted to talk about the test results.

_Crap! I had completely forgotten about those!_ I thought and quickly typed I was on my way.

The Salarian was smiling lightly when I came into the lab and apologized. "No need, Shayla. Am aware of mental condition. Verbal rejection… must have been hard." He said, inhaling deeply and sounded concerned. I nodded and rubbed my arm.

"You have no idea…"

"But! Have news. Analyze complete, test results found, interesting data." He said, quickly breaking into a smile to lift the atmosphere. Something told me he was talking about my blood and tissue samples. "Shocking discovery! Horrified of possible methods, yet curious. Failures must have been astronomical. Needed perfection…" he babbled, so I tilted my head. He looked at me and shook both head and hands.

"Getting off track! Found traces of both Turian and Krogan DNA strands in your blood. Very complex structured!" he said, bringing something on screen so I moved over to see what it was. I saw DNA strands, but none of the numbers or text made much sense to me.

      "So, this proves it? I really am a Human-Turian…" I said low, and saw how he nodded fast.

"Yes! But. Not just Turian. Krogan, Asari, Drell! All found! All complex structure! Beautiful design! Yet… haven't found linkage." He said, still with the same enthusiasm. This must really have been a dream project for him… challenging, complex and full of mystery…

"Linkage?" I asked.

"Yes. DNA structures too diverse between species. Dexto-amino acids. Levi-amino acids. Toxic to one another. Strands put together, collapses. Yet, holds in your DNA." He said and typed something on the console. "Linkage sequence needed. Neutralizes toxicity, binds together, holds structure, forms… new specimen." He said with a small inhale, stopped typing and looked at me.

I wasn't entirely sure what to say. Did he mean I was a completely new species of humans, or a new species in itself?! Whatever it was, I wasn't sure I liked it. So I looked back at the console, hoping I could change the subject slightly.

      "Okay… what else have you found?" I asked, and he instantly found new files, again in formats I couldn't read or understand.

"Constant new cells. Possible regeneration from Krogan. Suggest in-depth study to clarify. Also. Blood sample suggest heavy bone structure. Skeleton practically impenetrable. Probably never broken anything before." He said, again typing as if analyzing my response to all of the data. I shook my head.

"I've broken my arm twice." I said and it made him lift his hands from the console, clearly thinking.

"Interesting. Sample analyze suggest otherwise. Could be mistake in calculation? No, no! Right method! Am certain! Need to ask. When did you break it?" he asked, now turning his entire attention on me.

"Shortly after I woke up on the Citadel, I ran from C-Sec and fell down some stairs. My arm broke in two spots." I said and he nodded, waiting for the next explanation. "And then I broke my arm less severely during the fight with Saren on the Citadel. Haven't broken anything since, though…"

      He tapped his chin fast, humming and looking up at the ceiling, but he didn't seem to come up with anything. "Interesting. Would like to perform a few tests. Scans. Reaction to certain elements and chemicals. If you please." He said and gestured towards the small bed.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, feeling a little uncomfortable about the fact that he wanted to do tests on me. But I had said that I trusted Mordin and I wasn't about to go back on my word now!

"Undress and lie on bed. Will do the rest." He said, and went to prepare some equipment. As I sat on the bed, he gently asked for my arm, sterilized an area and placed a needle with a tube in me. I asked what it was for. "Easier distribution of test elements. No need to worry. Won't harm you. Now, please lie down." He said, and I did as told. First he did a few full body scans, searching for different things. At least, that was what I interpreted from his talk with himself, or as he said, his dialogue for his report. He had always claimed experiments were best done by stating each and every observation along the variation of the experiment, and it kept his mind running.

Honestly… Who can't love this Salarian scientist…?

 

* * *

      "Ah… Shepard…"

After the blow from Kaidan, suddenly watching Liara approach Shepard so casually, even hugging him, I don't know… Something felt off… Can't say I wasn't glad that she hadn't rejected us like a certain marine, after all… even I got a hug.

"It's good to see you too, Shay. I heard Palaven had retired from Illium." She said, and looking at the Asari archeologist it was clear to see that the two years apart had hardened her. Even her speech felt different from what I remembered, but it was a welcoming change.

"Didn't have much choice. Someone had to keep Shepard in line." I joked, and despite Shepard shot me a glare, the feather light laughter from Liara lifted his lips to a smile. Kaidan wasn't going to keep me down, or Shepard for at matter, and we were both glad there wasn't going to be a repeat of Horizon so soon.

"You just needed someone to help with your heat since you couldn't find me." Garrus joined in and clapped me in the back. I was slightly shocked at his comment considered how closed and slightly cold he had been lately, but then I blushed as I realized what he was saying. I jabbed his shoulder while listening to Shepard's laugh.

"I could have managed…" I mumbled, and the conversation was steered in the direction of Liara's work these last two years and the information we needed to find our people.

      Of course, Shepard wanted to help Liara like he used to, so we ended up looking for information about the observer. We decided to split up to cover more ground and get it done faster, and I got the honor of getting it from Eternity. I had barely started to download before I felt a hand on my ass and a warm, stinking alcohol breath on my cheek.

"Hey sweetheart. Nice outfit. Pretty snug and everything." The drunken human tried to say, but his voice was so affected I had to strain my ears in order to understand him. All the while he talked he was shamelessly groping my ass, feeling me up. _Thank God, I'm not in heat!_ I thought and then shot a look towards the bartender.

"Excuse me!" I called and she looked over. I pointed at the drunkard. "If I don't break any interior, can I break his jaw for groping me?" I asked and felt a light tension in him.

"Knock yourself out, sweetie." She said, shrugging her shoulders. She had barely given her approval before I clenched my fist and planted it firmly on his jaw, which sent him flying through the room. A few seconds of silence went by before several other customers cheered in joy. I bowed slightly and was told he was a troublemaker, but no one had encountered a situation where they could do anything about him.

      After getting a free drink, and the information for Liara, I met up with Shepard and Garrus again, and then we decided it was time to get our assassin. Honestly, I couldn't help but to get a little excited about meeting Thane. He was one of characters I romanced the most in my games, and despite I knew his time was limited, his personality and nature made him all the more attractive.

I think Garrus could feel a bit of my excitement, for he was constantly looking at me, so I tried to keep it together. He confronted me.

"That happy we're gonna have a Drell among us?" he asked, slightly growling in annoyance.

"If he accepts, that is. But, yeah… I'm kinda looking forward to meeting him, at least." I said, and then the memory of what happened two years ago returned to me. I vaguely heard Garrus mumble something as I recalled the situation…

_A black figure rushed down from the vents, flashes of green moving so fast I barely saw them. The commando was dead long before any of us really understood who, what and why._

It made me wonder… Was it really Krios?

Well…

I guess I was about to find out…


	27. Bonus: After Horizon

_Please read this first!_

_A short intercourse I intended to use, but no matter what I did I couldn't find the right time or place for it in the story. I felt I was making Shepard too depended on my character, and that wasn't my intention. Also I felt there would be too much smut and too little story if I used this, so I'll give it to you as a bonus chapter, and a thank you for being so patient with me._

_Enjoy :)_

  

* * *

    I looked at the sleeping commander next to me.

No doubt, he was more relaxed and at ease than he had been in the hours after Horizon. The verbal blow we had both suffered from Kaidan still lingered in my mind, and I was sure Shepard hadn’t forgotten about it either, but at least he knew we were with him and that I believed he was doing the right thing. Our talk had definitely eased something in us, and then…

I sighed a little. How come I always ended up in his bed when I was trying to help him?

On the first Normandy, I had ended up having sex with Shepard when trying to get him to relax. Okay I had been in heat too, but the second time I hadn’t. It had been right before Ilos, and I had needed someone to talk to. Shepard ran into me in the hall way, offered me into his quarters and that had lead to our second time.

Now, on the Normandy SR2, I had slept with him when I had entered my heat and now after the episode on Horizon…

I never learned, did I?

      I stretched and got out of bed, heading for the bathroom to clean up a little before getting back to my own chamber. I should really stop getting so close to him. I was only making it more difficult for him…

I sighed under the water. Things weren’t going as they should, they never had and I might as well admit they never would. My presence had officially screwed up everything in this time-space reality and nothing I did could change that. Well, I could always take my own life, but…

I stepped out of the shower, dried off and began to brush my hair when the door suddenly opened and Shepard walked in, smiling as he saw me. He walked right up behind me, arms wrapping around my waist and he attempted to lean his chin on my shoulder.

“Morning.” His voice purred in my ear as he held me close, both hands caressing my stomach while barely wet lips touched my neck.

“Morning.” I replied and continued trying to brush my hair while staying in his embrace. Shepard hummed and moved us slightly from side to side, clearly in a really good mood.

“Slept well?” I asked, watching the smile widen on his face in the mirror. He hummed his pleased reply and pressed closer to me, letting me feel his morning wood more clearly.

“Wouldn’t mind repeating last night, though…” he purred and nibbled on my skin, hands now moving in each direction. I sighed, enjoying his attention and I honestly just wanted to give in and let him have every wicked way with me he could come up with.

      My body reacted to his caress, hips moving back to push against him. Lips sucked on my earlobe while two fingers moved between my legs, working up moist to wet my panties.

“Shep…” I moaned slightly, a small blush forming on my cheeks and I reached back to hold his neck. “We really shouldn’t…” I breathed, head rolling back as he grabbed a breast and plugged a finger inside my heated delta. God, why did he always feel so good on me…?

“As if you weren’t inviting for it…” he mused and moved his finger a few times before adding the second. I gasped, nails rasping over his neck, possibly leaving red lines to be visible later, but as I reached around and grabbed myself a handful of his erection, I doubt any of us really cared. It only took a few strokes before he was groaning and then moved me to a better position. I braced myself, moaning gently as the thick shaft began to slide in.

Shepard moved, setting a slow pace, possibly trying to savor the feeling before the need to ejaculate became too much. I let him run the pace, moving back with each trust, burying him deeper in my tight tunnel. Swallow breathing and wheezing noises soon began to sound in the bathroom, mixed with the small smacking of flesh hitting wet flesh.

I rolled my hips lightly, but was stilled as Shepard grabbed them tight and started to hammer into me. The sudden change of rhythm made me gasp and my fingers curled into fists. No doubt Shepard was lost in the sensation and I couldn’t blame him, for I was just as drowned in the feeling of up-coming ecstasy.

“Aah… Shit!” he suddenly cursed, which I took as my cue to reach for my clit and rub myself to release. The second I started to tighten around him, I felt him spill, filling me with his seed.

      When able to move a little I leaned on my forearms on the sink and sighed, shivering lightly from the after-shocks. Shepard leaned over me, planting wet, heavy breathing kisses on my back, shoulders and neck.

“You’re amazing, Shay. You know that?” he said, still kissing and caressing my relaxing form.

“I know I need a shower again.” I smiled, attempting to look back at him.

“Need some help with that?” he purred, body language already suggesting more than his words. Part of me knew it was wrong to accept, but the chances to get Shepard like this were rare and I had to admit, I enjoyed making him feel good.

“I just might…”


	28. Confirmation?

_It has been a while, I know._

_Writer's block, countless of studies and several other things in life have made it difficult for me to update. But I have not forgotten the story, and I expect to update with at least two more chapters real soon. So I hope you will contiune to support the story, despite the delays :)_

_Enjoy:)_

* * *

 

I loved the mission to the Dantius Towers. There was plenty of prey to kill, idiots who thought they stood a chance against us, but who was proven dead wrong. Stepping into the final room, Nassana’s office, made my blood boil and I felt myself ready to kill the woman on sight. I knew however that I had to give room for our assassin to make his entrance.

And what an entrance…

Watching it from the game was nothing compared to the real thing. They were all down before I even managed to blink, and when it was finally over, there was an intense feeling in the air, almost as if there was electricity springing around us.

      When Shepard started to talk with Thane I forgot about everything else but the Drell before us. When he walked around the table and stood directly before us, I felt the gust of cold wind leaping from him, death lingering in the air around him. I felt myself tense up, my muscles tightened, my focus only on him, and I was more than ready to defend myself against him when he came closer and stood between us as if we were no threat to him. He shot me a quick look, his eyes taking me in, possibly to see if I was a threat or not, but it was no more than a few seconds, then he turned his attention back to Shepard and before we knew it he had agreed to help us against the Collectors.

He was told where to meet with us and only an hour later he arrived at the Normandy. I didn’t know he was on board until I was called to the com-room as back-up. It would be about Thane, no doubt.

Jacob and Shepard stood in the far end of the room when Thane came in. I was leaned against the wall, a little in hiding, closer to the door, but I never missed how the Drell turned his head quickly, having complete and utter control of who were in the room and where we were.

“I’ve heard some impressive stories, Krios. Sounds like you’ll be an asset to the team.” Jacob began and crossed his arms. “That is if you’re comfortable having an assassin watch your back.” He said and turned to Shepard. The Cerberus soldier clearly didn’t like having an assassin on board.

"I've accepted a contract. My arm is Shepard's." Thane said, calm and collected, as if the hostility didn't concern him at all. Of course, with the rumors I had heard Jacob wouldn't get the chance to even make the shot.

      "Uh-huh. Don't know about you, but I'm loyal to more than my next paycheck" Jacob bit back, and I just couldn't help but to huff slightly. Shepard turned to him.

"Apparently so is he. He's doing this mission gratis. What's your problem here?" he asked.

"I just don't like mercenaries…" Jacob replied, and I know I should have just kept my mouth shut and let it play out, but I couldn't. I snickered loudly, bringing their attention on me.

"Amazing how you've been able to work with me then…" I said and pushed myself away from the wall. "You know I am a mercenary too. Or did my feminine forms keep you distracted from that fact?" I asked, waving a hand slightly at myself, indicating what forms I spoke of. Jacob turned his head away, blushing, and Shepard lifted a hand, trying to hush me down.

"Easy, Shay…" he said, though I could see how it amused him to see me defend the assassin. Thane looked at me, slightly confused.

"Mercenary?" he asked, and I turned to him.

"I used to be Palaven the Mercenary. I operated on Illium…" I said, and suddenly I was struck by the thought that Thane might have been asked to kill me before coming here.

      "I see."

And that was all. Honestly I expected him to say more, but he merely asked where he should put his things, slightly surprised there was an AI on the ship, before he turned and left. Was I no threat to him…? Or had my reputation not reached him? Could it be that he didn't see me as worth his time?

For some reason I felt disappointed… when I suddenly reminded myself that he didn't know me half as well as I knew him. I had played the game a hundred times or more, taken the romance of either Thane or Garrus so many times I practically could recite every line, and even when playing as broShep, I still frequently visited those two. But this wasn't a game! I was really there, I had finally met the Drell, and now I had to slowly build up a friendship with him, if possible.

My heat would probably drag him in anyway…

"Shay?" Shepard's voice made me look up. "Are you alright?" he touched my arm gently in concern. I blinked a little and then smiled at him.

"I'm fine, Shepard." I said and patted his hand. His expression however told me he didn't quite believe me, but I couldn't tell him the truth of my concerns…

      "Shaaayy…" he crossed his arms, putting pressure on my name, forcing me to think fast. I lifted my hands in defense.

"Alright, alright. No more secrets, I know…" I sighed and then remembered. "You know I was caught by Blue Suns on Illium shortly after your death, right?" he nodded, so I kept going. "During my escape from that place, I was chasing down the leader, Dharlak. A couple of his thugs distracted me long enough for him to get in close and shoot me in the arm. And… that's when it happened."

I looked at him, but he was simply waiting for me to continue. "I'm still not entirely sure, but… I think Krios saved me that time." That perked Shepard's interest. "An assassin came in and struck Dharlak down before he could finish me off, and from what I remember, it looked a lot like Krios…" I said and lowered my eyes.

He kept looking at me as if he expected me to say more. I slowly complied. "But frankly, I'm more worried that he might have been hired to take me down…"

"You think he might be willing to kill you now?" Shepard asked, clearly not liking my line of thought. I looked stern at him. "I made a lot of enemies, Shepard, and the betrayal of Draft only made me realize how powerful some of those were. Some of them might still know that I'm alive."

      He seemed to understand where I was coming from, so he stepped a little back. "Alright… I'll talk to him, if that makes you feel better." He said, sounding like he was a parent about to settle a grudge between siblings. I held up a hand and shook my head.

"No. I'll talk to him myself, and I'll let you know how it goes." I said and it clearly surprised him. "But for now, we should let him get comfortable on the Normandy. Accusations isn't the best icebreaker." I joked and he chuckled, relaxing again.

He stepped closer and circled his arms around me. "What am I to do with you…?" he asked. I played a little with the collar of his outfit, feeling the heat working up between us. _Damnit, Shepard! Why are you so attractive?_ Despite my heat had just passed, I could easily be convinced to knock some boots with the commander…

I admit, I couldn't help but to look at him with suggestive eyes. "Hm… Last time you asked, you were told to lock me up…" I said, and apparently ignited his flame.

"Then, I'll do that…" he said, low and husky, as he leaned in and claimed my lips.

 

* * *

 

      Two hours after getting Thane onto the ship (and having some fun time with Shep…) I was going through my gear, and somehow constantly thinking about the Drell. If it really had been him back with the Blue Suns, then I'd like to know why he had been there in the first place and why he had saved me. Of course, it hadn't been him, then who _did_ I see?

I really wanted to ask him those questions, and I found myself getting so distracted that I made more mistakes than good. Pushing my gear away, I groaned.

Could I really just go down there and ask so soon? I wanted to know…

 _No! Be professional! Let him have a few days, go on a few missions, work up a wall of trust, then ask. Right…_ I thought, sighing as I knew I had pretty much just cock-blocked my own curiosity. Way to go, me…

      I had just made up my mind, when a message pinged in on my Omni-tool, scaring me slightly. I had no idea I had tensed up like this… It was from Grunt, of all people. I looked the message over more than once, before I decided to check out what he wanted. All it said was : _Want TO talk. Me,et me IN shUTTlE bay!!!! GrUnT._

One thing that puzzled me was that he was in the shuttle bay, and not the cargo hold, his own quarters. What did he want to talk about? He _had_ been acting strange lately, but hadn't that been due to my heat?

As the elevator door opened on the shuttle bay, I instantly notice Grunt walk around restlessly. He seemed worried over something, but it was too soon for him to be feeling the need for his loyalty mission, wasn't it?

"Grunt?" I called and he stopped, looked up and then walked towards me.

"You came. Good." He sounded a little relieved. I stepped slightly back from his sudden approach. He came in rather fast for my liking… "You worried I wouldn't have?" I asked, and he hesitantly took a few steps back, nervous.

"Yeah. Never been good with computers and stuff. Thought I had sent the message to the wrong person." He admitted and then looked directly at me. "But now that you're here, let's fight!"

      "What?!" I barely had time to protest before he threw in the first punch, which I barely dodged and sidestepped to create distance.

"Have you lost your mind?!" I scolded and automatically raised my hands in defense. The young Krogan turned towards me, clearly working with something in his head.

"No, but I feel… I don't know!" he charged, making me flare my biotics and jump, using his back as a step-pad to make distance again. I landed safely on the other side of him while he continued to charge into a large crate. The metal container bend under the pressure.

"Grunt! Calm down. If there's something wrong, you can just tell me. I can't help you otherwise." I tried, hoping I could still bring some sense into him. He turned again and swung at me. Something definitely wasn't right here…

"I don't need your help!" he growled and then seemed to come to a conclusion. "I need to fight you." He said. "Lately, you've been strange, weak. You smelled weak… I need to know you're strong, or put you down if you're not!"

      Grunt came charging at me again, but like before I simply avoided him. I couldn't make sense of his words, until I began linking it together with my heat. _Of course!_ Grunt had never experienced sexual desire or need, so of course I would smell different for him. And not just that; If I was beginning to get weak then I wouldn't be worthy of command and Grunt might refuse to obey, or worse…

What puzzled me was why he needed to know _I_ was strong? Wasn't it enough for Shepard to be strong? After all, he was the commanding officer and the leader of all of us. Sure, I acted as second in command and Shepard relied on me, but had the young Krogan really observed so much over that short time to know how deep our trust in each other went? Not really caring about the deeper meaning, I huffed. If fighting Grunt would ensure the peace on the ship, then fine by me!

"Alright… I get it." I said, stripped out of my top and boots, leaving me in tank-top and pants. Grunt seemed puzzled, but smirked as I took a fighting position. "You want a fight, you got one!" I said, and the young Krogan smirked clearly.

A small "Heh" was the only response from him, and no sooner had it left his lips before he charged, harder and faster than before. Man, was I glad I had trained with other Krogans before!

 

* * *

 

      Needless to say I was filled with bruises after that…

"Ow…!" I hissed and then looked at the Turian next to me in the skycar as he withdrew his hand, not even trying to hide his amusement or the fact that he had just poked a sensitive area. "Garrus! Cut it out."

He leaned back with a rather smug face. "If that much hurts, I'd like to know how you intend to get through this mission." He chuckled. The fight between Grunt and I had been quite rough. Not only had we destroyed a lot of crates, but after my approval to fight him, Grunt had released his entire strength on me, leaving me no other choice but to do the same.

We had somehow avoided severe injuries (don't ask how), but we were both black and blue by the time he had had enough. We had shared a light meal afterwards, clearly bonding as more than comrades, but our fight had not been approved by Dr. Chakwas. She had shaken her head, knowing yelling and scolding wasn't going to help anymore. _"If there's a Krogan, you simply just have to fight him, don't you?"_ she had asked, bringing up past events with Wrex, which was of great interest to Grunt.

I glared slightly at the smug Turian. "I'll get through. No need to worry." I said. "At least, Grunt and I made peace."

"I would still have appreciated if you hadn't torn down half of the shuttle bay in the process." Shepard commented from the driver's seat. Good thing there was automatic driving on these things…

"He didn't give me much of choice… And we all know Krogan's aren't known for being diplomatically skilled." I said.

"I'm just glad you didn't kill each other. I mean, going up against Wrex is one thing, but Grunt… We still don't know what kind of imprints Okeer might have left in him." Garrus stated.

"He's a good kid, no matter what people say." I responded, and then realized how strange that sounded. "Okay, that sounded weird."

"Coming from you, it's quite normal." Garrus teased, making us banter a little more before Shepard announced we had arrived at the spaceport. I took a deep breath, felt the sting of a bruise, but did everything I could to keep Shepard and Garrus from noticing. We were about to get into some heavy fighting, so I needed to suck it up and focus.

Time to get ourselves a Justicar…

 

* * *

 

      I have never really had a thing for Asari. In general, I can't really get sexually attracted towards the same sex, but Samara… _Wow…_

The way she walked towards us after killing the merc, how her entire being radiated with power and confidence, and the look in her eyes… I admit, even I found her beautiful, sensual and despite every alarm inside me screamed of danger, I found myself attracted to her none the less.

"That merc was wounded and helpless. You just kill anyone who won't help you?" Shepard asked, clearly a little disturbed by Samara's actions. Honestly I couldn't see what the fuss was all about. Sure, it was a life, but in my eyes the Eclipse merc had already signed her own death warrant by putting on that uniform…

"If my mission is important enough, yes. Are you any different?" Samara asked calmly.

Shepard calmed a little by this, having to think slightly "I've killed a lot of enemies, but with good reason." He said, yet I could feel a little doubt in his words.

"I answer to a code that is clearly defined. If my actions are true to that code, I am just. If they are not, I am unjust. I don't pretend it is a simple matter, or that it seems right to everyone, but I sleep well at night, and that is more than most can say." She said as calm and clear as if it rehearsed. She was a different kind of Asari, no doubt, but I wasn't entirely sure if I should find that comforting or troubling…

      After learning why Samara had come here Detective Anaya showed up and took her into custody, under the condition that Shepard went searching for the name of the ship. And so, we cornered Pitne For, got the access code and ventured into the Eclipse base.

None of us were fully prepared for the sneak attack of the Loki-mech right at the door of the elevator, so we didn't have the weapons drawn, but I flared my biotics and sent the damn thing flying through the window behind it.

After that, we were more on alert. Every sound had us either jumping into cover or turn towards it. So when we passed a certain door and heard the whispers from behind it, we were instantly on guard. My recollection of the game returned the very instant Elnora showed her face and attempted to smooth talk us into thinking she was innocent.

I growled, and apparently it was enough evidence for Shepard. She was dead long before she could pull the trigger…

      EDI had warned us about the containers in the base, this Minegan 3X stuff… how it would enhance biotic abilities and how hazardous it was to your health, so we did everything we could to avoid splitting them open around the mercs. One of them, however, decided to shower me in the stuff as she threw a container into the wall behind me. I got away as quickly as possible, but still inhaled a bit.

I had barely stopped coughing before I felt the power surge through me and my biotics flared up without my conscious control. I unleashed a push on one of the mercs, sending her flying into the wall and bashing her helmet and skull wide open.

We all stared at my work and then they looked at me. That had been so much more powerful than I had ever done before, and honestly it scared the shit out of me. I had no control over it, and it terrified me to know I could this if drugged.

"You're not gonna get addicted, are you?" Garrus asked once the power had faded and my biotics calmed down. I was looking at my hand, which I clenched and then took a stronger grip on my rifle.

"Not a chance." I said, part of me trembling, but I tried my best not to show it.

He said nothing in return as we followed Shepard. I think the Turian could sense my rising fear and discomfort. If Cerberus ever got wind of this, they might try and use it against me.

      Going further we encountered the evidence regarding the Volus merchant and his illegal business, and the voice log of Elnora, proving she was the killer. Shepard had thrown me a quick look, nodded and then we had been on our way to face captain Wasea.

An hour later we returned to the detective and Samara with what information we had found. Samara appreciated our will to cooperate with her, and after swearing alliance to Shepard she stood behind every piece of evidence we came up with. Guess there was some benefit in having a Justicar on our side…

Samara followed us back to the Normandy, where she was guided by Kelly to the com room. Shepard and I rode the elevator up first to change out of our armor.

"What do you think?" Shepard broke the silence of the short ride.

"About… Samara?" I asked and he nodded in confirmation. "She's strong, there's no doubt about that. Her code will be difficult to handle for some, but it's her lifestyle so we have to accept it." The elevator stopped and the door opened. "Not saying we have to embrace it or anything."

      Shepard exhaled deeply and loud enough for me to hear it. "You know, right now… I'm glad you're here." He said, and then reached out, gently brushing my hair away. "I don't think I could do this without you, Shay…"

"Sure you could. You'd still have Garrus." I said, trying to brush it all off in a friendly manner. His dependence in me was getting way out of hand, and today's mission proved it. He believed in my instincts, knew I wasn't kidding about killing and the only reason for that was my knowledge about the games. I was digging my own grave and had done so for years, but I just couldn't stop… Not anymore!

"True, but I can't do Garrus the way I do you…" he stepped closer and cupped my cheek, clearly with some ulterior motives in mind. I placed a gloved finger on his lips.

"Samara's waiting, commander." I said. He sighed deeply, but withdrew, knowing I was right.

We stepped into each our chamber, changed and returned to the elevator around the same time, going to the com room. Inside he grabbed my arm and pulled me in, planting a kiss on my cheek, before whispering in my ear: "We'll continue this later…"

I did my best to look composed as we left the elevator.


End file.
